A black haired girl of 17 leaned over her desk, hard at work. "Kagome, time for dinner!" her mother called. "Not now!" the girl called back. "Yes, now!" The older woman yelled.
Kagome rolled her hazel eyes. She walked to her bedroom door, opened it and shouted, "I'm busy!" She slammed the door and continued working.
--
It was now late into he night but Kagome was still hard at work. She was trying her hardest not to let her tears fall. But it was hard. The whole night, she'd been working on a letter of parting to the one person she'd ever been truly close to. Her boyfriend, Ranma Saotome. Well, sort of boyfriend. They'd been falling out lately and after a friend of hers, Ukyo, had been putting moves on him claiming he and Kagome weren't really together, she'd come to realize that maybe she'd been wrong about Ranma.
She'd told her best friend, Sango, who always seemed to have the best advice about it. She'd said that maybe it would be best to let Ranma go. Kagome was reluctant to do such a thing, but she knew that she was probably right. But her heart told her that she was wrong.
When Kagome had previously tried to end things, Ranma had said that he cared about her too much to let her go. When Kagome had insisted they stay only friends, Ranma had become depressed. His behavior worried Kagome. It also made her feel guilty.
Several times he had mentioned wanting to get back together. When Kagome refused, things got even worse. He started hanging around less and less and sometimes he even cut classes. Kagome yawned and climbed into bed, she'd finish the letter in the morning.
When sunshine peeked through her window the next morning, Kagome wished she could be that cheerful. She carefully folded the finished letter and stuck it in her bag.
When Kagome got to school, her usual group, Sango, Akane and Ukyo greeted her. All three were smiling. "Morning, Kagome-chan." They said in unison. "Morning." Kagome responded. "Have you guys seen Ranma?" her question caused her friends' smiles to fade. "He's over there." Ukyo said, nodding towards the corner of the courtyard.
Kagome looked over and saw Ranma sitting on a small table, his head down. Kagome pulled he letter out of her bag and walked over to Ranma. "Hey." She said when she reached him. Ranma looked up. "Hey, Kagome." A red jagged mark on Ranma's arm caught Kagome's attention. "What's that?" she asked.
Ranma's eyes followed where she was looking and he quickly pulled his sleeve down to cover it. "Nothin'." He said and looked away. Ranma's cutting himself? Just when I thought I couldn't feel any guiltier. Kagome thought and sighed. "You all rights, Kags?" Ranma asked, sorrow clear in his voice.
Kagome nodded weakly. She didn't want him to know about her own scars she'd left on her own wrists from the pain she'd felt from this situation. "What about you?" she asked changing the subject. "What do you think? You won't let me touch you; I'm depressed all the time. I have scars on my wrists." He didn't notice he was raising his voice until he saw Kagome backing away. 'I'm sorry," he said, "I just need you so much it hurts."
Kagome closed her eyes and sighed. "I guess this won't help, then." She said and handed the letter she'd been working on the previous night to Ranma. "Don't read it now. " she advised. Ranma nodded. "Kagome, I have to tell you something." He said, but she was already walking away. He sighed and watched Kagome rejoin her group. After she seemed to be caught up in her conversation, he unfolded the letter and began to read it.
My dearest Ranma,
I hope you can forgive me, for I may never forgive myself. I know that you and I have not been as we were. What you said the other day was for the most part correct. My feelings for you have not completely gone. However I cannot allow myself to watch you suffer and know its my fault. I know you still care about me and want me back. But I've come to realize that maybe you and I fell apart for a reason. You always talked about fate and such, well maybe our separation was fate telling us our time together was over.
I know you may not want to believe that but it's probably true. Anyway, you're probably wondering where I'm going with this. Well, I know you're hurting because of me. I told Sango about it and she said that maybe you'd be better off without me around at all. That way it would be easier for you to get over me. She said the easiest way to get over something or someone is to cut it out of your life completely.
That's why next week, I'm transferring schools. So you'll probably never see me again. I know at first, you'll hurt even more, but with time you'll heal. Please understand, I'm doing this because it's what's best for you. It may not make sense now, but it will. Don't think badly of me, in the end, you'll understand why I had to do this. A part of me still cares a lot about you. That's why we can't be together. I only want you to be happy. Even if it means without me. Given, much time has already passed and you still haven't moved on but if I'm gone it'll help.
I'm really sorry. I know it painful but this is for your own good. I know I sound selfish but I can't watch you be in this much pain over me. I'm sure you'll find another girl and show her that sweet side of you that I got so used to seeing. Whoever she is, she's lucky.
I can't honestly say I regret being with you, in fact it was the best time in my whole life. But it's over now. I know this is confusing, but you'll understand in time. So, this is goodbye. I'll never forget you.
Kagome
Ranma refolded the paper unaware until then that the bell had rung. He didn't care. Right then all he wanted to just die. His girl, his whole heart and life wanted nothing to do with him. Deciding he couldn't afford to miss any more classes, Ranma stood and walked slowly to his homeroom class. "Saotome, you're late." The teacher said as he came in. Ranma said nothing and went to his seat trying to catch Kagome's attention. But she kept her focus forward and away from Ranma.
Through the rest of the day, Kagome struggled in her classes, losing attention and some times just put her head down and silently cried. Whenever her friends asked her how she was, she'd just respond with a half-hearted 'okay'.
After about 3 weeks, Kagome's leaving took a heavy toll on Ranma. Despite what Kagome had believed, he wasn't getting better or over her. What she didn't understand was that he loved her and that wasn't going away. He hadn't been able to tell her. And that hurt more than anything. Finally, the pain became too much and he did something drastic and very desperate.
-
Kagome was starting to fall asleep. Her new math teacher was droning on about some dumb formula or other. She wasn't really paying attention. Then a short buzz sounded over head followed by the secretary saying, "Kagome Higurashi to the front office. Immediately." Caught her attention and she stood up and gathered her things.
When she got to the school's front office, she saw her mother waiting. Standing with her was Ranma's mother, Nodoka. "What's going on?" The girl asked. Her mother stood and hugged her. Nodoka did the same. Kagome noticed she had a tissue in her hand and her eyes were blood-shot as if she'd been crying.
"Miss Higurashi," the school's principal said, ushering her in. "What's going on?" Kagome repeated as she sat down. "We got a phone call from your old high school. You know Ranma Saotome, correct?" Kagome nodded, suddenly nervous. "What happened?" she asked. The older woman stared at her desk.
"He's dying." She said solemnly. Kagome gasped and raised her hands to cover her mouth. "Oh my god…" she whispered, her whole body was shaking. "How did this happen?" she asked, tears beginning to fall from her eyes. "He was found only minutes ago with a deep wound on his wrist. Paramedics were contacted immediately. He's in the hospital now, but they don't know how long they can keep him alive. He slashed open a major vein." The woman explained.
"I want to go to him." Kagome said demandingly. "Of course." Not waiting for anything else to be said, she rushed out and her mother lead her and Nodoka out. "How come you aren't with Ranma, Mrs. Saotome?" Kagome asked as they rushed out. "Genma is already there," she explained, "Besides I thought it would help you to have me here." Kagome muttered a thank you.
5 minutes and 7 red lights run later, they were in the hospital wandering towards Ranma's room. At the end of hall, the last door was half-open and visible from the hall was Genma sitting next to a bed where Ranma lay. Genma stood and left. Kagome took his place and took Ranma's hand in hers. She noticed his wrist was wrapped tightly and the bandages were bloodstained.
"Kags?" Ranma said weakly, his steel-blue eyes barely open. "Yeah." She said softly. "How do you feel?" Ranma momentarily shut his eyes. "My wrist aches and I feel light headed." Kagome blinked to hold back tears. "I'm sorry." She said. "What for?" Ranma asked, squeezing Kagome's hand, which he was still holding. "This is my fault," Kagome sobbed, "It's my fault you cut yourself. I drove you to it."
Ranma kissed the back of her hand. "Don't blame yourself." He said, even though his voice was fading. "Kagome, there's something I want you to know. Before I die." Kagome's eyes filled with tears again. "Ranma…" she whispered. "Kags, listen. I want you to know I love you." His voice was so weak it was barely audible.
"You pick now of all times to tell me this?" Kagome whisper-shouted. Ranma smiled weakly. "Sorry, Kags." He said. "Don't be." She said. Ranma smiled and shut his eyes. "Ranma! Don't you die on me! I love you! I was wrong to let you go! Don't leave me!" When she got no response, she put her head down and started sobbing. His hand in hers felt cold, lifeless.
The others who were standing outside the door came in and watched sorrowfully. Kagome's mother went to embrace her and Genma was holding his sobbing wife. Kagome let her mother hold her and sobbed into her shoulder. "Oh, Kagome…" she said, stroking her daughter's hair. It reminded Kagome of how Ranma used to comfort her and she started crying even harder.
About a week later was the funeral. During the ceremony Kagome could hear whispers and murmurs and they all were about her. "You see that girl, the one next to Ukyo?" one would whisper. "Yeah? What about her?" the other would whisper back. "She's the girl that made Ranma kill himself." The second person would stare at the first. "No way." They'd say. And the first person would nod. Then both would glare at Kagome.
When Kagome got up to speak, it got even worse. "Murderer!" someone shouted. "I had the privilege of knowing Ranma well," Kagome began. "But you killed him!" a voice shouted from the group. Kagome ignored that, though hurt by the comment. "He was a wonderful person, sweet and caring when it counted most. I understand I am being blamed for his death. I suppose you could say that. I did him wrong. And I shouldn't have. I loved Ranma. I never should have hurt him. If I hadn't he might still be here."
Kagome let out a sob. "I just hope he's listening to the words I'm saying. " she put her head in one hand and started crying. "I never wanted this to happen." She said then stepped off and was quickly embraced by one of her friends. She was too blinded by tears to be able to who.
-
It was a gray cloudy day. And Kagome was sitting in a small cemetery by a headstone that marked the place of her dead lover. "Hey," she said quietly, "I sure wish you were here. I know I say that a lot, but it's true. I hope you heard me the other day, I meant what I said." she paused, feeling foolish then sighed.
"Why couldn't it have been me? You deserved to live. I loved you. It's been so hard for me with you gone. I miss you so much." She closed her eyes, sighed and began to sing.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now again and just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in awhile
Even though going on with ya gone still upsets me
There are days every now and then
I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
Now I'm seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Its hard to deal with the pain of losing you
Everywhere I go but I'm doing it
Its hard to force that smile
When I see your old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed
Living with this regret but I know
If I could do it over
I would trade every way all the words that I say
In my heart that are left unspoken
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
Now I'm seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Oh…
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
Now I'm seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Now I'm seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do.
Oooh…
As she finished, her slow silent stream of tears became heavier and she sobbed loudly. Not caring if she was being watched or not. Her emotions were so overpowering, she couldn't control it. She wished so much she could undo what she did, but she knew she couldn't and that was what hurt the most.
Once again I apologize for my slow posts lately. But I keep on getting these ideas. Anyway this was based off a dream I had. So this is also based off real emotions, pain and fears of mine. It just got to me so much I had to turn it into a story. Except the dream didn't have Kagome in it. It was me and… oh never mind. Just review. No flames. (Song used: What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts)
-Inu Hanyou Babe