Sadness and Monotony
A/N seriously, I am the FIRST person on the site to write for this ship? COOLIOS!
It had finally happened. While the blossoming love between the popular, blond, cheer-captain and the slacking, nerdy, comic-book geek would seem preposterous to a foolish outsider, to someone who got to see them together often, like, for instance, Felix, it was inevitable. Now, even the non-believers of the past who would have scoffed at the mere suggestion of such an outrages breach of the high school clique system were forced to acknowledge the fact that they were, in fact, dating. They were walking hand and hand down the hallways, sneaking in little, innocent kisses in-between classes, and passing little notes, complete with scribbled hearts on the front, in the middle of class. Even the teachers saw it, though most likely not much more than the hand-holding, as they had yet to get in trouble. They were accepted surprisingly quickly, and Haley being the most popular girl in their class, and Jake being the least, somehow ended up doing wonders for his social life, rather than destroying hers. The word most used to describe them was 'cute' or perhaps 'perfect,' denying their previous ignorance of such a development in the pair's relationship.
Felix, on the other hand, preferred words such as 'nauseating.'
Where most of the school had gained a friend now that Jake was socially acceptable, Felix felt that he had lost two. While everyone thought their Friday date nights were cute, he found that Friday was quickly becoming the day during which he would read an entire Harry Potter book for the eighth time, or write fanfiction, or even just help out at head quarters for a few extra hours, just to distract himself.
Not that he ever voiced these opinions. No, he preferred to act as if nothing was wrong, fighting along side his friends and letting them think he was kidding when he told them to get a room. He could never tell them how betrayed he felt.
Haley always was the one he opened up to before. They had been unlikely friends, along with Carl, the old Troop member (if anyone knows if that guy actually had a name, please tell me). They had recently begun to grow apart for reasons Felix did not like to think about. He told himself that it was because she was a bit of a bitch, but if he had minded that little personality quirk of hers, he wouldn't have befriended her to begin with. It was really that h was jealous. She liked Jake.
This is the part where you are confused because you never noticed that he liked Haley. This is also the part where you are wrong. He liked Jake, not Haley, and she was a beautiful, popular… well, let's face it, girl. If they were planning on competing for his affections, the winner was pretty obvious. That was why Felix opted not to engage in such a competition. He had walked into the Troop HQ when he and Haley had been supposed to be cleaning up together. He was planning on talking to her. He found her helpful. That was when he saw Jake talking to Haley, and knowing Haley like Felix did, it took about five seconds to see how she felt about him. Her face had 'smitten' written all over it. It took an equally short time to evaluate the situation and come up with the obvious conclusion: Haley liked Jake. Felix liked Jake. Jake was straight. Haley gets Jake. Haley never need's to know how Felix felt.
Felix inwardly spent the next week-and-a-half damning heterosexuality in his head every time said brain wasn't occupied with something more important, and occasionally when his brain should have been occupied with something more important. He ended up feeling so unhappy that he detached, emotionally. He kept an air of Felix-ness about him, just enough that no one would notice how empty he felt, and how every day seemed to be identical to the previous one. They were something like wake up, eat, think about Jake while he did well in math, think about Jake while he did well in English, eat Lunch as he stared at Jake, notice Jake and Haley holding hands, and then hlank for the rest of the day, thinking angry, repetitive thoughts. It was not the first time he had felt this way at all, but this time he had no one to talk to.
Last time, he had fallen madly in love with Carl, who he had convinced himself was straight mostly as an excuse to not ask him out. After a long, sad, session of moping, he had cracked and gone to Haley for consolation. They hadn't been very close at the time, but they were connected through the Troop, which had to mean something. Later he realized that it wasn't the troop that made them friends, but it was that Haley, under the off-putting, popular side of her, was very kind and accepting. She was the first person he came out to. She had helped him through his bad times, and eventually was there to congratulate him when he and Carl eventually got together. They had kept it hidden, neither of them having come out to their families or school, but Haley had never told a soul. And then, the summer after he moved, Haley had spent almost all of it with Felix, letting him cry onto her shoulder.
Now things were different. He had thought that the last thing he wanted was for them to be fighting over a guy all the time, but now, when it was too late to change a thing, he realized that wouldn't have happened. They would've handled it maturely, he would have stepped aside graciously, and they would have remained friends, because they weren't foolish enough to let something like this separate them. Now, since the only person who knew why he hated his best friends' love was himself, nobody would help him get through it, get over it, and be happy for his friends, and all that was left for him were the characters in his comic book collection, where life was simpler and the guy always got the girl, which, he supposed, was actually sort of his problem to begin with. Had he talked to Haley, he might not be spending all of his time as a jealous wreck, over-sensitive and moody all the time. He mentally cursed his lack of social skills. He figure those are the things that generally prevent these situations, or give you friends to help you get through these situations. Nobody listens to the troubles of a gay nerd unless by 'troubles' you mean the answers to their math homework.
Eventually, he found that even the comfort of his favorite Dr. Who fanfiction archive was wearing out. In stories, nothing is ever neutral. There is always a sad ending or a happy ending, which had once made his life seem better by comparison and cheer him up respectively. Now these cliché endings of the totally straight guy being miraculously gay for the sake of cuteness, or the heroine dying tragically before getting a chance to confess her undying love merely served to depress him further, no matter the outcome. The happy endings made his life suck even more. The sad endings reminded him of how his life sucked anyway, without the help of the happy endings.
This left him with the comfort of his parents, if not his friends, real or fictional. He would have to cry into the welcome arms of his mother, while his father said that it would be okay. Yeah. Right. So he had no one to turn to.
Right now, all he could do was ponder all of these evils life was presenting him with as he stared at his ceiling, dully noting that his glow-in-the-dark star that was Cygnus the Swan's head had fallen off. And with those last, depressing and boring thoughts, he drifted off into a sleep that would energize him for the following day of identical sadness and monotony.
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