For my Viktor...
I always wake at dawn, no matter the events of the day before. There's something about the sunrise that stirs my soul, and I have spent countless early hours simply watching as another day begins.
Maybe it's that sentiment - a new day - a new beginning - that still draws me after all these years. There have been black nights where I dared not think the sun would ever rise again, and yet it did, faithful and true as the day before.
Odessa once compared me to the moon, many years ago, when we first met. Rather, she compared Viktor to the sun, and I to the moon, but it wasn't until she was gone that I truly understood what she had meant. We hardly knew each other then, and it was an insult as much as a compliment. She said... the moon was seemingly inconstant, forever changing in its phases, smaller, bigger, slivers, full, even sometimes hidden completely from view... It reflected the light of the sun, and yet even when it could not, to the knowledgeable eye, it was still there in the shadows waiting for another moment.
I was angry at her for that remark, that she would insinuate me as only being the type to reflect other's light and not give off any of my own...that she deemed me inconstant.
She was correct, though, for in those days I had no desire to be a leader or to really to care about anyone at all... I remained mysterious, hidden and uncharted... but always there, willing to take up the torch when neccessary.
And what did she say about Viktor? She comapred him to the sun - impossible to miss, bright and cheerful, bringing warmth to all those around him, ever rising again and again... but that people missed the fact that the sun could be dangerous, too. Even more so, they never stopped to realize that the sun needs a break now and then...that even though he continues to rise, it cannot always be day.
I had given her the most scornful and puzzled expression and stalked away in my usual immature manner, and the memory of her laughter echoing behind me stays with me even now.
For what I had missed in her statement was what the sun and the moon were to each other. Opposites? Partners? Different purposes, similar goals? It's one of those hard to explain things... just like Viktor and I. Is it possible that even all those years ago, she could have seen what we would become?
You could no more separate the moon from the sun and still have the world be the same. There can be no day without night.
The golden orb has cleared the horizon line now, and I glance over my shoulder to the bed where my place is empty. The sheets are tangled and the sun drifting in tosses patches of light around the room. I step quietly away from the window and gaze down at him for just a moment.
He senses my presence and opens one sleepy eye, squinting up at me, raising one hand in a questioning gesture. I nod and slide back into the bed, and he tugs my body closer, one strong arm wrapping around me.
I let my eyes drift closed peacefully, enveloped in my familiar sunlight.