His head hurt… no, his heart hurt. A sense of pain overwhelmed him as he dropped into the darkness of depression, swallowed by nightmares, eaten alive by flashbacks.

"Why did you bring back that murderer?"

"Raph, here's some advice. Next time, instead of taking someone else's life, why not, take your own?"

"I'm trying to say that we're all better off without you. We don't need you, and you'll only be a burden if you even thought about killing your own."

Don thrashed around in his bed, screaming. His brothers were trying to calm him down.

"Donny, wake up!" Mikey said nervously. Don didn't get nightmares, it was usually just him.

"Donny-boy, you better wake up…" Raph muttered under his breath.

"Don…c'mon, get up…" Leo whispered.

Master Splinter stood there watching, unsure of what to do but wait for his son to wake up.

"This is all, YOUR fault! If Leo hadn't been so busy protecting you, this wouldn't have happened!"

Words and memories, images, voices, emotions, expressions… everything flashed through the genius turtle's mind.

He felt himself falling…falling into a deep pit… knowing that it would take a lot to climb out, Don found it easier to just wallow inside it… he felt the thick black liquid rising…high enough to suffocate him. Suddenly, the liquid brightened, turned into a crystal clear mirror which reflected everything he did.

"WELL WHAT DO YOU CALL ALMOST STABBING LEO, THEN?" Don yelled back.
"…We don't need you…"
"I don't get why you keep on defending your murderer!"

Don fought the images, he wanted to close his eyes and cover his ears so badly, but he was frozen, forced to watch his disgusting actions. "No…" he whispered. "NOOOOO!" He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't watch himself do what he did…"Please…please stop. Just stop! Help! Please, make it stop! Make it stop!"

Suddenly, the genius turtle jerked awake. He wiped off the cold sweat on his forehead. Looking around at all of his anxious brothers and father, he breathed shakily and said, "It was…just a dream."

Everyone exchanged glances knowing something wasn't right. Don could feel the tension in the air and so as to avoid questions on what the dream was about, he piped up.

"So, what happened?" he asked.

"Well Raphie," Mikey started, ignoring Raph's growl, "and Leo were fighting when you suddenly fainted at the entrance of the kitchen. So they carried you here and you suddenly started kicking about and screaming…"

"Anyways, is anything wrong, Don?" Leo asked, concerned.

Don shook his head slowly and smiled as reassuringly as he could at his family. He didn't need, no, he didn't want people to care about him…he didn't know why but he didn't want his family's comfort and not knowing why bothered him. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't know why he hadn't forgiven himself even when Raph had was bothering him. Maybe it was just the matter of him not being able to forgive himself that gave him those cold nightmares.

Everyone exchanged worried looks, wondering what was wrong with the little brainiac. Don ignored those looks, pretending not to see them, stood up and glanced at the clock. Seeing it was almost time to train, Don looked to Splinter and said, "Sorry, Sensei. I'm just…not feeling well. Can I skip training for today?"

Leo glanced at Splinter who made eye-contact before nodding at Don, giving his permission. Half-heartedly, the turtle smiled and watched as Splinter left his room.

Leo, Raph and Mikey asked first if he needed anything before leaving, Mikey leaving last and saying, "Donny, you sure you don't need anything?"

Don smiled at the gesture and nodded.

Mikey left. He couldn't help but wonder why his genius brother was troubled. Weeks have passed and, painful as it was, the whole thing was over! Everyone was forgiven, weren't they?

In his room, Don lay in bed, feeling his shaky breaths. His heart felt ripped out from his chest. Maybe having it ripped out wouldn't have felt as bad. The purple-banded turtle felt his soul getting numb. He felt cold, ice-cold, no, even colder. He never thought he'd hurt so bad.

Why?

The genius turtle got frustrated at not knowing why. Why does it still hurt though he was forgiven? Why did these suffocating nightmares come? Why were all his memories popping into his head in the forming or torturous nightmares? Why couldn't the pain go away? Why, of all things, couldn't he forgive himself?

Drowning in questions, Don couldn't feel the tears falling from his eyes.

Maybe he did know the reason. He would do whatever he could if he meant he could take back his words. Most of them hurt, but they didn't matter in comparison to the one he wanted erased, wiped from everyone's memories.

"I. Hate. You."