DISCLAIMER: I don't own SHnY, else I would get seitenkan canonized, have anime done for it… Also, I don't own Finding Nemo, read on for why I said that…
It all started with a line of thought…
I myself get into contemplating on stuff ordinary people wouldn't usually think. Granted, I still consider myself normal, but given the circumstances I always find myself in for a year now, the mundane is something I look for as earnestly as Haruhi searches for her aliens, time travelers, and espers. Of course, she doesn't realize her ideals are but surrounding her already. I would have been the same as well, naïve to what I search for in vain, until everything I got used to vanished into thin air.
I'll never forget the drive I had last December, my wanting to return to my reality, even though it was the world I wished for ever since Haruhi pulled me to her SOS Dan. A world made for me, my normalcy; wherein aliens, time travelers, espers, and Haruhi as center of the universe exists. I still feel guilty for my actions back then, it still seems to me that I actually forsook that reality, and even more so, Nagato's wish to live in a normal world…
After that came the Big Brother setup in Snow Mountain, my returning to the world Nagato made for me, the mission with Asahina-san, and the ones that followed with Asahina Michiru. Of course I wouldn't forget the job brought onto us by Sakanaka-san, and the ordeals of the Literature Club. I may have not realized it then, but Haruhi has changed, changed so much that she was actually interested in anything I did – that being the pseudo-romance story I wrote for the Literature Club journal. And maybe I also changed as well, for actually getting used to Haruhi's whims, and for actually accepting Koizumi's explanation for Haruhi's sudden interest in my romantic experiences. (Well, I did begrudgingly accept it after a few weeks, not like he can still convince me so easily.)
"Ne, Kyon?" A few minutes before homeroom session, Haruhi suddenly caught a renewed interest in cloud formations.
"Hm?" Haruhi actually seemed tame today, not to mention she wasn't that forceful in stabbing me in the back with her mechanical pencil. I sensed something was amiss, but I had no idea what it was; this is Haruhi we're talking about, the existence that defies everything.
"Have you ever thought about… how your life would be if you were a girl?"
"Huh!? What are you talking about? I don't want to be a girl, nor do I take to guys!" This might just be me talking, but Koizumi may just be into that… Brrr, creepy…
"No, it's not that like that… Oh, never mind…" She ended it at that, deciding to bury her head in her arms, intent on sleeping.
No, for once this isn't 'The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya', the atmosphere around her didn't feel so dreary. More like she was just in the works of figuring out a philosophical puzzle. Seeing that she didn't bother talking to me anymore for the mean time, I too turned to staring at the clouds. Though, I was infected by whatever took root in Haruhi as well, as I find myself wondering how Haruhi would be like if she was a guy. Surely man-Haruhi would be worse than her since she can be more assertive – or should I say, more of a moron – over whatever she thinks about if she were in a man's body, with a man's thought processes.
It seems the symptoms of this new disease include sleepiness, as I gave into the urge of going to the land of Nod myself.
Oddly enough, Haruhi and I slept through homeroom, and no one – not even Okabe-sensei – bothered with bothering us…
After classes, Haruhi actually didn't drag me to the club room. While I was grateful my ego wasn't about to suffer anymore damage from her whims, my curiosity escalated to new heights as I wondered about whatever could Haruhi be thinking that she ended up so… demure. If someone totally unacquainted with the communal knowledge of North High saw us then, they would probably think we were ordinary high school students who just had a bit too much on their minds. Oh, if only that were the case…
When Haruhi opened the door to our club room, I saw the daily usual: Nagato reading yet another thick book, Asahina-san brewing tea, and a little deviation to Koizumi's typical actions as he used the computer.
Upon seeing us, Asahina-san said "Ah, welcome! We've been waiting for you…" Koizumi put on another of his annoying smiles as he stood up and went to the bookshelves – apparently to get a random board game and play with me. Nagato slowly turned her head to us, and made the most minute of nods, before she returned to her book.
Haruhi kept going to her Commander's seat, set her bag down beside the computer table, and downed the tea before watching the clouds, again. Asahina-san, who had by then served us all, sat beside me as Koizumi and I played Othello.
"D-did something happen, Kyon-kun? Suzumiya-san seems to be worrying about something." Asahina-san warily asked me, her voice low enough to not be heard by Haruhi, yet still be heard by me and Koizumi.
"Nope, nothing happened at all." I replied, before setting a white piece down, and flipping three of Koizumi's black pieces; seriously, I myself am bothered by Haruhi's mood, and I still get this guy owned? "She just asked me some weird questions, something like how life would be if everyone had their genders reversed."
"Maybe Suzumiya-san was thinking about homosexuality, what do you think?" Koizumi threw me this line, before his smile morphed into something that wouldn't look strange on Haruhi's face.
"No, it wasn't like that." I almost gave in to my urge and beat this esper up, what would you do if Asahina-san's innocent mind was polluted by your dirty thoughts!? "I thought so too as well, but she said it wasn't so, before she turned silent on me, which is still happening by the way."
Asahina-san's head tilted, probably imagining the scene; apparently she didn't understand Koizumi's innuendo. For her sake, I hope she never does.
The hours went by, witnessing Koizumi lose 3 times to me on Othello, and another 2 times on chess. Asahina-san, after consuming her tea, started on her homework.
A most normal day, no Haruhi molesting Asahina-san, no technobabble from our resident alien, and apparently no mushrooming Closed Spaces as well, as Koizumi stayed in the club room. When Nagato closed her hardback with a THUD, Haruhi stood up, got her back, and left the club room, still deep in thought.
I was nearing my home. I tried my best to get those thoughts off my head, only to fail grandly. Then I remember my imouto giving me advice on how to deal with songs that keep playing in my head. The premise was different, but the nature of it was the same; I faced them head-on. Could Haruhi want to be a guy? I admit the thought of her actually leaning that way never occurred to me, but I don't think she would ever think that.
Did she finally realize she's into girls rather than guys? I was mentally stumped, before my traitorous memory bombarded me with images of Haruhi wantonly molesting Asahina-san. She isn't REALLY interested in that, is she? My body said otherwise, and I spent quite some effort in hiding, erm, some of the obvious signs. Then I remembered my first real conversation with her: "I'm fine with aliens or similar things as long as they're not normal. Be they male or female." From that the most decent explanation my mind could give me was that Haruhi was asexual when it comes to romantic issues.
Does she want to meet a male version of her from a universe were the genders of the people here were reversed? As much as I want to dismiss this as useless babbling, it occurred to me that the fourth favored beings of Haruhi still haven't made a debut – sliders. Though technically, Haruhi has not shown a desire to be other than normal, she just wants to be in contact with the paranormal and supernatural.
Finally, my mind raised a white flag; I'm really not used to thinking too much, that role's better left to Koizumi. Besides, Haruhi really wanting to see a male version of her would be like Shamisen wanting to eat a talking fish.
I reached home at last. I put my bicycle aside, left my shoes in the cabinet near the front door, and proceeded to the living room, only to see my imouto playing with Shamisen – she held a plushie of some famous fish character from a Hollywood movie, it being just out of reach of Shamisen as he tried to catch it. I think the fish was named 'Nemo", not that I really care about it.
All my nightly rituals over – homework, dinner, bathing – I decided to turn in. I wasn't that tired given Haruhi's tame disposition, aside from the fact that I slept through homeroom. Its in days like these that I actually long for something weird to happen. Well, I guess the weird things go as per Haruhi's schedule, tomorrow she would be back to normal, and I would relapse into my role as abused rationale of the SOS Dan. Before I closed my eyes, I glanced at my clock – a little over a quarter to 11. Then I looked at the sky outside, and it wasn't grayscale like it was that one time… Oh well, I guess Haruhi isn't thinking escapist thoughts this time.
I wasn't really asleep, nor was I fully awake, more like in some blurry stage in between. The winds of March still fought to remind us of winter, even though Mother Nature knew very well spring's just around the corner. I turned, pulling my blanket over, when I felt something warm just beside me. … Mmm, what's this…? Shamisen? But it doesn't feel furry… must be because of my clothes… Moments later, I felt Shamisen snuggle into me. … Maybe it's too colder, s'why Shamisen's moving closer to me… I absently put my blanket over him, my arm falling over him, and was rather confused when I felt something fall over my waist too, but I didn't mind it when Shamisen hummed contentedly. … Hmm, warm… soft… nice… But… what's that thing on my waist…? And… when did Shamisen grow so big…? I almost want to hug him… so soft and warm…
More of my brain's neurons kicked into working order, as they slowly processed the accumulating string of anomalies in my surroundings. Wait… that thing on my waist just pulled me in, it almost feels like… an arm. Shamisen couldn't have grown an arm, meaning this isn't Shamisen… More clues… What's that buzz…? Almost sounds like breathing… And that regular warm breeze on my face… Unless Shamisen's lungs grew that big to let out that much, it can't be him… It feels like… a person… But that can't be, she stopped sleeping beside me years ago, when she has nightmares. I pulled whatever this was beside me closer, then came the revelation. … What's that… two soft somethings that press into my chest when whatever-this-thing-is steals the air I should be inhaling… They almost feel like… oh… oh god no… please don't let it be that…!
I opened my eyes. Apparently, whatever this thing was, it also had eyes that opened alongside mine. My eyes felt dry, so I blinked to get some moisture on them. From the feel of lashes brushing on my eyelids, it seemed to be mirroring my actions. When I was finally able to see around me, the first thing I saw, obviously, were brown eyes.
Those same eyes also locked gazes with me. Something was vaguely familiar about them… They almost looked like… the eyes I see when I look in the mirror. But the rest of it's face was different. It looked, female, that of a girl who would probably be my age. Our eyes then looked downward, only to serve us with a most intriguing sight. My left arm was over her right arm, reaching her back. Her right arm, meanwhile, draped itself over my waist, also reaching my back. In all of this, our bodies, were rather in close proximity to each other.
I felt the air grow still, I couldn't even manage a few breaths. We locked gazes again, this time with our faces visible to each other. Realization gradually dawned on us both, our faces following this, registering utter shock.
I'M ON MY BED, WITH A GIRL BESIDE ME…
I'M ON MY BED, WITH A GUY BESIDE ME…
I'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH A GIRL…
I'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH A GUY…
…
I'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH A GIRL!!
I'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH A GUY!!
We screamed.