I sit there in that tree, across from Kurama's window. My ki is shielded,
as usual. And then, I start to think.
What is it that keeps me here? Why do I stay in the Ningenkai with all of these mindless humans? Why do I not simply go back to the Makai, where I am free? Where I belong? Go back to Mukuro and a simple job, even though I can't kill the idiots that wander over the borders.
Then, I remember why I left Mukuro. I am a youkai. I understand lust just as well as anyone. But Mukuro's advances left me strangely uncomfortable. Yes, she is strong, and, therefore, desirable to many. I, however, am not one of those "many."
So, why back here? Why back to the Ningenkai, just to go to a tree that I'd never been in? And yet, this beautiful tree is more comfortable than Mukuro's domains. Maybe some things cannot be explained. Maybe I should ask Kurama, the one who understands everything after being around for centuries more than me.
No. I can't ask him. I have to understand this myself. Why do I, the Forbidden Child, feel at home when I should never feel at home anywhere? I am not supposed to exist. Would the three worlds not be better off without me in any one of them?
Maybe, I should just go, run my katana through me. End this pointless existence. Stop living when I shouldn't have been born. Could I not just go? Who would possibly miss the Forbidden Child, the half Koorime? A male among females, a flame among ice.
I consider this option. For half a second, my eternity.
Then, something catches my eye.
Kurama has looked over. He stares straight at me.
Kuso! I must have let my shields down.
Then, I realize something, as those emeralds stare through me.
This is who would miss me. This is why I stay. This is the reason I came back.
Kurama's shock has passed, and, as I flit through the open window, a mass of black, he smiles.
It's not one of those fake smiles he shows to those idiotic ningens.
I realize it's a smile meant for me.
Meant only for me.
And, now, all thought leaves me. I am free to drown in a sea of green for a single moment.
Yet, that moment is enough. Enough to give me the ability to drop all shields. And so, I smile. I truly smile. Seeing, finally, the world around me without fiery, icy cynicism.
What is it that keeps me here? Why do I stay in the Ningenkai with all of these mindless humans? Why do I not simply go back to the Makai, where I am free? Where I belong? Go back to Mukuro and a simple job, even though I can't kill the idiots that wander over the borders.
Then, I remember why I left Mukuro. I am a youkai. I understand lust just as well as anyone. But Mukuro's advances left me strangely uncomfortable. Yes, she is strong, and, therefore, desirable to many. I, however, am not one of those "many."
So, why back here? Why back to the Ningenkai, just to go to a tree that I'd never been in? And yet, this beautiful tree is more comfortable than Mukuro's domains. Maybe some things cannot be explained. Maybe I should ask Kurama, the one who understands everything after being around for centuries more than me.
No. I can't ask him. I have to understand this myself. Why do I, the Forbidden Child, feel at home when I should never feel at home anywhere? I am not supposed to exist. Would the three worlds not be better off without me in any one of them?
Maybe, I should just go, run my katana through me. End this pointless existence. Stop living when I shouldn't have been born. Could I not just go? Who would possibly miss the Forbidden Child, the half Koorime? A male among females, a flame among ice.
I consider this option. For half a second, my eternity.
Then, something catches my eye.
Kurama has looked over. He stares straight at me.
Kuso! I must have let my shields down.
Then, I realize something, as those emeralds stare through me.
This is who would miss me. This is why I stay. This is the reason I came back.
Kurama's shock has passed, and, as I flit through the open window, a mass of black, he smiles.
It's not one of those fake smiles he shows to those idiotic ningens.
I realize it's a smile meant for me.
Meant only for me.
And, now, all thought leaves me. I am free to drown in a sea of green for a single moment.
Yet, that moment is enough. Enough to give me the ability to drop all shields. And so, I smile. I truly smile. Seeing, finally, the world around me without fiery, icy cynicism.