A/N: This came from a misread kink meme post… XD I have a few things to add before we begin.
This is basically the events of Apollo Justice happening if the characters were school children and teachers, so spoilers ahead. Because they are all children, some relations got switched from parents to siblings etc. Also, the character's costumes aren't exactly alike, and on Kristoph's outfit… Don't question it. I don't even know. Just imagine a normal school teacher outfit, with the apples and bees stitched into the jean fabric. I swear, this is that gayest thing I have ever written, and I've written yaoi. Anyways, enjoy
--o--
They were monsters.
Every single one of them. He couldn't think of a more irritating job than this one, but he felt as if it was his duty. Who else would teach these children the basics of life? But, each and every one of them infuriated him so. Sure, at times a few of the children were a delight to be around from time to time, but most of the time he wanted to strangle their little necks. Sadly, he was Mr. Gavin, school teacher. He'd be fired.
"Mr. Gavin?" said a small voice. He felt something tugging on his skirt. "The bell rang,"
Kristoph looked down at the boy by his side. "Okay, Phoenix. Go back to your seat and I'll start attendance,"
The boy smiled and walked over to his seat (next to his adopted sister, Trucy), keeping his hands hidden in the pockets of his sweatshirt. Kristoph had to admit, Phoenix was a sweet kid. At the beginning of the year he was a lot happier, but as time continued he started to dress less sharply, and started to act cryptic, yet wise. Kristoph still didn't completely like that kid, because he always seemed to know what was going on. Kristoph was supposed to be the all-knowing teacher, dammit! Not a student!
"Okay, let's see…" He pulled out the attendance list and began running his finger down the list "Alita?" he called out, not looking up.
"Here," she chimed in, smiling slightly at the teacher, her hands folded in her lap.
"Daryan?" he continued.
"Right here!" yelled a boy from the back. Kristoph wondered who did his hair, and why the boy didn't kill whoever it was.
"Guy, Plum, Winfred?"
They all replied.
"Apollo?"
"PRESENT, MR. GAVIN!" rang out a voice throughout the room, even though Apollo was merely five feet away from Kristoph's desk.
Kristoph scratched his ear. "Apollo… have you heard of the term 'indoor voice'?"
"NO, MR. GAVIN!" he yelled back, looking genuinely interested. Kristoph paused for a second, contemplating whether he should drink the bottle of nail polish tucked away in his drawer.
"Er… anyways… Machi?"
No answer.
"Machi?" he looked up, scanning the room for that girl (it said on her registration that Machi was a boy, but Kristoph was sure that was a mistake.)
"He's over here, Mr. Gavin," sounded a beautiful voice. The class songbird, Lamiroir had responded for Machi. Honestly, that little blonde girl was too clingy to Lamiroir. Kristoph could only imagine what it'd be like if they were put in separate classes next year.
"Wesley?"
"I can assure you that I am here Mr. Kristoph Gavin, for it would be terrible if I were to be late for it would take away my perfect attendance record, which I would never want to break at all because I must be here for the pursuit of-"
"Be Quiet. Wocky?" Wesley looked absolutely shocked that the teacher had told him to stop talking.
A boy waved his hand up at the teacher, causing the girl next to him to giggle. "Right here, G!"
Kristoph nearly smacked himself upside the head. A child that age already trying to sound "gangsta"? What was going on in this world…?
He continued through his attendance list, and everyone was there. Vera and Drew were sitting near the back, drawing pictures on the back of worksheets, Valant was trying to show Olga a magic trick, but Olga was too preoccupied with her lunchbox, and the Wright siblings were chattering about something… Kristoph was pretty sure he heard the little girl yell out pudding. But, there was one empty seat.
"Ema?" he said calmly to the clearly irritated girl. The desk next to her was empty. "Do you know where Klavier is?"
munch munch munch
"Ema, no snacks in class,"
munch munch munch
"Do you want me to send you to the principal's office?"
"No! I'll be good!" she insisted once she swallowed whatever was in her mouth. "I don't know where Klavier is, Mr. Gavin. I didn't see him this morning at the bus stop, so therefore he must be sick or some-"
"Guten Tag, class!" rang out an overly dramatic voice. Kristoph whirled around to see his nephew sitting at the teacher's desk, air-guitaring to some song in his head. He would have killed that child if it hadn't been for the fact that they were blood related. How cruel life could be.
"Klavier, go to your desk,"
"Why?" replied the boy smarmily, crossing his arms.
"I'm going to count to three. One… two…" Klavier still didn't budge. "Two and a half…. Th-"
Klavier jumped off the chair and dashed over to his seat. "I'm here, Mr. Gavin! Right on time!" he said , mimicking the posture of a perfect student.
Both Trucy and Apollo craned their necks to catch a glimpse of the "rock star" of the class, while Daryan threw his fist up in the air in recognition. One of these days Kristoph was going to have to send him to detention if he didn't get his act together to set an example. He and Daryan had started a little band together and sang during recess and lunch, and it was simply awful. He marked Klavier as tardy, and began the school day.
--o--
"I am going to kill them," proclaimed Kristoph when he entered the teacher's lounge. "I will cut off all of their heads and make a necklace. Once I am bored of it I shall sell it on eBay and quit my job."
"Haha!" said another teacher who was digging into a large sandwich. "Not able to handle a few first graders, are we Krissy?"
"For God's sake, shut the hell up, Zak. I've had it up to here with you," snapped Kristoph, pouring some iced tea from the small refrigerator.
"Want to play some poker? Oh wait, I forgot. You suck," Zak burst out laughing at his joke. Kristoph could see his knuckles turn white from clenching his glass. "Come on, Gavin! You're a teacher, try to act like it."
"But all I have are little demons in my room! They're all horrible!" he said quietly, chewing on ice to calm himself.
Zak leaned back in his chair and put his feet on the table. "Nah, they're nothing. You should see my class! Besides, you have that Wright boy. He's a star student, if I do say so myself!"
"He gets average grades, he's hardly gifted. Just very lucky..."
"But he can still beat you at poker. GAHAHAHA" Zak chortled loudly again.
Kristoph gave him an obscene gesture on his left hand, and left the room. Dealing with the midgets was much more rewarding than dealing Zak Enigmar.
Once he made it back to his own classroom, Kristoph sighed, "…This is going to be a long week."
"Oh yeah, and you suck at teaching," said a voice from the entryway, which started cackling. Kristoph chucked his apple at the doorway, feeling disappointed when he heard it hit the wall instead.
--o--
"MR. GAVIN SIR!" screamed a voice from the vicinity of his knee. Kristoph looked down and saw Apollo in his red little vest.
"What is it, Apollo?"
"MR. PAYNE IS TRYING TO SEND WRIGHT TO PRINCIPAL UDGEY'S OFFICE! WE CAN'T LET THIS GO ON HIS PERMANENT RECORD, MR. GAVIN! YOU NEED TO GET HIM OUT OF TROUBLE!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.
"Wait.. stop. Hold on Apollo. Use your indoor voice, remember?"
"WHAT'S AN INDOOR VOICE, MR. GAVIN?" said the boy, his eyes sparkling with curiosity.
"Let's pretend that you're a television for a second, Apollo."
"OKAY! I HAVE THE ANTENNA FOR IT TOO, MR. GAVIN!" Apollo beamed.
Kristoph reached foreword and grabbed Apollo's ear. "This is your volume knob," He explained, and started to twist the ear in between his fingers gently.
"Why are you making me quieter, Mr. Gavin?" said the boy, turning his head to the side.
"There!" Said Kristoph, and he pulled away his hand from the boy's ear. "This is an indoor voice. Now, what happened?"
"Phoenix is in trouble! Mr. Payne wants to send him to the principal's office! See, Mr. Enigmar has lost his hat, and Mr. Payne thinks that Phoenix stole it! We have to help him, he didn't do it! " Apollo was practically sobbing while telling his story.
Kristoph began to kick the hat hidden under his desk, contemplating what to do. On one hand, having the blame shifted to a student was an easy way out. On the other hand… Phoenix wasn't that bad of a kid. Kristoph shrugged and supposed that it'd be alright to pass on the blame to a different kid. "Follow me, Apollo,"
"Payne!" He cried out sharply, his heels clicking in the tiled floor. Phoenix hardly seemed distressed in the older man's clutches. "Phoenix did nothing; don't take him to the office,"
"No way, Kristoph! This boy took Zak's hat! You know how touchy Zak is with his hat, this boy has to be punished!" shrieked Payne. "And I'm going to make sure of that,"
"Honestly Payne, just quiet down and come to my classroom. We'll get to the bottom of this." he said, and led the two back to his room, with Apollo clinging to the hem of his skirt.
"Really Kristoph, why do you have to get your class involved in this?" whispered Payne once he was inside of Kristoph's classroom.
"To demonstrate to the students…" he replied, and sat down at his desk. "Now, why are we here, Apollo?" asked Kristoph, but he made sure he was loud enough for the rest of the class to hear him.
Apollo seemed to freeze up when he realized that everyone in the classroom was staring at him. "UM! I-IT'S BECAUSE PAYNE IS TRYING TO BLAME PHOENIX FOR-"
"Indoor voice, Apollo."
He grinned sheepishly. "It's because Payne is trying to blame Phoenix for stealing Mr. Enigmar's hat."
"Oooooh!" mocked the class in unison, looking at an indifferent Phoenix. A few of the girls giggled to themselves.
"Why does that matter, it's just a hat, right?" asked Daryan.
"Because Mr. Enigmar is bald," said Kristoph loudly, trying to suppress a grin. But, he couldn't help himself when the entire class started giggling loudly. "Anyways, Apollo, why do you think Phoenix didn't do it?"
"Well, b-because, he's Phoenix Wright! He's never done anything bad, and besides he wasn't even near Mr. Enigmar all day!" stuttered Apollo.
Payne started to snicker shrilly. "You're just a kid. You wouldn't know that. Besides, there is someone who saw Phoenix Wright right next to Mr. Enigmar. Would the nice young lady who saw that please raise her hand?" he said to the classroom, looking directly at a certain blonde girl.
Olga Orly raised her hand uncertainly, and it looked as if she was trying to hide in her winter coat. "I.. I saw it. Phoenix was standing right next to Mr. Enigmar," she said quietly.
The class started to chatter, and Kristoph had to clap his hands in order to get them back into focus. "Well Apollo, you were the one who wanted to prove that Phoenix didn't do it," he said, raising his eyebrows
"He didn't! I know it!" Apollo hit a desk for emphasis. Wesley jumped up and shrieked. "Olga! What did you really see then?"
Olga began to fiddle with her lunchbox. "Well… When he still had his hat, I saw Mr. Enigmar and Phoenix playing a card game…"
"What kind of card game?" asked Apollo loudly, jumping across a desk or two. "Go fish?" He said, pushing his nose against Olga's.
"Get out of her grill, Pollzizzle!" yelled Wocky. Alita giggled, somehow finding Wocky's strange version of speech entertaining.
"Actually, Wocky is right, Apollo. Please try to act more like a big-kid when we have a guest in the room," Apollo slid off the desk, scratching the back of his neck.
"I'm sorry Mr. Gavin. I won't do it again!" He looked back at Olga, a little more timidly. "Anyways.. Olga. What exactly was going on?"
"Um… Phoenix and Mr. Enigmar were playing a game in the teacher's lounge…" She said meekly, falling deeper into her coat. Kristoph could barely see her eyes peeking out from the collar.
"And what were you doing in the teacher's lounge, Olga?"
"Um.. Um… Mr. Enigmar wanted me to help with the card game… I gave everyone their cards,"
"Did you see Phoenix take Mr. Enigmar's hat?" The entire class was watching the two. Alita started talking into Wocky's ear, pointing at the two making kissy faces. Wocky started chuckling quietly into his hand.
"Pay attention Wockey. You too Alita!" Kristoph said sharply. "Pay attention, this is important for you to learn."
Wocky slumped down in his chair, and Alita glared at Kristoph.
"…Yes," Said Olga.
The entire class gasped loudly. Kristoph brought his hand to his face, wondering how children could be so easily amused. It was just a hat. Apollo nearly fell over from the shock.
"Apollo." Kristoph said quietly. "She's telling a lie. Do you remember what we do to liars in this class?"
Apollo stared at Kristoph, and started to nod furiously. "Yes sir! Absolutely! I'm on it!" He turned back to Olga and pointed at her face. "I'M TELLING!"
Kristoph felt the pencil break in his hand. "No Apollo. Something more mature than that. We…" He started, and moved his arms in a circular motion to tell Apollo that he should finish the sentence. "We have…" Apollo continued to stare at Kristoph like a deer in headlights. "We have… to find the truth! Very good, Apollo!" He said, even though he ended up finishing the sentence himself.
Apollo nodded in confirmation and pulled his attention back to Olga. "Okay um… why were you in the teacher's lounge again?"
Olga practically disappeared in her coat. "Because Mr. Enigmar asked me to hand out cards, I told you..."
"But, why would he need a student to hand out cards?" Apollo pressed. "He could have easily passed them out himself, or gotten a teacher. Usually students don't just get access to the teacher's lounge,"
"Well, it was a game of poker… and the only teacher who was nearby was Mr. Gavin,"
"Why didn't you get him to deal the cards then?"
Olga started fiddling with the zipper on her lunchbox. "Because Mr. Enigmar said… uh," she straightened up and looked in the air as she recited, "Kristoph Gavin is a no good hack of a poker player, and it would be bad luck to have him even touch the cards," she finished.
Klavier started to laugh, but was quickly quieted when he saw Kristoph's livid face.
"…WOAH!" yelled Apollo. His eyes went wide open and he fell over on her desk. The class laughed when he slid off the desk and crashed to the floor. Olga jumped up slightly, dropping her lunchbox. After a second Apollo scrambled up and slammed his hands on her desk. "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!"
"Indoor voice, Apollo."
Apollo looked around. No one else seemed to notice whatever he noticed. "Um.. okay. Olga… is that really the reason you were chosen to deal cards?"
"Well it was one of the reasons…" she said, practically disappearing into her coat.
"One of the reasons…? What was the other one?" Olga shifted around in her seat. "Answer me, Olga, why would he want you to deal cards out of all people, there are plenty of people in the school, you're not special or anything…"
"That's not true!" she exclaimed. Suddenly, Olga popped out of her coat, looking like a completely different child. "I'm the best dealer in the school!"
Kristoph raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"
"Yes, Mr. Gavin?" she turned her head to him. "Oh wait, I mean Yeah, really! I am the best at dealing poker! That's why Zak wanted me, not you," she insisted. "And that's the truth! He must have taken it before I went back to the room to get my lunchbox; no one else was in there!"
Apollo gave Olga a good long stare. "Is that really all you saw?"
Olga scoffed. "Of… of course I did! Why would I say otherwise…?" she stuttered and started to fiddle with the zipper of her lunchbox again.
"Why did you suddenly lose that attitude, and start playing with that zipper? You're fibbing Olga!"
"Very good Apollo."
Payne looked so confused, standing up at the front of the classroom. Phoenix had sat down on the floor with his elbow still firmly in Payne's grasp, but he didn't seem to care.
"Now, why would she fib, Apollo?"
"…Because…" he said, bringing his finger up to his large forehead. "Because… what she saw might make Phoenix not be the thief?" He said hopefully, watching Kristoph waiting for a confirmation of some sort.
"Yes. So… That means that Olga must have taken the hat," he said matter-of-factly.
"Nope."
The class looked over at Payne to see where the voice came from. The older man flinched, jerking the child by his side into the air. "No! I didn't say that! It was this hooligan!"
Phoenix's hat had gone askew when he was flung upwards. He moved it back into place and looked at Apollo. "It wasn't her."
"Phoenix, we raise our hand when we talk," said Kristoph sharply, clicking his heel on the ground.
"Whatever, Mr. Gavin. I will say that it wasn't her," he said coolly.
Payne looked down at the boy. "Why would you say that? That means that you weren't the one who stole the hat if that's true. You'd be home free, little boy."
Phoenix completely ignored the teacher. "Trucy, can you look through Olga's lunch bag? There's a surprise in there," He turned around and looked at Kristoph with a smug look on his face. "Remember what we do to liars in this classroom, Mr. Gavin. We find the truth,"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Phoenix. We're trying to help you, be thankful," he spat tersely.
"WHATS THIS?" Kristoph heard Apollo yell out, holding something shiny in his hand.
The class tried to look and see what exactly it was between the boy's fingers. Suddenly, there was a shrill gasp, followed by some crunching.
"That- munch Is Mr. Gavin's munch earring munch!" said Ema Skye, eating through her bag of snacks furiously.
The entire class's view snapped to Kristoph, and Klavier started to point and laugh amid the silence. "No snacking in class, Ms. Skye,"
"So, Mr. Gavin. Mind to show us your ears? If you still have an earring in, you'll be fine… if not…" said Phoenix, grinning that smarmy grin of his.
Kristoph put his hand up to his left ear, and it felt oddly empty.
"So I lost my earring, that doesn't prove anything," he said, keeping his cool.
"Yeah, but the hat under your desk does," pointed out Phoenix.
"That's it. You just lost recess for a week."
He heard something cackling in the space between him and the door
"GAHAHAHAHAH- You suck at teaching," snorted Zak Enigmar, taking his hat from under the desk.
Kristoph threw his water bottle at the man's forehead, making a direct hit. The man made one final chuckle before passing out on the ground.
Kristoph grinned. "That's right."