I don't know what I'm feeling. It seems like every time I get close to her I get this weird feeling in my chest. My heart beats faster the closer I get to her. Whenever I see her I can't take my gaze off of her. When I go to sleep, I dream about her in ways that scare me to death. When I'm awake, I want to go see her; to be near her; to do something with her. I don't know what I'm feeling for her, Cream the Rabbit.
It wasn't always like this though. We where very good friends when we were younger. We would talk or play. Sometimes we would sit on the roof of my workshop and watch the sun go down. Sometimes we would have an adventure together with our friends Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, Espio, Charmy, and Vector. Those were the days.
Now, we're teenagers, Fifteen and thirteen and a half, and now things are different. We don't do a lot of the things we did when we were kids, but we are still friends. Well, she thinks that's all that we both want, but she doesn't know.
She doesn't know how I want us to be. She doesn't know how much I want to be with her; to touch her soft hair; to snuggle up together by a fire and drift to sleep. She has no idea how I want us to be. I want to tell her how I feel, but the very thought of it scares me more than I have ever been scared before. I don't want to hold it in but my fear keeps me from saying anything.
So I just move along through life trying my best to ignore these overwhelming feelings that consume my thoughts, trying and failing. I don't know how long it will be before I can't hold it in any longer and do something that I've only dreamt about, before I succumb to my desires and touch her like I want to, before I kiss her. I hope that that time will come soon.
In the mean time, I'll just continue being the good friend, smiling and laughing while hiding my blushes and trying not to stutter like an idiot. I hope that the day will come when I can find the courage that I need to overcome my fears and tell her before I explode.
I don't know if writing all this down in my journal will help, but I'll just keep doing it anyway and hope that it does. Maybe I'll learn something from this that will help me understand these feelings better. Until then, I'll just keep writing and thinking.
Miles "Tails" Prower –