A/N: I am not Stephanie Myer.... I don't own her characters.... (I wish... I just love them...)
This is set in WW1. Edward doesn't get Spanish Influenza ... (or swine flu) Bella is his sweet heart and he goes off to war like he always wanted... (as a young Officer... young men of rank and privelege do not enter the forces as enlisted privates!) I think they are a lovely couple... I hope you enjoy...
Chapter 1
"Isabella, please don't cry." Edward's soft voice crooned to me, his fingers brushing the tears from my cheek. "Do you want the memory I carry with me to be of tears? I want to remember the laughter in your eyes, no tears... please."
I looked up into his piercing green eyes, they were full of concern and earnest pleading. I took a shaky breath and determined that I would give him this one last gift. A smile.
"There," he said smiling back, "that's much better." His hand continued to touch my face, it was so warm and comforting, I could not help but lean into it. I could not find it in myself to care if anyone should see us here now. Even if they did tell Father, I would take the chastisement to spend these last precious moments with my Edward. His arm wrapped gently around my waist. I gasped, it was not like him to forget we were out in the open. We were standing under a huge oak tree in the park. This was our tree. I had been our tree since we were children. We used to climb it together, until Father found out. He did not approve of his daughter participating in such unladylike activity. It was from that moment the relationship between Edward and my Father started to sour. Father felt Edward was an improper influence on a lady of my social standing. He did not realise that Edward had the most stabilising effect on me. It was usually Edward who had restrained my whims and led me to more suitable pastimes. He was the gentleman's gentleman and I knew I would never find anyone to match his serene patience with me.
His gentle velvet voice brought me back to the present. "Bella, my sweet angel, you cannot know how difficult it is for me to be parted from you, even temporarily." He sighed, pulling me closer. He had held me close before, but never like this and not where others could see. His other hand moved under my chin and he lifted my face to look at his. Glorious emerald eyes bore into mine with an intensity that quite literally made me catch my breath.
"I should very much like to kiss you Bella, may I?" his voice was strained.
I nodded mutely, my breathing caught again. My first kiss, my heart accelerated, I hoped I wouldn't swoon, that would be horribly embarrassing. His face slowly descended towards mine, his warm, soft lips touched mine hesitantly and then more firmly. Mine responded, holding his, it felt as if someone had poured some of Father's finest brandy into my mouth. My skin heated at his touch. I felt the warmness flowing through me and tingled as if I were slightly intoxicated. He released my lips with a shuddering sigh and held me tightly to his chest again. I was almost certain I could feel his tears on my hair. After several moments he released me. "I have something for you," he started to say pulling a small box from his pocket. I glared at him in protest. "I know love," he patted my hand reassuring me, "but I wanted to leave something with you, besides I won't be here for your birthday and we agreed I am allowed to give you a gift for that." He persisted smiling.
I sighed, I would not refuse him anything, at least not today. "If you insist, I shall endeavour to be a gracious recipient." I replied, trying to hold back the smile tugging at my mouth.
"Much better!" he affirmed, smiling hugely now. I reached for the box but he restrained me. "No, I would like to do something first." He knelt down on one knee, my heart literally stopped. Just as I thought it would never start again, it took flight, accelerating wildly, I almost felt the need to sit down. He peered up at me through his impossibly long lashes, his green emerald eyes scorching, "Isabella Swan, I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever. I promise I will come back for you, will you wait for me?"
Well that wasn't exactly the question I was expecting but it was certainly bold enough. I flushed a brilliant scarlet and breathed in a trembling whisper, "Of course Edward, I would wait for you forever!"
He opened the box to reveal a beautifully crafted bracelet with a single charm. It was a delicately cut diamond heart. "This wasn't exactly the question I wanted to ask, or the diamond I wished to leave you with," he muttered with a hint of vexation, "but as it was doubtful I would obtain your Father's approval, especially before your seventeenth birthday..... I had to .... I wanted to ... leave you with something." It was very uncharacteristic for Edward to be unsure of what to say and even more so for him to say a critical word against anyone, even my Father. He tenderly fastened the bracelet around my wrist. I fought the moisture welling in my eyes, I had promised before his last memories of me would not be tears.
"Edward," my voice was shaking again, "Thank you, it is utterly beautiful, I promise to wear it every day that you are away." His answering smile lit up his face like a beacon. He stood up taking my arm.
"I shall escort you home before Chief Justice Swan sends out a patrol for us." He chuckled wryly. Both of us knew it was a distinct possibility if I was even a few minutes late home from our stroll.
"Edward, you will write to me won't you?" I asked placing my free hand on his arm.
"Of course you silly sweet girl, I will write to you at every opportunity." He laughed at me, squeezing my hand lightly with his. "You will write to me too won't you?"
"That, Mr Masen is the silliest question you have ever asked me!" I giggled as I looked up at him. His answering smile was breathtaking.
"Thank you," he grinned in return, his eyes sparkling with amusement, "that is the memory of your face I shall keep with me, and thank you, I will treasure your letters far more than gold or jewels."
We had just passed the front entrance to his house and only had a few steps left to reach mine, my heart was pounding again. I could feel the desperate tears pooling in my eyes, I refused to allow them to fall. I would not ruin my last precious moments together with him. I would not allow myself to question if I would ever see him again, I must not think that. I looked up at my Edward, he seemed to be struggling as much as I to retain composure. I bit my lip as we reached the front door of my Father's house, and turned to face him. His beautiful face was contorted with pain, I could feel a sob rising in my chest. I quickly raised my hand to touch this cheek, "This is not goodbye, merely farewell." I challenged him, my voice determined.
"Bella, you always know what to say to bring me out of my solemn fits." He smiled again, "Thank you, and you are correct this is farewell, until we meet again." His hand held mine to his cheek for the briefest of moments, he bent to kiss my forehead gently and then quickly turned to walk away down the path. I hastened to get inside, I would not allow him to see my heart breaking. I watched through the side window as he reached his gate, he turned to look at my door, his shoulders slumped, his hands flew up to his face and he rushed to get inside his own house.
I could not contain my heartbreak any longer, I raced up the stairs throwing myself across my bed and let the wracking sobs flow into my pillow. I could not even allow myself to fully express my grief. I had barely an hour until dinner. Father would not allow me to not attend and he would not abide me sitting in his company with puffy eyes and a morose countenance. I gained control of myself and then readied myself for another night of stifling propriety.
Chapter 2
My dearest Edward,
It is barely more than a day since you left your front door in your dashing uniform and already I find myself craving your return. I believe in what you are fighting to achieve and I want this horrible war to end quickly, but I confess I my motivations are purely selfish. My fervent and consuming desire is for you to be returned to me as quickly as possible. My days are incomplete without your smile and your gentle voice. I wander aimlessly around this house wishing for your companionship to incite some interest in any subject. All my usual distractions are proving tiresome and I am ashamed to admit that my favourite hobby is being with you.
Last night at dinner Father was most unusually jovial, almost exuberant, he even called for a bottle of champagne to be opened at dinner. You would be most proud of me Edward. I refused to think of the reason for his celebratory mood and did not allow him to provoke me into a sullen disposition. I kept my head held high, my heart locked away and allowed him his boorish behaviour without challenge. Just this once.
I will confess I am keeping a guilty secret from Father. I visited your Mother to take tea this morning. (I am sure this will become our morning ritual whilst you are away from us.) She was so kind as to offer me a copy of your service photograph. I could not help but to smile when I first saw it. I was under the impression that your official portrait in uniform was to be a solemn and austere occasion, but your face is lively, your eyes sparkling with amusement. I look at this photograph and I pretend you are smiling at me. I have it hidden inside the lid of my vanity box. (You know Father would never approve my displaying a man's image in my bedroom.) I can view it whenever I brush my hair, which I have found myself doing many more times a day than I had previously. Such frequent brushing will either yield the shiniest, neatest locks in Chicago or I shall go prematurely bald!
My heart never fails to miss you with every single beat. Promise me you shall stay safe and return to me.
Your devoted,
Bella
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My Darling Bella,
Your letter cheered my day immensely, your candour takes my breath away. How I miss your provocative smiles and irreverent behaviour, but I beseech you, please, have mercy on your hair! Do no harm to those luscious mahogany locks I beg you. I cannot imagine you without those lovely long curls. Stay your hand, you have my permission to look at the photograph without using the brush! You should also know the smile in the portrait is most definitely for you. I could not help myself. The photographer tripped over his case moments before he took the portrait and I was reminded of you. I was actually recalling the day we first met. Do you remember when you were barely ten years of age literally falling out of the sky into my arms? What possessed you dearest Bella to climb on the garden wall between our houses on your first day in your new home? Surely you must have realised even then your coordination was not up to the task! I am grateful I happened to be playing beneath that wall so I could prevent you from an early demise. I have ever been convinced you were my own personal angel who fell from heaven and not once have you given me reason to doubt it.
It saddens me to think your Father found my departure a cause for salubrious celebration, but I am hopeful if I distinguish myself as a young officer he may hold me in higher regard upon my return. I will persist in my effort to win his favour so I may seek your hand. Your sweet steadfastness gives me the courage I need to continue in this pursuit.
Bella, I have met some wonderful friends already. My commanding officer is a Major Jasper Whitlock. He is the most compelling man I have ever met. To be in his presence is to feel encouraged and emboldened about the task facing us. He seems to be quite pleased with my conduct at this point and has requested that I dine with him each night until we reach our posting.
My sergeant is a very jovial chap by the name of Emmett McCarty. He is a monstrous specimen of manhood, but has a gentle and protective nature. Already in these last few days he has wrestled most of the men in the company and there is yet to be found one who can better him. I have considered having a round with him, just for fun and to show the men that I am willing to get in and do the hard stuff with them. I shall let you know if I survive.
Dearest one, I cannot begin to express how much I long to see your angelic face again. The memory of your parting smile and the lovely sapphire blue gown you wore is ever before my eyes.
I swear I will somehow find a way to return to your side no matter what befalls me. You are my life now.
Take care of my heart, I left it with you,
Yours forever
Edward
To my most wonderful Edward,
Your letter was received with exhilaration. I raced with it to my room so that I would not be disturbed. It sits now in my vanity having been unfolded and read so many times already that I have lost count. Your words are a soothing balm to my worried mind. My waking moments are spent pondering your whereabouts and your face dominates my dreams. Your mother and I take comfort in each other every morning at tea, knowing no news is good news. It is hard for us to conceive that it is already several weeks since we last had you with us. I wish to reassure you my hair is still mostly intact, I have sent you a lock as proof.
My seventeenth birthday was more dreadful than I had anticipated. Father insisted on having a party and inviting a multitude of gentlemen, who he deemed were suitable bachelors. Apparently he has decided I am of age to receive suit! To say that I am entirely opposed to this notion would be a vast understatement. I spent the entire evening being paraded in front of a group of strange boys (one could hardly classify them as men) like a prize at the fair to be won by the most accomplished idiot. I even had to open each of their wretchedly banal gifts and make suitable comment on how wonderful I supposedly thought it was. HUMBUG! It was only then that Father noticed I was wearing your bracelet. I should be grateful the topic had not been raised before as I was able to quite convincingly pass it off as a gift from your mother. He accepted this explanation with uncharacteristically good grace, I think perhaps because of the excess of brandy he had consumed, but I will not complain, I am permitted to keep wearing it.
I need not tell you Mr Masen that I am not at all impressed with your plan to challenge this man mountain sergeant of yours to a wrestling match. Your sanity is in question, do you wish me to continue? Is it not enough that you are fighting a deadly enemy, you now take on your own men to hasten bodily harm? I am not sure if I want to know if you proceeded in this foolishness, nor do I wish to know the result. Unless of course you prevailed.
It is starting to get cooler here. I worry for you. Are you warm enough? Are the provisions they are giving you adequate? We always hear army food is not exactly the most palatable. Is there anything apart from my heart that I can send you?
I believe you when you promise to return to me, but forgive me I still regularly give way to the fear of never seeing you or feeling your strong embrace again. Sometimes I try to imagine how you will come back to me. I cannot get a clear picture, your face is obscured by shadow. I don't know what it means, but I cast those thoughts away and focus only on how wonderful it felt when you touched your lips to mine. That is a sensation I will never forget and it keeps me from falling into despair.
I love you Edward Masen. I want you to wake up every morning and go to sleep every evening hearing me say that. I love you.
I await your reply, your eternal love,
Bella
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To my most beautiful angel, Bella,
I chuckled when I received your last missive. I had no problem guessing from whom it was sent. Your penmanship has not improved in my absence. Firstly, I am sorry your birthday was such an appalling display. I know how you abhor such attention. Only know that had I been there, I would not have permitted any of those other boys to come within smiling distance of you, there would have been no tiresome display of forced civility. You have my hearty approval to throw all their meaningless tokens out in the trash. It saddens me that your Father feels that he needs to match you up to some preppy upstart at the first available opportunity. I trust you implicitly my love, but should you find someone who captures your affections more than I, I would release you from your promise without condemnation. My heartfelt desire is only for you to be happy.
I survived my wrestling match with Emmett, I am pleased to report. It was the most perplexing and curious affair. Whilst he is considerably larger and more experienced than I, I prevailed. It was almost as if I knew his every move before he made it. He was mightily displeased that he was unable to pin me as we continued sparring for an extraordinarily long time. In the end Jasper had to break up the bout because it was obvious we were not going to get a resolution. Emmett clapped me on the shoulder and loudly exclaimed he had never met a better challenge, especially not from someone so soon out of diapers! My esteem with my men increased no small amount because of it I can tell you. It has been difficult for some of them to accept leadership from someone barely past his eighteenth birthday. We have now arrived at our base camp now and will join the campaign in the next few days. The responsibility of it daunts me at times but with Jasper's guidance and Emmett's support I am sure we will make a good job of it.
My precious angel. Thank you for sending me one of your silken tresses to keep. It now resides in my top pocket, close to my heart. Are you aware it still smells of strawberries? The scent of it triggers pleasant dreams.
To answer your questions, my dear one, it is colder here than at home but we have good sturdy tents and thick (albeit scratchy) woollen blankets. Failing that, I find thoughts of your last touch always fills me with warmth enough to ward off any chill. The provisions are plentiful but basic, I would not compare them to any of Mother's wonderful feasts. I am only wishing that you would send me one thing, and that you already have done. Your flawless affection my beautiful Bella, is all I require to sustain me through this separation. I will return to you someday my love.
I remain yours and only yours
Edward
Chapter 3
My beloved Edward,
Again my heart broke into an alarming pattern when the post arrived containing my most prized treasure, your letter. As before, I hastened to my private room to devour every word, the page is now stowed safely in my vanity with the other.
Mr Masen the critique of my handwriting was most uncalled for. I should like to have not written back to teach you a lesson for such impudence, but you know my longing heart would never allow me to hold such a grudge. I would however, Edward Anthony Masen, like to smack your arm severely for making such a ridiculous statement that I should rescind my promise. Edward, there is no other man on this earth that could come close to resembling what you are to me. I will fulfil my promise to my dying breath should it be necessary. I will wait for you forever, but I pray that it will not be that long before my promise is realised. I miss you desperately, I would have you come home tonight, immediately, but I will wait.
Father is reluctant for me to continue at school after this term, he doesn't think a lady needs to be educated past a certain level. After all, if all one is destined to do is marry and conduct a home, why on earth do you need to broaden your mind? I am desperate to continue, if only to break the monotonous tedium that is my existence without you.
I am now subjected to a seemingly never ending stream of gentleman callers. I have begged Father to limit this to only two a week. Every day is becoming a trial. Several, despite my indifference to their attentions, have insisted on multiple visits. I am surprised at the attention, given that I do not favour them with any encouragement whatsoever. The most persistent of the multitude have been Tyler Crowley, Eric Yorkey and most aggravatingly Michael Newton. They each have attended no less than five times. I think however, my stubborn resistance has finally paid off with Eric, he has failed to call back in the last two weeks. I wish the others would take the hint. I fear Father is encouraging their attentions as he is quite taken with Michael Newton, not surprising really, Mr Newton Sr. is the owner of a very large merchandising store in the centre of town. Truthfully, the boy is an ignorant git who couldn't find his way past his own ego. I detest the time I am forced to entertain him, I would rather listen to Father recount his day in court, and you know how much I enjoy that.
I find solace daily with your mother. She is so sweet and understanding, she has become my closest confidant. Yesterday, before your latest letter came, I was overcome by a fit of melancholy. She allowed me to visit your room so I could feel close to you. I confess to lying on your bed and permitting a few tears to flow. Your pillow still held your fragrance. I closed my eyes and I could almost pretend my face was resting upon your chest, it was most comforting, if even only for a brief moment. I do not wish to make you sad my cherished one, but my heart pains so at your absence. I ache to hear your voice and feel your arms around me once again. Being in your room gave me strength to continue patiently, it also furnished me with an idea. The small handkerchief you should have found enclosed with this letter was worn next to my heart during the last day. I hope it still carries the essence of my devotion to you.
I love you,
Bella
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My lovely lady Bella,
Thank you my beloved for your letter and your token. I was reduced to near incomprehension to receive something so personal and sweet. I carry it with me at all times, I need but touch it to remember your pleasant smile, it helps calm me in times of stress.
When my dear Miss Swan will you ever see yourself as others do? Whilst it rankles me severely to know that you are the most sought after young lady in Chicago, I can fully understand why you are receiving so many admiring suitors. You, my love, are a beauty without equal and with your independent spirit you are ever so attractive to the male of the species. It grieves me to know there are other men sharing your time but I am strangely gratified to know that I have something that they all crave, your affection.
We are now faced daily with the reality and challenges of war. I need not tell you it is not a pleasant or glorious business. With every day comes images one would rather not have seen but there are also rewards amongst the horrors. The comradeship with the men of my company is nothing short of astounding. As I have mentioned previously, Jasper is a charismatic leader. He has a strategic mind and has saved us many times with his quick thought and action. Emmett, the one you dubbed "man mountain", a name which has stuck with him here I should like to say, is phenomenal on the field. He relishes the opportunity to get amongst the action and he seems to be impervious to any attack. As long as he is with us, we stand a better than even chance of winning this thing.
I have recently made the acquaintance of a most strikingly brilliant gentleman, our company surgeon. (And before you get yourself all worried, I did not meet him through any personal need for treatment.) Dr Carlisle Cullen is one of the most unusual persons I have ever met but he is outstanding in his character and devotion. His dedication to his duty is tireless, his skill in surgery unsurpassed and his gentle and knowing nature unrivalled amongst we mere mortals. I have spent much time in his company since first meeting him. He is utterly fascinating and insightful to speak with. He has graced me with his knowledge and even allows me to assist him in his duties when my time permits and genuinely seems to enjoy my company and my interest. I am seriously considering pursuing a path to medical practice upon my return. His energy is unparalleled but he is not totally infallible I have discovered. Yesterday, one of our unusually sunny days, I sought him at the medical tent but he was not to be found. When I enquired at his quarters I found him covered up on his cot in what seemed to be pain. I besought him to come and find help at the clinic but he persuaded me that nothing could be done for the moment and that the ailment would pass. I was grieved to leave him in such a state but he insisted. He was correct of course, I noticed him shortly after sundown striding back to our makeshift hospital with renewed vigour. Perhaps the realities of the situation overcome even the best of us.
I am so pleased that you and my mother have become such close companions. She has always held you in high esteem and encouraged me in my relationship with you. I do hope that the time before we are reunited will not be too tiresome for you. Bella, my love, I cannot find words to explain how deeply I desire to be back with you. My very bones cry out to hold you again.
I will come back to you, I love you
Edward
My darling Edward,
You sir are the most wonderful, kind and thoughtful gentleman I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Your mother has managed to persuade Father to allow me to accompany her as her companion when she visits your cousins in Washington. We leave in two days and will be there for four weeks.
Hurrah!
A month of no suitors! A month of not having to dine with a dour old judge who insists I present myself in a seemly manner at dinner, whilst he gets ever more inebriated on his expensive brandy. (I confess I have thought of having some myself so I can withstand another evening of his intoxicated ramblings!) I am so excited, I have to write quickly or I will not finish packing. A month! Hurrah and double hurrah! A month of peaceful days spent with your mother with no fear of interruption. Edward, I am sure you must have planted the idea in her mind and for that I would love to smother your face with kisses. A whole month! Have I told you that I love you?
I am so pleased to read that you have forged some close friendships. I can only imagine what you must be enduring and to know that you have the support of caring men around you comforts me no small amount. Dr Cullen certainly seems to have made an indelible impression on you. I can see a career in medicine would suit your disposition perfectly and I certainly have no objection to being a Doctor's wife. Forgive me if that was too forward, but Edward, I dream constantly of the day you return and finally claim my hand, for I am sure that is your intent.
As you have probably gathered, I am still receiving an uncomfortable number of visits from gentleman callers. I have managed, by barely maintaining the bounds of civility, to discourage all but one. Michael Newton, or Mike as he insists I call him. Is it unladylike to retch in the presence of a buffoon? I am convinced the man has no sense of anyone but himself. He is seems to be labouring under the misapprehension that I actually enjoy his company! Honestly Edward, if you were to witness my behaviour you would be shocked, Father would most likely have a seizure, but this imbecile is enchanted! (Or so he keeps telling me.) His clumsy attempts at charming conversation are boorish in the extreme. He has tried on a number of occasions to hold my hand. His touch is repellent. His hands are usually clammy and rough, not at all like the soft, warm gentle hands I long to hold again at this moment. I would that you were here so you could take him outside and punch him on the nose for me. I wish I could punch him on the nose without inducing a societal scandal. My greatest comfort is that I am now going away with Mother Masen for a whole Newton free month. Hurrah again!
Edward, my beloved I miss you so. Stay safe for me, come home to me soon.
I love you
Bella
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Dearest loving Bella,
Your charm and irreverence never fail to bring a smile to my face. Your letter made me laugh until I was fit to burst. Carlisle and Jasper were unable to contain their amusement when I shared with them your antics. Both of them heartily agree with me, it would not be unladylike to retch in the presence of a buffoon. Please, by all means do, and then write and tell us the story. I will most assuredly take up your suggestion upon my return, (both of them actually) I will be taking Mr Newton outside for a good punch on the nose. Then I will be asking for your hand without any further delay. Bella, you must know I have dreamed of making you my wife since the very day we met. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. I quite like the idea of your being a Doctor's wife. I am enamoured with the idea of being the Doctor who is married to the Doctor's wife. I would like to reassure you at this point. I did not divulge the entire contents of your letter to my companions; I would not betray your confidence so, just the amusing tirade regarding the newt.
I hope you are enjoying your time away with my mother. She was very much looking forward to being able to alleviate some of your distress. She hates to see you suffer ill attention. She loves you as her own daughter Bella, I am pleased that you have each other. You will find my cousins to be amusing and undemanding. I hope you enjoy your girl time.
The days here can be depressingly tedious. Fighting, retrieving wounded, resting and then for no apparently sane reason, more fighting. I am no longer even remotely interested in the politics and reasoning for our actions, I just fervently wish for it all to stop. Carlisle and Jasper are in agreement, while both of them are infinitely more patient and tolerant than I, they both grieve the unnecessary loss of human life. I have seen ghastly things my love, things which I hope you will never be exposed to. I hope the man who returns to you will not be so changed by his experiences that you find you can no longer abide his company.
I am sorry for sounding morose my love. I don't have you here to charm me out of my solemn fit. I do have your handkerchief which I have clutched in my left hand as I write. I can feel my mood lifting already. I am imagining your face as you read my words of love. Oh how I miss you. Every breath without you is painful. I will come home to see you smile soon.
I love you
Edward
My darling wonderful Edward,
For a change the postal service seems to have been gracious to us, my letter has reached you and your reply has arrived even before we have returned to Chicago. I admit that is attributable in some small part to a cunning deception of your mother's design. Knowing that Chief Justice Swan would not allow me to leave on an extended trip your mother proposed only four weeks. She sent word back after three that she is has succumbed to an ailment and is at this moment too indisposed to travel. Of course it would be unseemly and inappropriate for me to make the return journey unescorted, so alas, here we remain for a few more weeks. Hurrah! So far I have spent six glorious newt (I confess I love that title) free weeks. We are making plans to travel back next week. It would not do to push Father's patience too far, he would probably send an armed guard to retrieve me.
Your cousins Rose and Alice are perfectly delightful, I am so very glad to have made their friendship. They are rather more caught up in affairs of fashion and appearance than I but their companionship is jolly and uplifting. Alice is a dynamic little sprite who has a remarkable talent in tailoring the most wonderful gowns. She and Rose escorted me to the mercantile on my second day here and spent an absolute fortune on bolts of cloth from which to create her masterpieces. She has boundless energy and has finished many items for me during my stay. My favourite is a high collared sky blue blouse with beading around the throat, I know it will please you, I can't wait for you to see it. Rose also is a gem. She knows a surprising amount about mechanical devices. It is fascinating to listen and watch her work on her contraptions and ever so much more rewarding than needlepoint. We three have spent many a wonderful hour just enjoying each other's companionship. It has been a most restful and pleasant stay.
I do not wish to cause you alarm in your absence my love, however I feel I must tell you that when your Mother claimed an ailment made her unfit for travel, I am not entirely sure she fabricated the tale. I have happened upon her in recent times looking quite pained and clutching her chest. She assures me that it is nothing of concern, merely a disagreement with whatever she had recently eaten. I cannot help but be anxious that it is something more serious. I do hope you will be able to return very soon, it would be a profound relief for us both.
Alice and Rose are now demanding my attention, apparently they have more mischief to create, so I bid you farewell for this moment. I miss you my beloved. I long to see your face somewhere other than in my dreams.
Yours and only yours
Bella
Chapter 4
Dear Miss Swan,
Allow me to introduce myself, I am Major Jasper Whitlock. Ordinarily I would not correspond with the sweethearts of my men, but this is an exceptional circumstance. I deeply regret that I must send you very unpleasant news.
A few days ago my company was engaged in a surprise attack. The action was much fiercer than any we have previously encountered. There were many souls wounded and some of the men became separated. It is to my absolute dismay that I must report I witnessed your Edward fall wounded during this encounter. We were unable to maintain that position and were driven to fall back. I was able to return to our encampment and alert the others to the predicament of the fallen. We were gathering a patrol to retrieve our wounded when Dr Cullen, severely distressed by news of Edward's loss, raced off alone to the battlefield to find him. By the time the men I had gathered arrived back at the scene, night had fallen, and there was no sign of either Edward or Dr Cullen. We searched diligently until next morning but have been unable to locate any trace of either of them. My only logical explanation is that they have been captured. Unfortunately, having borne witness to the extent of Edward's injuries, I hold little hope for his return, even if Dr Cullen was somehow able to minister aid.
I cannot begin to express the enormity the loss of your Edward has had on our company. He was an exceptional young gentleman who affected every person he encountered in a positive way. I myself consider it a privilege to have known him and to be counted amongst his friends. I write to you as well as his mother because I know how much your love meant to him. I trust your close companionship with his mother will afford you both comfort during this difficult time.
I wanted you to know how dear you were to him. His love for you was an inspiration to all of us. None of us can claim to have experienced the potency of his dedication to you. There was a light in his eyes when he spoke of you that most of us can only dream of attaining. If it be any comfort, he was poised to reply to your latest letter when the attack commenced. Your letter was the last thing he touched before he ran to his fate. I know he held you in his thoughts as he did.
If there is anything that I can do to assist you or his mother after our return, I beg you do not hesitate to ask.
I remain in your service,
Jasper Whitlock Mjr.
Dear Edward,
I cannot! I WILL not! I will not believe that you are no longer alive! I received the most beautiful letter carrying the most dreadful news from your friend Major Whitlock. I ran to be with you mother the moment I had finished reading it. Hers contained the same terrible story. We held each other for the longest time, neither of us willing to break the silence and give voice to our despair.
I still feel your love surrounding me Edward. There is no emptiness. I know in my heart that if you were truly gone as your comrades believe that I would be empty. It is NOT so! I know you still love me. I know that cannot be true if you don't exist. I beg you, keep breathing for me. Please! I don't care in what condition or shape you return to me in, I will love you. I WILL love you, I will not leave you and I WILL NOT break my promise to wait for you.
I love you, I hold you to your promise to me. Come back to me Edward, you swore it!
Bella
Dear Edward,
It has been several weeks now since your mother and I received the dreadful news of your disappearance. There has been no further news from anyone. My father, however, has found out. Despite my protestations to the contrary, he has informed me that I have no further reason to reject the attentions of other gentleman and he will be encouraging their suit. This of course means that the abominable Newt has renewed his efforts to win my affection. I am subjected daily to his tiresome conversation and annoying proximity. He is becoming bolder every moment. Yesterday he escorted me to the park. He wished to pause under our tree to pass some time, I adamantly refused to allow him to degrade our special place and returned home.
I refuse to give up hope that you will return. Sometimes I think even you mother believes my faith in your promise is misplaced. I trust you Edward and you promised you would return. You trust me and I promised I would wait. So I shall.
Bella
Dear Edward,
Three months have passed since the day the news came. Father is aggrieved that I am still expecting your return. He has forbidden that I speak of you but he still allows me to visit your mother. He is demanding that I respond to Mr Newton's attentions. He became very forceful last night when I tried to object and grabbed my arm. He told me I needed to pay attention for the good of my family. What family, I ask you? A pompous inebriated old boor who only acknowledges my presence so he can boast of my fairness to his social set! I cannot see how flattering another boor will possibly improve the fortunes of my family! I have only one family and it is you and your mother. I do not feel I owe any loyalty to those who so disregard my feelings and opinions that I have merely become a decoration.
Your mother still receives me daily for tea. She is looking very pale and haggard my love. I know she worries about my unwavering certainty that you will return. I will not allow her to see even the brief moments of doubt. I do not allow them to take root in my heart. I still feel your love. I will not betray what I believe. You are still here, somehow I know you still breathe and still think of me. I await your return.
I will love you forever,
Bella
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My dearest Edward,
Six long months have passed since your disappearance. So much has happened. I long to tell you everything in person.
Today your mother had a most unexpected visit. Major Whitlock and Sergeant McCarty from your company came by to introduce themselves. It was wonderful to be able to put faces to the names and to make their acquaintance. You were correct in describing Emmett as a man mountain. He is certainly an impressive size. They were both exceedingly gracious to your mother and myself and regaled us with stories of your exploits. It was wonderful to hear of you from those who had spent time with you. By happy circumstance your lovely cousins, Rose and Alice, were staying with your mother and they were extremely pleased to have met your comrades. If I am not mistaken, your house will see much of the good Major and Sergeant in the coming weeks.
The men with whom you fought have returned. You have not yet. Whilst I am greatly pleased for their happiness and the relief of their loved ones, my heart is pained. I will not allow the doubt and dread fear that threatens my every heartbeat to take hold. I refuse to believe that your return will not be soon. I hear your voice in my head repeating your promise to me. You promised to return to me. Though tears may fall I still remember those words with every breath.
Father and the Newt are becoming more persistent with every day. Father has taken to inviting the Newt to dine with us on a regular basis. I am thinking of forsaking all meals, as I have quite lost my appetite. At least they approve of my association with your cousins. Particularly as Alice sees fit to continually array me in new gowns and Rose loves making my hair look just so.
I miss you, I love you, I wait for you,
Bella
My Beloved Edward,
I am so sorry! I have nowhere else to turn, no other form of release. I have hidden these letters to you in your room. I hope someday you will have the opportunity to read them.
Michael Newton has asked Father for his permission to marry me and Father has granted it unreservedly. Apparently my lack of assent means little. I refused his first proposal, politely and he was less than civil. Father was enraged after he left. He came into my room and removed my vanity with your photograph and letters inside. They are at this moment burning in the fireplace. Gone. Every precious word you wrote, gone. I have read them so many times they are committed to memory but I can no longer hold tangible proof of your love. Gone. I have hidden your bracelet so that it may not meet a similar fate.
Edward what am I to do? I love you and I am trying so hard to keep my promise to you but it seems fate is conspiring against me. I need you to come to me Edward. Again I vow to you, it matters not how you return, I want you back with me.
I will not let this situation break my faith in you. I believe your promise. I believe in you.
Your truest love
Bella
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My darling Edward,
I awoke this morning from the strangest dream. It was not unpleasant but very strange.
I dreamt that I was lying cradled in your arms, your lips kissed my forehead. Your voice, softer than a kitten's mew whispered my name and told me of your love. How I wished to stay asleep. I was more comfortable than I had been since your departure. You told me that you had come to fulfil your promise and that you were so proud of me for holding to mine. Your arms were so hard and cold. I don't know what that means Edward. You cannot be cold because you are dead. You are not dead. You cannot be, your love for me is still very much alive. I think maybe you are cold because you are still lost. Find your way back to me sweetheart, I promise I will be your warmth.
I awoke and it was if my dream had substance. I truly believe I could smell your essence in the air surrounding me.
I cannot wait to have tea with your mother and cousins, I will slip this note into your room.
I love you,
Bella
Dearest Edward,
As much as I am comforted by your nightly presence in my dreams this past week, I would love those dreams to become reality.
Father confronted me again this evening, he was very rude and abrupt. He is insisting that I accept Michael Newton's proposal the next time he visits. I have been informed that my feelings account for less than the price of my upkeep. Father, it seems, is not quite as affluent as he would like to portray to his peers. Mr Newton has promised Father a substantial dowry if I consent to be his bride. I have been commanded under threat of dispossession to agree. Frankly, I would rather spend the rest of my days in the workhouse than one day as the wife of that ogre.
When I said as much to Father he struck me.
At least it will be several days before I have to suffer another visit. Father would not let his pride and reputation be compromised by an unsightly bruise on his daughter's face.
I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to turn. Your mother, gracious as she is cannot harbour me from the Chief Justice.
Edward, please believe me I am doing all I can to stay true to my promise. I need you now more than ever to keep yours.
Bella
Edward,
It is now almost a year since you were last seen. I do not begrudge the time that has passed, particularly the last month while your presence has haunted my dreams. Bedtime is my favourite time of day. I desire nothing more than to lie in your arms each night and hear your voice tell me of your undying devotion.
The date has been set. Two weeks from today. Even though I am yet to verbally agree to this cursed union the plans have continued to proceed. My every protest has been met with a hostile and sometimes violent response from both Father and Michael (as I now must call him). When I failed to show the proper level of appreciation for his engagement ring, he gripped my wrist forcefully and whispered in my ear that when I officially belonged to him, I would quickly learn how to show my gratitude.
I feel so ill. I feel so helpless. I have no recourse. I must comply.
Alice will make me a wedding dress. I have allowed that. I am sure she will do a splendid job, but I cannot find the energy to care. I should like to attend this disaster in a sack, like the societal slave that I am to become. I refuse to invite your mother or cousins. I will not permit them to witness this travesty. Edward, I don't know what else to do.
I will continue to hope that somehow you will rescue me from this. Is two weeks enough time for you? It has been so long already.
Bella
My one true love Edward,
This will be the last letter I will ever write to you. I am to be married to someone else in a few short hours. In the eyes of the law I will belong to him. By sundown he may possess my body, but my beloved you and you alone will have ownership of my heart, soul and mind.
If you are reading this, I am so sorry but you are too late to claim me. I will not allow the grief of that thought to overwhelm me. I have cried until there are no tears left. Even your dream self could not comfort me last night. There is no comfort to be had. Only promises broken. Love lost. Dreams shattered. Our future together is now an unachievable wish.
Please Edward, do not think for one moment I am bitter toward you. I am only sad that I could not be to you what we had both dreamed.
I leave for the chapel knowing that you have loved me. What we shared was real and irreplaceable. Nothing I will ever experience again will ever compare to the pure bliss of knowing you. Please remember that I loved you. If it were in my power I would have waited forever, but all power has been stripped from me.
I love you. I will always love you. If I should ever see you again, I would still love you even if I cannot say it.
I leave now to face my fate.
I will be Isabella to the world, but I will always be your Bella
Chapter 5
I delivered the letter to Edward's room and bid his mother one final goodbye. She looked so pale and fragile. I forced a smile to my face as I wished her well and bade her not to worry for my sake.
I dressed into my wedding outfit automatically. I felt no excitement, strangely no dread or fear. I felt merely empty, devoid of all care and life. I would play the part that had been thrust upon me, but I would not give myself. As Father and I entered the carriage, I turned to wave one last time to Edward's mother. She stood framed in her front window, I could not see her face. As I turned I noticed there were storm clouds moving toward us. I remember feeling a little gratified that even the weather seemed to disapprove of today's event.
We arrived at the chapel. There were so many faces. All of these people here to witness my last moments of freedom. All of them dressed like turkeys for thanksgiving. All of them caught up in the preposterous notion that this was a joyous occasion. Not one single person knew me. Not one single person cared for the outcome of the individual. They were all here to see the spectacle. I drew a deep breath and locked my heart away forever.
I am sure there was music playing as Father escorted me down the aisle, I have no idea what it was. I only recall feeling quietly shocked that I was standing in front of the Right Reverend Weber so soon. As he cleared his throat to begin the ceremony there was a flash of lightning and an ominous rumble from the exterior of the church. I was briefly entertained by the thought that Mother Nature's disapproval may result in a service ending storm.
"Dearly Beloved..." he began, I allowed my mind to wander from the ridiculous speech about being joined together in loving matrimony wishing fervently that it would all be over. "If any man has any reason why these two should not be wed let him speak now or forever......"
"I have reason!" a loud clear voice announced from the entrance of the building. All eyes immediately turned to see from where the voice originated. Illuminated by a sudden flash of lightning he stood tall and tensed in the doorway, his bronze hair tossed by the strengthening wind of the tempest. Edward. My heart broke into a sprint, I felt faint but I knew I must keep hold of my senses lest the opportunity to escape pass.
Father gestured to the ushers to remove him but Edward merely flicked them aside with no apparent effort.
"Isabella is promised to me," he continued in the same clear voice as he advanced down the aisle towards me, glaring at Father, "and I am promised to her." He drew closer to me, capturing my eyes in his golden gaze before smiling, "And I always keep my promises."
Mike moved to stand in front of me, "She is betrothed to me, and who are you?" he sneered attempting to look intimidating.
"Allow me to introduce myself," Edward replied politely. I could detect a threatening note under the calm quietness. "My name is Edward Masen and I have returned for my Bella."
Mike bristled at the name and took a step forward raising his fists. "You are not invited to MY wedding and this girl is MINE!" he bellowed.
A snarling growl ripped from within Edward's chest and his lips curled back over his teeth. It was simultaneously terrifying and comforting. "Bella never was and never will be yours! She is not a possession. The only reason I claim her as my Bella is because she freely GAVE me her affection! Now sir, I believe I owe you something."
Faster than a cobra strike, Edward's hand fisted and landed on Mike's nose with a sickening crunch. Mike fell to the ground, blood spurting from his face. Edward's eyes glazed over for a moment but he tensed his jaw and shook his head abruptly before turning his attention back to me.
"Bella," he smiled again, reaching to take my hands in his, they were ice cold, "Would you like to leave this charade and join me?"
"Of course Edward..." I managed to whisper, momentarily puzzled by the changes in his face and eye colour, "But why are your eyes different and where have you been?"
His face tensed briefly, but his eyes remained tender as he leaned down to whisper in my ear, "There will be plenty of time for explanations later, but I think it is important we depart this debacle before they move to stop us."
Father who had been shocked into immobility suddenly became very animated. "This is an outrage! You are not permitted to take my daughter anywhere!"
Again Edward stiffened, he released my hands and growling loudly stalked deliberately toward Father. "She ceased to be your daughter when you tried to sell her to that insensitive beast to pay your debts!" he roared, making even Father cringe, "I also believe I owe you this for Bella's sake!" His hand struck Father's cheek, there is no doubt it would leave a bruise that would more than equal the one Father had dealt me several weeks previously.
Edward returned to me, "You look so beautiful in that gown my Bella," he murmured brushing his fingers down my cheek, "Remind me to send a thank you note to cousin Alice later. For now, shall we leave?"
Unable to speak coherently, I nodded. He picked me up in his arms as though I weighed no more than a housecat and made for the door. Some of the ushers half-heartedly tried to block our path but he merely glared them into retreat.
We stepped out into the storm, his arms tightened around me cradling me to his chest. His scent was intoxicating, I pressed my face closer into his neck. He smiled, kissing me gently on the forehead and then it was if we were flying.
Epilogue: several weeks later
Dear Father,
I thought I should write in the event that you may actually care about what became of your daughter.
After Edward rescued me from the church, he introduced me to his friend Carlisle. He explained to me how he had been changed during the battle and had taken a long time to recover sufficiently before he could return to me. He thought I would be frightened of him, but on the contrary he is more spectacular in my eyes than ever.
I have changed too Father. I am much stronger now that I am now free of your oppression. I can make my own choices and I have chosen to be with Edward. Forever. He has promised to love me and take care of me for eternity, and as he stated in the church, he always keeps his promises. He is ever the gentleman, and has provided me with appropriate accommodations until we are officially wed next week. Carlisle will be our witness, you will not see your daughter's nuptials.
Do not try to find us Father, we have moved far away from you and you shall never be bothered by my presence in your parlour again. I find myself indifferent to your situation. I do not wish to know if your reputation has survived the scandal of my departure. I hope your brandy snifter affords you as much solace now as it did whilst I was with you.
May you finish your time on this earth peacefully, mindful of your effect on others' lives. Perhaps then you will gain some atonement for the discord you have sown.
I hope you can at least find enough goodwill to be happy that I have found my joy. I am entirely certain that Edward and I were destined to be together from the moment we met. Now we shall, forever. He loves me Father, more than life itself and I have gladly surrendered my life to him. I love him. I love being with him. I will still love him in a hundred years.
I am happy.
Goodbye Father.
Bella
A/N A small explanation.... I assume you understand that Edward returned as a vampire with Carlisle... He was still very much a Newborn when he started "visiting Bella's dreams" and could not trust his control to completely return. His self-control in the church when Mike started bleeding was truly "Edward -impressive"... He changed Bella shortly after her rescue... with her totally enthusiastic consent of course.... I believe he wouldn't have had the same "soul" issues at this time. Partially because he didn't have 80 odd years to "overthink" it and partially because he didn't have a whole lot of choice after kidnapping her.... and partially because she was a tasty human and he didn't have the same reserves of self-control!
I enjoyed writing this... I hope you enjoy reading it... please review... Thanks