Disclaimer: I do not make any money from this story. Most of the characters are JE. Allie Jo is my creation.

Chapter 1

SPOV

Another day, Another Stalker. It's just another day in the life of Stephanie Michelle Plum, the Bombshell Bounty Hunter. I have brown curly hair and blue eyes, which unfortunately around Trenton, New Jersey makes me easily recognizable. This probably explains why when I go to the grocery store and park whatever P.O.S. car I am currently driving, people run out of the store to move their cars to the other side of the parking lot. Ha! Like that would keep their cars safe. When my cars explode it can be seen for miles. Anyway, just like I've lost count of how many of my cars have blown up (most are really not my fault), I have lost count of stalkers. This one seems to be rather disappointing. The dead roses on my welcome mat outside of my apartment are completely cliché. At least I found the roses before Ranger or one of his Merry Men found them.

Ranger Manoso is many things to me: my mentor, my protector, my best friend, and my occasional (rarely) lover. Despite Ranger's promise that if my bed was empty too long, that he would gladly climb in, he has yet to make good on his promise. Trust me, I've been waiting. I am hopeless head over heels in love with Ranger, but I will have to love him from afar. Don't get me wrong, he's told me he loves me, but it comes with qualifiers. Of all his excuses the one that is by far my favorite is 'My love comes with a condom, not a ring.' Joe Morelli and I have been permanently off for four months and he has yet to warm my sheets.

Joe and I broke up when I decided that I would rather be a single bounty hunter rolling around in garbage for the rest of my life, than be married to him and forced to become a perfect 'Burg wife and mother. Don't get me wrong, while I'm totally opposed to getting married and having kids, I'm also not totally in support of getting married and having kids. Joe took this information much better than my mother, and trust me Joe didn't take it well at all.

Joe has since moved on nice 'Burg girl named Jenny Salvatore. She wants to be everything I don't want to be. Even better, Grandma Bella loves her. That is not the case with Joe's mother, Angie, but no one has ever been good enough for her "little boy". I really expect an engagement announcement soon. In my personal opinion, the best part of Joe and Jenny dating is that when my cars explode or my apartment is bombed, his rants are much less intense. I also heard that Maloxx's stock is down since he doesn't need to buy it anymore. So overall it's worked out for the best.

I sit the dead roses on the dining room table, at least I can keep the vase, and pull the card out of the attached envelope.

Roses are red, Violets are blue

If you don't fall in love with me

It will be the death of you

Good grief, even the card isn't very original. If there is a book for the cheesiest letters from a stalker, it would be written by this guy. I don't even feel threatened. I would call Lula so we could have a good laugh about it, but she and Tank are in an on-again phase of their relationship. If I tell her, she would tell Tank, then Tank would tell Ranger, and I would be on lock down at Haywood, where Ranger's security business, Rangeman, is located. It's so secure, it would be like I was in prison. Lockdown is something I can't afford right now. My rent is due in a week and I need the money from chasing skips.

In the past, when I was desperate for money Ranger would let me work at Rangeman running searches and background checks. That is currently not an option for me since I haven't had a social orgasm since a month before Joe and I broke up. If I go to Rangeman, I'm afraid I would jump Ranger in the control room in front of his 'Merry Men'. I could probably claim temporary insanity, but the Merry Men would tease me constantly. I would never be able to live it down.

Back to reality, I better get these roses and note out of here. If I leave them in my apartment someone will find them while I'm at work. My apartment door should be replaced with a revolving door since a five year old could break into my apartment. I toss the flowers and note in the trash bag. I gather the trash bag, my purse, and my keys and head to the dumpster. At least the evidence of my stalker is gone so I can pretend he doesn't exist. My grandmother's big blue Buick is parked next to the dumpster. Once I throw the bag in the dumpster I climb in to the Buick and head to the bonds office.

A couple of years ago I blackmailed my cousin Vinnie into giving me a job as a bounty hunter. There's a nasty rumor about Vinnie and a duck. It's amazing what the words "Lucille" and "Duck" can get you. Whenever he threatens to fire me or rehire my arch nemesis , Joyce Barnhart (or Barnyard as I prefer to call her), I just look at Vinnie and say "Duck". The look of fear on his face is priceless, then he runs into his office shuts the door to hide out. Like I said, priceless.

I carefully, well almost carefully, park Big Blue into a parking space. At least only one tire is up on the curb this time, so I count it as a success. As I climb out of the car my spidey senses go off. I know I'm being watched and it's not good. I quickly walk into the bonds office to see Connie Rossoli and Lula sitting at Connie's desk eating a bucket of chicken from Cluck in the Bucket. Unfortunately all that's left is a wing so I snatch it before sitting down in the chair across from Connie's desk.

"White girl, I was going to eat that." Lula says pointing at me. You have to love Lula, she is such an individual. Today she was dressed in a bright yellow spandex dress (three sizes too small), bright yellow 4 inch FMP's, and matching yellow hair, not blonde, yellow. The yellow make her dark skin tone appear to be even darker.

"I'm broke, my rent is due, and you snooze, you lose. Connie, do you have any skips for me?" I ask.

"The only one is old man Salvatore. It's worth about two hundred dollars to you if you bring him in." She said as she adjusted her boobs which were practically falling out of her dress. Connie bears a striking resemblance to Betty Boop, but Connie's breasts are much, much larger.

"Jenny's grandpa?" I ask. "What on earth did he do?"

"He went streaking thru the 'Burg"

"Are you serious? Why didn't Jenny get Joe to help him get out of this?" If I had been Jenny I would have wrung Joe's neck for helping my grandpa. Lord knows that what I would have done if Joe and I were still dating and Grandma Mazur was arrested.

Lula never one to be left out of a conservation. "Gaspick was the arresting officer. Rumor has it that Officer Hottie try to bribe Gassy with tickets to the Rangers game. Supposedly, Gaspick is even a bigger Ranger's fan than you are, and he still wouldn't drop the charges."

Bigger Ranger's fan than me, I think I've just been insulted. Suddenly I feel a tingle on the back of my neck, followed by a familiar hand on my shoulder. "Hi, Ranger" I say without turning around. I'm afraid if I turn around I'll start drooling, or even worse jump him in the bonds office.

"Babe." Ranger says with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Oops. Did I say that out loud?" I can feel my face turning red.

"Uh huh." Connie and Lula answer.

"Crap."

"Babe, don't go anywhere. We need to talk." Ranger turns to Connie. "He in?"

"Go on back. I haven't heard any animal noises coming from his computer in over an hour. It should be safe. " Connie tells him.

Ranger cringes, and then walks into Vinnie's office. It was only for a split second, if I didn't know him so well I would have missed it.

Lula, Connie and I spend about 15 minutes catching up of 'Burg gossip, when Ranger walks out of Vinnie's office. He looks at me and says "Babe."

I take that as my cue to follow him. I stand up, grab the Salvatore file and follow Ranger out of the bonds office. The bonds office door doesn't even have time to shut before he grabs my hand and rushes me into the alley. Before my mind has a chance to process he places my back against the brick wall and kisses me senseless. I am into enjoying the lots of tongue and roaming hands that I am incapable of a coherent thought. And to top it all off now I need to go home to change my panties since he just ruined the ones I'm wearing.

"Good to know Babe." He stifles a laugh. "Anything you need to tell me?"

"Like what?" I know that somehow he found out about my stalker, but maybe if I act innocent he'll believe me.

"Get any unexpected gifts this morning?"

Yep, he knows. No way of getting around this now.

"When were you going to tell me?" Ranger asks as his blank face slams on.

"Ranger, it's no big deal. Whoever it is isn't very original. He is, by far, the least scariest stalker I have ever had. I don't even feel threatened. How did you find out?"

"Tank was conducting Woody's annual driving evaluation and he saw you carrying a trash bag with dead roses sticking out of it. After you pulled out of the parking lot, Tank and Woody decided to investigate."

"So they were being nosey." I countered.

"Babe, Tank found the note lying next to your trash can in your kitchen."

I usually throw a fit when the Merry Men break into my apartment, but lately it has become a weekly occurrence. I finally decided to just go with it since no matter how much I complain they keep doing it.

"Babe, I would like for you to stay with me on seven, at least to we decide if this guy is a real threat or not."

Stay on seven with Batman. While Ranger and 1000 thread count sheets are tempting, I don't think my Hungarian hormones could handle it. "I don't know, Ranger."

"Babe, please? If you don't want to stay on seven, Woody just got his own place and moved out of his apartment on four. You could stay there."

Crap, he knows I can't say no when he says please. "Fine," I agree.

""Let's go get Rex, get your things, and head back to Rangeman. While you're staying at Rangeman would you be interested in running some searches and background checks for me. Maybe stay on at least part time. I would prefer you to work full time, but I know that deep down you love chasing skips."

See, this is the reason I in love Ranger. He's not like Joe. Joe was always yelling at me to quit my job and marry him. Ranger lets me be me. "Yeah, you know how much I just love rolling in garbage and bring in naked skips." I say sarcastically. "Speaking of naked skips, I need to bring in Vincent Salvatore this afternoon. Would you mind taking my things over to Haywood and putting them on four?" For a brief second, Ranger looks disappointed when I told him to take my things to four. I must be mistaken, because he his blank face is back. I must have been seeing things.

"Salvatore? Need back up?" he asks.

"I don't think so. He's 85 years old and from the 'Burg. This should be a piece of cake. His granddaughter is Jenny, Joe's new girlfriend. Mr. Salvatore lives with Jenny's parents. They only live a few houses down from my parents. If it will make you feel better I'll take Lula with me. Happy?"

"That just makes me worry more." Ranger says.

"Get over it, Batman. Do you want to ride in separate cars to my apartment? Or you want to ride with me in Big Blue in you want." I already know the answer before I ask, but I like try to get his blank face to crack.

"Babe." Is the only answer I get as we began walking to his F-150 that is in typical Rangeman fashion: big, black, and expensive.