Here without you, a mi-5/spooks fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own, or claim to own, anything to do with Spooks - that all belongs to the lovely people at Kudos and the BBC. I'm just borrowing some of their characters and having some fun with them. I promise they'll be nice and clean when I give them back. I'm also not even going to attempt to claim anything to do with the song used for this fic - as if I could write a song so good! Nope, it's not mine, but it does belong to the band called 3 Doors Down. Check 'em out.

For some reason, I keep finding myself writing stuff in Adam's POV at the moment. This one hit me randomly on the train to uni, when the song came on my iPod. It's a gorgeous song and I recommend you all (legally) download it to hear it :o). Please R&R, I'd love to know what people make of this - I'm aiming for a certain reader-reaction and I'd like to know if I hit anywhere close lol. Anyway, this bit's turning out to be longer than the actual fic lol.

Here without you

"Remember I'll be right here" I hear whispered in my ear as I take a shaky step towards my stage. I smile as I feel that familiar voice brush against my skin and I look round, but she's moved off somewhere. I keep walking upto where I'm to stand to read my speech. My hands are trembling. I don't like giving speeches at the best of times but this one I know is going to be so, so difficult. I spent hours agonising over my words, getting everything just right, making it all flow. This is one difficult operation, but it is something that has to be perfect. I just hope that I can stay strong and not let my emotions or my nerves get a hold of me and give it away that I'm likely to get myself into trouble up there on that stage. We've always been a rock solid team, but she's not here beside me for this one, she's going to be in the background, giving me the much needed behind-the-scenes support. She said she would be, anyway.

I reach my podium and I turn to face the gathered crowd, all of their faces turned to me, looking at me so intently that I think I may just crumble under their gaze. I look down to my papers, trying to find where I'm to start from. Breathe. When I glance back up, my eyes snap to the very back of the room, where they rest upon her beautiful face. She's sitting at the back all alone and for some reason no-one seems to have noticed she's there, but she's smiling at me. She's smiling her cheeky grin and gives me a silent thumbs up. I feel myself relax entirely. She's here. I smile back at her and she cocks her head to one side, evidently entirely interested in what I'm about to say. It would be just like her to enjoy watching me struggle up here. She's always saying that I'm too damn confident sometimes. Not now though. I think about what she would say if she'd read the speech I'm about to give. I hope she likes it. Another glance down to my paper and after I've taken a deep breath I focus my eyes only on her and open my mouth.

"We're all here today, gathered as one large grieving family, not to mourn the loss of a very, very special person, but to celebrate her beautiful life of which we were all so honoured to be a part of…."

She smiles sadly, and I continue.

Lyrics for "Here without you" by 3 Doors Down

A hundred days had made me older
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder

and I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
they disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin
as the people either way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
but I hope that it gets better as we go

Everything I know,
and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls,
when it's all said and done
it get hard but it won't take away my love