Chapter One: Going Home While Feeling Alone
She just didn't understand. I guess they just assumed she was back to the old Rachel. When in reality, she was just moody, emotional and felt more alone than ever. She lost the love of her life and she was hiding a secret that she was afraid to reveal. How could she tell people? She lied to Santana when she first found out. She knew sooner or later that the truth would come out but it haunted her that she would be going through all of this alone. Why did this have to happen? She dreamed of her happy ending with Finn. She made a mistake when she decided to get with Brody but she was hurting. She cried every single night when she was Brody, she cried for Finn. She felt like her love wasn't enough for him to stay in New York with her. She can't believe that he thought she would want to be a star without him but know that he's gone forever, she has the drive now more than ever to make him proud of her. Every night, she sleeps with the engagement ring he gave her. He never knew but she managed to steal some of his clothing while they were dating and now more than ever, it comforted her to even sleep in his old shirts. They fit her really big but she felt his presence there with her every night. Now, she had to move out of the apartment she once shared with Kurt and Santana because she felt betrayed. They didn't understand why, they just thought she was being selfish. Didn't they understand that Finn let her go so she can be this big star and that's all that she wants. She wanted to tell them the truth but when Santana took the understudy for Funny Girl and Kurt didn't even bother to stick up for her after all they've been through together, she just wanted to get away from them. She thought she knew him better than that but she's doubting herself. Don't they understand that she had to say goodbye to her true love? Don't they understand that she's going through the biggest change of her life right now?
Rachel went clothes shopping for her reunion with the old Glee club. They lost at Nationals and Sue finally managed to get rid of the Glee club. She can't believe it, Glee is going to end. Yes, she knows that she isn't a part of the Glee club. I mean, she's in college now and rehearsing for Funny Girl but if it wasn't for and that Glee club, would she be where she is now? They helped her in so many ways. She met the love of her life and made some friends. It's going to be hard to say bye permanently to that part of her life. She always dreamed that Finn would take over after he finished college and she would come home to him when she lived out her dream on Broadway and won a Tony award. Start her family with him when they both got their dreams accomplished. Now, she was going home alone for the first time since sang "Make you feel my love" in the choir room. Puck had been checking up on her every once in a while to see how she was doing. She would lie to him, of course. She didn't want to tell him that she was miserable and feeling alone. She didn't tell him how she would sleep in Finn's old tshirts, or call Finn's cellphone to hear his voice mail, watch old competition videos or even that every night she would write memories down so she would never forget him. She also didn't tell him how she had hid a secret from everyone including her dads. But, she felt like the news she was hiding wasn't something that she should tell him on the phone anyway. If she could talk to anybody about it, it was going to be Puck. Besides Finn, he was a person who understood and he was Finn's best friend so he would know what to do.
Rachel stopped by Claire's to look at some jewelry when she remembered when Puck helped stage a intervention so she wouldn't go through getting a nose job to match more like Quinn's. She loved that "Barbravention" because she saw how much they cared about her embracing her nose. She even remembered when she saw Finn dancing in the dance mob. I don't think nobody knew the real reason was because she wanted to be more like Quinn. She was just so beautiful and she felt that's why Finn wanted to be with her again. I mean, later she found out it was because Finn felt bad for the previous year and he wanted to make up for it. She was still wearing the engagement ring that Finn gave her when he proposed. Remembering his words when he asked her to marry him, "Let's face it, I got high school hero, life zero written all over me. Except for one thing, you. You're like this beacon of light guiding me thru the dark. You're like this big gold star and for some bizarre reason you choose to let me love you. And I feel like I can convince you to let me keep doing that, I'm going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay." But remembering the way he proposed to her, hurt her. If he really felt that why than why did he let her go that day at the train station? Why did she let him? She knew she should have fought more for his love. Yes, he decided to join the army and she couldn't follow him but maybe there was more that she could've done. Maybe when he came back to her a couple of months later, she should not have hunted him down at McKinley and broke up with him. She shouldn't have let her emotions get to her. She knew that they belonged together. When she started to get teary eyed in Claire's, she decided that she should go to Macy's to get some new clothes. She needed them right now after all especially she felt like she needed a new change. She needed form fitting clothes but for the right reasons, no more short skirts. She got all her bags and went back home. While she was walking back to the apartment she was sharing with Elliot was weird. How did it come to her staying with a member of her former band. He hated when she called him her best gay. But, she needed someone to call that since she took it back from Kurt for his betrayal. She had to get back to the apartment and get packing. It was going to be so hard to be back home ALONE now that she didn't have Kurt to help her. She didn't think she was going to be able to make it through. Well, that's if she didn't get a hold of him. Maybe he could pick her up from the airport especially since she needed his advice and talk to him.
"Hey, I need your help with something?" Rachel said into the phone after it rang for a couple of seconds. "Do you think you can pick me up from the airport? Yes. Oh, and I need to talk to you about something. I feel like you're the only one I can talk to. No I don't. Well, I don't want to get into what happened right now, I'll explain it to you when I see you. Thanks a lot. It means a lot to me."