Warnings and Disclaimers: Digimon Adventures does not belong to me. It belongs to Fox (who doesn't deserve it) and a bunch of other people. This is a non-profit Fan Fictions, only written for entertainment. Please, don't sue. Also, this story is a shounen ai, meaning that it has homosexual themes. You don't like it, don't read it. Flaming, is a complete waste of time and I'm not going to care anyway.

Stumped

Argh! I want to kill something! I honestly have urges to kill something! Yes, contrary to

popular belief, I am not usually a homicidal tight ass. But right now, I have this urge to just strangle someone. Namely, Motomiya Jun. But not just her, her brother too. No, I don't want to kill him. Just knock some sense into him!

Breath Yamato, breath. That's it, intake of air and then release. Now repeat. Yes, it's almost like washing your hair. For some reason, that's not helping at all. I'm still angry, but then again, I don't want to kill Jun anymore. Still want to pound Daisuke though.

Kami-sama, I've become Taichi! I've become a hentai! That one simple sentence has brought so many naughty thoughts in my head. I didn't even mean it that way and I'm literally, picturing myself, pounding relentlessly into a withering, moaning Daisuke.

Not that that's a bad thing or anything. I actually wouldn't mind doing just that. That's why I'm so mad at this moment. Because I can't do that, because I can't touch him or kiss him or do anything affectionate to him. And it's not because Daisuke's not gay or anything, actually he's quite bisexual and he has admitted—with a lot of prodding—that he is attracted to me. So what's the problem?

Jun. That's what the problem. And the kicker is that she's not even aware that she is the problem.

See, as all of you must know, Motomiya Jun has a crush on me. A big one. Which, as annoying as it is, never bothered me beyond as much as a fly would bother a cow. Until now that is. You see, now, it's interfering with my love life.

Not in the sense that Jun is attacking me and acting like some insane stalker girl. But, she still is, because she's the reason that Daisuke won't go out with me. And again, she did nothing to make him not go out with me, besides have this stupid crush on me! Simply put, Daisuke will not steal his sister's crush.

Oh yeah, you heard me right. The baka won't go out with me because he doesn't want to be the reason that Jun didn't get me. Like she was going to get me in the first place! I. Am. Not. Attracted. To. Her! I thought I made that clear enough, since I tend to run the other way when I see her coming. Well, not really, but I sure as hell move away from her. And he's seen me do it too and heard me say, "I don't want to be with her"!

What does Daisuke think I'm doing? Playing hard to get! Kami-sama, please give me strength!

I have no idea what to do. I've never had this problem before. I wasn't expecting this problem. I thought those two hated each other! You would too, if you see the way they treat each other. I swear, most of that time they are about an inch form coming to blows.

But apparently, the Motomiyas are just messed up. According to Miyako, this is just how they show affection towards each other. It seems neither one learned that trying to kill your sibling is not how you tell them you love them.

"Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense." Miyako had told me. "But that's how they are. But don't let it fool you. If either one has been hurt the other will bare more teeth then most mothers when there kids are called ugly. They won't allow the other to be hurt."

Yeah, so because Daisuke has some stupid honor thing going on, I can't have the one I want. Oh and, how I have tried to get with that boy. But no not matter what I do, it comes out the same.

"I'm sorry, Yamato. But I won't hurt my sister." You have no idea how many times I've heard that. You have no idea how tired I am of hearing that!

Taichi tells me to give up. He says that if Daisuke doesn't want to do something, that he's not going to do it, especially if it had to do with him hurting someone's feelings. But how can I give up on having him, on holding him, on making Daisuke and myself happy. I want to make him happy, because it makes me happy in the process.

So maybe, I should leave him alone then. That's what you're thinking and I know it. But I don't want too. Why? Because I know he's not happy. Why isn't he happy? Because he's not with me. And it's true! No matter how conceited it sounds…

Daisuke might like to make up stories and he may even lie on occasion, to save his ass from trouble; or just because it suits the situation better. But, when it comes to how he feels, he will always be honest, especially so, when angry.

So, I asked and when he wouldn't answer, I asked again. And I continued to ask, and we fought. We fought long and hard. He said things to me that hurt. But yet, they hurt him more then they hurt me. I could see it in those large, chocolate eyes. But he continued to say them, hopping I'd get angry, hoping I'd leave him.

I didn't, though. I stayed and I fought back with him, until he couldn't take it anymore.

"Yes! Yes, I fucking like you!" Daisuke yelled. "I fucking adore you and there's nothing more I'd like then to be with you! Are you fucking happy now!"

No, I wasn't happy. Of course, I couldn't be happy. Now it was like something out of a Shakespeare play! And not one of his comedies either! So, I wonder which one we fall into Othello? Romeo and Juliet? Who knew, most likely the latter then the former, since I have no reason to kill Daisuke. Smack him, yes. Kill him, no.

I don't know what to do, as I have stated before. How am I suppose to work around this problem? I've even considered going to Jun with this problem, but I'm afraid I'll hurt her, thus making Daisuke angry with me. And it will not help my case if that boy gets mad at me, 'cause he has my temper and Taichi's combined with that Motomiya hot tempered-ness. Scary.

It was so simple before I fell in love with him. And yes, I am quite aware that I used the word: love. Because I am in love with him. It didn't take long either; a month or two or three. I don't exactly remember when it was that I fell for the red head. I just know that I fell, and I fell hard.

One minute, I was living a normal life, a rock star slash student, and the next, all I can think about is chocolate-brown eyes and red, spiky hair. At first, I believed that I just like Daisuke because he reminded me of Taichi, the one I could never have. But afterwards, I realized that it wasn't just a hurt and lonely heart looking for a substitute—a copy—of someone it could not have. It wasn't lust either, it was love.

I loved Daisuke for so many reasons. I loved him because he was like Taichi and because he wasn't. I loved him because he was like me and again, he wasn't. I loved him because he was a mix of the two of us and yet not. He was like one of those rubrics cubes. An ancient puzzle. But with luck, this puzzle came with instructions. Unfortunately, the instructions were in a long-dead language and there was no one that could translate it! That's such a stupid and complicated analogy.

As you can see, this whole Daisuke issue has fried my brain. I have no idea what to do. I want to hold him and yet, I can't. I want him to be happy, but I can't leave him alone. I've never had this problem before.

And to think, I always thought it would be simple. I had said once said that Daisuke was so simple that he could be seduced and he wouldn't even know what happened to him. I know your laughing at me Kami-sama. Either you or karma but someone is!

But I know that, no matter how much I bitch, it's no one's fault. Not mine, not Daisuke's, not even Jun.

Well, maybe Jun's a little and Daisuke's too. And mine!

Why won't he forget about his sister's feelings and worry about making himself happy? Why can't Jun move on? Why can't I!

I'm whimpering. I'm actually whimpering! I don't whimper!

I love him so much…He's my world. He makes life worth living. Sometimes, when I feel like just giving up, all I have to do, is picture his smiling face and I can go on. Why? Because Daisuke's not a quitter and he'd hate me for being one. I can't quit because I love him so much. I'm not making much sense, am I?

I remember when I first kissed him. Yes, I have kissed him and he kissed back. Twice, actually. But only for about one minute, each. Then he'd pulled away. He told me to forget it, not to do it again. When I asked him why, he said that he didn't like me like that. It had sounded more like he was trying to convince himself more then me.

His lips were soft, and tasted of banana. He had been eating ice cream. I didn't even know they made banana ice cream. But he did. And he took me to some little ice cream shop. Almost a hole in the wall. There, he made me buy him ice cream.

It wasn't a date either. It was payment. I had asked him to paint a design on my guitar and he agreed. He went through all my picky-ness and my complaints, and all he asked for, as payment, was an ice cream cone. I had to eat whatever flavor he chose. Some weirdness called Kiwi Twist. It was disgusting. But those little kisses we shared afterwards were worth everything.

It was on the bleachers at football field. Yes, how very teeny-bopper movie-ish. But, it was wonderful. It was a chaste kiss, a press on the lips. But it was everything to me…and maybe to him, too. He won't tell me. There are a lot of things that he won't tell me.

I remember touching his face with my hand as we kissed. My fingers brushing lightly over soft, tanned flesh. I remember the smell of his hair, cinnamon. His lips were so soft as they grazed over mine, so delicate in the way they kissed back. Nothing like how I expected a kiss from Motomiya Daisuke to be.

I expected power, force. I expected him to push his tongue in my mouth and claim it as his own. But he didn't, he just kissed me so softly, so gently, as if I would break if he pressed to hard. It was a beautiful moment.

And, of course, it ended.

He looked at me, a faint blush—and I mean faint, since he's dark skinned—crossing over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He turned his head away and laughed softly, then turned back, and looked at me with the warmest smile in the world.

"Well, now that we have that out of our system, how about another ice cream?" He said, "Your treat, of course!"

I don't think stunned is the right word. I don't think there is a word that could express the level of surprise I was experiencing. That was not the response I was expecting and that made me angry. How could he brush it off like that, like it was nothing? When it meant so much to me.

Then I began to wonder if it did. Did he care? I had to find out if he did. So, I kissed him again. That time more urgent. I was going to convey all my feelings into that one kiss. But, he really didn't let me. He pulled away from me.

"Please, don't do that again." He said. I remember his eyes. They looked so sad. "It was bearable once."

And that's why I continue to chase him. Because of his eyes. His eyes which screamed at me to take him and hold him tightly in my arms. Even though his words said other things…or did they?

Again I find myself wondering what to do. What can I do? Continue to chase him until I become which I hate. How amusing that would be. Ishida Yamato, whom is stalked by one Motomiya, stalks another Motomiya!

My life sucks ass! And I speak with too many exclamation points!

Owari