A/N: I wanted to show how Adrian lets go of his bitter feelings and what he thinks is love for Rose because he cares for Sydney and wants to hold onto her.
Holding on and Letting go
Adrian always felt a peaceful tranquility when he painted. The smooth movement of the brush, the colours that bloomed on the canvas and the designs the lines he drew created, it all came out so effortlessly and unpretentiously.
Painting was maybe the only thing except of alcohol that could ease his inner turmoil and offer him some sort of peace of mind when the always-present threat of being overtaken by Spirit was too much for him to bear and when he sometimes felt this power he knew relatively nothing about stir like a sleeping animal just beneath his skin.
There was nothing more relishing and inviting for Adrian than an empty, white canvas waiting to be filled and the colourful stains of the oily paints remaining on his hands afterwards.
However, this one painting he was working on at the moment only triggered an uproar of feelings he wasn't sure he wanted to feel at the moment, not when he was still trying to pick the pieces of his life and make a fresh start: passion, betrayal, rage and an unrequited love, or at least what he thought was love.
Had been love, Adrian reminded himself and with his brows knitting together in a deep furrow on his forehead he carefully spread the deep red paint that both represented passion and rage.
He had been foolish to even believe that this painting would not bring the memories and the feelings that came with them back to the forefront of his mind, but that wouldn't stop him from staying up till late and spending hours after hours before his easel.
The painting was about Rose, of course, and it felt only suitable that it would depict a rose as well.
It was a nice rose, quite attractive like the girl that shared its name, its petals looking-fragile and blood-red , just in the right phase of full bloom. Adrian had even managed to imprint the right shade of crimson in the very core of it.
What colour represented betrayal? Maybe it was green, the same with jealously and there was no use denying that none of those bitter feelings existed in Adrian's soul whenever he thought about this little Dhampir girl.
The stem of the rose was green and elegant and the thorns long and sharp-looking.
He had given his heart to her, he had even wanted to become a better person for her, but in the end Rose had to crush it in her hands and leave him heart-broken.
Adrian had spent a lot of time and energy resenting her for this, but now he understood that the blame lied completely on him and his false belief that this thing between them would work out eventually.
Now, Adrian was ready to let go of these feelings that had tormented him and rendered his already filmsy control over his self useless for quite some time.
Rose was now happy with the man she truly loved and Adrian couldn't make himself keep a grudge against her for this, could he? After all he had loved her once and now he just wished her the best because deep down he knew she deserved it and much more.
So, Adrian was now letting go of Rose as well, and by finishing the painting, it felt like he was also sealing this decision permanetly.
He felt free, somehow, as he spread paint-spotted cloth over his work, silently bidding his farewell to his mental image of Rose as he had done to the real Rose.
For a moment Adrian remained in the center of his living room as if he didn't have a purpose now that the painting that allowed him to let go of of his past with Rose, and he almost felt abashed.
Glazed eyes wondered around the living room where a medley of colours had stained the floor and furniture- Adrian couldn't really claim that he minded it.
Then, his gaze fell upon a white canvas on an easel and it fixed itself there.
He walked towards it, grabbing a clean paintbrush from a coffee table on his way.
Adrian didn't have to stare at the canvas for a long time. His hands started to work without having to wait for his consious conscious content, sharp and precise movements of the brush that captured the image he had in his head.
Yellow and purple were nice colours, bright and happy and appeasing. Adrian liked to work with them and lately they had started to make their appearance in almost every painting.
Adrian focused on his palette, mixing the two coloursuntil he had the perfect hues, depp, royal purple and light, spring yellow.
He started to spread the colours on the canvas, soon abandoning the brush and working with his hands while he thought that those two colours represented another girl with an aura so strong he would never be able to imprint correctly on the canvas.
In many aspects, Sydney was the exact opposite of Rose.
She was unselfish and clever and loyal. Sydney's aura was so strong that it shone brilliantly and lit her from inside out. Sydney was full of light and she had the peculiar ability to hold Adrian to reality for much more time than anyone else had ever managed. She could prevent spirit from overrunning him rendering him undone and she didn't even seem to try.
Sydney was like a flame in the dark for Adrian, and a hundred of swirling golden flames appeared on the painting around the obscure purple and yellow form that didn't resemble Sydney, but her aura like only Adrian could see.
A golden cross and a lily tattoo were painted on the canvas soon thereafter.
Adrian had sent the cross she had given him to protect him from the dark back to her. Sydney had rejected him and his heart was broken once again.
A cracked heart appeared on the girl of the painting's hands, and Adrian thought that she should have it because was only right for her to keep his heart since it was hers in the first place even though Adrian couldn't see it at first.
He wouldn't give up on Sydney, because Adrian knew that she loved him as much as he loved her. It was fear that made Sydney drift away from him with a few lasts words of goodbye. It was fear that made her deny her feelings and lie to herself.
And Adrian was willing to wait.
The expression of the canvas' girl showed that she was also waiting for something after Adrian took this decision.
He was going to wait until she was ready, until she didn't have to hide from herself and her people, until she returned his love.
Adrian was going to hold on to Sydney, hold on to that Alchemist girl that had made his life upside down and at the same time had fixed every wrong part of it.