A/N: This story was mapped out weeks ago – the idea actually came about months ago – and I cannot make the finale fit into the timeline. Therefore, I'm just going to ignore it. This start two weeks after 3x21, and canon applies only until that episode, which means that since Blair told Chuck she wouldn't show up at the ESB, she didn't. Because Nate and Serena's conversation at the end of the episode was tense, it can be assumed they broke up the next day (their breakup in the finale is actually very close to how I imagine it happening). Dorota has had her baby. Those are the important details and all else should be revealed in good time, but if you have questions, ask and I'll be happy to answer.
At its root, this is an N-JBC story, but focuses will shift. And, on that note: no boys in the prologue, while things are being set up. The title is courtesy or Alexei Murdoch. Reviews are lovely.
Orange Sky
in your love,
my salvation lies
:::
.prologue.
:::
In Santorini (in between sleeping with Carter and finding her father and stealing a boat and running from Carter and not really finding her father after all), Serena learned that the Greek people consider it an insult to the gods to think that things cannot possibly get any worse. As a sort of revenge, the gods with guarantee that whatever can go wrong will go wrong.
She's always thought of it as a more poetic version of Murphy's Law, and she's always believed it.
So of course this would happen.
:::
"Blair." Serena pauses, stares at the tiles on the bathroom floor. "Can you come over?"
On the other end of the phone line, Blair sighs. "Where are you?"
Serena sniffs, says wryly, "Your house."
"S…what's wrong?"
Breathing hard, she begs, "Just get here soon. Please."
:::
Blair doesn't arrive home until late in the evening, tired and feeling a little heartbroken despite all her efforts not to. She spent half the day with Cameron but she cannot, for the life of her, remember what they talked about. She knows Serena needs her – the phone call she received earlier was oddly solemn and she knows how much of a complete and utter mess Serena's family life has been lately – but she makes a detour to her own room first, craving a moment to herself just to breathe and possibly change into her silkiest pyjamas.
To her surprise, Serena is in her room; more specifically, sitting on the bed under Blair's blankets and staring at the wall with glassy eyes. Blair's heart pounds with worry. She should have come sooner.
"Serena?"
Serena looks over at her and pats the bed, silently indicating that Blair should come sit.
Stepping out of her shoes, Blair crosses the room and sits on her bed, legs curled beneath her. "You're freaking me out," she notes softly, eyes skimming over Serena's face. "What's wrong?"
Hands buried under the sheets, Serena exhales shakily. She doesn't stall. "I'm pregnant," she confesses quietly in a blank tone that sounds foreign to her own ears.
Blair's jaw drops and then slowly lifts as her mouth forms a small 'o'. "Did you take a test?" she finally manages to ask.
Serena nods.
"Well…" Blair extends her arms, wanting to offer comfort, but Serena's hands are hidden and her shoulders are rigid. "Maybe it's a false positive," she suggests, forcing optimism into her voice.
"Four." Serena's voice cracks. "I took four tests. All positive."
"Oh." Blair licks her lips. "Well…"
Serena shakes her head and shrugs. There's no way to change it now. "I'm pregnant, B."
"Okay," Blair breathes. She wants to tell Serena that she can relate – but her own pregnancy scare never got as far as this. Instead, she settles on running a hand soothingly down Serena's arm. "It's okay," she says, and then winces; that sounds so trite.
And in return, she receives a look so full of doubt that it's heartbreaking.
"You have options, S," Blair says firmly. This is a problem, yes, but problems have solutions.
Serena's face crumples and she folds in on herself, elbows in her lap and hands against her face. "I have to tell him," she murmurs, voice thick and muffled; she knows this, she's known it all day, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Blair scoots toward her, a hand against Serena's back. She smiles a little – something about the maturity in that statement makes her vaguely proud. "Yeah, sweetie," she says sympathetically. "You do."
The blonde nods without really moving.
"But not right now," Blair whispers. "You don't have to do anything right now." She glances at the clock. "It's late, we should sleep. Let's just sleep, okay?"
"B…" Serena lifts her head, at a loss for words. Her thoughts are a jumbled mess, but most of all, she's scared.
"Shhh." Blair crawls into bed next to her, fluffs the pillows a little and promises, "You're fine. But you must be tired, lie down."
Serena does as told, settling her head against one of Blair's pillows.
Blair scoots a little closer, ignores the fact that there's still a lamp on and she hasn't changed out of her dress yet.
"We'll be okay," she tells Serena, gently but with conviction.
She means it, but it's a mantra that's gotten harder and harder to believe over the years.
:::
"Miss Serena."
Serena starts at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder, blinks her eyes open dazedly. She'd been so sure she was asleep in Nate's bed that for a moment she honestly has no clue as to where she is.
And then Dorota's face comes into focus. "Miss Blair ask me to wake you."
Sitting up, Serena drags her fingers through her tangled hair and tries to come to terms with her reality. She looks at Dorota, wanting to smile but not entirely able to manage it.
"How's being a mom?" she whispers, hating the way her voice wavers.
Dorota gently tugs the covers from Serena's body and gestures to where she's laid out some of Blair's clothes for Serena to wear. She touches Serena's head briefly, says reassuringly, "Is wonderful."
Blair breezes into the room, holding her phone and dressed for the day; she looks ready to take over all of Manhattan. "Good, you're awake. You've got an appointment in an hour." She meets Serena's eyes. "No use in panicking over something that hasn't been medically confirmed."
Licking her dry lips, Serena agrees wryly, "Yes, that's always been my motto…"
"The sooner we get there, the sooner you know," Blair coaxes, perching on the edge of her bed while Dorota bustles out.
Serena stands, tugs her shirt over her head and slips her arms into the sleeves of one of Blair's blouses. "I know already, Blair," she murmurs as she does up the delicate buttons. "I…I can feel it."
Blair watches Serena's face carefully, sees the honesty mingling with shock. Serena pushes her pyjama pants off her hips and steps into a skirt, fingers shaking as she tugs up the side zipper. Blair sighs. "Let's just go, okay? Unless – do you want to eat first?"
"No," Serena breathes, waving a hand lazily in the air. She looks at her reflection in Blair's mirror, whispers, "I don't look like me."
Blair's throat aches, but she forces a brisk tone as she says, "Your clothes are only a couple rooms away – I don't know why Dorota laid out mine for you."
"She's busy with her baby." Serena's eyes fly to Blair's, and they are both a little taken aback by the heat in her gaze. Serena takes a deep breath, murmurs, "Don't pretend this isn't happening, okay? I can't do that, I can't just write it off. I need to…"
With a nod, Blair stands, relieving Serena of the burden of having to finish her sentence. "Let's get you to the doctor, then."
:::
In the waiting room, Serena's eyes flit around constantly. Her knees are pressed together and her hands are clasped self-consciously over her abdomen; she feels so strange, as if she's watching someone else's life play out.
"You're making me nervous," Blair says lightly.
"Good," Serena says with the briefest of smiles.
Blair presses her lips together. She's never doubted the ability she and Serena have to care for one another, but she's beginning to think she may be in over her head – this happens, sometimes, with Serena: Blair has to swallow her pride and call for back-up.
"Don't you dare panic on me." Serena glances at Blair's cell phone. Without even realizing it, Blair was continually scrolling through her list of contacts and landing on Chuck's name time and time again.
"I'm not. I was just…thinking."
Welcoming the distraction, Serena prods, "How are you and Chuck? I was a little too preoccupied to get the deets from Gossip Girl." She bumps Blair's knee gently with her own.
Blair sighs, glances down and tries in vain to collect her thoughts.
Serena huffs. "Never mind. I don't even want to know."
The brunette rolls her eyes and they both manage to smile a little – and then the receptionist calls Serena's name.
:::
Blair examines the posters of fetal development that cover the walls of the OB/GYN's office critically. Serena, having peed in a cup and had her blood drawn, is sitting at her side, uncharacteristically silent and still.
"I hate waiting," Blair grumbles. She's ninety-five percent sure the clock on the wall is broken.
"I know." Serena tries not to look around too much; her chest feels tight as it is. Blair might be irritated, but it's Serena's life that's about to change. She doesn't mind thinking maybe not for just a moment longer.
Blair wraps an arm around her and Serena gives in to the comforting touch, resting her head against Blair's shoulder and squeezing her eyes shut.
"You're being so brave," Blair whispers.
The doctor comes back in, lab reports in hand. Serena straightens up and holds her breath while Blair stares the woman down.
With a hesitant smile, the doctor says, "Congratulations."
And that's when they dam breaks and Serena begins to cry.
:::
Her cheeks are still damp when Blair leads her out of the building in which the doctor's office is located. The brunette's purse is stuffed with info sheets on everything from stretch marks to adoption agencies.
"It's okay," Blair all but coos, "We'll get through this. I promise."
Serena wipes at her eyes. "Easy for you to say. You're not having your ex-boyfriend's baby."
"Stop that," Blair orders. "What is you is me, remember?"
They hold hands on the cab ride home and Serena manages to stop crying as she looks out the window, watches the city fly by.
:::
"Healthy lunch," Dorota says, a platter of sandwiches in one hand and a baby monitor in the other. The Waldorf-Roses have hired two more maids in order to give Dorota time off, but she's still checking into Blair's – and Serena's, as it is – life constantly.
"Thanks," Serena says faintly. She picks up a sandwich and takes a tiny bite.
"Here." Blair lays a pillow over her lap, pats it once, and Serena gets the hint and rests her head against it, the rest of her body sprawled diagonally across the bed.
She closes her eyes while Blair fidgets around her. When she peeks through her eyelashes, she sees all the pamphlets laid out in front of her, the ones labeled Adoption and Abortion placed in easy view, just in case.
Blair touches her hair, requests, "Tell me what you're thinking."
"I can't be a mom." Serena sighs. "I'm not even nineteen yet."
"People used to have kids when they were fifteen, S."
"Yeah, but not…not people like me. I never…it's not like I have a stellar example to follow or anything."
Blair runs her fingers through Serena's hair. "So you make your own example. I'll help you."
"It can't be that easy." Serena chokes on air. "It's…a life. I'm responsible for a life now." Her head spins. "I can't even be responsible for me."
"Serena – "
"It's true," she insists, no room for argument.
"You'll learn, sweetie," Blair tells her cautiously.
Serena closes her eyes again but the tears leak out anyway. "I'll make mistakes. I'll fuck this up. I always do."
Blair takes a couple deep breaths as she watches Serena touch the pamphlet with Adoption emblazoned on the front in obnoxious letters. "Have a little faith in yourself, S. You used to take care of Eric – "
"He almost died," Serena interjects brokenly.
"But he didn't, and you came back for him and you made sure he knew that you love him and that you're here for him. You've taken care of me," Blair admits, "Sometimes, anyway. And I think you could be wonderful."
Serena bites her lip, pleads tearfully, "Don't lie."
"I'm not." Blair sighs heavily. "It's your choice in the end, Serena, but I wish you'd believe me."
"It isn't though," Serena says slowly. "Is it?"
Blair leans down toward her. "What do you mean?"
Serena sits up, one arm curled around her stomach. "It's not just my choice. I have to tell Nate." When Blair does nothing more but nod in response, she murmurs, "It's his baby."
"He should know, yes," Blair says cautiously.
Very suddenly, they both feel too young for this conversation, but the moment fades. They'll never be too young for it again.
Serena crosses her legs and turns to face Blair straight-on. "Be honest with me," she says solemnly. This is possibly the biggest question she'll ever ask her best friend, her sister.
"Always," Blair vows, just as seriously. She steels herself for will I be a good mom?, prepares a mental list of bullet points for a convincing answer.
She is not, however, ready for the question Serena launches at her.
Quietly, shyly, the blonde asks: "Do you think Nate would be a good dad?"
Startled, Blair can only stare at her for a moment, but she collects herself as quickly as she can. "To your baby?" she wonders aloud.
Serena nods, still trying to come to terms to all of the new phrases that are so suddenly a part of her life. My baby. My baby with Nate. Nate and I made a baby.
Blair smiles, answers simply, "Yes."
:::
"No."
"B," Serena whines.
"I will not lure that Basshat out of his suite so you can get Nate alone to talk. There are lines, Serena, and that is one I'm not about to cross."
"I'm pregnant!" Serena yells back.
"That's hardly my fault!"
"You said you'd help me. You just said you'd help me."
"Yes!" Blair stomps her foot. "I will hold your hand. I will help you tell your mother. I will take you shopping for maternity clothes. I will buy you Belgian chocolate. I will learn all that labour-breathing stuff. But I will not do this."
Serena starts to cry.
Blair rubs at her forehead, says in a gentler voice, "That's not fair."
"I can't help it," she weeps, sitting down on the couch. "And now I want chocolate," she adds, glaring through her tears.
Eyes narrowed, Blair says, "I'm buying some pregnancy books. I'm pretty sure it's too early for overactive hormones."
Serena wipes her eyes with the sleeve of Blair's blouse. "Tell that to your godchild."
Blair beams. "Really? You think…you'll keep the baby? And you'll make me – "
The blonde shrugs. "Yes. I think…maybe." She's not going to get rid of it, that she knows for sure, and she can't quite imagine giving her child away (can't quite imagine repeating her mother's life) – so there's really only one option left.
Blair melts a little. "Fine. I will take care of Chuck for you this one time."
"Thank you, B," Serena says, reaching out for a hug.
Against her shoulder, Blair sighs. "Of course."
:::
They're in the elevator of the Empire when Blair finally realizes.
She whirls on Serena. "You manipulated me?"
Even through her nervousness, Serena manages half an innocent smile as she shrugs. "I really did want chocolate," she says softly.
"And the baby?" Blair's voice is soft, but it's still a demand. "Were you serious about the baby?"
The elevator doors open, accompanied by the muted ding, before Serena can answer.
tbc.