Hello and welcome to my new story.
My youngest son is the reason I wrote this story as he insists we watch The Greatest Showman every weekend while he sings along at the top of his voice to all the songs. While watching for probably the hundredth time, and singing along with him, I came up with this story.
E L James owns everything fifty and like my other stories this is un-betered, so all mistakes are my own.
APOV
It was the train's whistle that woke me this morning, the second steam train to arrive this week. The first brought excitement around the town I hear, posters quickly being put up to announce the arrival of The Greatest Show on Earth.
That is what Katherine was happy to tell me, boasting about what I would never probably see. I will ask mother though, although I do not hold out much hope of leaving this home, my prison for so long.
Sitting up in my bed, I reached for my cane and slowly made my way over to the window seat. Taking a seat, I looked in wonder at the sight before me.
From my home on the hill that overlooked the town, I could see that a large tent had been erected since I had last looked, smaller tents around it now in place. The train that had arrived was magnificent, at least twenty carriages long, all painted in a deep red. There was a name on the side, but from my viewpoint, I could not see what it said.
"Ana" I heard mother say as she entered my room, smiling as she found me at the window.
"Yes, mother," I replied, returning her smile before my focus went back outside. "What is it, this greatest show."
"It is a circus."
"A circus," I said, my smile growing wider still.
"Yes, acrobats, lions, they even have an elephant from what I have seen on the posters."
"Can we go?" I asked her, only ever seeing these things in the books that filled the shelves of my room.
"I do not see why not. It will do us all some good to get out as a family."
"But father," I replied, knowing he will probably put up an argument for me to remain behind.
"Leave him to me. Now, you have your appointment with Dr Flynn in one hour" mother said exasperatedly.
"I will be ready but why do I need to go this time," I asked sadly.
"Oh, who knows my child, who knows," mother said, heading into my closet to pick out a dress for today.
I had to smile with her choice knowing full well with the length that my foot was on display and there would be no hiding it.
My father calls me lame, I have heard him, my mother's protests too that he should use such a word to describe his daughter. He is the reason my left foot is the way it is, he was the one who put me on the horse that day no matter how much I told him I was scared.
Katherine, my sister is a year older than me but with the way my father treated me, you would think he only had one child. She was his favourite no doubt, his heir, me I was the spare, the one in the way. Whatever Katherine wanted she got, even the horse riding lessons that I was forced to do too.
I was five and had been placed on a horse in my fathers care while Katherine was with the instructor. It may have been a small horse to some but to the size of me it was a monster and I was terrified. Of course, his eyes were on her, not noticing me until I had toppled from the horse, my foot crushed under its because the animal was spooked by my screams.
I was told to get up at first, even lifted up by my arms and told to stop my tears because I was embarrassing him. Only collapsing in pain and being told to call a doctor by the trainer did he finally take the situation seriously and move.
Move, I still do that, although not as fast as he likes so he keeps me here, a prisoner in my own home. I am hidden away, he says for my own good so I can grow up without the stigma that will be placed on me. No chance of a suitor, no family, no future at all because as far as my foot or more my father is concerned, no one will ever want me.
"What has brought these tears on," Mother asked as she came back into my room to brush my long brown hair now I was dressed.
"Nothing mother" I lied.
"Your tears are never nothing Ana, please tell me."
"How many more times do I have to go and see Dr Flynn. How many more times is Father going to try and fix me when I am not even broken. Yes, my foot is not perfectly straight, but I can still walk despite pain sometimes. I can still do everything I want to do, more so if I was allowed to leave these walls."
"Oh, sweet child. You are perfect and that man is a fool not to see it. Despite never admitting to it, I believe he is ashamed of what happened to you that day."
"I do not believe that mother," I told her sadly. "I have never felt love from him, only resentment."
"ANASTASIA" we heard my father shout from downstairs as my mother chocked on a sob.
She was the only one who has ever cared for me in this house, her and some of the staff.
"She is coming Raymond" my mother called out, going to the top of the staircase.
"We are going to be late" he barked at her.
"You have plenty of time" mother replied as I joined her, my cane in hand.
Slowly we walked down the staircase together stopping in front of my waiting father.
"Good morning father," I said, hearing a grunt before I got a reply.
"Good morning Anastasia, we need to leave," he told me, offering me his arm.
I took it despite wanting to be defiant and walk out of the door on my own. It would be better this way, easier to remain quiet especially as he held the umbrella over my head to keep the rain that had been falling throughout the night from soaking us.
I tried my best to ignore the horses, keeping a wide birth from them as I climbed into the carriage. As the horses started their journey towards the gates of our home, our carriage followed behind.
I always smiled when I left these gates behind, knowing that although I was not free of those walls forever, I was for a little while.
"What are we going to speak to Dr Flynn about," I enquired as my fathers head turned to me.
"Just to make sure you are well," he told me the same thing he does every time before I know the rest of our journey was to remain silent.
I spent my time, looking through the window of the carriage as we passed by the tent and the train, both looking so much bigger than before. I could hear a loud noise like a trumpet, a sound that brought a smile to my face wondering what other wonders the tent held.
There were so many people about, townsfolk who had come to watch what was going on despite getting wet in the process and those who were at work all around. I do not think I had seen so many new things before and I hoped I got to see some more.
As we approached Dr Flynn's office in the middle of town, you could not miss all the posters that were around. From the trapeze to the clowns, from the animals to the jugglers, my excitement built with each one. As usual though, it did not last for long as my father's words ruined what bit of excitement I had.
"Speak when spoken to and do not embarrass me," my father had said as I dutifully nodded taking his hand as he helped me from the carriage.
I let go of his hand then, making my own way inside and took a seat once father had given the receptionist my name.
We had a little while to wait, something else my father had to grumble over especially when it was one of the circus folk who came out with a bandaged hand. He nodded to my father who ignored the gesture before nodding to me to which I returned with a smile.
"Ana…. Anastasia would you like to come in" Dr Flynn asked, rolling his eyes at my fathers look before he gave my full name.
I prefer Ana. Mother calls it me despite father complaining often. He would never use Ana for me.
"How have you been Ana" Dr Flynn asked, calling me by my preferred name now we were in private.
"Very well thank you," I replied, smiling at the good doctor.
"I am very glad to hear it," he said, looking at his notes before turning to my father. "What is it that I can do for you today Mr Steele if Ana is well."
"You know she is not well," he replied sternly.
"Ana can you please stand for me," Dr Flynn asked as I did what he said. "Now how old are you."
"The same age I was the last time we visited" I stated, smiling as he asked me this every visit, hoping that there would be a larger space of time between these wasted appointments. "I am 13 Dr Flynn."
"Ah, I remember. Now could you please walk towards the window for me."
"With or without the cane."
"Whichever is comfortable child," he answered.
I walked towards the window with my cane, stopping to look outside for a moment. You could just see the flag moving in the breeze on the top of the tent, hear music in the distance. I put it all aside for a moment as I turned back to the men, feeling my father's eyes on me at all times.
Leaving my cane by the window I slowly, very slowly made my way back to the chair and sat down.
I did not tell them my foot ached as it was manageable, I just smiled at my achievement even though I know my father never would.
"You see, she walks with a limp" My father said to Dr Flynn who had been to retrieve my cane from by the window, passing it back to me.
"But Ana walks. She could have died in that accident but she is here, passing every expectation I have had."
"But she cannot run," my father replied, coming up with another argument and speaking as if I was not even in the room.
"Why does she need to, what is the rush. Ana may be slower to move than her sibling but that does not mean that she cannot achieve the same things. Ana's only limitation is herself" he said, smiling at me. "With her spirit though, I do not think Ana will let anyone or anything stand in her way."
We left Dr Flynn's office with my father mumbling under his breath about what a waste of time our visit was. He is waiting for a miracle, I suppose I am waiting for one too, both of us I expect will be disappointed.
During our journey home, I ignored the huffs of my father, concentrating once more on the large tent ahead. Is it called a tent, it looks like one but maybe it has a name as grand at it is. Maybe mother will know what it is really called, I shall have to ask her once we are home.
As we passed the tent, I noticed that most of the townsfolk had dispersed now having probably headed home for some lunch. I was just thinking of lunch, having missed breakfast when there was an almighty crunch from below.
"Father," I said, startled with the loud noise as I gripped hold of his coat sleeve.
"Emmett what was that" father spoke, ignoring me as I heard our driver jump down.
"It appears we have a problem with the wheel sir."
"This carriage should be safe. My daughter is on board" he snapped, shocking both Emmett and myself at his outburst that he had remembered that I was even there.
Hearing voices approach though, I was quickly left alone.
I could not hear what they were saying over the rain that pounded on the top of the carriage. I only heard my fathers voice when someone asked if anyone was still inside and if so, it would be safer if they got out.
"My daughter, one moment," he said, opening the carriage door and gestured for me to follow him.
I took his hand, using my cane with the other to climb down to the ground, stepping away from the horses. There must be ten men here now, all who had come over to help, all who would probably receive no thanks from the man who was issuing orders now.
Me, I struggled to stay upright, holding my cane while keeping the umbrella that Emmett had given to me over my head.
I tried to forget about that for a moment though as only now that I was stood on the road, did I realise how close we were to the circus which made the excitement bubble up in me again.
"Let me" I heard someone at my side say, as I turned to see a boy who took hold of the umbrella, making it easier for me to stand.
"Thank you," I replied quietly, looking up into grey eyes as he held the umbrella over our heads.
I could not look away for a moment for where I was used to hiding, used to seeing sadness or pity on most faces. This boy, he had a smile, one that was quickly returned.
We stepped further back from the men as a man, larger than any I had seen and probably stronger than an ox came forward to help them get the wheel back into place. My father did nothing to help them, he stood by and let these strangers fix our carriage as if it was their job to do so.
My attention was quickly taken from them all when I heard a loud roar from behind us, one that made me stumble as the boy quickly offered a steady hand for a moment.
"Do not fear him," he told me.
"What was that," I asked.
"It was our lion, Growler is his name."
"A lion, but surely he is dangerous."
"Not really, can you keep a secret," he asked, stepping closer still.
"Of course" I whispered.
"Growler is a softy really. He has no teeth."
A giggle burst forth from me, one that gained disapproval from my father.
"Anastasia" he barked telling me to come over to his side.
I sighed, looking up to the boy and seeing the sadness I felt mirrored on his face.
We both went to my father as the boy defiantly stood at my side, still holding the umbrella despite my father telling him to give it to me. Would he rather I stumble and land in a puddle or would he rather I stay upright and dry. I do not want to think about what the answer to that question would be because I already know.
Hearing a cheer from the men, the wheel was back in place and secure once more. Father took the umbrella then leading me towards the carriage with not a word spoken to those who had helped or the boy.
"Christian, my name is Christian," the boy called out, earning a stern look from my father for stopping me.
"Ana" I replied, smiling before getting inside the carriage, my father's body soon blocking my view from those out of the door.
"Here, for your work" father said, throwing a money bag to one of the men.
He was about to turn around and climb into the carriage himself when he was startled as the man threw the bag back to him.
"No payment needed," he said.
I do not know what father did then, whether he nodded to the man or just sat by my side as the door was closed and we were soon on our way home.
I tried to look back but father closed the curtains behind us, blocking out the circus tent and those who were there. Plucking up the courage to ask something I had wanted to ask for a long time, the words quickly left my lips.
"Are you ashamed of me, embarrassed of me."
"Of course not, why would you ask me such a thing."
"You hide me away from the world."
"It is for your own good" he stated as if his words were final as we continued on our way.
….
I could hear the music downstairs, the ball my parents were throwing in full swing no doubt. I would not know because I was up in my room out of sight. Mother had come up to check on me many times, she even brought up some of the fancy food that was being served.
I know she would much prefer to stay up here for the night but this is my father's party and she is expected to be by his side.
I did not mind being up here alone though. I had my books, my imagination and a world of wonder outside of my window.
Mother had told me about her conversation with father although I could hear his angry voice booming through the house.
I would be attending the circus with my family in a few days, finally, having something to look forward to. I looked forward to seeing the clowns, the animals, even the lion with no teeth.
As I giggled to myself thinking of what was said, most of all I hoped I would see Christian once again.
Thank you for reading, I hope you like it.
I haven't forgotten about a sequel to Nothing left to lose. That, I am still working on.
Until next time, take care.
Caroline