AN: They're always saying goodbye to each other. Set to Adele's song. Disclaimer: All italicized dialogues are from the show, only the internal ones are mine.
"All I Ask"
I will leave my heart at the door
I won't say a word
They've all been said before, you know
So why don't we just play pretend
Like we're not scared of what is coming next
Or scared of having nothing left
"We need to talk." His words form a lump form in her throat.
"I don't want to talk. Which for me I know is unprecedented but as soon as we talk, it's over."
She tries to walk faster in order to avoid the impending talk. She doesn't want to listen to what he wants to say.
But he stops her.
"I'm so sorry."
Stop! She thinks.
"I thought I could be me and the Arrow. But I can't."
But he is relentless.
"Not now.
Fuck!
Maybe. not ever."
And so, she snaps.
"Then say never!" She snarls at him.
"Stop… dangling maybes. Say it's never gonna work out between us. Say you never loved me. Say…"
"Felicity…" He cuts her off and holds her face up to him.
And before she can say anything more or move away, he kisses her. And damn her weak heart because she lets him. She lets him and it's, God, it's everything she thought it would be. It brings her to life. And it kills her at the same time.
And when he stops, he doesn't move away immediately.
He lingers, sharing her breath. And part of her wishes they could stay like this forever.
But then he speaks again. "Don't ask me to say that I don't love you."
The words should have made her happy. Because she's waited so long to hear that four letter word from him.
Instead, it just guts her.
So she makes herself say it.
"I told you as soon as we talked. It would be over."
And forces herself to walks away.
Look, don't get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
'Cause what if I never love again?
"I wish that I could change your mind about staying here but I know I can't. Just like I know, leaving you here is gonna destroy me."
She admits to him.
"I don't regret a single moment. And you shouldn't either."
It breaks her heart that he thinks so little of his efforts to right old wrongs. So little of his own worth.
"You have done so much. You have saved so many people's lives and you've changed so many for the better…including mine."
She wills him to believe her.
"You've opened up my heart in a way I didn't even know was possible."
And, then finally…
After pushing it away and refusing to acknowledge it all these months…years…she lets go of her fears. And steps off the ledge.
"I love you."
The words are liberating.
Freeing.
And so this time, it is her who moves to kiss him after he takes her glasses off. It's every bit as good as she remembers it.
No.
More.
Better.
Maybe because a part of her knows that this might be the only chance she has. To know how it would feel to be with him. The way she'd always wanted to.
But in all the many fantasies she's had about them coming together, she never thought that it would be like this. So she holds on to him tightly when he lifts her and walks towards the bed.
She traces his scars when he lies down before her, even as she wishes she could take away the awful memories she knows that must have come with each mark.
She wants to linger… drink him in.
But then he sits up, and she finds herself wanting to feel him skin on skin.
A sense of urgency envelops her as her bra comes off.
And then he's wrapping his arms around her…
Kissing her…
She doesn't remember moving but suddenly he's on top of her. His heat warming her until everything feels on fire.
The rasp of his tongue on the skin of her neck makes her pant…
Moan.
She holds on to him even as his hardness finds a cradle between her legs. The friction almost unbearable…
I don't need your honesty
It's already in your eyes
And I'm sure my eyes, they speak for me
No one knows me like you do
And since you're the only one that matters
Tell me who do I run to?
Look, don't get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is
"I should have called." He says as he walks closer to her, wishing he could un-see the way she'd had her chin against Palmer's shoulder, even as part of him second-guesses his decision to seek her out.
"No." Her unconscious move away from the other man helps.
"I'm sorry I should have told you earlier when you got back…" She looks sheepish as she points to Ray's retreating figure.
"You don't owe me anything." He hopes the words come out sounding sincere.
"That's not true. You're one of my closest friends."
He has to take a deep breath at the word 'friends.' It shouldn't hurt — after all, he was the one who chose to end them even before they actually really began.
It shouldn't.
But it does.
It takes all he has to focus on the conversation and get the information he needs from her. To make it seem as though the knowledge of them together doesn't gut him. He thinks maybe he's succeeded. He hopes so anyway.
"Are you okay?" She asks him softly.
That she's seen through his BS shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, she's always been able to. And somehow never held it against him. Never, that is, until he let her go.
"I mean, besides Lance and the whole me and Ray thing?"
He's ben expecting it. After seeing them kiss he knows she's moved on. And yet, hearing the words out loud still feels like a punch.
"I mean that it just seems that there's something else going on underneath all that."
He wills himself not to lean into her when she touches his arm. To not feel. Fake it till you make it — isn't that what they say?
"I'm fine…"
There, that sounded reassuring, right? He even manages a smile. Maybe if he says it enough it will feel like the truth.
But fuck! It's harder than he thinks. So before he gives in to the urge to linger and steal some of her lightness for himself, he forces himself to say.
"Thanks for Amar's name."
And turns to walks away.
Let this be our lesson in love
Let this be the way we remember us
I don't wanna be cruel or vicious
And I ain't asking for forgiveness
All I ask is
"I'm afraid I will never forgive myself for leaving you here."
Her tears are slowly destroying him. Weakening his resolve.
"You told me once that life is precious. That you wanted more from it than I can offer you. Don't give up on that."
It makes it harder to get the words out.
"The only way that I'm gonna survive this, is if I know that you're out there living your life happy."
Her face is all splotchy and red from crying, but she's never looked more beautiful to him.
"We're always saying goodbye to each other you'd think we'd be good at it by now."
He wants to continue basking in her light.
To have more time to breathe her in.
Memorize her face.
Hoard some more memories.
But he doesn't have the luxury.
So he tries to focus on anything but her anguish. And even manages a bittersweet smile.
"Well let's not say goodbye this time." He finally looks back at her.
And because he can't help it, he kisses her one more time. He doesn't want to let her go of course.
But he knows he has to.
And he does…
It takes all he has not to call her back. But he wills himself to remain where he is. To content himself with just staring at her retreating figure. And just when it becomes almost too much to bear, he forces himself to turn.
And walk away.
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just your friend
"I love you …with everything in me. "
Her hand holds his.
"But what I said doesn't apply to us. I can't be with you. I can't… marry you."
No!
"Yes you can."
He tries to smile.
"Yes you can because that's what both of us wants."
He tries not to sound desperate.
"And things can be different. I can be different. And I'm promising you, I'm swearing to you. There will be no more lies!"
He wills her to believe (in) him again.
"You know, no matter how much you love me? There's always gonna be a part of you that defaults to the man who's on the island. Alone."
He can't meet her gaze and so he looks down.
"Who came back to save the city. Alone." Her words are an indictment.
"And sooner than we both think, you're going to be stuck in a situation where you have to make a decision that requires you to hide things from me. Again."
"See, you can't know that." He insists.
"I do know that! And you know that." Her forceful words hammer at him. "That's this life! I'm sorry,"
He shakes his head in denial.
Give me a memory that I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
"You know, 5 months ago I convinced you that we could have it all. We could come here to this job and have each other. But I was wrong."
No, you're not, he wants to cut her off. But she is relentless.
"That I thought we could just go back to the way things were before we left for Ivy Town but … God that was crazy as Cupid is."
He almost doesn't hear her last words as she turns away from him.
"So what does that mean?" He forces himself to ask.
"It means that it is too hard to be with you every night and not be with 's not fair to either of us."
He freezes at her words. Ice coating his veins in fear. Not quite believing that this is it. That even here, he's losing her.
"You told me how you worked some tech magic to return all the money that Adam Hunt swindled to people. You don't need me here."
He wants to tell her she's wrong. He does. He needs her. He can't do this without her. But nothing comes out.
"You'll be fine."
No! He won't be.
He won't ever be
"You don't give up. That's what makes you a hero. But there's no fixing this."
No. He can't believe that. He can't ever believe that.
"We have to let each other go…"
And suddenly he's staring at the ring he gave her. It mocks him.
"I want you to keep this for good this time."
He doesn't want to. But he's disappointed her so many times before. So when she begs him.
"Please."
He finds himself unable to do so again. So he takes it back. Because he can't disappoint her again.
But when she starts to walk away, the words are torn out of him.
"I don't want to let you go…"
It matters how this ends
"I don't want to let you go."
His heart lifts whens she says the same words back.
And just as quickly it crashes back down.
"But i'm already gone."
'Cause what if I never love again?