Author's Note: A new story before I upload the Devil's Backbone sequel. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about that, I just wanted to have something to work on when I finished it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
"The schizophrenic mind is not so much split as shattered. I like to say schizophrenia is like a waking nightmare."
- Elyn Saks
It was quiet in his apartment.
A part of him was relieved. The silence was something he craved for so long, it seemed, and now the absent voices left Reid wanting to cry in relief. For so long they have tortured him, and now he could enjoy his solitude. He allowed himself to fall back onto his couch, closing his eyes as he made contact with the familiar cushions. He had spent countless nights on this piece of furniture, either reading or napping after an especially tough case, when he was too tired to carry on to his bedroom.
Recently, he got most of his use out of his couch by curling up on it in a fetal position, as if he could protect himself from all his problems. He also slept on his couch more often now, since the murmurs in the back of his head became softer than if he slept in his bed.
He was on the brim of sleep when a sharp ring lifted the haze around him, and Reid almost cried out in exasperation. Were the hallucinations getting stronger? Were the voices escalating into loud noises?
Another loud ring erupted in the silence, and he realized that it was his cell phone. He fumbled over the arm of the couch and snatched the device. He flicked it open, at his heart dropped when he saw who was calling.
He pressed the accept button and held the phone to his ear.
"Hello?"
"We got a case, Pretty Boy. I'll be by your apartment to pick you up in ten."
'Do I have to go?' Reid wanted to ask. It was a silly question, and it would only worry his coworkers more than needed. It didn't matter how tired he was, he scolded himself. He was a grown, responsible man, and he had a job to do.
"Ok," Reid said finally, but Morgan had hung up. Sighing, Reid hesitantly pulled himself up and pulled on his shoes, tying the laces tightly and neatly before grabbing his coat. He hadn't even had the chance to take off his clothes from earlier that day, but he was too tired to mind. He hoped this new case would distract his fellow profilers from reading into this, but no doubt they would notice and be concerned.
Reid pulled his jacket on, straightened his hair as best as he could with his fingers, collected his go-bag, and then left his apartment to wait for Morgan outside.
Unconsciously, he could help but wonder if this would be the last time he saw his apartment.
.
Morgan hadn't mentioned anything during the car ride, or when they walked and rode the elevator together, but Reid knew better.
The questions would come.
The pair were the last to sit in their seats, and Reid kept his head down, flipping open the file waiting for him. He scanned the pages, the information being filed to the back on his mind, but Reid wasn't completely focused. He felt the eyes of his colleagues on him, and he felt the childish urge to wrap his arms around himself as if to hide what he was wearing.
It felt like high school all over again, in a way. He just wanted to go home and disappear.
Everyone stood up and began to leave, pulling Reid from his thoughts. He quickly flipped his file shut and got up to join them, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks.
The voices climbed from hushed whispers to almost yelling. Wincing, Reid turned to see who wanted his attention, and froze.
Tobias Hankel smiled back at him, baring his teeth.
Reid gasped and stumbled back, nearly tripping over his go-bag, and turned to run, almost smashing into Morgan.
"Whoa! What's wrong, Pretty Boy?" Morgan asked, steadying Reid by holding his shoulders tightly. He felt Reid trembling under his fingers.
"Nothing," Reid murmured. His mouth felt dry, and all he wanted was to leave, finish the case, and go home. He pulled away from Morgan's grip, although hesitantly, and was relieved to see that Tobias's figure had vanished completely. Reid grabbed his bag, slung it over his shoulder, and scurried past Morgan towards the jet.
The voices stopped the second Morgan had touched him.
.
Reid had dozed for most of the plane ride, enjoying the softer tones the voices in his head had adapted, and it was comforting knowing that the rest of the BAU was around him.
He woke up when a hand gently touched his shoulder, and he swallowed a scream when he met Tobias's eyes. They were foggy and lifeless, and they stared at him with contempt
The hand on his shoulder tightened its grip, and Reid whimpered softly at the nails digging into his skin.
"What do you want?" Reid cried.
Tobias opened his mouth, and a monotone voice replied, "Confess your sins."
"Raphael?" Reid whimpered. Flashes of his time as a prisoner flew through his mind, each moment crystal clear and a knife to his heart. Raphael killed a couple, and it was Reid's fault, no matter what anyone said.
Raphael's face changed, and Reid recognized the transformation immediately.
"Confess to your sins, boy," Charles Hankel bellowed, and Reid began to cry, trying to scrambled away He was cornered by the plane wall and the couch back, however, so he curled up into himself, hiding his face in the plush material of the plane's couch.
.
"Reid?"
Something brushed his shoulder, and he startled, his eyes snapping open.
He saw Morgan first, holding his hands out to assure Reid that it was alright. Like Reid was a feral animal.
Reid looked past Morgan and noticed that everyone was looking towards him worriedly. His face flamed.
"Reid? Are you alright?" Morgan asked softly. Reid wiped at his cheeks, as if he could erase the blush, and nodded jerkily. "Yeah, I'm fine," he added for good measure.
Morgan looked unconvinced, but back away, much to Reid's relief.
"Okay. If you need to talk, we're here, man." Reid nodded, and Morgan settled back into his seat across from the couch Reid was on, pulling his headphones on. The rest of the team took the cue and went back to their previous activities. Still, Reid felt the glances they sent him when they thought he wasn't looking.
He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep for the remainder of the trip, but he wasn't fooling anyone.
.
The car ride to the police station was longer than Reid would have liked. He nervously twisted the strap of his satchel, and stopped whenever he sensed J.J. looking at him from the driver seat. He stared out the window the whole time, his mind memorizing their surroundings automatically. He tried to be interested in the town itself - he knew how interesting and complicated its history was - but he couldn't focus on anything with Tobias Hankel's eyes staring at him from the backseat.
.
"I'm Agent Jareau from the BAU, we spoke on the phone. This is Dr. Reid."
The sheriff moved to shake hands with Reid, and directly next to him, Tobias Hankel moved to do the same. Reid flinched away automatically, despite his best efforts not to.
The sheriff frowned, and retracted his hand. "Didn't mean to scare you, Doctor," He said in a slow drawl.
Reid's face flamed in embarrassment. He avoided looking at Charles Hankel's disapproving face.
Saving Reid from the tension, J.J. cleared her throat. "Where can we set up, sheriff?"
Turning his attention away from Reid, he motioned for Reid and J.J. to follow him. "Right here in the back. I hope it's enough space for y'all."
He led them to a moderately large room, which was mostly empty except for a long, dark oak table, one large whiteboard on the far wall, and two whiteboards on wheels were positioned against the opposite wall. A set of twelve chairs were positioned neatly around the table.
"This is perfect, sheriff."
Reid quickly moved to begin setting up, his face still burning. He cursed himself silently. He shouldn't let his hallautions own him, not now. He would not be scared of his mind in the middle of this case. Maybe when he got home he would seek help.
Until then, Reid would fight his mind's illusions and save lives in the process.
.
Reid's eyes were beginning to hurt.
He blinked, his eyes burning slightly, and rubbed them tiredly. The voices always became louder when he became drowsy, and now was no exception. He was exhausted, stiff from sitting down for so long, and he was dying for a drink.
He grabbed his mug and stood up, his muscles aching from the prolonged sitting, and he left the rest of his team to find something to drink.
He made a beeline for the coffee machine, and waited patiently as the police officer in front of him sleepily scooped coffee grounds for a new pot of coffee. Reid dumped the remaining inch of old coffee sitting in the bottom of his mug, and he froze when he felt someone grab his shoulder.
"Hey, Pretty Boy, you alright?"
Reid forced his tense muscles to relax, and turned around to face Morgan.
"I'm fine," he said. "Just tired."
Morgan raised an eyebrow. "You sure? The whole team is here for you, kid. If you ever need to talk..."
"I know. Thanks." Reid managed a small, genuine smile. He was glad that the BAU had his back; they were like the family he never really had, not with his mother's schizophrenia and his father's absence. He was relieved that at least Morgan thought the same thing.
"For now, while he thinks you are still somewhat sane," Tobias said sadly over Morgan's shoulder. Reid couldn't help but glance at him, and Morgan turned to see who Reid was looking at.
He frowned when he saw nothing there, and turned to give Reid a questioning look.
Out of the corner of his eye, Reid noticed the officer at the coffee machine moved on, and he moved to pour himself a fresh mug, thankful for the interruption.
He doubted that he could ignore a confrontation for much longer.
.
After a few more hours of work, Hotch finally gathered up the team to go to the hotel and refresh.
Reid was both excited for and dreading the alone time. He was happy that the team wouldn't be around to profile his every movement - which they had been doing a lot lately, despite the agreement not to profile one another - and he could breathe easier without checking himself everytime he blinked.
He was dreading going through the hallucinations alone, though.
Being around the others changed the voices into a low hum in the background, something he could ignore easily enough. Although he couldn't ignore the hallucinations of Tobias Hankel and his multiple personalities, being in the safety and comfort of the others made it more bearable than if he was alone.
Determined to prolong the time until he finally had to go to bed, Reid turned on the shower and slowly stripped down before stepping into the blast of warm water. The water pressure was surprisingly stronger than he expected, and Reid closed his eyes in bliss as the warm water washed away the dirt, sweat, and exhaustion of the day. The sound of the water running even blocked out the sounds of the voices, and for a moment Reid felt normal. He felt like he did just a few months ago; intelligence overruling his madness.
He didn't feel haunted anymore.
Then, when the water began to slowly run cold, Reid hesitantly reached out and shut the water off. For a moment, he was thankfully engulfed in silence, and then the voices slowly began again, starting from a low hum to a normal, indoor voice. They talked about different things, from previous cases to the current case to random quotes from books and poems. Reid couldn't keep up with all the talking, and he began to feel a migraine coming on.
He rubbed his face and sighed. His body was exhausted, so he dragged on a pair of underwear and pajama pants, and popped a few aspirin in preparations for the night ahead.
He crawled into the hotel bed, not caring how wet his hair was, and began to drift off, not missing the beginning of Raphael's bible recitations.
It was going to be a long night.