Chapter 1

Nessie's pov

When Romeo thought Juliet was dead, he rushed to his grave carrying the poison that would take his life away. He wasn't going to live without his Juliet. He would rather die than live on this her without her.

When Juliet woke up from her slumber, she saw her Romeo lying on the floor dead. She was beyond heartbroken. Like Romeo, Juliet wasn't going to live without her husband. She grabbed Romeo's knife from his sheath and stabbed it in her own heart. She wouldn't live without her precious Romeo. She refused to be with someone who she didn't love. She chose her own life than the one her parents had set for her.

Both of them chose love anything else. I wish I could be like that.

I wonder if Romeo was scared. I wonder if the small bottle of poison weighed a thousand pounds of lead in his pocket. I wonder if his hands were shaking as he put the cup to his mouth. I wonder if he hoped that all of this was a nightmare and he would wake up with his Juliet right beside him.

I wonder as he was dying did he have any images of what could have been. Did he think about him and Juliet running off, moving to a far off town, raising a family in a quite little city? Or did he hope that he would be able to see his Juliet again at all?

I wonder how bad Juliet's hands were shaking when she grabbed Romeo's knife. Was she afraid? Did she think that everything would be okay? Did she second guess herself? Did she think that she made the right decision by choosing love?

"Vanessa? Vanessa, are you alright?" An English voice asked.

I snapped back into reality, realizing I was sitting in a restaurant with Henry.

I've been living in England for the past month. I started going by my atlas name Vanessa Wolfe. One: because I didn't want people asking what my true name was. Two: new life, new name. Three: if I went with another name, maybe the Volturi wouldn't come after me. Can't a girl hope?

I met Henry about two weeks after I moved to England. I met him at a local bookstore here in London. He was twenty-five and is mastering in literature at a local college.

The reason why I moved to London was because I couldn't go to anywhere that brought up any painful memories of…Jacob.

I think about him all the time. Of how I broke his heart. Doing that was a big mistake but I couldn't go back. I screwed up things with him and there's no way I can make it up to him.

I've made my bed. I have to lay in it now.

"Vanessa?" Henry asked again.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being rude." I blushed.

"No. You just seem deep in thought. Are you okay?" he asked, taking my hand.

I liked Henry. But I knew I couldn't be with him. He was full human. I was part vampire. I could easily kill him and suck his blood. Eventually he would get old and gray while I was still young and beautiful. He'll die while I have forever.

"Yeah, I'm just…thinking." That wasn't a total lie.

"About…" Henry prompted.

"Do you think Romeo and Juliet regretted choosing love?" I blurted, swirling my drink around my glass.

"Um…is that a trick question?" he asked, running his hands through his dirty blonde hair. The gesture easily reminded me of Jake when he was trying to stay calm or think things over.

"I don't think it is."

"Well, they are fictional characters. But I would like to think they didn't. Romeo thought that his beloved wife was dead and he didn't want to live without her. Juliet didn't want to live without her husband." he answered.

"Do you think that if they just accepted the fact that they couldn't be together they would be okay?"

"That, Miss Wolfe, I have to disagree with you. I believe fate brought the two love birds together. My personal opinion, I think that if Romeo and Juliet didn't kill themselves, the Capulets and the Montegues would still have continued to bicker and argue." Henry said.

I didn't get the answer I wanted. The answer I needed. Henry wouldn't understand my world. He probably would think that I was crazy. He wouldn't understand the Volturi, or my family, or the wolf pack, or imprinting. He wouldn't understand that I cheated on my imprinter. The guy who loved me fully and throughout with someone who he trusted. He wouldn't understand that I told Jacob I hated him. That I would never want him. That I lied to him when I said that I would love and want him one-hundred percent.

I think about Jacob everyday. And, I hate to admit it, but I also think about Kaleb often too. Call me crazy if you want to, but I swear sometimes I see their faces merge together.

"I wish I could be like that." I wondered out loud.

"Killing yourself?" Henry asked.

"No. Making decisions based on my heart. Choosing love over mind." I answered. I wished I didn't have two men that didn't have my heart. I knew if I picked one over the other, I would hurt one of them.

But that's why I left. So I won't have to hurt both of them. But I did. I hurt Jacob and Kaleb.

I've thought about going back but I knew it would only make it worse. I've left destruction that can't be fixed.

"You have beautiful eyes." Henry said, taking on of my ringlet curls and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger.

By his thoughts, he like me. A lot. But I couldn't take it too far. He couldn't handle my world. He couldn't love me as much as the two stubborn men in Washington loved me. I didn't love him enough to spend the rest of his human life with. Henry was just somebody to take my mind off of things.

"Thank you." I said with as much flirt as I could muster up.

The rest of the night was okay. We danced, partied, and I tired to forget everything. It was hard not too but I had to try. I got what I wanted. What I wanted was a normal human life. It is time I deal with it.

"It's getting late." I told Henry hours after our Romeo and Juliet conversation. I wanted time to myself and I knew I couldn't get it here.

"I'll drive you home." he said.

"No. I'll walk. I need to clear my head anyway." I answered. I could probably get home faster than his car would. Plus he didn't look to be fit with driving and I didn't feel like being the designated driver.

Before I left, I decided to give Henry one thing I never gave him since I met him.

I grabbed his shirt and crashed my lips onto his. It didn't mean anything. I didn't have the hunger and pain of wanting more. Just thought it would be playing the part.

"I had a good time tonight." I said with a flirtatious voice, grazing my fingernails over his jawbone. Who said a girl can't have fun?

I walked out laughing. It seemed like it has been forever since I've left a guy dumbfounded.

It seemed a while since I actually laughed.

I don't know why I keep thinking about Romeo and Juliet. I think anybody who has truly loved somebody would understand what they went through. They would find the unanswered questions and pondered on them. They would relate to Romeo or Juliet's problems with their own.

My parents sort of understood what Romeo and Juliet went through. Momma was broken hearted when she found out that Daddy didn't want her. She went into a depression only Jacob could get her halfway out of. But it was my father who made her heart whole again. Her true love.

When Daddy thought Momma was dead, he didn't want to live without her. It was funny how he said he didn't like Romeo but only respected him for what he did. I think my father has a new respect to him now.

I've made plenty of recent mistakes. I fell in love with Kaleb. If you want to call that a mistake. I do. I lied and hid secrets from Jacob. I said horrible things to him. Now I've said things to my family that broke their hearts.

A few days ago I called my parents to wish them a happy anniversary. I was able to speak to all of them. They said one thing that set me off. My fuse blew and I started yelling at them. I told them how they never let me have a normal life, how it was their fault I left Jacob, that they made me run to Kaleb. I yelled at them that it was my life and I could do what I wanted with it. I didn't want them breathing down my neck and watching my every move. I told them that I hated them. That I wanted them to stay out of my life. I said I never wanted to see them again.

I screwed up by cutting my family out. I broke up with Jacob, and I hate to admit this, but I still have contact with Kaleb. Only, he doesn't know where I was at. I think the only one that knows is my family.

I guess I need to start being careful for what I wish for.

I don't know if I regret doing this. I haven't thought about it that far yet. Yeah, I regret saying mean and horrible things to my family and Jacob, but do I regret leaving the only home I ever known? I don't really know. I don't think I've been away from everything to regret leaving.

I wanted to know how Jake was going. I knew it would be hard on him, but I still wanted to know. Part of me wanted to pick up the phone and called him. But I knew if I hung up it would kill him even more.

Deep down I still loved Jacob. There! I've admitted it! But I wanted a life with no worries, and being with Jacob I wouldn't be able to have that. I can't have both Jacob and a normal life.

I guess you can say…I'm comfortable. I'm fine with everything shockingly. I wouldn't go as far as saying I was happy. I don't think I could ever be happy but it'll do.

I walked to my uptown apartment building. It was more for the classier people who were newlyweds just starting out, parents who has children in private school, or just for old people.

I walked up to my number-which was all the way at the top-and unlocked the door, walking in.

Everything was white. To me, it needed a lot of color, but it was new and I was desperate. The living room and kitchen was set like a typical apartment. Big living room, small kitchen. It was nice. Comfortable.

It had one medium sized bedroom, and one large bathroom. I thought I was kind of cool.

One side of the living room wall was a floor to ceiling glass wall. It had a beautiful view of the city and was gorgeous at sunrises and sunsets. It reminds me a lot of my home at Forks.

I didn't know how long I could be "Vanessa Wolfe" here. I don't know where I was going after this, or what I was going to do. Would I go back to "Renesmee Cullen?" Or would a pick up a new fake name?

I leaned against the glass, pressing my forehead to it and closed my eyes. I have no clue how I'm going to do this. I have no clue what my next move will be.

I feel like my life is a chess game and everybody is watching me to see what my next move will be. My opponent is laughing because it knows my every move will be wrong.

I felt tears threaten to come down behind my closed eyes. No. I can't-won't cry. I can't cry anymore. I've made my decisions. I'm stuck with them. I can't turn around and make things better.

I just have to move on.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? Don't worry. It's not.

I was snapped back into the real world when my phone began to ring.

"Hello?" I answered, choking back tears. There is one thing I miss: projecting my thoughts.

"Hey, Gorgeous." I heard Kaleb say.

Part of me was excited to hear his voice, but the other part was disappointed that it wasn't Jacob calling me gorgeous. At least he didn't call me "beautiful" or the tears will really be coming down now.

"Hey." I said meekly.

"How's whatever country you're in?" Kaleb asked with a laugh.

"Good." I answered.

"Can you tell me where you're at? I might want to visit you sometime."

I wasn't sure if I could tell him. It's not that I couldn't trust him. I do. It's just that I'm scared what Jake would do if he found out.

"Kabe…"

"I know. You're worried Jacob'll take you away from your safe haven."

"Does he know?" I had to ask. It was killing me not to know.

"Yeah. Kyle spilled the beans about everything the day you left. He also mentioned that you loved me too." Kaleb said with a hint of pride as he said the last part.

Wait-Jake knows?!

"WHAT!" I shouted, "That-that must have killed him! Di-did you tell him about…you know."

"Yes." he answered.

"KALEB!" I knew it was going to hurt Jacob even more if he knew that. I took out his heart and now he was probably a zombie!

"Ness, I had to. At first he sent a threat saying it would be best for me to stay away from him. A few days later he's ripping my face off, commanding me to tell him everything that went on between you and I." Kaleb said. I didn't answer because I knew there was more to come. "The bad thing is though, he did it when we were in wolf form."

The breath was knocked out of me and I slid to the ground. Jacob saw every little detail. Not only him but the whole pack too!

"He saw everything." I managed to say.

All of a sudden the room felt cold to me. I was shaky, sick with the feeling of regret. I knew deep down I still had feelings for Jacob. I always will. He was my first love. I couldn't change that no matter how much I told everybody that I didn't love Jacob. He was easy to fall in love with.

"'Fraid so." Kaleb aswered. "But Nessie, you had a choice in this. No matter how much you think that you're not going to choose between me and Jake, you still chose me. You know I could give you the life Jacob can't. He's stuck to the pack. I'm not. You know I can give you a life where you have the free will to choose; but please tell me where you're at and we can start that life together." he begged.

I didn't want to tell him so I managed to change the subject. "Speaking of Jake, how is he?"

"He's not great, Ness. He's…lifeless. It's like when you left, you took everything that he needed to live off of with you. He won't sleep, won't eat, keeps to himself as much as he can. He won't see anybody anymore. He snaps at every little thing. Paul won't even let Rachel to bring her son over for Jake to see him-" I couldn't take anymore. I hung up on him.

I let the phone slip out of my hands and onto the hardwood floor. Tears blurred my vision and I couldn't sit up straight. I laid down against the hardwood floor and let the tears come.

Why did I have to be so stupid? Why can't I just admit it to myself that I loved Jacob more than Kaleb.

Did I? I told Kaleb I wasn't going to choose between the two of them. Who could I talk too? Kaleb tries to convince me that I needed pick him. I've screwed my relationship with my mother so that's out of the picture.

The only person who truly understand me was: Jacob. He knew me. He knew me better than anybody else. He's the only person that would let me figure this out on my own but he'll still be there when I need advice. If I was happy so was he.

I've messed that up too.

Maybe if I just give in and call him…it might be good for both me and him.

No. It won't be. After I hung, we'll back off to where we started.

I was stuck between Jacob, Kaleb, and a life that I can enjoy without stress.

I was just…stuck. And the worse part is that I have no freaking clue how to get myself out of this mess. To get myself out of this tangled mess that I was stuck in for good.

I missed my family. I missed my friends. I missed Kaleb. I missed Jacob.

That sick feeling I had is getting worse now. My stomach turned and was in knots.

I raised up quickly, putting my hand over my mouth. No. I can't get sick…or, maybe I can.

I made my way to the bathroom and threw up everything in my stomach. Which was mostly nothing.

After I was finished, I shut the lid and flushed the toilet. I zero energy to get up so I just stayed where I was so I just stayed there.

I stripped down to nothing and filled the bath tub with warm water, stepping into it. I let the water rise to my neck and I relaxed.

What could I do to make myself feel better about all this? I knew I was hurting both Kaleb and Jacob by shoving them away. I needed to choose one and hope the other would smile and know that I'm happy. I needed to know that both of them will support my decision on whatever I choose. That they would do anything to make me smile.

But the problem was which one do I choose. I love both of them. I know they will do anything to make me happy. But I knew Jake would be the only do anything to make me smile. He would be happy knowing I was.

Could I be happy with Kaleb? I think I could. But the downer was when I was with him, I thought about Jacob.

I screamed in aggravation and hit the side of the tub, making the whole room shake. I was fine with my decision until tonight. My stupid brain had to start thinking about Romeo and Juliet! I had to think on the idea of choosing love over everything else. Why do I have to think?

Stupid maturity!

My new vow is to not think about Jacob, Kaleb, my family. I'll stay in London for a while then I'll move on to my next destination. There's not much to think about that. I can go anywhere I please.

Except Volterra.

I got out and wrapped myself in a silk robe. I looked at myself in the mirror that was over the bathroom sink. My curls were all over the place and I didn't bother straightening them out. I looked hideous. Even with vampire beauty.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I climbed into the queen size bed and covered myself with the blankets as if I were in a cocoon. I've grown used to sleeping in a bed by myself. I've forgotten how it felt to have strong arms wrapped around me, nuzzling my ear as I drifted off into a peaceful sleep. I don't even think I know what a peaceful sleep is anymore.

I've grown so accustomed to be alone that it comes naturally now.

~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~

I stood there impatiently. Where was he? What was taking him so long here? I needed him to come. I don't know how long I had with him before everything faded away.

Before I slipped away.

I paced back and forth impatiently, waiting for his arrival. He always showed up right before everything started slipping away. He had to watch me slip away and I had to watch him loose me.

I heard running coming towards me and I smiled. He was here! He would finally see me!

"Renesmee." he said anxiously.

He waited anxiously to see me. He could read my mind and he knew something was wrong. He would know what to do.

I slowly turned around, afraid of what he would say. We didn't have time though to be afraid.

Like always, he wore white. But he's changed too. He wasn't the same. He looked more heartbroken. But his face came alive when he sees me.

My heartbeat quicken and I smiled. I was happy to see him. I've waited so long to see him.

I stared at his eyes. The eyes I loved so much; but he never came to me. I wanted him to come. I wanted him to wrap his strong arms around me and tell me it was going to be okay.

"Look at me." I showed him. I knew he was afraid. That's why he was staring downward.

He moved his face up, looking at my eyes. He still didn't move.

I knew I had to say something to let him know it was going to be okay. "Come here." I said in a voice that carried like bells. He didn't move. "Don't be afraid. We only have a short amount of time."

He started walking over to me but stopped again. I looked at him short, confused.

He looked at me shocked and raised his hands as if to touch something. At first I thought he was reaching towards me so I stretched out my hand also. When I fully extended my hand, something blocked me. I could see him clearly but it was like there was an invincible barrier between us.

Out time was almost up. I could sense it. Pretty soon everything will fade away and we'll both slip into darkness.

He pressed his palms to it, looking at me shocked and upset. We both wanted to reach each other so bad it hurt.

Tears started to form my eyes. It always happens! We get so close being together then something stops us!

He started saying something but I couldn't hear him. It was like his mouth was moving but nothing was coming out.

I tried to speak, but no words came out. I tried to project my thoughts to him, but it was like I didn't have it at all.

He started beating on the barrier, shouting, but I still couldn't hear him.

I tried to do the same but it was no use. Our time together was about to end, but what scared me the most was how it would end.

My blood ran cold, and I knew our time was up. He knew it too.

Pain erupted throughout my body and I screamed in agony. I was finally able to hear his voice, but we weren't able to come close to each other.

He started banging on the barrier even more, trying to get to me.

I back up away from him and slid against a tree onto the forest floor.

"Renesmee!" he shouted, throwing himself against the barrier.

I gripped my stomach, praying the pain would go away. I needed him to be with me so that the pain would go away. I needed him to tell me it was going to be okay when I knew it wouldn't be.

I screamed until my voice gave out; but the tears kept coming. Why was it every time we get so close, we get separated? Why was it when I think everything is okay, then something rips us apart. Why can't I have a normal relationship without complications?

More pain hit and I bit my lips so bad, it drew blood. I didn't want him to see me going through this.

I looked at him again. He was crouched down looking at me. He knew my fate as much as I did.

My throat felt like it had a thousand pounds of lead and cement on it, cutting off my airway. I can hold my breath for a while, but not when something is trying to crush my throat.

I started clawing at my throat, trying to get the weight of it off. On the outside it looked like I was crazy, but to me, something was wrong.

I tried to get up but I was too weak to try. I decided to lay there useless.

I looked at him again as my body went numb. I couldn't move my lips to say anything, but I know he could see what I was wanting to say in my eyes.

He gave up on everything too. He only stared at me with tears streaming down his face.

My vision blurred and I knew we were done. There wasn't anything we could do to stop it.

Everything went white then I faded off into darkness…

My own screaming woke me up and I sat up abruptly, breathing heavy.

I looked around disoriented, seeing where I was at.

I was still in my apartment, not in the woods. I didn't have any pain in my stomach, nothing was on my throat cutting off my air.

I was safe. Well, as safe as my life could get. I have hundreds of years old vampires wanting me dead, I broke my fiancé's heart, and I love another. Totally normal for me, huh?

I noticed the covers were all tangled around me, and I was at an weird angle lying on the bed. Wasn't it typical for me to have a nightmare?

At first the dream was peaceful as it always was. But-as usual-it turns into something that leaves me wide awake until seven o'clock in the morning.

I couldn't let these dreams haunt me. I can't have any regrets about this. I can't think about this! I can't handle it!

As every memory flooded through my mind, it just made things worse.

I rushed to find my phone and ear buds, hoping music would help me fall back to sleep.

I scrolled though my songs until I gave up and just picked a random one. I blared it until I realized what song it was. Please don't leave me by Pink. Not the song I need to hear.

I skipped to the next one, realizing it was Can't Shake You by Gloriana. Nope. Not that one either.

After skipping through several songs, I found one that brought up no memories to this situation…until the chorus.

I found another one that hit me like a tone of bricks. It was kind of mine and Jacob's motto. Or if you want to put in a corny way, it was our song. It talked about how we wouldn't be able to live if we didn't have each other. Now we don't so I guess one of us is going to end up dead.

I ripped the ear buds out of my ear and threw the phone onto the bed.

I give up!

Tonight. Tonight I'll cry for what I had done. For what I am going to do.

I'm going to loose this chess game.

I brought my knees up to my chin, letting the tears come. Tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. And I will not think about everything. I will not think about my family, my friends, Kaleb, or Jacob. To them, I'm dead. Or a person that never existed.

When people compare me to my mother, they need to also look at my fathers actions and his mistakes.

Turns out I'm more like him than they thought I was.

~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~