Dean didn't even flinch when the motel room door slammed even though he had his back to it but he did sigh as he reached into the kitchen drawer and took out a butter knife. He took the top off of his beer with it and then dumped them both on the counter. He knew that Sam would be back at some point; he would come back whenever he cooled down, Dean also knew only too well that that could easily be hours or days but he'd come back eventually. He always did.

Dean rubbed his neck with his left hand and took a drink looking before he walked over to the window and saw Sam storming off down the street. He looked up at the sky; the moon was far to the left and there were no stars that Dean could see. He sighed, knowing that there was a heaven made him feel even worse with the knowledge that both of his parents weren't there. Bobby was, sure, but he was still getting used to the idea that Bobby was gone at all. He'd accepted it, had to for Bobby's sake, but when he looked up at night he was thinking about his Mom. No matter where she was it felt right to him to look at the stars whether they were visible or not. Dean and Sam had already lost so much and every day they struggled not to lose each other but one of them was always pulling away. As he turned away something caught his eye; he saw one star appear and get brighter as if it was just for him. He scoffed at that idea knowing that the star was always there but he had just noticed it, he looked at the sky around it and, sure enough, other stars started to show but not as bright as this one. He thought about Bobby again and gave the star a look that said 'you soft idjit, I know we'll be fine'.

But as he turned away his certainty wavered. He turned to look at the TV - he could watch something until Sam came back or his next drink. He switched the set on and settled on his bed, the one nearest the bathroom wall. He took another drink and raised his left arm over his head to get comfortable.

.

That Hilary was definitely going to get Dr Sexy fired, she hated him which meant - in TV land - that she had the hots for him. Everyone knew that. Especially since they were now going at it in the shower room in the hospital. Dean's eyes widened momentarily as the camera panned around to show a woman watching the couple with a devious expression. He reached to put his empty beer bottle down on the table in between the two beds without looking away from the screen.

"And now she's is going to use this to get Hilary's job. Bitch." Dean muttered to himself thirty minutes into the show, his eyes went back to being half closed or half open, whichever way you wanted to look at it. Or half look at it. Which is what Dean was doing now as his eye lids got heavier and heavier. He had only had one beer and couldn't be assed to move to get another, couldn't be assed to do anything, including getting undressed and into bed. "Screw it." Dean let his eyes close and rolled over sliding his arms under the pillow, rubbing his lips together and his tongue off of the roof of his mouth a few times reviving the taste of beer slightly before it faded again.

"You've always wanted my job, Sandra!"

"You tell her, Hilary." Dean nuzzled into the pillow and fell asleep how he was.

.

"I'm just saying, Dean. I think it's dated."

"It's AC/DC?!" Dean kept his eyes on the road but his look of utter confusion and distaste was clearly aimed at Sam.

"I know that but I'm just not a big fan."

"Call yourself a Winchester." Dean muttered knowing exactly why Sam didn't like the same music as he did. Sam exhaled and looked out of his window at the rain and Dean caught a glance when he wasn't looking. The kid who had asked him so many questions about where their Dad was and what he was doing was now the adult who knew all he had ever asked about and more. The kid who had always wanted a bowl of cereal whether it was for breakfast or not was now the adult who didn't like pie no matter what time it was. The kid who he watched over as he slept in the next bed to him was now the adult who couldn't bare to be in the same room as him for more than a few days before he would storm out and leave Dean falling asleep to the sound of the TV.

Sam reached out and knocked on the Impala's dashboard twice. He didn't look away from staring out of his window into the darkness and Dean looked at the dashboard and then to him briefly before looking back at the dark stretch of road that appeared under the headlights as they hurtled through the night to God knows where. A few seconds later Sam did it again.

"What are you doing?"

"It's not me." He did it again. "It's the door."

"What?" Dean turned to look at him again but he wasn't there. He turned to look into the back seats quickly before he heard it again and whipped back around. He could still hear the knocking and now there was a voice.

"Dean?" Was that... "Dean, are you in there?" It was.

Dean shook himself awake and, with a sharp intake of breath, he was sitting up facing the wall. There was another knock.

"Dean?"

Dean whipped his head to look at the door. "Cas?" Dean ran to the door and pulled it open to look at Castiel. But it wasn't Castiel.

"Hello Dean." Well, it was Castiel. Dean's fallen angel. Dean's fallen and soaked through angel. When had it started raining?

"Get in here before you drown, Cas." He let the ex-angel walk past him into the room before having a quick look around in the dark and rain then closed the door.

"I'm alone. And I doubt that the volume of rain is sufficient enough to drown me."

Dean could have sworn he heard an unsaid 'unfortunately' at the end of that as they both turned to look at each other.

Castiel's hair was longer, messy and soaking. He had facial hair to rival Chuck Noland, not that Dean was exaggerating... Okay it was stubble. But he was gaunt and above all else, he was the saddest looking person Dean had ever seen. Tired, fed up and wet. "What's wrong man, you look like hell?" Dean walked towards him and the eyes that stared back at him were dull and empty.

"I don't know." Was all that Cas whispered back. A drop of water ran down his forehead and into his right eye which he then screwed up and rubbed while the other one became moist on it's own.

Dean put his hand out with the mind to push Cas' hair back and stop more falling but when that left eye watched him without any emotion he lowered his hand while Castiel blinked a few times and opened his eye fully again. He sighed. "Go and take a shower, Cas, before you catch a cold."

"A cold?" Castiel looked behind him to the bathroom where Dean had gestured with his gun still in his right hand. When had he picked that up?

"Yeah, a cold. You're human now you can catch colds which you will if you don't get out of those clothes. So go."

"Okay." Castiel lowered his head and made his way into the bathroom. Dean looked down at his gun before he put it back on the table and stood looking into space, leaning on the back of one of the chairs at the little table. There was a slight sigh and Dean turned his head; all he could see was Castiel's face in the mirror over the sink in the bathroom - he was getting undressed but his face was still so numb looking. Dean watched it as it disappeared for a few seconds. "Dean?"

Dean was taken by surprise. Shit, had he been caught? Would Cas be mad? And just what the hell was wrong with him? "Yeah?"

"I can't..." There was another sigh and a clunk.

Dean walked to the doorway of the bathroom cautiously to see Castiel sitting on the side of the bath tub facing the doorway but looking at the floor. His clothes were just dumped in a pile at his feet, which wasn't like Cas at all. "What's wrong? You can't what?" Dean took a step into the bathroom.

"I can't do this any more. I can't keep being human, I feel so helpless." Dean walked further towards Castiel until he stood just a step in between him and where Cas' feet touched the ground. He was just in boxers but Dean was more focused on the tear threatening to fall from that left eye. "I can't do anything. I can't stop this fur growing," he gestured to his face, "I have a sore head, eyes and everywhere else. At first I was angry and now I'm just sad. And I can't even turn a damn shower on." He looked up to Dean with a little smile and a tiny laugh but neither was happy, his voice was hoarser than usual and his eyes were purple.

Dean looked down at him as he resumed his staring contest with the floor. "Cas, you're new to this. Being an angel is all you've ever known but you'll get there."

"Yeah." He looked at his hands and Dean knew he was shrugging him off.

"Hey." Dean leaned down on bended knees and, not wanting to touch the toilet seat cover for pie nor money, he held onto the side of the bath tub with his hands at either side of Cas. "Look at me." He lowered his head trying to catch his eye line. "Look at me." Only his eyes moved to Dean's. "You will. Because I'm going to get you there."

"No, Dean-" Castiel shook his head a little but Dean cut him off.

"Cas, shut up. Do you trust me?" He gestured to himself with his left hand.

Castiel's head shot up. "Of course I do, Dean."

"Then let me show you what it means to be human, angel." Cas smiled, just a little but it made Dean smile back twice as much. "That came out differently than I meant it to." He laughed, a little embarrassed.

Castiel laughed too. "I know what you meant."

"Good." Dean stood up. "Okay, now motel showers are shit." Dean leaned over the tub to show him and Castiel stood up. "This controls your he..." He turned his head slightly as Castiel stood behind him and tilted his head over the Winchester's shoulder to see better. When Castiel looked at him he quickly turned back to the shower. "Heat. This controls your heat."

"You already said that." Castiel looked at Dean and his eyes narrowed just a little. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, fine. And this one turns it on and off." He pressed it and the water came out, it started off very light in pressure and then it got higher before it started randomly jumping all over the place. "Give it a few seconds before you step in because it will be freezing cold." He smiled at Castiel before bending down to pick up Castiel's clothes from the floor. "Towel's there." Dean pointed to the towel on the rack and they shared a smile before Dean started to walk out. He turned to tell Cas something but it completely left his mind when all he saw was Castiel, completely naked, stepping into the tub and under the water, his underwear left on the toilet seat. Dean turned back around before Cas caught him and, closing the door over, he walked away from that.

He dumped Castiel's soaking clothes on the bed, Sam's bed, before picking up his trousers and shaking them out. He ignored the loudness of the gulp he just took and draped the trousers over one of the table chairs then did the same with his shirt. He then picked up Castiel's coat and opened it up to see a big muddy patch on the right elbow. "Great." He whispered and walked to the counter.

.

Ten or so minutes later Dean was sat at the table beside the window; Castiel's coat held down and stretched over the table in front of him with his left hand and a scrubbing brush from the kitchen cupboard in his right. He had been brushing at the dried mud stain on the elbow of the jacket slowly and softly trying not to ruin the fabric but it was gone now. He was just finishing up when the bathroom door opened and he looked up to Castiel standing there, one towel around his waist and holding the other looking at Dean.

Dean dropped the scrubbing brush on the floor as he tried to stand up and Cas stood forward, bent down and picked it up. Water flicked from his hair as he did so and Dean just blinked as it hit him not paying it any more attention to it than that. Get a grip, Winchester. When Castiel stood back up to hand Dean the brush Dean couldn't help but notice that the towel had slipped down to barely holding onto his hips. Dean unconsciously flicked a tongue out to wet his bottom lip. It had to be someone else's because it didn't even feel like it was attached to his mouth right now but he pulled it back and cleared his throat as he put his hand out for the brush. "Thanks."

"What are you doing to my coat?" Castiel asked looking around Dean.

Dean turned back to look at it. "I'm finished actually." He put the brush down and pointed to it. "I was- There was mud on the elbow."

Castiel looked to him. "Yes, I fell over yesterday. Well, someone pushed me."

"What?" He searched the ex-angel's face for signs of hurt. "Why?" He looked at his neck and chest for the same reason, both of which were completely clean. And smooth, in between the hair, and wet... And still a little steamy. Dammit Dean, focus. "Are you okay?" He looked back up, furrowed eyebrows, at Cas' face.

"I'm fine." Castiel walked over to Dean's bed and sat down wiping the water from his neck.

"Then why did they push you over?" Dean noticed a droplet of water run from his hair, down the back of his neck, and Dean followed as it trailed down his back and ran into the towel at his a-

"I just got in his way, it is not of import Dean."

Dean walked over and, standing beside him, Castiel looked up at him with those eyes, however unhappy they were they were still beautiful. "It is of import to me." He found himself finally running his left hand through the front of Castiel's wet hair as the man looked at him. Dean didn't miss the surprise in his face but he definitely didn't miss the small twitch of his eyes as if he wanted to close them. "You can't let people push you around any more. Push them back."

"I haven't let people-"

Dean slightly pushed Cas' head back through his hair in a 'piss off' gesture. "You have and you know it." He also didn't miss the fact that Castiel's eyes dropped from Dean's to his hand as it left Castiel's hair. "And you know that I mean me and Sam." Dean sighed. "Mostly me." He couldn't stand it when Castiel looked back up at him with an apology that Dean didn't deserve. "This isn't how it is." Castiel's eyes narrowed just a little as he didn't understand. "How we are right now; I'm not above you Cas." Dean walked and sat down on Castiel's left, the ex-angel turned a little to look at him as Dean sat on the edge and dragged his right leg up so that he could turn to look at him properly. "This is how it is. Equal. You don't do anything that you don't want to and you don't let any one try to make you. Promise me?" Castiel's head tipped just a little at Dean. "If you want to." Dean added and Castiel smiled.

"Okay. I promise you Dean."

Dean nodded just the once and then put his hand out towards the towel. "Can I?" Castiel didn't know what he wanted it for but he handed him it anyway. When Dean reached up and started rubbing it into Castiel's hair his eyes closed. Cas nudged forward on the bed a little and ducked his head forward as Dean gently dried his hair.

"Thank you for cleaning my coat." Dean smiled but didn't say anything. He dried Castiel's hair in silence for a few minutes before either of them spoke again. By this time he was holding Castiel's head in one hand while he dried it with the other. "I feel... Heavy." Castiel admitted and Dean paused. It had nothing to do with what he said, it was the way he said it; drowsy and rough as hell. He pushed it back as he lowered the towel to look at Castiel. Dean lightly rubbed Castiel's face to dry his mess of stubble and looked at him. "My eyes..."

Castiel's eyes were closing and red. "When was the last time you slept, Cas?"

"What's that?"

Dean paused. "Cas, you've been human for nearly a week, tell me you've slept?!"

"I don't know what that means. I don't feel right, Dean. I think I've been drugged." He fell forward a little towards Dean and then caught himself and shook his head. His words were quickly beginning to slur.

Dean reached to Sam's bag on the floor and pulled out his jogging pants then stood up. "Here, put these on. You haven't been drugged." He put them on the bed next to Castiel and walked into the bathroom.

Cas hummed and started to undo his towel. When Dean came back he was standing with the pants on in between the beds with his eyes closed, the towel discarded to the floor. Dean handed him a cap of blue liquid and clicked his fingers in his face. "Hey." Castiel's eyes flew open. "Drink this, don't swallow it." Castiel knocked back the fluid. "Squish it around your mouth." Cas' face screwed up. "I know, just a few seconds and then spit it in here." He took the small cap from Castiel and replaced it with an empty glass. "I don't have a spare toothbrush so this will have to do tonight." Castiel did as he was told and Dean took the used mouthwash from him.

"What is happening?" Dean lunged to put the cap and cup on the table then back to catch Cas as he nearly fell forward. "Dean?"

"You're falling asleep." He wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and the mess of dark hair fell onto his left shoulder. "Jesus, Cas." Dean was going to ignore the fact that Cas was half-naked and pressed up against him. Yes he was. He was.

"Sorry." Was all that Castiel managed and he hardly managed that.

"Come on." Dean edged him backwards then, wrapping his left arm around his friend and curving his hand up to cradle the back of his head, he leaned forward and moved the cover with his right hand before using both arms to lower Castiel onto the bed. He leaned down and lifted up both of his feet before turning Castiel's body onto the bed properly and tucking them under the cover. Cas turned away from Dean into the warmth of the cover and tutted his tongue and lips a few times, as if tasting the mouth wash again.

Dean pulled the cover over him fully and Castiel then inhaled deeply. "Dean." The name was uttered from Cas' lips as he sighed contently but Dean heard it. He sat on the bed gently and found himself stroking the man's hair but when Castiel hummed he pulled away quickly. What are you doing, who does that? Dean shook his head and stood up.

"Crazy people." He sighed, looked to Sam's bed and then the door. He reached for his phone from the night stand to look at it. Nothing. He sat on Sam's bed looking at the sleeping figure and pressed call. "Sam?"

"What is it, Dean?" He was still pissed, that was obvious.

"I know you're still pissed at me but I just wanted to know if you're coming back tonight?"

"Probably not. I think it's best if I get my own room, have some space. Why is something wrong?" Dean smiled a little at the change in his voice. No matter how much Sam wanted to punch him he always had his back.

"Cas showed up."

"Right." He didn't sound very interested. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's conked out on my bed." Dean looked at his phone as he said the next line with wide eyes. "Dude, he hasn't slept in six days!"

"Really?" Sam was suddenly interested. "And what, he just decided to try it?"

"I don't know man. He's in a bad way." He sighed. "He needs us right now."

There was a little silence on the end of the phone. "I'll meet you guys for breakfast?"

"Sure." Dean watched as Cas turned onto his back and pushed the covers down to his hip. "Earlier rather than later."