The nightmare gripped me tightly, shudders of fear and pain wracking me even as I fought to wake up. Even in my sleep I knew it was useless to fight against it, it would hold me until it was through with me. Just like the person I was dreaming about had. The nightmare was actually a memory, a horrible memory of a time before my ex-wife, before Starfleet, before Jim.

I finally broke free of the nightmare just as I had done from the person I was dreaming about, tears in my eyes as fear choked me. It had been months since I had last had this nightmare and I had it very rarely when I was at Starfleet, sharing a room with Jim. Even just being in the same room as him brought me some measure of comfort that I hadn't had for a long time even though he was unaware of it.

I sat up and brought a shaky hand to my face, wiping the sweat off of it. I had been 18 when I had first met this person I had been dreaming about and I had thought I had been in love. He had been sweet, attentive, loving, and kind when I first met him. I wish I could see through his disguise as well as my friends could. After dating him only a couple weeks he started pushing for sex. At first it was just gentle nudge but as I kept refusing, saying I wasn't ready he started pushing harder. I thought it was natural, I didn't know any better. I was over at his house one day when he decided he had enough waiting. He raped me. I shuddered at the memory, fear turning my stomach to lead even though I knew he couldn't hurt me anymore.

After he raped me he told me he loved me. I was naïve enough to believe him. I didn't run like I should have, like my instincts told me to. Instead I stayed, even worse I moved in with him. Instead of getting better from there it got worse. He got possessive, abusive, cruel, and he would try to control my every move. He would get angry when I was more interested in studying than in having sex with him. He would force me to, he'd rape me and instead of at least attempting to be some semblance of gentle like he was the first time he was rough and cruel. I had scars from the experience with him.

I was with him for two years before I finally got up the courage to leave him. I disappeared in the middle of the night with a note saying if he followed me I would report him to the cops. I was pretty sure that wouldn't deter him but I was desperate. When he didn't come after me I knew it was because he was bored of me, not because my threat about the cops scared him.

After that my life moved on, I became a doctor, married my ex-wife even though I didn't love her, got divorced because we didn't love each other and because she couldn't live with me being broken as I was, and joined Starfleet where I met the best thing that ever happened to me, James Tiberius Kirk. The man I was truly, madly, deeply in love with.

I glanced at the clock by my bed and sighed as I saw I had three more hours left to sleep before I had to wake up for my shift in the medical-bay of the USS Enterprise. I knew I wouldn't be getting back to sleep after the nightmare and the assault of the memories of the man who left so many scars behind.

I dragged myself out of my bed and threw on my uniform, not wanting to stay in my room alone any longer. I headed down to the mess hall; hoping people would be down there to help fight back the terror that was still gripping me.

I sighed and almost cried when I entered the mess mall and saw that it was completely empty. I should have figured it would be early in the morning and hours before the shift change. I sighed and made myself a coffee, hoping the caffeine could do something for my frazzled nerves. I sat down at one of the tables and put my head in my hands, taking deep breaths that I knew would help.

I was so focused on my breathing and forcing down the memories that I kept locked away that I didn't notice the entrance of someone else into the mess hall. When the person put a hand on my shoulder I leapt out of my skin with a swear, turning around to see Jim standing there with a small smile.

"Whoa, easy there Bones. It's just me. I just wanted to say hello, not give you a heart attack." Jim chuckled as he sat down next to me. I gave him a small smile before sipping my coffee.

"What are you doing up so early Jim?" I asked, curious as to what the captain was doing up four hours before his shift started. I didn't even protest when he stole my coffee and took a sip, so glad to have company and especially glad it was Jim that I couldn't even work up a protest.

Jim raised an eyebrow as he looked at me, something he was learning from me. "I could ask you the same thing Bones. Shouldn't you be getting your beauty sleep?" He grinned as he gave me my coffee back.

I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could, murmuring quietly "I couldn't sleep." I looked at him expectantly, waiting for his answer, eyebrow cocked.

Jim smiled and shrugged himself. "I got up early to check on a few things. We should be docking at a Starbase about the time our shift comes around." He smiled excitedly. I knew he looked forward to docking at Starbases because it was the only time he really got to relax. It was also the only time he got to sleep with anyone.

That thought depressed me a little. I wasn't possessive to say the least but I did want to be the one touching Jim, not some woman he didn't know. I had to let that go though because no one would want me, especially not him if they found out about my past.

I gave him a small smile and forced a chuckle. "Well that was some good thinking on your part. Didn't want work to cut into your starbase time?" He grinned at me and shrugged.

I started to relax in his presence as the time passed. Between the two of us we finished my coffee and I made another as we talked about nothing in particular. Conversation was always easy between us, it was never awkward or forced and that helped the time pass easily.

By the time people started filtering in to the mess hall the nightmare had left my mind. I was relaxed and smiling as I joked with Jim as we started to dock at the Starbase. I was still smiling as we parted ways, heading to my room to change into civies as I wasn't going to be on duty seeing how we were going to be at a base.

It never occurred to me that the nightmare wasn't going to be the worst part of my day. I was excited about the prospect of being around more people, maybe hitting the bar before going back onto the ship for the night.

I spent most of the day wondering around the base, picking up supplies I needed and spending time with some crew members from the Enterprise. I had made plans to meet Jim at the bar later that night, hopefully a while before he picked up someone to take home for the night.

I entered the bar and looked around, taking in the patrons while looking for Jim. I noticed a lot of different crew members milling around the bar, mingling with the crew of the Starbase and just relaxing. I noticed Jim at the bar, talking to the barkeep and flirting casually with the girl sitting next to him.

I started making my way toward him, intent on making it to him without much trouble that I didn't look around. It was kind of good that I didn't. I don't know what I would have done had I saw 'him' coming. Fear froze me in my place when he stepped in front of me.

I chocked on his name as he smirked at me. "Ace." His brown eyes gleamed as he looked me over and the smirk on his face was predatory. I fought to try not to take a step back as he looked me over.

Panic clogged my throat, making it hard to breathe as he took a step closer. "Leonard, how wonderful to see you again. I must say these past years have been good to you." He smirked and licked his lips as he pressed forward into my space. I fought down a whimper that wanted to make its way out of my throat.

"Please back away Ace." I tried ordering but my voice shook and he grabbed my wrist hard. I tugged at his grip on my wrist hard, trying to pull away even as he pulled me closer to him and onto the dance floor.

"I don't think I will. I may have been tired of you all those years ago when you left but" he ran his eyes over me, lust obvious along with the mean gleam that I ignored for too long. "you seem to have changed just enough to become interesting again. You will have to be broken again, broken more so this time so you don't run." This time I did whimper as I tried to pull away from him.

I couldn't believe that here, surrounded by the people I called friends he was able to so easily take control of me again. He forced me to stay on the dance floor with him, holding me tight against him, leaving bruises where his hands touched me. Nobody seemed to notice my distress and I was too scared to call for help.

He was just starting to push me towards the exit of the bar when I shot a panicked look over his shoulder to where Jim had been when I entered. He was no longer there and I felt my heart sink. I couldn't believe that he didn't notice something was wrong.

I was scrambling for a way to escape when Jim came into view from the side and put his hand on Ace's shoulder, his face a grim. "I don't believe he want to go with you. I am asking just this once to release him and be on your way." His voice was cold, colder than I had ever heard it. His anger showed through in his eyes.

Ace tightened his hands where they rested on my hips and let out a snarl at Jim. "This is none of your concern boy." I would have chuckled had there not been pain in my hips from his squeezing. I did let out one when Jim quirked an eyebrow at him, his fists chuckling at the 'boy' comment. I shouldn't have. I knew that even before Ace turned an angry look at me and slapped me across the face, busting my lip open.

That got the attention of the rest of the crew members from the Enterprise. They started to gather around us as backup for their CMO and Captain. The fear that had been curling so tightly in my stomach started to release a little as Ace let go of me, stepping away with his hands held up. "That little shit ain't worth the fight." He drawled before turning to walk away.

I had a feeling Jim would have gone after him had I not just about collapsed as soon as he walked away. Relief and fear made me weak in the knees and I took a shaky step back, giving Jim what I hoped was a thankful smile before trying to retreat back to the safety of the Enterprise and my room.

I barely made it out the door of the bar before Jim was beside me with his arm around my waist to support me. He didn't say anything as he helped me back to the Enterprise and led me towards his room instead of mine.

I looked at him confused for a moment before he murmured, "You look like you need a hot shower." He supplied as an answer. I nodded, knowing he was right.

When we got to his room he had me sit on his bed while he moved around to get things ready. I watched him blankly for a minute before coming back to myself as he started to tug off my shirt. I jerked away in a slight panic.

Jim looked worried and held up his hands to show he meant no harm. I looked down at my hands before murmuring "I'm sorry Jim."

He cupped my face gently to make me look up at him. "Don't apologize. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. You didn't make that person hit on you and try to force you to come home with him." A growl crept into his voice, especially when he noticed me shaking a little.

I bit my lip for a moment before looking up at him. "That's not entirely true." I murmured it quietly before looking away, scared to look in his eyes. He raised an eyebrow again, something that was becoming a habit for him.

"What do you mean by that Bones?" He asked worriedly, moving to sit next to me on the bed. When he noticed I was still shaking he bit his lip. "Actually that can wait. You need that hot shower first." He stood up and went to the bathroom to turn on the shower.

After he got the hot water running he returned to where I was still sitting on the bed, fully clothed. He put his hands on his hips as he looked at me. "Bones, you can't very well shower with your clothes on. You need to get undressed." He stepped towards me again and started tugging up my shirt.

I was too drained to stop him from pulling my shirt over my head. I flinched when I heard him let out a hiss when he saw the scars on my torso and the blossoming bruises from Ace's hands. He reached out a tentative hand to touch one of the longer scars and I felt my face flush with embarrassment.

"Bones? What happened to you?" His voice was soft, as if he were scared of the answer. His eyes were soft as he looked up at me. I felt tears sting my eyes and wrapped my arms around myself. Jim let out a swear before pulling me up and gently pushing you towards the bathroom. "We need to have a long talk after you take a hot shower."

His tone allowed no argument and I nodded as I moved into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I finished stripping and stepped under the hot spray. I felt my body relax as the hot water beat over me, chasing away the last of the chill left behind by the encounter with Ace.

When I finally stepped out of the shower there was a pair of sweats sitting on the toilet waiting for me. I grabbed them and put them on, trying to ignore the fluttering in my stomach caused by the fact they smelled like Jim.

Taking a deep breath I exited the bathroom, building up my courage to face Jim. He was sitting on the bed when I exited the bathroom. He looked up at me and gave me a little smile, patting the bed beside him and holding out a coffee mug.

I gave him a tentative smile and sat next to him, taking the mug from him. He let me take a few sips before looking at me seriously. "Alright Bones. It's time to talk to me." His voice was kind as he placed his hand on my knee.

I took a deep breath, knowing there was no way to avoid telling him the truth. I started in on the tale, telling him about Ace as I stared into the coffee. I felt him stiffening beside me as I kept telling my story. I couldn't help the thinking that he was thinking I was disgusting. I tightened my hands around the cup as I kept talking. Once I finished my story I stared into the coffee, my stomach tight in worry.

I jumped when he wrapped his arms around me in a hug, pulling me close to him. "I'm so sorry Bones. I wish you had told me sooner." His arms were firm and comforting around me but not enough to feel restricting. I stayed stiff in his arms for a second before relaxing and pressing closer to him.

"I didn't feel like I could tell anyone. It was my dirty secret to carry." I murmured into his neck as I wrapped my arms around him.

He pulled away a little to look down at me seriously, moving to cup my face gently. "You can tell me anything Bones. I would never think any less of you. You will always be perfect in my eyes." He murmured it quietly before leaning forward hesitantly and pressing his lips gently to mine.

I froze in shock. I had wanted this since the moment I met Jim. I couldn't believe that even after telling him my dirty secret he was willing to kiss me. He didn't think I was disgusting. I melted against him, kissing him back softly.

The kiss stayed chaste, Jim pulled away before it could get any more passionate but I could see the passion and lust burning in his eyes and it made me shiver. The shiver was one of delight and excitement, not fear this time.

He stroked my cheek gently as he looked at me with an emotion that I couldn't identify in his eyes. "You should get some sleep. You look exhausted and you had a hard day." I nodded, moving to get up but he kept his arms around me. "You can sleep here tonight if you like. That way I can be there for you if you have nightmares." He murmured quietly, giving me a smile.

I smiled back at him before laying down on his bed, curling up under his blanket as the exhaustion from the day caught up to me, making my eyes grow heavy. As I snuggled against his pillow I murmured "Thank you Jim. Love you." With that I was asleep.

I didn't see the way his eyes lit up when I said that or feel the gentle brush of his hand over my cheek before he stood up and called Spock on his communicator quietly. The conversation between Spock and Jim didn't disturb my sleep even though it took place in the doorway of Jim's room.

Jim and Spock planned to have Ace thrown out of Starfleet and into jail for what he did to me. It was either that or Jim was going to kill him. I didn't hear any of this though, fast asleep as I was surrounded by the safety of Jim's scent.

When I woke up it was the next morning and there was a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and my face was buried in a hard chest. I almost panicked, remembering yesterday before the scent that was purely Jim hit me and I relaxed. I glanced up at him and saw him smiling down at me with a soft expression, his hands starting to stroke my back gently.

"Good morning." He murmured quietly before pressing a kiss to my forehead. "How did you sleep?"

I smiled up at him and snuggled closer. "Amazing." I told him honestly. "I never thought I'd sleep that well after seeing Ace again. I could never sleep that well for days after a nightmare normally."

He smiles and dipped his head in for a gentle kiss before dropping the bomb shell on me. "You won't have to worry about Ace any more. He was arrested last night. He won't be out for a very long time." His eyes hardened a little as he said that, his arms tightening around me protectively.

I looked up at him with eyes wide with disbelief. "You got him arrested for me?" I murmured, my voice unsure.

When Jim met my eyes his softened and he cupped my face gently. "Of course I did. Nobody deserves to go through what you did Bones." He told me this gently before he got a determined look on his face. "And nobody hurts the person I love and gets away with it. He's lucky I didn't kill him."

I stared at Jim in shock, scared to believe what he was telling me before I kissed him, murmuring against his lips over and over again. "I love you Jim. I love you so much."

When I finally pulled away from the kiss I couldn't stop smiling. The smile was matched on Jim's face as he cuddled against me, holding me close to him as he started stroking my back again. "I plan of making you very happy for a very long time if you let me." He said, attempting to sound confident even when he was nervous of my answer.

I looked up at him and smiled. "You already started." I kissed him again, pouring all my love into it. "You are my hero Jim and my love." I said against his lips before he pressed another kiss to my lips, tilting his head to deepen it.

I knew without a doubt that no matter what darkness came I would always have Jim to light my way and to save me. He was the sun in my life, bright and warm and perfect.

~Sorry about the angstiness. Don't hate me for it! If you want more review.~