1
Molly Weasley had just begun folding clothes when she received a letter marked "To Mr. and Mrs. Weasley of The Burrow." What is it now, She thought. She took the Hogwarts-stamped letter from the brown spotted barn owl and watched as it flew off into the sunset. The clothes started folding themselves as Molly opened the note. Her gentle smile quickly turned into that trademark scowl.
"Arthur," she called, "We got another letter. Apparently the boys enchanted the chamber pots to sing 'Singing in the Rain' whenever someone is using them."
Arthur was still brushing his teeth while he ran down the stairs. His rubber duck-patterned toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, he gurgled, "Wow, that's brilliant," then, seeing the cold stern from his wife, he immediately changed, "I mean, wow I am so disappointed in them. What a shame."
"I'll be sending them a howler," she told Arthur as she went back over to fold the pans , "This is the fourth time this year, and it's not even November yet! At this rate, they'll end up wasting their lives working at a grungy old place like 'The Three Broomsticks.' Or even worse, 'Zonko's." She said that last bit with a chill.
"Calm down dear." Arthur squatted down and patted her arm. "You're overreacting. It's just a harmless prank. It's not like people are actually getting hurt."
"Don't you tell me to calm down! Bill never did this! Charlie and Percy don't do it either! I mean for Merlin's sake, they're just first-years! They cannot behave like this any longer!" The beautifully folded clothes had now been thrown across the room and Mrs. Weasley was forced to pick them up. "We cannot baby them, Arthur, they're one their way to becoming adults. They're too old for this."
Arthur gave up and helped pick up the various patched-filled sweaters and pants that now littered the floor. "If you think it's for the best." He picked up an 'F' sweater and handed it to Molly. "I'm going to go work on the Ford. Give me a yell if you need me."
"You really should stop meddling with those muggle artifacts, Arthur," Molly began, but he was already out the door, leaving her muttering things like "illegal" and "government worker" to herself.
2
"When's yours?"
"9 p.m., tonight. You?"
"Same! When will they ever learn?"
Fred and George high-fived as they left Filch's office. Both with too big of a grin on their faces for two kids walking out with detentions in their hands. As they walked through the different staircases toward the Griffyndor common room, they passed several groups of kids whispering about Charlie's little brothers that couldn't stay out of trouble. Fred and George didn't care. They were making a name for themselves as the pranksters of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy, and they loved it. When was the last time people had recognized a first-year for his pranking?
"I'm just scared that Mum is gonna kill me for this one," Fred said with a half-worried look on his face.
"Sorry, what was that?" George asked. "I couldn't hear you over the bloody Fat Lady's singing. I mean honestly, she's dreadful."
Evidently, the Fat Lady heard that and wouldn't let them in the common room. Fred and George were reduced to waiting outside the door, pointing out and laughing at the various paintings hanging on the wall.
"Oi! Look at that one Fred! He thinks no one saw it, but I definitely watched him pick his nose!"
"Check this one out George! This knight is running through the paintings yelling about 'honor' and 'chivalry!'"
They kept this up for several minutes until they fell asleep. Finally, came by and let them in. It was a first-year like them. The boy with dreads said "Mandragora" and led Fred and George into the common room. He plopped down into a chair by the fire. "You're Fred and George! I'm a huge fan of your pranks. I was wondering if I could help you out sometime." He smirked. "I may have a few tricks up my sleeves myself. Oi, I've got to make it down to the Great Hall. I heard they're serving Cauldron Cakes tonight."
Fred and George looked at each other. This was the first time they hadn't been called, "Bill's brothers" or "Charlie's brothers" or, worst of all, "Percy's brothers." They were actually recognized as their own people.
"Sounds fun," Fred said, a smile forming on his face as the kid got up to leave. "I didn't catch your name."
"Oh I'm Lee Jordan. Catch you later!"
"Oi, Fred, what time is it?" George asked.
"Quarter to nine, we'd better be getting a move on."
"Don't want to make Filch even angrier."
As they left the port hole, the Fat Lady picked up her singing again. Torches lined the hallways, creating huge shadows on the walls and creating an eerie environment. George almost tripped over Mrs. Norris. The gray and white cat of Mr. Filch that was always reporting wrongdoings back to him. George was about to give her a good kick in the side when Fred stopped him to point out that Filch was walking out of his 'office' up ahead. It wasn't an office so much as it was a closet with a desk, a couple of chairs, and a single filing cabinet.
Fred and George entered the office and sat down under the hot glare of Argus Filch. He stared at them for a good thirty seconds before opening his mouth. "You know why you're here?"
"No we just thought we'd take a nightly stroll and somehow we needed up here," George said, and high-fived Fred under the table.
Filch didn't laugh. "You're going down to the library to help Madam Pinch organize the books and place them on the shelves. I, however, will stay up here and enjoy my evening." The thought of this caused Filch to smile, a brownish-yellow sight Fred and George hoped to never see again. "I will of course be walking you down there, to make sure you don't decide to skip." He seemed to have read Fred and Georges minds', and from the look on his face, he knew it.
"Quit dawdling." Filch scolded George as they walked down the moving stairs.
"I'm not dawdling. I'm limping from tripping over your damn cat on the way over here." Filch just grunted.
Madam Pince was waiting on them outside of the library. "Thank you Argus," she said, "I'll be keeping them busy." When Filch had left, she turned to the boys. "You're going to be putting these books back on the shelves. By hand." Fred and George looked at the huge pile of books that she was gesturing to.
"But ma'am, wouldn't it be easier to magic these books back on the shelf?" Fred asked, even though he knew the answer.
"Of course it would. But then it wouldn't be a very good detention," she said, and walked away. "You may leave when you're done.
3
Fred and George left the library at half past midnight, smelling of parchment and dust.
"That old bat. We could've done that easily we magic," George complained. Having learned Wingardium Leviosa, the twins considered themselves experts on moving objects around by magic.
"Exactly. I swear she finds happiness in punishing us," Fred said back. "I mean look at this! She kept us for three and a half hours! That's too long!"
"Oi, pipe down, we don't want to bring Filch's wrath down on us," George said, "I think I see his office up there. Let's tell him we're done and head back up to get some rest."
The boys walked through the dark hall, getting scolded several times by paintings that they had woken up. They peeked into Filch's office and he wasn't there. But they did see a drawer of the file cabinet marked, "Dangerous Items." Fred and George looked at each other. "Are you thinking what in thinking?" Fred smirked, because he already knew the answer.
"Let's nick something," George replied, already walking over there.
The cabinet seemed to scream as they opened it. "He doesn't keep this very well oiled, does he?"
"Look at this!" George was holding up a blank sheet of parchment. "Why would Filch have taken a blank sheet of paper?" He was already pocketing it.
"I guess that's for us to find out," Fred said. "But let's get out of here before he comes back."
They ran it back up to the common room. The parchment was set down and the boys huddled around it. Immediately Fred placed his wand to it and said, "Show us why you're dangerous."
Writing appeared on the page as if drops of ink just hit the page and sprouted into words. The words read:
"Messer Moony would like to congratulate Messers Fred and George on their mischief but has to inform them that they must try harder than that.
Messer Wormtail would like to suggest that Messers Fred and George focus on their education, but he knows that won't happen.
Messer Padfoot would like to thank Messers Fred and George for finally using this parchment, as they have been in the drawer for much to long.
Messer Prongs would like to remind Messers Fred and George that they must be up to no good to use this piece of parchment."
"Wicked," the twins said together.
"Should we try again?" Fred asked.
"Of course we should! But keep quiet, no one should know." Looking around, they lowered their voices and went back to the old, yellowing parchment. George touched the tip of his wand to it and said, "Explain your usage." Once again the red writing appeared on the page, blog by blot.
"Messer Moony would like to let Messers Fred and George know that they are not using their minds, and should get some rest."
"Messer Wormtail agrees with this."
"Messer Padfoot feels as though Messers Fred and George should stay up and continue being swearing things to this parchment."
"Messer Prongs believes that Messers Fred and George have a lifetime of doing no good left, and would like to shake their hand."
"That's so weird," George said as he carefully folded up the parchment, as to not tear it. "How do they know who we are?"
"Yeah, and who are these people? Let's just put it away until morning," Fred suggested.
"Sounds good."
The boys climbed the staircase and slipped into their red and yellow four-poster beds. George took lots of care hiding the mysterious parchment in the back pocket of his trunk.
"'Night Fred."
"'Night George."
4
The boys woke up at dawn, and immediately jumped out of bed to play with the parchment. George took the paper of its pocket, and they both stared at it in revered silence.
"Should we give it another shot before breakfast?" Fred asked, as he looked around to make sure their other 3 roommates were still asleep. He knew that this was a secret that must be kept.
"Definitely. But we have to do it fast." George stuck his wand to the paper and said, "I swear that I will use this for no good."
The beautiful red ink appeared on the page again, this time reading:
"Messer Moony would like to say that Messers Fred and George are getting warmer."
"Messer Wormtail thinks that Messers Fred and George are almost there."
"Messer Padfoot would like to tell Messers Fred and George that they should try again."
"Messer Prongs wants Messers Fred and George over for dinner some time."
The original excitement of their discovery was wearing off, and the boys were beginning to get annoyed. Fred swiped the paper, put his wand to it, and said, "I promise to fuck shit up."
The same writing appeared on the page, and the same names appeared.
"Messer Moony would like to tell Messers Fred and George there is no such need for this language."
"Messer Wormtail thinks that Messers Fred and George must be up to no good."
"Messer Padfoot loves Messers Fred and George's enthusiasm, and agrees that they are surely up to no good."
"Messer Prongs would like to buy Messers Fred and George a pint, but only if they solemnly swear to it."
"This is just rubbish," George said, "Meant to mess with anyone who tries to use it." He got up to throw it away.
"No wait," Fred hurried to grab the parchment, "They keep hinting at certain things to say. I think it's worth a few more tries before we trash it."
"Fine. But I'm telling you, it's nothing special."
The other boys in the dormitory had begun to wake up, so George hurried to put the parchment back in its pocket. Fred and George left to go downstairs for breakfast. On the way, they passed that Lee Jordan kid carrying what smelled like a sack of dungbombs.
"Are those dungbombs?" Fred asked in passing.
"Yeah, but don't tell anyone. I'm thinking of hitting Filch's office," Lee said quietly. He looked around to make sure they were alone.
Fred and George were impressed. "When's this going to happen?" George asked.
"Tomorrow during lunch. You'll know it when you smell it. Just don't say it was me."
"'Course not," the twins said together.
"Okay. I got to go hide these before someone sees. Catch ya later!"
"I think I'm beginning to see a long friendship with that kid," George said.
"I was just thinking the same thing," said Fred with a smirk.
The Great Hall was pretty full today, which was a good thing because it meant more food being served. The boys plopped down at the Griffyndor table and up into some eggs and bacon. The mail came in, as usual. An old gray owl was flapping in too. "Hey, is that Errol?" Fred asked.
"I think it is," George answered. "Wonder why."
As he got closer, the boys realized he was holding s red envelope, and was headed right toward them. He dropped the letter in Fred's lap, gave each boy a playful nip, and then took back off.
"Oh no," the boys said together, realizing what it was.
"You best open it," the curly haired girl sitting next to them said, "It'll explode if you don't."
Fred tentatively reached for the scarlet ribbon, that horrible bloody color, and opened the letter. Instantly, Molly Weasley's voice filled the hall. "HOW DARE YOU TWO BEWITCH THOSE TOILETS. THAT WAS UNNECESSARY AND STUPID. YOU BOTH HAVE RECEIVED FOUR DETENTIONS SINCE SCHOOL BEGAN, AND YOU'RE JUST FIRST YEARS! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR, AND I BETTER NOT HEAR OF ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN." After the letter had its say, it tore itself up.
Fred and George were whiter than ever. Everyone in the Great Hall was looking at them. They suddenly wished they had stayed in the dormitory this morning. The boys were about to get up and leave the Great Hall in shame, when a dark kid with dreadlocks said, "Yeah, but you guys are hilarious!" Everyone in the hall who knew the boys started to nod their heads in agreement and those who didn't were intrigued.
Fred and George looked over to see Lee Jordan, smiling and giving them a thumbs up.
"What'd I tell ya?" George said as they went over to shake Lee's hand.
5
The twins sat in agony through double potions, learning about things like the use of crushed unicorn horn in potions, and the reason for using pewter cauldrons. They were trying hard to stay awake when Snape flew down on them.
"Mr. Weasley, were you falling asleep in my class?"
"No, professor," Fred said, "I was just wondering if the back of my eyelids changed color depending on how awful this class is." The entire Griffyndor portion of the class started dying laughing.
"20 points from Griffyndor," Snape said, and continued teaching.
"Nice going, idiot," George said, poking Fred in the side.
"What was that, Mr. Weasley? Clearly you don't want your brother to be the only one in the spotlight. Take another 20. There, does that satisfy your need for attention?" Snape smirked and walked away.
After class, and getting dirty looks from several of their fellow Griffyndors, the twins decided to use the parchment one more time. They ran up to the Griffyndor common room. The Fat Lady was back to singing again. "Mandragora," the boys said together and the door swung open. They hurried up to their dormitory.
"Think about it," Fred said, "They told us to 'solemnly swear' that we're 'up to no good.' I'm pretty sure I know what to say."
"Whatever," George said, having given up on the parchment all together. He got it out of his trunk anyway.
Fred put his wand to the parchment, paused for dramatic effect, and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
The same read ink appeared on the page, but this time it said: "Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs present the Marauders Map."
Below the writing appeared a series of rooms. The twins began to realize it was a map. Then they realized it was a map of Hogwarts. Then they realized that it was showing the people in the castle right now! There was Dumbledore, standing still at his desk. There was Hagrid, chopping down trees in the Forbidden Forest.
"Wicked," the boys said together, already imagining the pranks they could pull with this glorious piece of parchment.
"George, we could do whatever we wanted to," Fred said, "and no one could catch us." "We're gonna be legends," George said with a hint of awe in his eyes.
After toying with the map for a bit, and spying on different people throughout the castle, the twins decided it was best to put it away. "But how do we make the ink go away?" George thought out loud.
Then the boys noticed two sets of footprints marked "Fred Weasley" and "George Weasley" with speech bubble that said "Mischief Managed!" The twins looked at each other, touched their wands to the paper, and said together, "Mischief Managed!" The ink disappeared until the parchment was just a yellowing sheet of paper again.
George smirked. "Lee is pranking Filch tomorrow, and I think we'll be able to help him out a bit."