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"If it makes you feel any better," he said with a slight bow, "you're the best I've ever known, Parkinson."
"Well it doesn't," she said drying a blue velvet tear. "It really doesn't."
"You're amazing."
"Then why--this?"
"Because we can't be...together...as such!" He said, falling over his words.
She noticed the weakness in his tone of voice, she knew he was sad.
He'd never tell.
"I love you Draco Malfoy," she said firmly, "I love you and I'd kill for you and I know, without one doubt you feel the same about me."
"And I do," Draco added, "and I do. Times are tough now, Parkinson." A big understatement. "And we're out of Hogwarts now, and you've seen a lot!"
"Like you haven't!" She added savagely as she sat up against the back of the Herbology classroom. "Like you haven't!"
"You don't need me, Parkinson," he said coolly, "so don't kid yourself."
"I know," she whispered.
"What you need to do is go find yourself a job--no waitress-ing, Parkinson--and you need to move out of the manor and get yourself a flat. And maybe find a decent bloke, later. And you can married and have a pretty little daughter and it'll be really...it'll be really good for you."
He said this as he sat down beside her, his eyes meeting hers. They sat like that for quite some time, their shoulders touching as they looked out towards the darkness. She sucked on a sugar quill and he chewed on a stick of peppermint gum. When they spoke, gusts of cold air came out and she shivered.
"I'm not afraid of being alone," she said, "I'm just afraid of being without you."
He hesitated slightly and then spoke clearly. "No need to be afraid, kid. You've got all anyone could ever need."
"But I don't have you."
The words echoed out amongst the darkness and she could've sworn that she saw him take a deep breath and put a hand over his eyes for a brief second.
He spat out his gum and looked at the girl right next to him. She was sobbing--a whimpering type of crying and her cheeks were rouge from the wind, her scarlet eyes piercing through his.
"What shall you do?" She asked. "What shall you do when you grow up?"
"I suppose I'll make it," he said with a small smile, "I suppose I'll make it."
"That's it?" She asked.
"You'll make it too," he added hopefully, "but please not with Blaise."
"I'm a lot of things--Draco--a lot of bad things, but I'm not stupid."
"Blaise has his ways."
"Blaise's 'ways' don't work with me, you know that Malfoy," she said quietly.
"I don't trust him with you," he said.
"You don't have to," she said. "But then again when did you ever trust anyone, Malfoy?" She asked sourly.
"You," he said, "you then, you now, you forever."
"You trust me," she repeated back to him, "well, that's awfully silly."
They went back to fidgeting with cloak hoods, and their hands touched a few times, but only for a second. Just a second. She'd take out a few pumpkin pasties and get little bits of orange on her upper lip and he'd smile to himself.
"Wanna know what I've learned from you, Parkinson?"
"What?" She asked, looking up from the ground.
"That forever and for always, Parkinson, you'll be the only girl I ever thought marriage-worthy. You amaze me, Parkinson. You really do." He said, and then went back to looking at the sky and the gust it made. At one point or another he picked up a leaf and began to throw bits and pieces of it in her hair, she gave a giggle.
"I don't know if I believe in forever," she said quickly, "but I believe in you, Malfoy. And forever I shall believe in you."
"Think you'll forget about Hogwarts- think you'll forget about us?" He asked.
"Never. I couldn't, Draco. Even if I wanted to."
"I don't think I could either," he admitted, "you never forget childhood...you never forget being young."
"How's your Father?" She asked suddenly. "Dead, I hope."
"He's quite alive, Parkinson. And thank you for that lovely opinion of him," Draco said caustically as he scanned 1000 Magical Herbs and Fungi, with little care about it.
"Mummy always said you and I had something," she said wistfully, "she said there was just something about us that made her feel so young and alive again. And coming from the empty person that she was and still is, that's a big thing. I guess we had something, Malfoy. I guess that something's going far away now."
"It's taken a holiday, love."
She chuckled dryly. "We had something, Malfoy. And when you had what we had...I don't think it ever leaves, I don't think it even goes on holiday."
"Maybe," he said with a sigh. "I don't know Parkinson, I don't know much anymore."
"That's rot, Draco."
"No, Pansy," he chuckled in a not-so-funny way, "I think it's really true. You forget things...if people don't remind you."
"Will you ever forget when--"
"-we drunk bourbon at one in the morning and then ran about Slytherin commons in our underwear?"
"Yes!"
"I couldn't forget that, Parkinson. It was magical."
"Well, it was something else, that's for sure."
They both laughed almost fiercely and Pansy just about toppled over.
"It was all fun and games then," Draco added.
"My God," she laughed, "my God it was good."
"Bloody good at that," he added.
"Bloody good," she mimicked.
"The carriages are coming," he said with a glare towards the distance, "the carriages are coming to take us home...for good, Parkinson. We won't be coming back."
"Good," she said, perhaps more strongly then she felt. "Good."
He stood up quickly and grabbed his cloak, and then he pulled her up.
They hugged for what seemed like minutes and the sky danced along with them
He smelled of spiked pumpkin juice and tomatoes from the Herbology garden.
He held her in his arms and she remembers wondering if she ought to cry or laugh or speak. So she did neither.
When the two finally broke apart Pansy smiled and said: "The carriages are waiting."
"Let 'em wait."
"I think we ought to go...they'll forget all about us..."
"...they couldn't, not ever."
She laughed and linked arms with him. "Let's go," she said, "let's go see what we've got to offer."
"I'll miss you," he said quietly.
"There's nothing to miss, Malfoy."
"There's a lot to miss."
"No," she shook her head, "let's go...let's go home now. For good."
He smiled slightly and peered at Hogwarts, far away. The looming castle with crystal windows looked back at him. Looking quite smaller now than it had in his first year.
They began to walk to the carriages, shoulders touching and she smiled up at him.
"I'm right next to you," she said, "and it feels like you're already gone."
"No," he shook his head, "I'll never leave you, Parkinson."
"You can, if you want to," she said with a shrug.
"I don't want to."
"Christ," she said as they got into the too-small carriages and sat upon the ruby-leather seats. "Christ, we're really leaving."
*