Chapter 4 – Little Yellow Blouse

A/N: Remember when I first started this 'series', with 'Sense and Sensitivity', I mentioned I took out the gratuitous 'angst' of Mac having endometriosis and fertility problems. I'm sticking with that. I also now will add that I've also taken out the incident of Mattie's horrific accident. I know it provided some meaty storylines for JAG, but I ALSO found it a source of gratuitous angst. The series was bordering on a full-blown soap opera, IMO, when this happened, and I really didn't like it. Soooo, I changed it! Mattie is still in the mix here, trying to make things work (or not) with her alcoholic/recovering alcoholic Dad, and Harm is still involved with trying to get guardianship if her Dad starts drinking, etc., etc – but no overdone histrionics with the accident scene. Keep this all in mind when and IF the issue should come up – don't know yet if it will.

A/N: I know zilch about military and certainly military law, so all that talk (which is minimal as you can see) is complete and utter conjecture on my part.

A/N: I stray completely from JAG canon, so all you super sticklers, don't read! My priority is to get the characters right as best as I can based on the profiles we DID get in the series. Hope I do them justice, even though they are not mine, never have been, and all credit for them goes to Bellasario.

Mac would have to immediately get busy once she landed in Miramar, so for the rest of the hour flight, she decided to take her 'lunch break' and feast on thoughts of Harm. Wow – what a weekend! It started with that outrageous kiss at JAG which lead to admissions and outpourings of love and passion and it WAS the real deal! It wasn't awkward AT ALL this morning back at work together and just now, it seemed so natural and right to part with longings for each other – they were, indeed, a couple – a couple deeply 'in love' even though they were colleagues. And NOW, Mac got a tidbit of information that STRONGLY suggested to her that Harm felt for HER what she had felt for HIM, most likely, ALL ALONG – for all these years!!!! And how ironic that it involved that yellow blouse! The memory of the last, first, and ONLY time she had worn that yellow blouse was not a happy one AT ALL. In fact, she came home that day and crumpled the blouse up and was ready to throw it out! The ONLY thing that saved her from doing it was that she dearly loved that pretty , little blouse and she, instead, ended up laundering and ironing it tenderly and hanging it back in her closet – albeit – WAY back, so as to forget……

Flashback

March 15, 1998

St. Patrick's Day Parade

Outside McMurphy's Bar and Tavern

Mac and an uptight Harriet arrived to find Harm and a very nervous Bud nursing a green beer and enjoying the colorful parade and surroundings. Harm and Mac knew that they would have to intervene to get Harriet and Bud talking again and back 'together' after Bud latest gaffe. The two junior officers started to at least, talk, and within ten minutes were laughing at something or another that passed by in the parade. Mac and Harm shared some parade 'smalltalk' until Harm intensely gazed into Mac's eyes. Harm was about to say something when Annie and Josh Pendry walked up from behind—Annie wrapping her hands to cover Harm's eyes, saying:

"Surprise, guess who?"

Harm (chuckling): "It's either two little green leprechauns or goblins – whichever are the friendliest species is welcome to stay!"

Annie (swatting his arm and smirking): "We made it, sweetheart! The next time you invite us to a parade, I'm going to demand you FLY us in – this place is a madhouse, Harm!!! It's a miracle we found you!"

Harm(looking to Josh immediately as he noticed he was curiously eyeing the green beer): "Hey, Josh, this stuff isn't all that great – how's about I go and get you some green punch or a soda or a hot chocolate – Annie, would you like a drink?"

Annie (whining): "Harm, I'm actually COLD – it's a chilly March day and we've been out for the past 40 minutes trying to track you down – let's just head inside the tavern."

Harm (who still wanted to enjoy the parade, but, nevertheless, acquiesced to Annie's demands): "Ah, sure thing – we should grab some lunch, too – Mac, Bud, Harriet – shall we all head in to McMurphy's?"

Mac, who briefly shook hands and congenial greetings with Annie and Josh, as did Harriet and Bud, was now standing to the far side of Harriet, more or less, alone, with her hands in her pockets, quietly watching the parade and feeling awkward as anything. Bud and Harriet were nuzzled together TRYING to initiate a 'make-up' discussion. Bud and Harriet were so preoccupied with each other, they completely missed Harm's entreaty. Mac answered for all of them: "Harm, why don't you and your gang go on – we'll be in in a few minutes."

Harm (looking back longingly at Mac): "Promise?"

Mac (wistfully): "Promise."

After 22 minutes, Mac Bud, and Harriet finally went into McMurphy's.. Bud and Harriet walked arm- in- arm warming each other up. Mac was FREEZING. Harm spotted them and waved them over: "Hey, you guys – we're over here – we saved you seats. We've had our hot chocolates and just ordered food. Let me go get the waiter – come on Josh, help me track him down (as he threw them some menus he found on the table next to them) as you all quick decide so that we get our food together – oh, and Mac, they have the triple buffalo burger special today with an extra-large order of curly fries – shall I ask him to bring two bottles of ketchup? Be right back – Bud, Harriet – ATTENTION TO ORDERS!!!" (He was now laughing and winking at Mac).

Ma (who was now shivering as she unraveled her tan cashmere scarf and took off her brown suede jacket. She had on a pear of tan corduroy jeans that fit her like a glove and brown boots. She actually looked good enough to eat – so soft and 'creamy'. Her coat, scarf, and pants were super warm, so she opted to wear a lightweight top. She had bought the pale yellow, diaphanous blouse two weeks ago – she found it on sale at a little designer boutique in Florida when she was off-duty from her week at Miramar updating her fitness report. It had little green, rose, and blue flowers that added a fairy-like appearance. It was button-down that was fitted at the waist and then flared out a bit around her hips and had a simple scooped neck and showed off just a hint of cleavage, but she was sure to wear a camisole with a built-in bra so as to keep her look pretty, but sleek and decent. It had slightly puffed, three-quarter length sleeves. The blouse was just the delicate touch needed to lighten up her outfit. She was still slightly tan from the week of running, swimming, doing the obstacle course, and shooting practice all of which kept her outdoors and the yellow showed that off marvelously – she looked absolutely luminous! This did NOT go unnoticed by Annie! ): "Aaaah, just go get the waiter – or BETTER YET – YOU CHOOSE my big, bad burger and hand deliver it yourself!!!"

Annie (who also didn't fail to see and hear the endearing banter between Harm and Mac, now cattily said to Mac once Harm and Josh were out of earshot): "Oh, what a sweet, little blouse you have on, Mac" (Then, she strangely burst out laughing)

Mac (VERY puzzled): "Is something funny about it? Is it torn somewhere?" (frantically looking herself over to check)

Annie: "Oh, no, honey – it's just – well, I'm surprised Harm's not teased you about it before – you see, he and the other top guns , my dear Lucas included (she looked down as she said this), were once stranded in the hills of Italy when their 3 jets were all bingo and they had to make an emergency landing. They stayed 2 days in a little rural Italian village where they were overfed, oogled at, and even man-handled by all these big-bosomed, fat, Italian mamas wearing old-fashioned dresses all with little flower prints!!! Lucas said they all agreed they could never look at an outfit with little flower prints EVER again without thinking – 'FAT MAMAS' (now laughing uproariously).

Mac: "Well, Annie, maybe it's a GOOD memory for the guys – I mean, being cuddled and coddled with good food, fine wine, and lots and lots of TLC had to be an experience they truly enjoyed and would cherish forever!"

Annie: "Oh, believe me – I hardly think so – Luke FORBADE me from wearing anything even RESEMBLING a little print flower EVER!!!! These jet jocks prefer their women plain, predictable, and preppy! But look, forget I mentioned it! You can wear whatever you want – Harm probably never even noticed you before in it or won't now – he doesn't think of you that way – you're his co-worker, his 'buddy'. Now, if I wore it – he'd tease me relentlessly – the hound – but, YOU – no, no –wear whatever your little heart desires, sweetie – Harm won't notice or care one bit about your little yellow blouse!"

Mac(nervously chuckling): "Well, Annie – I guess I'll never have to worry about you wanting to borrow it!" (Laughter)

When Harm and Josh came back, they had a round of green ginger-ale for everyone! He DID look at Mac with wide-eyes, but Mac just felt it was because he was emphasizing that it was ginger-ale – not beer. She actually felt like he was looking right through her, and she didn't know why or WHAT to think! Suddenly, she felt uncomfortable. She quickly grabbed her scarf and wrapped it around herself.

Harm(in a mock-Irish accent trying to be funny): "Whats the matter, maid-marine? Methinks your needin' a bit of dead cow to warm up that big belly of yours!!"

"Oh, that was IT!!!!!' Mac stood up, grabbed her coat, her bag, and her keys, wrapped her scarf dramatically around her neck while hissing: "Well, then all you HOUNDS will just have to distribute my big old, FAT, Italian mama carcass cow amongst yourselves – I'm leaving. Bud, Harriet – good luck with all your discussions. Josh (now looking tenderly and sincerely at the boy) – it was really nice to see you again – Annie, nice chatting with you about jet-jocks. (And then she just looked at Harm with hurt, but anger blazing in her eyes and simply said): "Harm". (making sure he damn well got the message that she was OUTTA THERE!!!!" – never forgetting the most hurt deer-in-the-headlights-look she had ever seen him make that day or since!)

Now, she knew he DID notice her and her little yellow blouse AND he wanted her then – even BEFORE that day as he just said his 'crush' MULTIPLIED THAT day!!! So… it must have been love at first sight for HIM, TOO! When they looked into each others eyes in the Rose Garden, they BOTH felt it! When he grabbed her hand, for Mac, the draw to Harm made her dizzy. She had to exert extraordinary strength to keep her feet planted firmly on the ground beneath her lest she be sucked up by him. His 'physicality' OVERWHELMED her at that moment and she wanted, then, to cleave to him and be by his side, forevermore. BUT, duty called and they had to work together, as professional partners, and a romantic relationship was off-limits. Also, their sexual chemistry and attraction was SO raw and primal, it threatened to consume them. In a way, they probably NEEDED ALL THIS TIME and all these other mates, and all the intervening factors to temper their coupling. Even with out talking about Sydney, after this past Friday evening, Mac FINALLY understood what Harm was feeling there. She had her 'Sydney' this past Friday. When he pulled her to him and kissed her all over, she again felt OVERWHELMED by his – THEIR – closeness! She needed time – space – reflection – perspective or she was going to eat him up alive. She WANTED him – just as she does NOW – so badly, but they are two people in love – IN SO MUCH LOVE and they NEED to have this glorious period, cherished by all couples everywhere – they need to experience 'falling in love' – even if, for them, they already ARE in love. She wanted him so badly on Sunday night, but continuing to 'completion' didn't feel right. WHEN they consummate their love, she decided just now, she wants to be married – she needs the legal symbol of commitment – from him, but also for herself. She's a lawyer and an officer and she wants their union as lovers to be done right. THEN, can she truly let go and give herself to him with abandon – wantonly and freely. THEN can they enjoy themselves sexually, erotically, and timelessly. THEN can she feel that they are truly in this together – in sickness, in health, in body and soul, heart, and mind.

All these years, he's done as she's done – kept distance, denied, rationalized, misplaced the passion causing them to even treat each other badly at times, kept themselves in the 'friend zone', went off with others, watched each other go off with others, and miserably told themselves that this is the way it had to be – SHOULD be! NOW, she knew – THEY knew – it was all about loving each other and respecting each other's careers, dignity, and military protocol. It was good they both had these TADs for the week. It was helping to gain more time to think. She wanted to wait until AFTER they got married, but she didn't want to wait TOO long TO get married. She hoped that Harm would come to the same conclusions. She wondered if he would. They WERE destined for each other and even if they would have slept together sooner, they most likely would have worked things out and still have ended up staying together, but the physical relationship would have been what their relationship was heavily based on. THIS was so much better! Purely loving each other as people, first -- and friends and appreciating each other's minds and skills was great. She had never had this with any other man! Harm was her first and her one and only! This 'falling in love' felt SO NICE! Learning how to touch each other, what little things the other person liked to do, finding out where to touch each other, listening to each other's sounds, reveling in each other's unique taste and scent – it could only get better as they continued to grow closer and touch more intensely and completely. They needed their time for this and then they would have their whole lives together to continue to unravel and discover each other most intimate gifts and 'secrets'. They WERE each other's gifts! Mac was even more excited to see Harm again! They didn't HAVE to talk anymore – she REALLY understood!!! She was finally putting 'two and two together'!!!

'Now, where was that blouse?!'

TBC