Disclaimer: I own nothing! I wish I did… well, spoiler alert for anyone who hasn't finished watching the show and some implied romance in the end. Enjoy! Please no flames. I do like constructive criticism, though.
Could you really have hoped to create a new world? Did you really think you were a god of some sort? Is that really how you saw everything? Under the short amount of time that we knew each other, I really hoped you weren't that kind of person. I think a part of me wanted you to be Kira, but another part of me just wanted to believe we were really friends. You were my only friend and for a while I started to trust you. But I guess I always knew that was too good to be true.
We met back at To-Oh University. Do you remember that day as clearly as I do? I only went there because I had to. I only went there because you were a suspect and I had to investigate further. Not once did I fear that I might actually get attached to you like I did. Not once did I expect to make a friend like you. In a way, I was sometimes envious of you. Normally, I can easily hide and lock away emotion.
But inside, I was jealous. I was always a little jealous.
You had everything you could have ever wanted. You had a "perfect life" that I could never even imagine having. You had real parents, two of them even. You had a sister who cared in her own strange ways. You had many friends that you could just blow everything off with. Every girl you met was immediately under your little spell. You didn't even have to try at all. Everyone loved you, everyone wanted to be someone like you. People looked up to you even. I was jealous because you got things without even having to ask and nobody doubted you. Except for me.
Remember when I confined you and Miss Amane? At first, you were so willing to just go with it. I knew it was an act. I knew it. But I had no evidence that proved otherwise. After a short amount of time, you seemed so innocent. I looked into your eyes… they were… Different… When we first met, they were dark and somewhat uncaring. But when I looked into them again, they were softer, rounder, and lighter. It was like you changed. I had already declared you as my only real friend before this, and I started to hope I was right.
I connected that the "power", that I now know as the Death Note, must have been passed on from you to someone else since shortly after this, the killings happened once again. In a way, I hoped that I was correct. I wanted you to continue like that, for us to win this together and stay friends. I never cared like this before, but I couldn't help it. I wanted my only friend to be innocent.
We were handcuffed together, because I still had my doubts. I had to survey you because I knew that I couldn't just be wrong like that. I was never wrong. I wanted you to be Kira in a way, so I could stop this right away. I was getting attached to you. I was getting too close and it honestly scared me. We fought shortly after the cuffs were added and I know it was my fault that it started. But I was depressed. I was confused. I wanted to be wrong just as much as I wanted to be right.
What was wrong with me?
I lost. I died in your arms, the last thing I saw being your face with those angry dark eyes, once again. You smiled down at me as if to say "I won". In the beginning, I said that I would find out who Kira was if it was the last thing I did. I guess in the end, it really was. I closed my eyes and accepted it. I knew I was going to die that day. Somehow, I knew. I died finding some peace in the fact that I was right and that I was able to find Kira's true identity. But that wasn't the end.
Then you lost. The victory belonged to one of my true successors. I stood over you as you took your final breaths. Did you see me? I thought I would be able to pass on now. I thought I'd finally rest in peace after your death. But all I felt was sadness. I still wished that I was wrong. I wished that we could have met under different circumstances and that you and I would have had a real chance at a real friendship. I stood over your body as I watched you slowly leave this world.
You were never a god. You were not justice. Even if they were "just criminals", you were just a murderer. Your branch of justice was misaligned all along. But I still wish that you didn't have to die.
I opened my eyes and looked around. What was that dream just now? Was it real? No, I would be dead if it were real. "Good morning," I heard your voice call out before being embraced by strong arms. I felt your breath on my neck and realized something… we finally got that second chance, Raito.