Summary: Oh no! Draco broke Hermione's heart, and totally out of character she turns into a crying wreck. Idiotic Ron comforts her and she falls for him, but then she finds herself pregnant. To make it even more dramatic, the baby is Draco's! *gasp*How will our poor heroine handle this? PARODY. My entry for Round 6 on the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition forum.

A/N: Thank you for clicking on this story! :D I hope you enjoy it!

This is my entry for Round 6 on the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition forum. The challenge was to write a story in 'soap opera style', between 1000 and 3000 words. And I've decided to make a parody of it, heh.

Warning: This is a parody. It isn't my intention to offend anyone, nor to bash the characters or pairings.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Oh The Drama!

"You filthy Mudblood! Keep your dirty hands off me!" Draco yelled in disgust, pushing away a brunette.

It seemed weird, to push away such a pretty girl. Because she was like totally pretty. She had long curly brown hair, but she always straightened it, causing it to reach her waist. Her face was perfect, with a small nose, pink lips and big, innocent brown eyes, which were now filling up with tears.

"Oh Draco!" Hermione cried out, clutching to him desperately. "How can you say such thing? You told me you loved me last night! Don't you remember the love we made?"

"That was last night, Granger!" he said, avoiding to look in her teary eyes. "I wasn't thinking straight, it was mistake!"

"You call our love a mistake?" she shrieked, tears flowing freely over her face, yet somehow still looking gorgeous. "How can you say something like that, Draco? I love you!"

The handsome, platinum haired boy pushed her away. "I don't love you! You're the most disgusting, despicable and worthless human being I've ever had the displeasure of meeting in my life. Farewell, dirty Mudblood!"

With that, Draco turned away from her, leaving Hermione sitting on her knees, tears still streaming over her face.

"C'mon Ginny, let's go," Draco said to a redheaded girl, who immediately clung to his arm.

"Ginny, how can you do this? I thought we were friends!" our poor heroine cried out.

"Hah! Me, friends with a pathetic loser like you? Puh-lease, as if!" the younger girl replied. She was pretty too, but nothing like Hermione. No, Ginny was a fake pretty person, gorgeous on the outside, but thoroughly rotten on the inside.

"I hate you!" Hermione yelled. "You're the whoriest whore of all whores, you... whore!"

Ginny the whoriest whore of all whores just laughed coldly, leading away Draco from the crying Hermione. Her heart was broken, shattered in a million pieces, and with all the drama and tragedy she could muster, she fell forward to the ground, crying on the cold stones.

She didn't see it, but in Draco's beautiful eyes a sliver of regret shined.

"I love you Ron," Hermione said lovingly, stroking a hand through his red hair.

"Uh-huh," he muttered dumbly, completely hypnotized by his girlfriend's unparalleled beauty. "Love you too."

Words had never been truer. Ron, dumb, idiotic, but funny and sweet, had loved Hermione from the very first time he had seen her. Of course he hadn't recognised his feelings then, and covered them up, but they never disappeared. So when he had found her in the Common Room, crying, he had immediately pulled her in a hug, soothing and comforting her.

And Hermione, whose heart was completely broken , quickly found comfort in her best friend's arms. It didn't take them long to start dating, and soon Hermione thought she might be able to forget about Draco.

She couldn't. He was the love of the life, the one who broke her heart and the one who would always hold those broken pieces. Yet she didn't break up with Ron. Yes, he would never replace Draco, but she cared about him, and maybe, maybe, over time, she would fall for him. And she just couldn't break his heart. How could she do that to the boy who always had been there for her?

So she pretended. For him and for herself. And for months, she was sort of happy. But was 'sort of' happy enough?

No of course not! So Hermione cried. A lot. And Ron comforted her. And Draco watched her. And Ginny the whoriest whore of all whores laughed at her.

And then bam! It happened. There was no reason why she hadn't been able to notice before, but now she finally noticed. She was pregnant. Bam! With Draco's baby. BAM!

Again, there was no reason that she could've known whether it was Draco's or Ron's, but Hermione just felt it. She felt in the broken pieces of her heart, she just knew it was Draco's baby. And suddenly she wasn't sad anymore, suddenly she had something to live for.

Draco's baby. Her baby.

Yet Ron believed it to be his. And Hermione just couldn't break his heart like that. So she lied, told him it was his. He was absolutely delighted.

"Oh Hermione, that's amazing! Wonderful! We're going to be parents at fifteen while we're still in school but that doesn't matter because our love will survive anything! I'm so excited! I'm so happy! I'm going to be a father! You're going to be a mother! Awesome!" he cried out in pure glee. "I love you forever and ever and ever!"

Oh, how Hermione's heart cried for him. How could she tell him it wasn't his? How could she tell him it was Draco's? How could she tell she didn't love him like that, but that her heart would be Draco's forever?

Immense guilt weighted down on our poor heroine, almost drowning her. Sometimes she thought she wouldn't be able to stand it anymore, that she didn't deserve to live, that she didn't deserve his love, but then she would think of the baby growing inside of her and she knew she would make it.

We'll skip the rest of the pregnancy and fast-forward to the time of birth, because that's everyone is ever interested in anyway.

So suddenly the time of birth was there, and Hermione was crying out in pure agony.

If Draco had been here, she thought in pure pain, he would've comforted her, supported her. But he wasn't here. Ron was, and he had fainted ten minutes ago.

"Aaargh!" she screamed, because for some reason the Healers hadn't given her painkillers or used their magic.

"They're triplets!" a Healer suddenly cried out. No explanation was given why they hadn't told her sooner, why they hadn't noticed during one of her many controls, but that didn't matter because she was having triplets.

After three times the agony of childbirth, Hermione was holding three perfectly similar boys in her arms. They weren't crying, just looking at her, half smiling. They were just perfect, not red and bloody like normal babies, but pale and with cute rosy cheeks. Full blond hair on top of their head, and beautiful grey eyes, even though all white newborns have blue eyes.

The Healers had decided she could leave whenever she wanted, because she was perfectly healthy and not hurt at all. So Hermione got up, with a perfectly flat stomach by the way, and woke Ron up, who still had been lying fainted on the ground.

"I'm a daddy!" he cried out gleefully, as he followed her out of the room with a dazed expression on his face. "Let's marry Hermione, let's make this official!"

Within a week, the wedding happened. And guilt was eating Hermione from the inside. How could she do this? Marry a man she didn't love, lying to him about the kids? She was a terrible person.

And now here she was, in a white dress, family and friends all watching, about to marry the wrong person. Because the more she thought about it, the more wrong it seemed. So when she saw Draco in the crowd – no reason for him to be there, but he still was there – she knew she had to confess.

"We are gathered here today to unite this man Ronald Bilius Weasley and this woman Hermione Jean Granger in the bonds of matrimony."

Hermione was pulled out of her thoughts and forced herself to look at the minister. It was starting...

"Do you, Ronald Bilius Weasley, take Hermione Jean Granger, to be your lawfully wedded wife? If so answer 'I do'."

"I do," Ron answered determinedly, a huge smile on his face.

Oh no oh no oh no.

"Do you, Hermione Jean Granger, take Ronald Bilius Weasley, to be your lawfully wedded husband? If so answer 'I do'."

This was it. Everyone was staring at her, she had to speak up now. Hermione drew in a deep breath and looked in Ron's blue eyes.

"I can't."

She saw his heart break.

"Wh-what?"

"I'm so so sorry Ron! I just can't, because- because I'm not in love with you!"

A communal gasp went through the crowd.

"And- and the babies- they aren't yours!"

Another gasp. You would think that with blond babies, while the supposed parents have brown and red hair, someone was bound to get suspicious, but no, everyone was still shocked.

"They're Draco's!" With that, Hermione turned to the again gasping crowd and pointed at the blond boy, who was for some reason sitting in the front row.

"No..." Ron whispered, but Hermione wasn't paying attention to him anymore. Instead, she was completely focused on Draco.

"I love you Draco! I always have and always will! My heart will be yours forever!"

"Oh Hermione!" Draco cried out to her. "I love you too! I don't know why I said all those things, I regret them so much. It's my father's fault, he made me! But I've decided you are much more important than my family and their wrong beliefs. Oh Hermione, my one true love, please take me back!"

Tears flowed over her face as she threw herself in his arms. "Oh Draco, of course I take you back!"

They laughed and cried in each other's arms, completely forgetting about everyone around them. Only Ron's voice brought Hermione back to reality.

"You were everything to me, Hermione," he whispered. "Everything. And now..."

"Ron, I'm so so-" Hermione started, but he held up his hand, gesturing her to stop.

"It's okay. I understand," he said sadly. Then, all of sudden, he got his wand out and put it to his head.

"No Ron!" Hermione screamed, as did his family.

"It's the only logical solution! I have nothing to live for, except you! I don't care if this is totally melodramatic and unneeded, I have to do it! Farewell everyone!" And with that, he whispered two small words, there was a green flash of light and Ronald Bilius Weasley was no more.

"Noooo!" Hermione cried dramatically, letting go of Draco and running towards her fallen friend. She rested her head on his unmoving chest, crying for him.

Now that was the totally abrupt ending, and this will be the epilogue in which we're tying up all loose ends in impossible ways.

Draco left his terrible parents to be with her and their three boys whose names were – because they totally didn't have names yet – Crux Monoceros Malfoy, Camelopardalis Indus Malfoy and Horologium Microscopium Malfoy.

The Weasley family adopted Draco as their son and never blamed Hermione for the death of Ron.

Ginny the whoriest whores of all whores was never seen again, but nobody cared.

Harry Potter, who was never mentioned until now, saved the world from the evil wizard Voldemort, who was never mentioned before either, but that doesn't matter because the wizarding world was save once again.

Draco and Hermione got a bunch of other children with cool names just like Crux, Camelopardalis and Horologium.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

Except for Ron. 'Cause he was dead.

The end.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you somewhat liked it :) Please review!
Thanks again!