A Strange Adventure: Big Mac The Bounty Hunter

By NocturneD

Note: I just keep churning out stories don't I? Well, turns out I want to make some shorter stories and write carefree with them. Some ideas might spawn bigger stories in the future, but I can't promise that. Also I might take ideas from my previous stories and put them here for fun So enjoy these smaller stories . Also this series shares a similar title name to my previous series. Just look at the section it was for so it won't be confusing. Warning crude humor.

Chapter 1

One day in the stupid ass town of Ponyville. Big Mac was dragging his big sexy ass all over town. Many female ponies whistled and shouted compliments. He was a stallion of a few words but what every pony didn't know is that he wasn't interested in the simple things that goes on around town. He knew that Ponyville catered more to females than males thus the exception of the library and Sugar cube corner. Other than that, nothing much.

It was boring in Ponyville. Nothing to do...

"HELP! THAT THIEF TOOK MY PURSE!" Shouted a yellow pony.

The thief is pretty much your generic villain wearing a black and white stripe shirt, mask, and wool cap. Big Mac looked at the thief with no question and went after him. The thief ducked left, then right then jumped over a fruit cart. Big Mac wasn't as swift as the thief as he tried to jump over only to end up smashing through it. The thief stopped then pulled out a knife with his own mouth. Big Mac halted, not wanting to get into a serious fight but only just wanted to get the purse back. The thief lunged at Big Mac, but the larger stallion gave a hard right hook with his hoof. The thief went flying back and landed on a vegetable cart, dazed and confused. The large stallion picked up the purse with his mouth and returned it to its rightful owner. The yellow pony gave Big Mac a big kiss as a reward, that and some chewing gum. A crowd formed around the red stallion to praise him for his heroics. The cops came and took the thief away, the photographer took Big Mac's picture.

A police officer came up to Big Mac, "That's some fine work you did there son."

"Yup." Big Mac nodded.

"We could use someone like you down at the precinct..." The officer smiled.

Big Mac smiled too, "Oh. I'm not really cut out to be a police pony."

The officer frowned, "Oh... that's too bad. Just wished there were more helping hands around here. Though..." The officer froze, "Say, you need money fast?"

Big Mac nodded, "Sure. The Apple family could always use some extra bits. Place is practically falling apart."

"Why not be a bounty hunter?" The officer suggested, "Sure you got to take an online exam and learn from there. But if you pass and catch your first criminal, you could roll in some dough."

"I don't have a computer." Big Mac frowned.

"Library should have one." The officer replied.

"Thanks a lot then officer." Big Mac bid farewell and made his way to the library. Twilight Sparkle was too busy getting humped by Spike who pretended she was Rarity so Big Mac just used the computer. After getting side tracked by porn the stallion finally took the exam. He put in his credit card number and went over the facts, the questions were multiple choice. "Blah blah blah." The red stallion just clicked the third option on all his answers and got his final score. "Well how about that. I passed." He printed out his certificate and left the library at Twilight kept moaning sexually.

Big Mac was proud of himself. He was now an official bounty hunter just like Dog. The show he usually watches whenever the television was free at home. He pondered on what he was going to need next. He rubbed his chin, "Let's see... I'm going to need a team, pepper spray and tasers, a vehicle, sunglasses... and a tv crew to follow me around." He smirked, "Well I'll just get the supplies first." Big Mac then dragged his big ass over to Pony Mart and bought some pepper spray, some shades and some chips. "Wait... If I'm going to be a bounty hunter I need to be like Dog more."

He wandered over to the school that was still in session. Cheerilee was teaching as usual about cutie marks. Her students were either not paying attention, passing notes, picking their butts or smoking pot. Big Mac wandered in. Cheerilee noticed, "Ah Big Mac. What brings you here today? Is there something wrong?"

"Nope." He shook his head, "I'm now a bounty hunter. And I'm going to exploit the hell out it."

"Language Mr. Mac." Cheerilee frowned.

"COOL!" Apple Bloom chimed. "You going to be like Dog?"

"Yup. Only cooler." Big Mac took out his pepper spray. "See I'm already on step one." He accidently then sprayed Pip in the eye.

"AHHHHHHH!" Pip screamed.

"Whoops..." Big Mac uttered.

"Quick Pip let's get those eyes washed off!" Cheerilee shouted as she pulled Pip from the seat.

"Snips is in the bathroom so it's not possible to get in there." Sweetie Belle added.

"SON OF BITCH!" Cheerilee shouted.

"ALLOW ME!" Big Mac shouted as he kicked down the door. Snips was on the toilet. Big Mac sprayed him in the eyes.

"AHHHHHH!" Snips screamed holding his face.

"Damn it Big Mac!" Cheerilee grunted as she washed Pip's eyes out with water.

At this time, Sweetie Belle let out a huge fart.

"Ew! Blank flank farted!" Diamond Tiara covered her nose. Big Mac walked up to her and sprayed her in the eyes, "AHHHHHHHH!"

An hour later after pepper spraying all the students. Big Mac finally got alone time with Cheerilee.

"Well I hope your happy Big Mac. I had to send all the kids home with irritated eyes." Cheerilee crossed her arms.

Big Mac looked down sadly, "Nope."

"What is the meaning of this anyway?" Cheerilee asked.

"I just got my license to be a bounty hunter!" Big Mac smiled.

"And why did you come here?" Cheerilee raised an eyebrow.

"Wanted to form a team." Big Mac smiled.

"You came here to form a team?" She scoffed, "Wait. You want to ask me?"

"Yes... I want you to be on my team. To be my Beth." Big Mac blushed.

"Your what?" Cheerilee asked.

"Dog's bitch." Big Mac answered sternly.

"Oh... what makes you think I want to join after you maced my students?" Cheerilee frowned.

"Because I love you and you love me. Plus depending on who we bring in we get money for it." Big Mac explained.

Cheerilee was touched by this. Stupid I know. But after her and Big Mac made love on her desk they decided to form the rest of the team. Big Mac maced more ponies along the way. They arrived the Carousel Boutique to find the mane six there playing Battleship. Big Mac saw Apple Jack immediately.

"Apple Jack we're forming a bounty hunting team and I need you to be on it." Big Mac said.

"Well tarnation that sounds pretty neat!" Apple Jack stood up, "I'll do it!"

"Can I join too?" Pinkie Pie asked.

Big Mac pulled out his pepper spray and maced Pinky Pie. The pink pony only smiled while her eyes reddened.

to be continued...

Note: yeah, short, to the point. if there was any. so yeah, the start of my short series. tasteless I know. I don't care.