Only Lindsey Knows
By
Extraho
21/04-2008
Lindsey knows a lot about Angel. In fact, Lindsey knows things about Angel that no one else does.
He knows that Angel has been dating him since he was in college.
He knows that Angel helped him study while lying on their bed, with their windows covered up at day. Only Lindsey knows that Angel speaks eleven modern day human languages, three ancient ones a few demonic ones as well.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel does not have any problems using a computer, because he owns a ridiculous amount of stocks on both Microsoft and Apple. Only Lindsey knows that Angel can deal with most things when it comes to educational stuff – the perk of having lived six hundred years .
Only Lindsey knows that Angel never loved Buffy, not like he loved him. Only Lindsey knows that Angel had trouble getting it up for her that one time. Only Lindsey knows that Angel and Angelus now are one and the same; that the Slayers virgin blood, given freely, broke the Curse.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel sleeps on his stomach when something is bothering him.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel can actually taste the human food he eats, and that usually only eats what Lindsey has made for him, because only Lindsey can get it right. Only Lindsey knows that Angel likes his steak rare, but with a properly done surface so that he can feel it give to his teeth, and that he always saviour the first bite, letting the blood from the core of the meat slide and caress his tongue.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel truly hates coffee. He hates it even more when Cordelia makes it.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel does not like chocolate in any form, except for when he can lick it off Lindsey's lips. He's never had a sweet tooth.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel is the only one to have seen him utterly naked and defenceless; blissed out and boneless. Only Lindsey knows that Angel have killed people for putting their hands on his boy.
Only Lindsey knows that his body fits Angel's down to every detail. How his bum fits between Angel's hipbones when they spoon and his hands curled loosely inside Angels paw. How his head fits so nicely underneath his chin or how Angels bicep is just broad enough to be a comfortable pillow.
Only Lindsey knows that he bled the first time Angel made love to him. Only Lindsey knows that Angel licked away every drop of it, and sealed the tearing with his salvia. Only Lindsey knows that it took ages before his muscles were able to comfortably handle the intrusion of Angels large girth. Only Lindsey knows that he still bleeds when Angel is in a bad mood, or a little rough. Only Lindsey knows that now, after ten years, he can take Angel without preparation, if he's careful.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel can sing, because he does when Lindsey can't sleep, or when he cooks. Only Lindsey knows that Angel can play guitar, because Angel taught him how to play. Only Lindsey knows that Angel plays piano, because when Angel is sad, he will play for hours. He knows them all by heart – he has for centuries. Only Lindsey knows that Angel's father never approved. Only Lindsey knows the Angels father broke his vocal chords, and that is why his voice is so raspy. Lindsey thinks it's sexy – when he forgets how it got that way.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel encouraged him to take the job at Wolfram & Heart. Only Lindsey knows that Angel used to work for them too.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel never lived in the sewers for any length of time. Only Lindsey knows that Angel still hunt from time to time. Only Lindsey knows that Angel didn't kill his mother and little sister when he was turned. Only Lindsey knows that Angel still has living family. Only Lindsey knows that Angel had a daughter when he died.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel still supports his family, and has sent cards to them from around the world throughout the centuries. Only Lindsey knows that Angel still visits every time a new child is born to his clan, a marriage takes place or someone dies. His family is known for having their ceremonies at night.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel can feel them when he closes his eyes and reaches for them. Only Lindsey knows that Spike is Angels great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson, and that is the reason why he puts up with him.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel does not seek redemption. Only Lindsey knows that Angel cried when he cut off his hand. Only Lindsey knows that Angel could not give two shits about Darla being back from the dead, except that she could hurt Lindsey.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel cried for forgiveness when he slept with Darla. Only Lindsey knows that he left Angel when he discovered that Darla was pregnant. Only Lindsey knows that Angel did not know the pain of betrayal, until his son was stolen from him.
Only Lindsey knows that he was not fully human. Only Lindsey knows that he miscarried his and Angels child a few months after he left him and LA. The pain of parting was just too much. Only Lindsey knows that the other twin survived.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel made him his consort. Only Lindsey knows that he will live as long as Angel does, without aging. Only Lindsey knows that when Angel dies, he will
Only Lindsey knows that he used to cry at in the morning when he saw that yet again, Angel didn't stay the night.
Only Lindsey knows that the five-year-old boy with messy dark hair with whiskey highlights and startling blue eyes, is Angels son, Kieran.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel is dying on the inside when he is looking out the windows of his office at Wolfram & Heart trying to find him through their link.
Only Lindsey knows why Angel drops everything he's holding when he sees Lindsey in the lobby.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel is breathing again for the first time in nearly six years.
Only Lindsey understands Angel's confusion when he sees the boy.
Only Lindsey understands the questioning gaze.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel is scared, because he is afraid of turning into his own father. Only Lindsey knows that Angel was severely abused as a child, even by 1700's standard.
Only Lindsey knows of the faint scars on Angel's body from his fathers whip. He would not have seen them if Angel hadn't showed them to him, traced his fingers with him over the narrow scars.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel trust Lindsey with his life, and the lives of his mortal family.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel is a good father.
Only Lindsey knows that Angel tries his hardest to be a good husband, even if he slips up sometimes.
Only Lindsey knows how Angel makes love.
Only Lindsey knows how Angels hungry and desperate kiss feel like.
Only Lindsey knows what it feels like to have Angel buried inside him, knowing he truly wants to be there forever, and not just for the next ten minutes.
Only Lindsey truly knows what it is like to love Angel.
Only Lindsey truly knows what it is truly like to be loved by Angel.
Oh, I nearly forgot to say, Angel knows it too.
The End