Forgiven
A Ginny Weasley Story
I had never really forgiven him for dying. Yes, I know. It sounds really stupid and selfish, but at the same time he had made me promise to move on, the smart bastard that he was. But as I looked back I realized something. He was saving me from the years of heartache and loneliness of isolating myself from the world. I loved him, yes, and would have given everything, even my own life for to save him, and that was the problem.
Couldn't save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again?
Your silence makes me hold my breath
All the time has passed you by
I had that conversation with Hermione dozens of time after his death, the conversation where she told me that if I had given my life for him where would that leave him.
I always said that he only saw me as Ron's little sister and not as a love interest.
She would always remind me of what he said right before he died.
Not that I really needed reminding, the conversation was always on my mind. I guess I was trying to figure my way out of my promise so that I could be with him. It never worked. And then I would remember again and relive the pain of losing him.
"Ginny…" he had said softly.
"I'm here, Harry," I answered.
"Ginny, do you remember that promise I made you all those months ago."
"Yes," but I didn't want to remember.
"I am going to have to break that promise."
For so long, I've tried to shield you from the world
You couldn't face the freedom on your own
Here I am
Left in silence
"No, Harry! You can't leave me! I love you!!"
"I succeeded, Ginny. He's gone. I want you to move on, live, and love. Do not dwell on me. I only ask one thing."
"What?'
"Name you first son after me."
He made me promise and I was one step closer that day to completing that promise.
I had looked down at the invitation in my hands. The ornate border did nothing to hide the sickening glee of my parents at the thought of their youngest child and only daughter getting married. I almost threw the thing across the room.
Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Weasley
Request your presence at the
Wedding of their Daughter
Ginerva Molly Weasley
To
James Isaac Sullivan
Son of
Mr. and Mrs. Jonathon Sullivan
October 31, 2002
I thought it was an appropriate day and James hadn't objected, though my parents were concerned. Thankfully Ron and Hermione kept their mouths shut about the whole thing. Then again, they had named their first child Lily Emma Weasley.
Now I can hear the complaints and cries of outrage. James?! JAMES?! (That is what Ron had said when he found out.)
I didn't agree to marry him because of his name. He understood what I had gone through and didn't resent Harry for the love I still had for him. He was kind, understanding and wanted what I wanted. I loved him for it. No other really understood.
And when we started talking about marriage, he had agreed with me that I should keep my promise to Harry. I knew he understood what all of it meant to me.
Even when my first love had died, but I'm not bitter. Despite what some people still think.
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that stands forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that stands forgiven
When I married James it was because I loved him. Everyone realized that in the end. That, or they just didn't want to face my temper. James and Hermione still laugh at the time Ron tried my patience for the last time about me marrying James. I think Ron still has the marks where I hit him with that curse. Ron just leaves the room whenever they talk about it.
Watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can't warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away
Even when I was happy, Hermione found me at his grave the night before my wedding. I had sunk to my knees before the grave wondering if I was doing the right thing. Hermione told me that it was normal to get cold feet. I was wondering if it was really cold feet or something more.
I hadn't realized that I was crying until Hermione came up behind me with a tissue. I whipped the tears away as I asked. "Do you think he approves?"
Hermione smiled sadly. "All he wanted was for you to be happy." She looked me over. "Are you happy?"
"Yes."
"Then he approves." She smiled at me. "Though he may question your choice. James?"
I laughed. "Yeah, at least it wasn't Harry or anything."
"True."
I stood and took one last look. It was time.
For so long, I've tried to shield you from the world
You couldn't face the freedom on your own
Here I am
Left in silence
That was two years ago. Since then I was blissfully happy with James. Though Harry was always on my mind, well almost always, I knew that he was happy for me. We had talked about starting a family and we tried. The unfortunate part is that we succeeded. Don't get me wrong we were thrilled; it was only what happened after that we never talk about it, and I know that's not healthy.
It was a normal day. I was helping Hermione at the bookstore when it happened. There was a shooting pain across my stomach and I was terrified. Hermione managed to get me to St. Mungo's where we were met by the ENTIRE family. How they managed to find out in such a short time I still don't know. James held my hand as the Healer told us the news.
We lost the baby.
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that stands forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that stands forgiven
I settled into a deep depression after that, really only going through the motions of living. The Healer warned James that it was normal and he stood by me every step of the way. I mean who can't help but love a guy like that.
It wasn't until a few days later that I realized the date. July 31, 2004. Fate was … well I won't say what I want to. Let's just say I was pissed although I didn't really know why. I wanted to blame him but it couldn't really be his fault, could it? Hermione said it wasn't and it was just a cruel coincidence. Cruel indeed.
Sometimes I wonder if James worries about my relationship with Hermione, worries that I tell her things that I won't tell him, not that I do. I tell him everything; she just gives me a different perspective. My brother on the other hand… but I digress.
I've been so lost since you've gone
Why not me before you?
Why did fate deceive me?
Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence?
I worked my way through the miscarriage with much help from my entire family. Sometimes I'm just glad that I have them and that the war spared them with at least all their limbs.
James and I waited a few months to make sure that I would be able to carry the child. When the Healers cleared me and declared me in perfect health he tried again.
It was on out 4th anniversary that we found out that I was pregnant. We were careful; we did everything that that healers told us to plus that.
Then after nine months of agonizing patience our son was born.
He had his father's hair and my eyes, so small and so cute. He had his grandmother wrapped around his little finger the moment she laid eyes on him. He also had my bothers plotting. If anything ever happened to him Let's just say that they would be missing the body parts that were spared by the war.
We named him Harry John Sullivan, Harry after my lost love and best friend and John after his grandfather on his dad's side. James and I decided and that it would have been too weird for his name to be Harry James and I knew that Harry would want him to have some sort of life not shadowed by him.
Fate was smiling on us that day and for many years to come after that. Our lives were graced with many nieces and nephews as well as another son and a daughter of our own.
Harry grew up understanding where his name came from and he was proud to be named after his hero. He never once tried to make us call him by any other name, which some of us were surprised that he didn't resent the name, for he did get some questions and rude comments about it, much to my displeasure.
You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that stands forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that stands forgiven
As I sit this night waiting for the Owl from Harry about which house he ended up in, I remember. I remember the good and the bad times and what brought James and I together. And even after all these years, I still feel his touch as I did that night and it reminds me that he is still there watching over me and my family.
A true guardian angel.
And all stands forgiven.
…
…
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A/N: I was asked by a reviewer about what Ginny did after the events in Forever There. After searching for the right song (because that's what the first one is… a song fic) I came up with this. I really hope that you enjoyed it.
The song is by the band Within Temptation and the characters belong to JK Rowling expect for Ginny's husband who I plucked out of thin air to help me with this story.
And now that deathly Hallows is out and everything is now settled this is very much and AU. Not that I wanted anything like this to happen in Canon.
Vàna