Disclaimer: I have to be honest...not mine!
Hey everyone! I'm new to the world of Smallville fanfiction (writing wise that is) and thought I would give it a bit of a bash. I'm australian so I haven't seen season 8 yet (not anything that youtube wont show anyway) and so I have to warn you that this is fairly AU...please read, enjoy and review...i'll get moving with the next chapter if people like it! Cheers!
Clark sat with his head in his hands while Chloe paced in front of him, firmly holding a lead box in her hand.
"You can't blame yourself Clark, it's not your fault what happens while you're under the influence of Red K. It was kinda lucky I figured it out when I did though, coz I don't think it would have been very fair to Lois if anything more had happened. Can't imagine how you would have reasoned your way out of that one without completely breaking…"
"Chloe," Clark said quietly, which went unnoticed by the girl in question.
"…and to think what you could have revealed to her. I mean, last time she was under the influence of a drug herself so she was conveniently able to pull an 'Amnesia Episode' and forget the whole thing so…"
"Chloe!" Clark interrupted more desperately. This time Chloe turned toward him, noticing for the first time just how pained he looked as he removed his hands from his face. Seeing Clark like this always made Chloe's heart lurch. How was it that a man who would leap tall buildings in a single bound and save countless lives in a day, could still be so hopeless when it came to the experience of romance? Chloe wondered exactly what point in time the cause of Clark's pain had morphed from Lana Lang to Lois Lane.
"Clark," Chloe began softly and sat down beside him to take his hand in hers. "You can't keep beating yourself up for everything that goes wrong. Red K for you is like the rest of us drinking far too much alcohol. Well, minus the slurred speech and marred motor skills. But the thing is that you can't be accountable for everything that happens when you're affected. I mean, how many times has Lois done something while drunk and completely regretted it? But you don't see her beating herself up about it and you know we all forgive her. It's unquestionable that she would forgive you."
Clark slid his hand out of Chloe's and began to ball his wide hands into fists. Chloe could tell that he was raging an internal battle. Chloe was about to continue to provide soothing words of encouragement to Clark, but it appeared that the angry side of him had won the war.
"No Chloe, you don't get it! This has been one of the only chances that I've had to show Lois how I really feel. And until now, I didn't really know how I felt!" Clark exploded as he wrenched himself from the bench and resumed Chloe's previous path of pacing back and forth.
Chloe's eyebrows shot skywards. She began to realise that maybe Clark's anger was not at himself, but with her. She glanced at the lead box she had deposited beside her on the bench.
"Hang on, you're mad because I came in with the green kryptonite. So what does that mean, you wanted to be playing for the red team?"
The slight defensive note in Chloe's speech made Clark dial down his anger.
"No, I don't want to be affected by Red K. I didn't then either, but it was an accident in the first place and…You've been telling me for weeks that she's been torn between me and the RBB, and I think it's obvious that I just can't compete with him. I finally had the courage to do something, to convince her to choose me but that stupid green rock took that away!"
Chloe's eyebrows knitted together as she thought of how daft her friend was. Nevertheless, she could see where he was coming from.
"Clark, Earth to Krypton! Have you not looked in the mirror today? You are the RBB, Lois is in love with you whether you're working on your next story and at each other's throats or when you're on the rooftop, talking to her in the shadows so she doesn't see your face." Chloe paused as Clark stood silently staring at the ground, taking in his friend's words. "And by the way, you work with Lois every day, you've had every opportunity to tell her how you feel. Don't you think that if you really wanted to tell her you would find a way? You don't need Red K to do that."
Clark looked defeated but attempted to explain himself.
"I can't explain it. I know that if I hadn't been affected by Red K then I would never have realised exactly how I felt and definitely wouldn't have been able to tell her. It's just…it was so convenient, figuring all this out and then being able to actually do something about it. I get to tell her things as the RBB that I would never dream of telling her as me. He has so much more influence on her and I…I'm just…" Clark trailed off, not really sure what point he was trying to make. Chloe decided to help him out.
"So what is it Clark? You're hurt because you think she doesn't love you for who you are, or because she hasn't connected the dots between you and our crime fighting friend?"
Clark stopped his pacing and then made his way over toward the bench again, stiffly seating himself back down.
"I don't know."
Chloe continued her gentle questioning.
"Do you want her to know everything?" There was a long pause.
"I don't know." Chloe wasn't deterred.
"Okay, so do you want her to want Clark?" Clark's eyes slowly met Chloe's before he answered.
"Yes."
Chloe smiled, "Good, we're getting somewhere! Do you want her to want RBB?" Clark's eyes stayed on Chloe's, but a crease now formed between his eyebrows.
"Yes."
"So now I suppose the question is; who you want her to want more? Who do you want to be when you're with her? Clark, or RBB?"
Clark had never really thought of his problem in this manner. He had always just focussed on his possible (and now certain) attraction to Lois, regardless of which side of the coin he was playing. Clark felt as though he had more influence, more confidence with Lois as the RBB. This had certainly lead him to believe that it was possible to make an advancement while playing this persona, given that he didn't have the reputation of the small town farm boy to uphold. But even if he was able to have a twisted relationship with Lois as his alter ego, he knew that as the RBB, he could never truly be with Lois. If he was going to be with her, it would have to be as Clark. And today was his chance - A chance that had now passed by thanks to a quick thinking friend and some green kryptonite. He thought about what he and Lois might have done had Chloe not turned up and began to feel his annoyance rise again. He finally answered Chloe, trying hard not to blame her for the day's events, or lack thereof.
"I don't even know where I end and the RBB begins anymore. One side lets me be what the other side won't allow me to." Clark paused and then went headfirst into a rant before he could stop himself. "And today was my chance to show that other side of me without showing that other side of me. I got to be confident as Clark and Lois saw that and I got to do what I really wanted to do and say what I really wanted to say. But then I couldn't really say or do anything because the Red K was gone before I could take advantage of it – for the first time mind you – and now I'm left with a mess and have hurt Lois just like I did with Lana and there's no way I can explain what really happened. I can't just take it back, and I don't want to, but what else can I do now?"
Chloe had been quiet the whole time that Clark had been talking. She figured it was a positive sign that he was letting these emotions out, as there was once a time where he bottled everything in. In high school you would have been hard pressed to find out what he had for breakfast without the third degree and a 007 interrogation. She smiled and found Clark's eyes.
"I'm sorry for me and the green team coming in and raining on your Lois parade but you have to know that the Clark Lois saw today wasn't the real Clark. Sure, you had more courage and were able to go in all gung ho, but you know that's not what you are normally like. And I'm sure she knows that you weren't yourself. When you want to tell her how you genuinely feel, it should be in a genuine Clark moment. And I think we both know from experience that there is the possibility for extreme awkwardness, but if it's like you said and you want Lois to want you as Clark, then you have to make sure you are being you."
Clark felt all the anger that he had held a short while before, completely dissipate. Chloe always knew how to bring him back to reality. He sighed dramatically and then shot a small smile towards Chloe.
"What is it with you and Lois and always thinking you're right?"
"What do you mean thinking? We know we're always right…well, I am anyway!" This time Clark gave Chloe a genuine smile and laced his arm around her shoulder in a gentle hug.
"Thanks Chloe."
"Anytime," Chloe replied and returned Clark's hug. After they broke apart, Chloe posed a new question.
"So Mr. Morality, if you did in fact start dating my cousin as you and then also had a fling with her as RBB, would you consider that cheating?"
"I don't know, but at least there would be no possible way to be caught out!"
A/N: Please review if you would like to find out what happened!