Chapter One
One day Sailor Moon and her friends were walking down the road in the middle of winter (well it was March, but they were on vacation in Rhode Island where it is winter until July) when all of a sudden the evil Emo Monster Frankmeister appeared!
"Oh boo hoo, I want to slit my wrists." The Frankmeister began to bawl his eyes out.
The streets were soon flooded with frozen water which made all the Sailor Moon friends freeze. They were very very cold until Sailor Mars lit it all on fire. "WHY?" cried the Frankmeister. "I am trying to be emo and make all your hearts ache!"
"Grow up freak," said Sailor Mercury as she jammed her calculating device into the monster's tear ducts. The monster rolled around, searching for a razorblade to slit his wrists with.
"What the Fuck is the Enemy thinking sending this thing after our pure hearts?" yelled Jupiter. "My fucking pure heart is fucking shining strong on this star! Insert hypothetical phrase here on this star!"
"Fuck you," said Venus. "You fucking fuck!"
"All this swearing is defiling my virgin ears!" cried Sailor Moon as the monster rolled around in tearless sobs. The monster looked like a person with black curly hair and an Element hoodie. The creature wore thousands of tshirts saying LBC on them at the same time. He pulled out his hair straightener and threw it at the Sailor Moon friends, making a small explosion that they all dodged. "Negascum!"
"I want to fucking die," cried the Frank creature. "My name is Frankenstein but you can call me Frank!"
"Oh shut up emo kid. Fire Soul!" Sailor Mars shot a ray of fire at Frank, causing the demon's hair to catch fire. "Take that pretty boy!"
"Oh my vanity!" Frank ran around in circles as his hair toasted lightly. He pulled out some non-fat cream cheese and smeared it on his head. "Yes, now I am tasty! It's scene to butter your head with cream cheese."
"Yeah it is!" yelled Sailor Venus as she kicked him in the face. A tooth flew out.
Frank screamed. "FUCKIN A!" He chased the tooth and put it back in his mouth, then began to cry again. "Ohhhh my godddddddd I am soooo gaay!"
All five of the Sailor Moon girls stared in utter disbelief at the patheticness of the whiny little snot nosed brat. He pulled out his free t-mobile phone and called his friend Abby.
"ABBY I HATE MY LIFE AND SAILOR MOON IS KICKING MY ASS!"
"What the heck?" You could hear a voice on the other side, followed by another voice "Die emo kid" and everyone laughed at him. "Hahahahaha emo kid, sing for us!"
"Nooooooooooooo there are rude people in the background!" cried the emo king as he rolled around in his monstery gooness. "Now I must kill Sailor Moon!"
"Evil Frank who dares to harass the Abby, I won't forgive you! With 69 as the glyph for my star sign I am a horny little bitch who will kick you in your nuts! SAILOR MOON!"
Frank was like what the fuck as Sailor Moon kicked him in the nuts. Unfortunately nothing happened as Frank was castrated to be a female actor in a Shakespearean play at a young age. "Oi Wanker!"
"Oi Oi Oi!" yelled Mercury. "Oi! Oi! OIIII!"
"Oi vey," groaned Mars as she began to shove her fist up Mercury's ass. "Take that, skinhead"
"no"
"yes"
"no"
"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
Suddenly Frank hung up on Abby so Abby and Barry appeared and saved the day!
"MOOON SPIRAL HEART ATTACK!" They threw conversation hearts at Frank who was instantly repelled by them. "ABBY AND BARRY WONT LET YOU GET AWAY WITH BEING EMO ON OUR TERRITORY!"
"Wow what the fuck" said all the Sailor Moon girls at the site of Abby in a cape and Barry in a tangerine speedo with a pink miniskirt wrapped around his hairy legs. "What the fucking hell was in those drugs we smoked last night"
"WOW that kid is emo" said everybody including Jenn who was with her actual boyfriend and laughing at the emoness of the emo kid. "And to think the enemy chose him to attack!"
"Well I will wrestle you!" yelled Frank as he charged at Sailor Mars. Sailor Mars used another fire attack to ignite Frank on fire, who ran around in circles as all his tshirts were scorched to reveal yet another layer of Face to Face, Vendetta Red and Bombshell Rocks shirts.
"Someone wants to be me!" yelled Barry as he kicked Frank in the face. Abby proceeded to steal one of Sailor Moon's many attack rods and spin around in 2394723974734 circles to use the power of doom to smite Frank. Abby started yelling lyrics to emo songs to make Frank happy.
"SHE SAID SHE LIKED THE WAY I KISSED SO CUTTING EDGE I SLIT MY WRISTS!" shouted everyone in the universe.
So then Sailor Mercury threw bubbles at Frank. "BUBBLES!" So then the powerful powerpuff girls appeared and thwapped Frank then flew away.
BLOSSOM COMMANDER AND THE LEADER
the end of the song
so then anyways, Sailor Venus and Sailor Neptune decided to double team and throw Frank off of a cliff. Unfortunately Frank cut wings out of his wrists and FLEW to the surface and blasted Venus and Neptune, who dodged it. Unfortunately Jupiter was in the way of the blast and was killed.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Sailor Moon and everyone in the galaxy as Jupiter was blasted into smithereens. Her corpse was flung to Antarctica where penguins appeared and began to peck her.
"That's so sad" said Venus as she kicked Frank in the face. frank got aggravated and started to cut at his wings until he fell on Saturn, crushing her instantly. "NOOOOOOO" Sailor Saturn was crushed flatter than gold foil in Rutherford's experiment. Chibi-Moon then jumped off a cliff with Tuxedo Mask, Chibi Chibi, the Starlights and all those other obnoxious Sailor Soldiers nobody cares about.
"NOOOOOOOOO" yelled Sailor Moon.
"Shut up," yelled Mars.
So then Pluto got bit by a dog and keeled over having a seizure. Nobody cared except for a very anal Uranus who was taking it in the ass from Frank while people watched like wowww. "Damn yo'ure drunk," yelled some kid as he got shot by a random Marine from planet X .
So Pluto died and of course Sailor Moon yelled NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and everyone began to chew on her. "Oh my" said Alice in Wonderland as she began to dance with Jupiter's corpse.
"Fuck... this is one wild acid trip" said Mercury.
"Your planet is ugly!" yelled Abby and suddenly by some unknown reason a bunch of gnomes brandishing bottles of cheap shampoo they bought at walmart squirted Mercury, and she was blasted. She died. The end.
No wait, there's still some Sailor Moon girls left alive, so this story can't end!
So Barry and Abby saved the day and kicked Frank in the shins until he shit. Then Frank began to pick at the little poopies and feed the birdies and he licked each finger. "Marjory Stewart Baxter, you taste like sunshine dust!" he said.
"Fuckkkkk!"
"Wowwww.."
and all sorts of other signs of being on crack were echoed from the lingering losers in limbo. So this being a story by barry and abby indeed each senshi must eventually meet a demise. plus this time abby is helping.
"Why do you write these stupid things? We don't really want to DIE every ten seconds" complained Mars.
"Shut up and die" said Abby as she threw a seal at Mars who was promptly smothered by its fat.
"MARS!" yelled Venus.
"Did we kill her? Did we kill Venus yet?" asked a voice in the background. Indeed it was the authors deciding who to kill next.
"Die Venus" said the voice and Venus just plain blew up.
"Why?" cried sailor moon in her persistent and redundant misery.
"Because you guys go uhguhuhuhguhguhguhhguhgughugh in the dub and that earned you doom," said anthony out of nowhere.
"WHO THE FUCK IS ANTHONY" yelled Uranus who was booted off the planet.
"MY LESBIAN LOVER" yelled Neptune as Sailor Moon spontaneously combusted. "Damn that's gooey shit yo."
Suddenly it occurred to Neptune that she's the only one left and that Frank was still fucking breathing air. So Neptune took her mirror and brained frank.
"Wow. Just fucking wow." said Neptune as she walked away, and an anvil missed her by inches but the cockroach wearing a Rupert mask didn't. Kersplat!
So Abby and Barry took a Swiffer mop and a Mr. Clean mop and double teamed on cleaning the whole mess. And that's how Barry and Abby saved the day!
And Phil got good sex afterwards.
THE END