AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've been on a Season 4 kick lately. I really liked Chandler & Kathy pre-Mondler. Watching the end of that season inspired this one-shot. Oh, and since I haven't said it recently - I own absolutely nothing to do with "Friends" in any way, shape or form!
Monica lay with the back of her head on Chandler's chest as he tightened his arms around her. She sighed. The only light in the dark apartment coming from a small Tiffany lamp on the tiny table by the bathroom, casting a warm glow around the room. They were wrapped up in blankets on the couch, each holding the other's hands as they snaked around her waist, basking in the afterglow of love-making and secure knowledge that yes, in fact, they were in love.
After Chandler's declaration and her confirmation in front of their friends, they got a commitment from the three not to tell Ross. Joey relented, anxious to sit in his chair, while Phoebe wanted to go home and change, happily ready to shed the clothes from her failed seduction of Chandler. Rachel went back to Phoebe's apartment with her, and the two women talked of nothing but the events of the day the whole way there.
Chandler and Monica didn't talk. They left Apartment 19 hand-in-hand. The moment they entered Apartment 20 Chandler locked the door with one hand behind his back as Monica's lips locked with his. Clothes were shed quickly as they made their way to the couch. They'd been together a hundred times before, but never like this. Never with "my love" whispered between caresses and "I love you" gasped between gulps of air. Each touch, each kiss meant more than ever before. They both knew it and they both put their whole heart and soul into making love.
They had been laying there since in silence - both feeling overwhelmed by the emotions of the evening. Until Chandler heard her sigh, he thought she might have fallen asleep.
"Penny for your thoughts?" he whispered against her hair.
She snuggled closer to him, if that was possible.
"I can't believe you did that," she said, her voice soft and tinged with awe.
He knew exactly what she meant. In some ways he couldn't believe it himself, except that he had been holding it in so long that it was bound to come out sooner or later.
"I…I was a little surprised, too," he chuckled softly. "But I couldn't NOT say it. Not…not anymore."
She started tracing slow circles on the back of his hand.
"You don't know how many times I wanted to tell you…stopped myself from telling you," she whispered.
"Really?" he asked as she shifted in his embrace so she could see his face.
"Yeah," she smiled at him. He had the cutest grin on his face.
"Me, too," he said, running his finger along her jaw line. "But I was afraid you might freak out."
"Me?!" she said, with a teasing slap on his chest.
He smiled as she kissed his bare chest and laid her cheek against it, wrapping her arms around him.
"So, Mr. Bing," Monica said playfully. "How long have you known you love me?"
"What, you want like a date and time or something?" he asked, teasing her.
"You know what I mean," she said. "When did you KNOW?"
"Hummm," he said, thinking about the happiest five months of his life. It had been early on, very early on in their relationship that he knew he was falling hard and fast.
"A pretty long time, actually," he said, honestly, before stammering out. "I mean, it wasn't that far of a leap…for me…to go from…friends to more…with you."
Monica was quiet, taking in what his words meant.
"I mean, ah…" Chandler was grasping for words now. He took a deep breath. He'd told her he loved her, and knew she loved him. He could do this.
"It's not like I've been in love with you forever," he said, beginning to stroke her hair. "But, there have been…times…I thought 'well, maybe.' I always thought there was, I don't know, SOMETHING there…even before…"
She squeezed her eyes shut, her mind taking her back to Montauk and his offer to be her boyfriend. She'd mentally beat herself up over that a few times in the last several months. She'd truly thought he was joking then. 'If only,' she'd though on more than one occasion. If she'd given them a try they wouldn't have missed out on a year of being together. And there was always her fear that she'd hurt him more than he let on when she rejected him back then.
"Like in Montauk?" she whispered quickly, hugging him tighter, almost scared to hear his answer.
He felt her tense up and knew she was worried that she'd hurt him. He wasn't going to let her guilt fester. There was nothing for her to feel guilty about.
"No," he smiled as he attempted to lift her face to look in her eyes. She moved again, laying flush against him, searching his face.
"No. I WAS just messing with you then," he said, softly. "It was more of a 'we don't have anyone else so why not?' kinda thing. It wasn't 'there couldn't ever BE anyone else,' like it is now."
Tears stung her eyes and she leaned up to kiss him, trying to put all the love she felt for him into that one moment.
"I love you," he whispered as their lips broke apart. She grinned and closed her eyes.
"Say it again," she said breathlessly.
"I love you." He kissed her closed eyes. "I love you." He kissed her cheek. "I love you." He kissed her forehead.
She moaned and captured his lips with hers again. Their passion was building, but Chandler put a stop to it.
"Oh, no you don't Miss Geller," he said, teasingly. "No more Chan-love until you answer the question!"
"What question?" she asked with feigned, wide-eyed innocence.
"What question," he smirked in false irritation. "You know…how long have YOU known you loved me?"
"Can't I answer that after?" she pouted.
"Nope," he said with a smile, waiting.
Monica sighed. She knew the answer. She'd thought about it often enough. She knew when her feelings for Chandler started to change. It would shock him, she knew that. It had shocked her when she had realized it, in retrospect, but there was no doubt in her mind when it was.
She took a deep breath and laid her cheek back on his chest again.
"I think it started right after you and Kathy broke up," she admitted.
She felt him jerk slightly and gasp. She looked up into his confused face and questioning eyes.
"Wha…what?!" he finally asked. "I mean…what?!"
She traced the scar on his chin with her fingertip. She felt his arms tighten around her as she laid her head on his chest once more and started to explain.
"I was so happy for you when you first started dating her," she started. "You seemed so happy. And then…and then you kept dating and I kept watching you with her. And I…I started thinking, worrying, that maybe you would end up marrying her and leaving…leaving Joey and us and…me."
Chandler slowly sat up, pulling her with him until she was sitting across his lap, still wrapped in sheets. He was floored. He couldn't believe what she was saying.
"Mon…" he whispered.
"Please let me finish," she said, finding the courage to look into his eyes again. "I knew at the time that I was sad and a little jealous, I guess, but you were so happy. But then…then she broke your heart. And after I got over wanting to track her down and kick her ass (Chandler grinned at that), I felt…relieved…and a little confused…"
She looked down and Chandler took her hands in his.
"At the time I thought it was because I didn't want anything to change," she continued. "I didn't want to lose my friend. We spent a lot of time together after that, do you remember?"
Chandler thought for a moment. In the couple months after his breakup with Kathy the girls were pretty attentive, Monica more so than Phoebe and Rachel. She, Chandler and Joey would hang out most days together before they were all swept up in the whirlwind of Ross and Emily's romance.
"I…I think so," he said, as he stroked her hands.
"Anyway, I think that's when…things…my feelings started to change…for you," she said, shyly.
She was on the verge of tears as she firmly said her next heartfelt words.
"And now…now I want to run into her kitchen, wherever she is, and throw my arms around her and thank her for ruining the best thing that ever happened to her, because now he's mine," she smiled, finally looking into his eyes again. "All mine."
Chandler's eyes filled with tears. He'd never felt more wanted or loved in his whole life
"My God, Monica," he said, pulling her tight to him. She wrapped her arms around him and he felt her tears on his chest.
"I love you," she said.
There were no more words to say. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he slowly laid her back down on the couch, brought his lips to hers, and began to make love to her.