This is my first attempt at a first person POV fic, so be kind. Marshall's POV if you can't figure that out by reading it, lol. This is angsty and sad. What else could you expect after a finale like that? I was crying for most of the episode, I won't deny it. Anyway, enjoy, I hope.

["Not Leaving" is on hiatus until further notice, I am so sorry to people looking forward to updates.]

What is this I'm feeling?

Shock? Pain? Anger? Sorrow?

In a way, it's all of these things and much more. Maybe this is what they call a sensory overload? Have I short-circuited?

Whatever this is, I am currently more or less a zombie. But instead of a penchant for eating brains, the only thing on my mind is trying to sort through this sea of conflicting emotions before they bust my head open like they were some kind of horror movie hero/heroine.

The shrink (Not Shelley Finkle, no way in hell) is going to have a field day with this.

All I can do, all I have the strength left to do, is sit in this stupid chair and wait. Wait to see if Mary makes it through. I'm sure she will, she's the strongest person I know. But there's still that chance that she won't. And even if she does, there might be permanent damage. Hey, there's another one to add to the list of swirling…stuff in my head. Hopelessness.

I'd sigh, but it's too much effort. It's almost too much effort to breathe, but if I don't, then I can't see her when she wakes up. I can't reassure her and myself that she's safe and okay.

Raphael is next to me, looking like a bad extra from 'House'.

I've seen people, hell, I've been more emotional in the veterinarian's office over something trivial like my dog getting his first shots than this putz is over his possibly dying fiancée.

Why aren't his eyes bloodshot and tear-rimmed? Why wasn't he the one running beside her when she was being rushed in on that gurney, kissing her forehead, begging her to hold on? Why is it that the man who actually has her, can hold her at night, is the one who seems to care less? Why is this bastard so calm?!

Okay, maybe I'm overreacting. This is just my anger at the man who shot Mary transcending onto Raphael.

Oh who the hell am I kidding? I hate Raphael. I want Mary to be happy with him if that's what she really wants, but I fucking hate him.

Ha, go figure. The woman I love is fighting for her life and all I want to do is kick the shit out of the man she loves. Or at least the man she's marrying. The way she always keeps the ring in her pocket at work may be a small gesture, but it speaks volumes.

I really should be focusing all my anger and hate for Raphael on the son of a bitch that did this to her, using it as incentive to find him and kill him. I mean… bring him in. (Yet again, who am I kidding? He was as good as dead the second he pulled the trigger.) But for now, it's not enough to get me moving, not when if I leave I might miss an update on her condition. Until I get the order to leave, I'm staying right here.

I can put up with sitting next to her future husband a little longer, if that means I can find out if she's alright.

Besides, I promised her I'd never leave, didn't I?

So, there you have it. Reviews are always welcome. Kinda like hugs, which Marshall really needs. ='[