After Rachel stormed out Santana couldn't really think. She just stared at the pieces of paper that were once a picture of them both. Sighing she walked over and picked up the pieces one by one and held them in her hand before walking back into the apartment and sliding the door closed.
"Santana, are you okay?" Kurt asked softly.
"No, I'm really not," Santana replied walking to her part of the loft, grabbing tape along the way. Santana sat down on the floor and slowly pieced the picture back together and taping it to the best of her ability. After she was done she sat and stared at the picture of her and Rachel smiling. Santana always thought they were real friends ever since that amazing duet they did, but now hearing from Rachel that she believed it was all pretend and that they were never really going to be true friends hurt her deeply. It hurt as much as when Brittany rejected her that first time to be with Artie and then that second time to be with Sam. She didn't understand why though, because Rachel wasn't a girlfriend to Santana, or according to her, not real friends. Santana grabbed the picture and stood grabbing a frame that held a picture of her, Quinn, and Brittany in their uniforms. She pulled it out and placed the picture of her and Rachel in it. She walked from behind the curtain and grabbed her jacket.
"Where you going?" Kurt asked from the kitchen table.
"I'm going for a walk," Santana answered walking out. Kurt stood when Santana walked out and went to where Santana slept. He saw the picture in the fram and pulled out his phone before taking a picture and sending it to Rachel with a caption.
I hope you happy for officially being the second person to break Santana.
After wards he sat down on the couch and turned on some TV.
XXXXX
Santana walked through the park taking in the rare bit of sun in February. Her mind couldn't really process what had happened between her and Rachel. All she wanted was to fit in a little more with Rachel and Kurt and to do that she needed to know about Broadway. All she did was audition for the understudy and figure out the process and support Rachel. She would have never guessed that it would cause all-out war between the two of them. Rachel kept accusing her of planning on sabotaging her so she couldn't perform, but that was never Santana's plan. After a few minutes she got a message from Dani to meet her at the diner. Santana sighed and hailed a cab.
After a few minutes they arrived at the diner, she paid the cab driver and walked towards her… pink haired girlfriend. Santana smiled and shook her head and walked over.
"Nice hair," Santana said when she got close.
"Thanks, um I have really big news," Dani said turning to her and looking overly nervous, which in turn made Santana nervous.
"What's up?" Santana asked.
"Well, I was singing in the diner last night to keep people entertained and after I was done a producer came up and offered me a record deal," Dani said with a smiled. Santana stared at her taking in the information.
"Oh my God Dani, that's fantastic!" Santana exclaimed hugging Dani.
"I'm really glad you think so because the deal is in L.A," Dani said afterward. She felt Santana stiffen and then pulled back.
"Like… Los Angeles?" Santana asked dumbly.
"Yeah," Dani muttered.
"Wow, that's… like across the country," Santana continued.
"It is," Dani continued.
"Well, um okay that's great. I mean a long distance relationship isn't very ideal but-"
"Santana I don't believe in long distance relationships," Dani said cutting her off. Santana left her mouth open in mid word while her eyes skated across Dani's face.
"Oh," Santana finally let out before taking a deep breath, "so I'm guessing this is a break up meet," Santana finalized. Dani nodded and looked at Santana with a sympathetic look.
"I'm so sorry Santana, but I've been striving for this opportunity for years and I finally have it," Dani explained.
"Yeah, no I understand. I would do the same if I got an opportunity like that," Santana replied looking away slightly.
"I really did like you Santana," Dani said taking Santana's hand.
"Yeah," Santana mumbled. Dani sighed and leaned up giving Santana a small peck on the cheek.
"Goodbye," Dani said letting go of Santana's hand and walking off.
"Yeah, bye," Santana whispered. Santana felt conflicted, this break up should hurt a lot more than it did, but all she could think about was how much more painful it was watching Rachel rip up a picture of them and walking out of their apartment. Santana shook her head and started heading to NYADA.
To Lady Lips:
Yo, I'm going to NYADA's auditorium if you need me.
Santana sent the text and hailed another cab.
XXXXXXXXX
Kurt looked at his phone, hoping for a reply from Rachel but instead saw Santana's text. He sighed and sent her an okay before texting Rachel.
To Rachel:
Santana is heading to NYADA's auditorium. I'm heading there too just in case you come back wondering where we are.
He sent the text and pulled on his jacket before heading to the auditorium.
XXXXXXXX
Rachel once again felt her phone vibrate, she ground her teeth and looked at it. Seeing the picture that Santana put back together made her feel extremely guilty and the last thing she needed was another guilt trip. Instead, though, she was pleasantly surprised to see that Kurt and Santana were going to NYADA. Rachel stopped walking and thought for a second before hailing a cab and telling him to head to NYADA.
XXXXX
Santana was walking back and forth on the stage thinking back to when she and Quinn visited to help convince Rachel not to make a big mistake of doing a nude scene in a student movie.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Kurt asked walking down the steps. Santana looked up and rolled her eyes sighing.
"I don't if my thoughts are worth a penny Kurt," Santana replied.
Backstage Rachel snuck in and hid behind the curtain looking ever so slightly past it at Santana and Kurt.
"Humor me Santana, what are you thinking about?" Kurt said taking a seat. Santana stayed quiet for a while before speaking, keeping her head down looking at the scuff marks and scratches on the stage floor.
"Dani broke up with me like thirty minutes ago," Santana said. Rachel had to cover her mouth to keep her gasp from being audible.
"Why?" Kurt asked wide eyed.
"She got a record deal for L.A and she doesn't believe in long distant relationships," Santana answered automatically.
"Wow," Kurt muttered, "and that's what's bothering you?"
"No, it's the fact that it didn't hurt. Well it did, but it didn't hurt as much as watching Rachel rip up our graduation picture and walking out," Santana answered.
"Oh," Kurt said slightly confused.
"And it pissed me off cause I haven't felt like that since Brittany, the pain. Then I thought 'why does this hurt so much? You used to hate her and according to her we weren't even friends' then it hit me why it hurt so fucking much!" Santana growled out frustrated.
"Why?" Kurt asked interested. Rachel leaned a little more from behind the curtain to see Santana pacing back and forth, curious for her answer as well.
"Because I like her! like how I liked Brittany and it makes me angry cause I never noticed until she walked out!" Santana exclaimed. Kurt sat there slack jawed along with Rachel who quickly went back behind the curtain with her hand over her mouth.
"That's a… um… a really big revelation Santana, are you sure?" Kurt asked after a few moments.
"Of course I am Kurt, if I wasn't it wouldn't bother me so much," Santana answered.
"Does it bother you because it's Rachel?" Kurt then questioned.
"No, that isn't the problem. The problem is that I didn't notice until after she hates me. I have the worst luck with people I like and it pisses me off!" Santana yelled out frustrated.
"What do you mean?" Kurt continued.
"Well first Puck, that was obviously a very bad idea. Then Brittany who rejected me twice, then Dani who left at the drop of a hat, and now Rachel who not only is she straight, but also hates me with every fiber of her being," Santana explained glaring at Kurt.
"I'm sure she doesn't hate you Santana," Kurt said trying to make the Latina girl feel better.
"Kurt she screamed at me and slapped me. I mean if we will never be friends then there is most definitely no way are we going to be in a relationship," Santana said angrily.
"So what you're just going to give up completely? Not even try or at least let her know your feelings?" Kurt asked.
"The best thing to do is to let her go… and I guess that's what I will do. I'll at least see her in rehearsal right?" Santana sighed sadly.
"Santana," Kurt breathed out sympathetically. Rachel peeked back out behind the curtain to look at Santana who looked so defeated and dejected.
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Santana started softly. Kurt looked up at her with sad eyes while Rachel felt a sharp pain go through her chest.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
Rachel closed her eyes at those last lyrics, knowing how true they could be. She felt selfish for being such a diva about Santana also trying to fulfill her dream and her not supporting her friend.
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
Finally Santana understood why she had such a fixation on Rachel and she cared so much these past few months of living with her. To her it was true... it felt like everything she touch just crumbles. Santana allowed a few tears to slip down her cheeks.
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
Will you let her go?
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Santana finished singing and took a deep shuddering breath before wiping away her tears. She hastily went down the stage steps and walked out ignoring Kurt calling after her. Rachel had her hand covering her face while tears silently slid down her face. She never heard someone sing with so much hurt and soul, not even herself. Rachel rushed out of the auditorium and headed towards Elliott's apartment.
XXXXXXXXX
It had been a few days since then and Rachel finally decided what she needed to do. She sent Kurt a text asking him to get Santana back into the auditorium for a performance of her own. He then proceeded to scold her for hiding and not showing herself during that performance.
Rachel was pacing the backstage when she heard the doors open and an aggravated Santana complain about being forced to go out on her day off.
"Oh Santana stop your complaining. All you have been doing when you aren't at school or rehearsal is mope around the apartment eating and watching musicals. Frankly it's scary and annoying," Kurt admonishes. Rachel heard Santana take a deep breath before plopping down in a chair.
"Whatever, so let me have it, what's this amazing song you wanted to sing to me?" Santana asked. Kurt looked at the stage nervously hoping that Rachel was actually there.
"Um…" he started then Rachel walked briskly out on stage. Santana's eyes widened and watched her stand in the middle of the stage while the curtains pulled up revealing a band.
"Oh hell no," Santana muttered and stood and started heading for the door. Rachel felt her throat tighten, she cleared it and called out.
"Santana! Wait please, just hear me out… please," Rachel begged. Santana stopped with her hand on the door handle. She sighed and stayed there facing the door. Rachel took that as a sign to keep going.
"You are one of the most amazing people I've ever met. You have so many layers and you keeps yourself shut out from the world. I'm not sure why, but I love the mystery that surrounds you. I… um I was hiding behind these curtains while you sang that song a few days ago and it… it was amazing and so I wanted to reciprocate with a song of my own. I've only really written one good song in my life and that was for Finn. I thought I lost my muse when he died, but since your confession and that song I've felt something that I haven't felt for a long time. I was confused and didn't understand it at the time and that's why I didn't reveal myself. Soon, though I realized what it was and wrote this song for you, because I now know you're my new muse… my inspiration and… someone whom I care deeply for and I do believe that i was aware of these feelings but put them aside as friendship and nothing more. Now I know though but those feelings fall in a deeper category. So please, listen to this song that I have wrote for you… and please give me a second chance," Rachel said finishing her speech. Kurt took a seat and Rachel took a deep breath and turned to her personal band and nodded for them to start.
Shadows above the sand
I waited so long to hold your hand
Familiar rode, helpless, just acting stupid like kids
Was so distracted, yeah we've been careless
It's not too late
Santana slowly turned around with wide eyes and a smile appeared across Rachel's face.
Baby open your eyes
And hold on tight
Just keep running and we can stay up all night
Don't let go
Don't let go
Flying high as a kite no ground below
Got me up in the sky running don't let go, don't let go
Kurt was clapping along while Santana slowly made her way back down the stairs and stopped mid way and a small smile pulled at her lips.
Sometimes the notions freight
Like the tiny little heart breaks
Something that can't explain
Just writing stupid lie kids
I'm so impatient
And it's so reckless
It's not too late
Rachel skipped down the stairs while she started singing the chorus and grabbed Santana's hand and pulled her with her back up and stage.
Baby open your eyes
And hold on tight
Just keep running and we can stay up all night
Don't let go
Don't let go
Flying high as a kite no ground below
Got me up in the sky running don't let go, don't let go
I know you pull, pull, pull on each other
Sometimes we spin spin out of control
But there's a string holding us together
Just gotta catch that and here we go
By now Rachel and Santana were spinning and dance around while Kurt stood and started dancing himself.
Baby open your eyes
And hold on tight
Just keep running and we can stay up all night
Don't let go
Don't let go
Flying high as a kite no ground below
Got me up in the sky running don't let go, don't let go
I know you pull, pull, pull on each other
Sometimes we spin spin, yeah
I know you pull, pull, pull on each other
Sometimes we spin spin, yeah
I know you pull, pull, pull on each other
Sometimes we spin spin, yeah
Rachel finished and panted from the exhilaration of the performance and looked into Santana's dark brown eyes. Santana's eyes had a sparkle that Rachel hadn't seen since high school and that made her beam with joy.
"You really wrote that song for me?" Santana asked softly and Rachel could hear the insecurity in her voice.
"Yes, you are my new muse Santana. You are… the person I have been looking for, for a very long time and I finally realized that you were in front of me this whole time. I'm sorry it took a big fight for me to see that," Rachel said and Santana could hear the raw honesty in Rachel's voice.
"I… I love you Rachel," Santana muttered shyly. She hated expressing her feelings, but she couldn't help it when she felt the surge of joy that came from Rachel's confession.
"I love you more," Rachel replied with a cheeky grin and they continued to stare at one another.
"Ugh, why don't you two just kiss and get it over with?" Kurt pleaded with a smirk. Santana looked over to him along with Rachel and grinned deviously. She grabbed Rachel face and brought her lips to her own and kissing her softly before making it deeper. Rachel's eyes widened at the sudden contact but soon responded and closed her eyes and moaned slightly when Santana deepened.
"Oh god!" Kurt exclaimed. They both pulled back with smiles and looked over at Rachel.
"What?" Rachel asked.
"You have no idea how strange it is to see you two kiss," Kurt said shaking his head with a smile. The trio laughed and Rachel linked her hand with Santana's and they walked down from the stage. Rachel linked her arm with Kurts and they headed towards the door.
"I think it's time for me to move back home," Rachel said and the three walked back out into New York City.
I love Lea Michele's new CD… just sayin'. Alright so please review and let me know what you think. I noticed not many Pezberry (like strictly pezberry) stories have been posted so I wanted to start.
Songs:
Let Her Go – Passenger
Don't Let Go – Lea Michele