Future's Near.
By Hopping Hamster.
I do not own Star Trek.
I just watched futures end, the two part episode in season three. I have watched it many times and have read many fictions on it but have never found one around the very last scene of part two. This is an incredibly powerful scene and so I wanted to share a story I wrote about it many years ago... Please bear with it. This is an old story and one of my first.
Chakotay stepped into her ready room. His heart was beating fast as his eyes searched for her in the large room. He wasn't at all surprised to see her sat on the sofa, coffee mug in hand staring out of the view window. Chakotay waited unsure what to do as he stood awkwardly staring at her as he pulled on his ear waiting for her to turn and face him. Slowly she did just that. As their eyes met she raised a hand and smiled a weak smile saying "commander don't worry I'm on my way"
"On your way?" he asked not even trying to hide the confusion or worry in his voice.
"To sick bay" she replied with a slight nod before downing the contents of her mug and standing up to straighten down her uniform jacket.
He couldn't help smile as he asked her "how did you know that's what I came to say?"
"I can see it in your eyes" she whispered as she moved to walk past him towards the door. Obviously to go to sick bay as she had promised. As she past him her right side closest to him the light shone across her face. The angry red burn standing brightly out across her delicate complexion covering the entire right side of her face and neck.
"Oh Kathryn" he gasped as his heart thud in his chest. He spun around to face her as she walked calmly towards the door of her ready room seemingly going to leave him there. He reached out to grab her wrist pulling her towards him so she stood facing him. She didn't protest or fight him. "it must hurt" he whispered into her face as he raised his fingertips to run over the damaged skin but not quite touching, having just above her skin but close enough she felt the heat radiating from his hands.
"It's a surface wound" she smiled feebly turning her face purposefully from him until he let go "because you sent the doctor down I got out ok. I don't know who was happier for him to be doing field work, him or me" with that she took several steps back from his closeness but was still keeping her eyes locked with his.
His heart was beating fast as he thought back the tears from mounting in his eyes as he whispered in such a deep voice "I'm so sorry"
"For what?" she asked tilting her head and giving him that same old crooked smile.
He gulped hard, closed his eyes and whispered "giving the order to fire"
Kathryn looked into his face and saw real pain there. Taking a deep breath she knew how he must have been feeling. She knew she would have felt the same should she be on his position and he in hers "you had no choice" she assured him placing a gentle hand on his chest and meeting his eyes firmly with her own.
"I wish I did" he told her cupping the left side of her face with his gentle hand so he looked down into the burns covering the right side of her face. Chakotay knew as soon as she went to sick bay the doctor could have her healed in minutes but he wanted to look onto the burns over her beautiful face. He wanted to see them because he felt them in his heart.
"I made a choice too" she reminded him softly as she set her jaw and jutted out her chin as she gazed up at him.
"somebody had to do it, you would never order somebody else down there" he said watching the firmness appear on her reddened face he held her sapphire eyes so bright and glorious as he whispered "but I ordered you to fire."
"I forced you to give that order as soon as I went there" she reminded him softly "otherwise it would have been me ordering Harry or Caplin or one of the others, you know I could never allow that" she knew had she had to give that order she would feel the same but she couldn't and wouldn't allow those thoughts to destroy the command structure they had spent the last two and a half years building together. It was exactly what had happened there that was the very reason she had denied any chance of a possible romantic relationship with this man, first and foremost her first officer.
Chakotay didn't seem to be thinking the same as he whispered "come here" and pulled her into an embrace her left cheek resting on his broad chest.
At first she was surprised but didn't protest. She knew that really he needed the closeness and if she was honest so did she. Allowing herself to relax just a little in his strong arms was freeing. She even let a shudder and two tears tremble down her face. Realising he wasn't going to let her go she took a deep breath and said softly yet warningly "commander"
"Please Kathryn" he whispered into her beautiful hair, not quite as tightly clasped as it usefully was. She smelt of roses. She was Kathryn janeway holding her to him felt so good.
Slowly she allowed herself the luxury of wrapping one arm around his neck, the other she placed on his chest as he rested both his palms on her tiny hips. She slowly lifted her head to look into where he was gazing down at her. "Don't feel guilty Chakotay, we did our duty" she whispered firmly as his tears fell from his eyes right onto her face for being so close.
"You saved the future" he whispered with a smile.
"You ordered me to" she smiled back tilting her head to look into his eyes. As she said those words she felt his heart pound into his chest below her hand. Quickly she pulled away completely from his touch finding the distance he needed as she asked softly and seriously "Chakotay are you ok?"
"I am now I have you here safe and alive." he told her firmly turning from her he whispered in a deep voice "you could have died down there in torpedo bay one" then he stood tall as he clenched his hands into tight fists with his back to her as he growled "on my order"
"Yes" she whispered, how could she deny the truth of his words? "I know" then gently she walked up behind and placed her delicate hand on his shoulder "but you didn't order me down there"
He spun round to meet her eyes, his own eyes telling of his pain as he insisted "if I had been there I would have gone"
"No!" Kathryn shouted in wide eyed response "no Chakotay I would never have allowed it" came a much softer whisper "just as I never allowed harry to go when he protested" tilting her head she gave that weary smile as she told him "captains prerogative" when worry and fury was obviously still etched across his face she sighed and hung her head asking "Chakotay do you really think I would have felt any different than you do now had it been you who went and me giving the order."
It took Chakotay a long time before he sighed shook his head and whispered "no" he was serious and so was she.
Pulling away she placed her hands on her hips and told him in her deep husky voice "you're a member of my crew Chakotay, I would never order a member of my crew, commander right down to crewmen into that situation. I as captain alone had that job"
"You're lucky to be alive" he told her. They both knew that was no exaggeration and they both knew that was exactly why she would never order it on any one.
"I know" she whispered. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know whether what she wanted to say would be pushing boundaries. It took her a second to collect her thoughts in the silence he was allowing her which gave her the courage to say what was on her mind "I am glad you made it to the bridge when you did"
"You are?" he asked sounding rather surprised as he watched her, unsure exactly what she meant by that.
She nodded as she held her head high and met his eyes, her own filled with tears "I was glad I was doing it on your orders. That the last voice I heard was you're brave, loving" she took a breath her and looked away before continuing "strong voice"
Chakotay watched her but didn't push her "I didn't feel very strong" he told her firmly, how he could have ever been strong giving an order from the bridge that might have killed her.
"no" she smiled warmly as tears fell down her face "I heard your apology" their eyes locked at that point "I knew it came from in here" she whispered placing her hand on his chest where his heart would be. They both knew the quick apology her gave over the comm before ordering her to fire the torpedo manually meaning the burning backlash of the fire would hit her full thrust in the face had been one of heart felt love in his desperation of knowing there was no other choice.
"My heart was in my throat when I gave that command to fire" he told her as memories of the internal struggle he had to fight within himself at that moment washed over him. Duty over love, duty had to come first, whatever the cost. Kathryn had known that when she went down there, he couldn't and wouldn't let her down by not giving the order.
"I knew you wouldn't let us down" she told him almost as though she had read his thoughts.
He met her eyes, he had been feeling sick since the moment he had walked onto the bridge for harry to tell him where she was. A quick intake of breath at the news was all he had allowed himself before seeing to his duty. Now an hour later he was faced with his brave captain very much alive and only a little burnt. She was lucky. "I knew you wouldn't" he gave her strength in his words and he knew it. His faith in her was unwavering.
When they stood and stared at each other in silence for a good few minutes she found her composure again. Straightened her uniform and stated in her captains tone "maybe I should go to sick bay now"
"Of course" he nodded and stepped aside to let her pass to her door.
Taking large strides she neared the door but turned once more to face him just before they opened "I asked Nelix to arrange a little get together in the mess hall" she told him with the obvious understanding that she was asking him to accompany her.
He nodded his agreement and asked "afterwards would you care for a little night cap in my quarters?" he figured after today he had nothing to lose.
Kathryn raised an eyebrow before she smirked wondering if Chakotay had realised how his invitation might have sounded to somebody who didn't know how much of a gentleman he was. Wiping the smile from her face she sighed, rested her hand on his shoulder and said softly "I don't think that would be appropriate commander" and with that she was gone on her way to sick bay.
Chakotay placed his dreemcatcher back on the hook above his bed. It had needed repairing for weeks but somehow he had never quite got round to it. His early shift finish and the drinks of champagne with the senior staff in the mess hall had given him the time to finally fix it which in turn had given him the time to ponder on the events of that day and his feelings about them. With a heavy sigh he pulled off his turtle neck and tank top, his uniform jacket long discarded. And swapped his uniform pants for his grey sweatpants he liked to sleep in before making his way to his living area without even raising the lights to replicate his hot chocolate and have his usual night cap alone. It was just then his door chime went. "Come in" he called though he was topless as he was sure it would just be Mike checking he was still ok for their poker game in the morning.
His cabin doors swished open and a tiny, slim figure stepped inside silhouetted in the door frame before they swished shut behind her "captain?" he gasped not even trying to hide his obvious surprise at seeing her there. "Lights to 70 present" he ordered forgetting he was in his bed wear and topless.
"I'm sorry Chakotay" she told him wide eyed as her eyes travelled down his bare chest to the waist line of his pants "I can't sleep so I figured a little night cap didn't do anyone any harm" her eyebrow raised "if I am not too late?"
"no my door is always open to you" he smiled suddenly feeling exposed seeing she was still in full uniform except the jacket hung open and unzipped "come in"
"thank you" she smiled moving awkwardly further into the room, this certainly was not how he had imagined his captains first visit into his quarters, especially as she couldn't keep her eyes of his bare bronze chest.
"Can I get you some hot chocolate? I love the stuff to wind down in an evening" he asked warmly as he grabbed a shirt he lucky had resting on the arm of a chair and pulled it over his head. Suddenly she became aware she had been staring and diverted her gave.
"Sounds lovely" she added quickly pretending to become very engrossed in a sand painting he had hung on the bulkhead.
Chakotay couldn't control a smile at her response as he went to replicate two hot chocolates. He watched her closely as she took a sip of the warm sweet drink "it was nice to see it again" she said simply. When he looked at her quizzically she added "earth I mean"
"You would have stayed?" he asked her softly.
"Not in that time no" she smiled wistfully "but it was nice to actually see it. To actually walk it"
"you looked beautiful out of uniform" he told her, the memory if a freer Kathryn janeway in her trim white trousers suite walking the streets of los Angeles would stay with him for a long time.
"You didn't look so bad yourself" she almost laughed.
He came up behind her and contemplated what he was about to do before he told himself life was too short, this was something he had to do. As quick as he could so she wouldn't stop him he pulled the pins from her long hair which kept it in a tight bun and growled in a low voice in her ear "your hair was beautiful down"
She replied in an equally deep voice but didn't pull away. "Chakotay..." her voice trailed off from its warning tones was he began to run his gentle fingers through the auburn stands.
"trust me?" his voice came low in her ear as he swung her hair over her shoulder and pulled her body closer to his wear they stood his breathing raw and rugged, her matching it. She knew he had asked her as a question not a request.
"You know I do" came her husky reply as her eyes slid shut. His firm hands beginning to kneed and massage her tight shoulders.
"Good" he hissed as her body relaxed into him with pleasure.
"Chakotay..." she tried to warn but couldn't get her words out because the effect his hands were having on her "we've been down this road before" she told him, memories of a similar moment on a planet far way flooding both their minds.
"I know" he agreed but made no effort for his hands to stop their pleasurable onslaught.
"mmmmm" she groaned as she began to feel the effect he was having knew her flood through her body like a surge of pleasurable fire.
"I just wanted to give you the pleasure you deserve for the sacrifice you made today" he growled as he too closed his eyes to take in her sent and closeness.
"what about the sacrifice you made?" her voice croaked it's deep question. As his hands stilled of her shoulders. Her eyes fluttered open as he looked down at the back of her head.
There was a long silence until he turned her to face him saying "dearest Kathryn" their deep breathing matched as their eyes locked and he brushed the hair from her eyes saying "seeing you alive and smiling is pleasure enough for me"
"Chakotay..." she sighed unsure how to say what she needed to "we..." again her voice trailed off before she snapped "damn it Chakotay!" he let go of her at the force in her voice and waited for what he knew was to come "we need to keep within the defined parameters"
He met her eyes firmly and told her "Kathryn. Today more than ever I realised how-"
"please don't say it" she interrupted him closing her eyes and hoping he wouldn't declare his love for her and ask her into a relationship "if you say it I can't keep a lid on my parameters"
"shush Kathryn, it's ok" he whispered placing the pads of his fingers on her lips making her open her eyes "I know" then he smiled an understanding smile and told her "I was going to say I realised how hard it is for you to command a person you love" her eyes widened as his hand fell to the side, in a roundabout way he was declaring his love for her but he wasn't asking her into a relationship she couldn't have "how heart breaking it is to order them to do something that might kill them" she said nothing as his fingers ran over the now healed right side of her face which earlier has shone with a bright red burn "I know now we could never be in a relationship" she almost looked shocked to see he understood "you can never be in a relationship with a member of your crew"
"Chakotay..." she trailed off unsure how she could respond to that.
"my dearest Kathryn" he whispered taking her face softly in both his hands "it's ok"
"wait for me?" she almost begged the unspoken words that she too loved him.
"always" he flashed a dimpled smile at her and drew away to pick up her hot chocolate.
"the alpha quadrant seems so far away today" she sighed looking out his window at the unfamiliar delta quadrant starts. He watched her knowing the unspoken meaning in her words; only in the alpha quadrant could she let her love for him open, they had a long wait.
"but the future not so much" he smiled warmly handing her mug of hot chocolate "now let see about some ice cream for you" suddenly the tense romantic moment was broken and yet Kathryn found herself relaxed in the presence of the man busying himself with the replicator. Relaxed enough to remove her uniform jacket, which she did.