GDAY, MY PEOPLE! HOW'S YA LIFE? GOOD? THAT'S GOOD! YUP? SO ANYWAY, IVE BEEN HOARDING USELESS WEASLEY FUNNIES IN MY NOTES FOR A WHILE NOW, WHENEVER I GET BORED I USUALLY WRITE IN IT AND I THOUGHT 'Maybe I should make this a fanfic...' I HOPE YA LIKE!

p.s I apologise if you lose IQ points by reading this... I dropped at least twenty as I write this...

Disclaimer: No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, I do not own Harry Potter.

"GET THOSE BLASTED THINGS OUT OF MY FACE!"

"OH CALM DOWN CHARLIE!"

"NO DAMMIT! DON'T COME ANY BLOODY CLOSER WITH THOSE THINGS!"

"YOU STOP SWEARING, YOUNG MAN!"

"ONLY IF YOU PUT THOSE SCISSORS DOWN!" Charlie bellowed, raising his wand at his Mother. He knew he was playing with fire, but he's been burnt by bloody dragons before, so what's so bad about the Mollyarian Scissorback?

A lot.

"Just let me cut it! Your hair is getting frightful!" she urged, snipping the scissors in an unnerving manner.

"NEVEEEER!" he yelled, dashing out of the room. But it didn't last long when two identical faces jumped in front of him, both shouting a hex at his face. Charlie fell to the ground with a painful thud. When he overcame the shock of face-planting into the ground, he became abruptly aware that ropes were tied around his torso and feet. "W-WHAT?! GET THIS OFF!"

"Oh no, dear brother." one of the twins simpered.

"We mustn't." the other stated.

Charlie felt himself be lifted off the ground and released onto the couch. Molly slowly urged forward, a self-satisfied smirk on her face. "Snip. Snip." she said, retracting the scissors repeatedly.

"No... no. No. NO!"

Arthur Weasley paced up and down, abruptly spinning around at each wall he faced, getting dizzier and dizzier. But did he care? No! His freaking baby was about to be born and he had to stay outside to comfort little Ronold, whom was crying hysterically into his shoulder.

"Dad, do you plan on pacing a hole into the ground?" Arthur's oldest son, Bill asked sarcastically. His face stayed incomprehensible, but Arthur could see the worry etched into his eyes.

A door clicked and Arthur whipped around, a devastatingly bored-looking nurse, standing in the doorway. Percy, Bill and Charlie stood up, eyes filled with anticipation. Fred and George were somewhere mentally traumatising nurses.

"Well?" Arthur croaked.

"Well, come in." the nurse sighed, turning on her heel and walking back into the room. The whole Weasley family rushed into the room, almost knocking over the nurse on the way.

They were met with the face of a very tired looking Molly, but that did not stop her from having a wide smile on her pale face.

Arthur approached, very cautiously, as if he were to walk faster the earth would merely shatter beneath them. "Arthur, I'd like you to meet your new, baby... daughter." she breathed.

Arthur's eyebrow twitched. "D-daughter? I have a DAUGHTER, OH HOLY FREAKING MERLIN!" Arthur yelped, slapping his hands over his ears, as if to block out the news.

Molly's smile waned. "I know. Isn't it fanta-"

"Check again."

"W-what?! Arthur, it's a girl!"

Eyebrow twitch. "... Check again."

"Daddy! Daddy!" Rose called excitedly, skipping though the house.

"Hello, Rosie Cheeks." Ron grinned, watching her daughter bemusedly as she placed an object in his hand. "What's this?"

"It's an iPod, daddy! Muggles use it to play music. Mummy got it for my birthday, look!" she shoved the earplugs into his ears, a series of clicking flooding into his head as she chose a song. "His name is... Justin Bieber!"

"~JUST LIKE, BABY BABY BABY OHHHHHH~"

"AHHHHHHHH MAKE IT STOP!"

"~JUST LIKE BABY BABY BABY NOOOO~"

"THE HORROR! THE HORRROOOORR!"

"~YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MINE. BE MINE.~"

"IM DYING! HNNNGGGG!" Ron whimpered as he fell to the floor, crumpling up into a little ball, fading into ashes.

...

...

... *grin* the last one I was laughing all the way through. Sorry about starting crappily. I have better ones coming up though. SO BE PREPARED FOR THE TWINS AND MILD SWEARING! Yah!

oh oh oh and if ya guys have any ideas, I shall gladLy write about them, not to mention I will mention (hahahaha, I SAID MENTION TWI- why am I laughing, I'm not funny.) you in the chapter I wrote it in.

REVIIIEEEWWWWWWW AND A COOKIE WILL BE MAILED TO YOUR WINDOW BY OWWWLLLLLL. CMOOONN, YA KNOW YA WANNNNAAAAAA.