Note: This is my first story so I promise I tried my best and I liked writing it, because I like writing – hope you enjoy
Damon didn't know what to think, he had convinced Elena to turn off her humanity to protect her from the pain of losing Jeremy, but he did not know what the change would do to her. She was out of control, not in a Stefan Salvatore ripper sense but not herself, but why would he expect her to be, she has lost her entire family and he convinced her to turn off the pain, even if it meant turning off her love as well. After she had finally confessed her feelings for him, he being the idiot he was; convinced her to turn them off. He knew it was selfish to think this, but he wanted Elena to be able to turn off the hurt and still want him, because he wanted her more than anything. But that's not how it works, and to keep her sane she had to turn off her humanity, even if his brother didn't agree, this was best for Elena. Damon couldn't control her feelings, only her actions. He couldn't just tell her it would all be ok because it wouldn't, he has to do something drastic, no matter how painful it was to watch her go through this, it's nowhere near as painful as watching her fall apart at the seams.
When Elena arrived at the Salvatore house that evening, she wasn't looking to confess her feelings to anybody; she didn't have any. She just wanted some fun and she didn't care who it was with. The only vampires she knew were all trying to keep her under control and she just wanted to let herself go, because it no longer mattered to her who lived and who died, only how she could have the best time of her life, because there was no one to hold her back. That's why she decided to seek out Damon, because as much as he wanted her to turn back on her humanity and not go crazy, she knew that he couldn't resist her, no matter how hard he tried.
When Damon went to his bedroom to seek out more bourbon, he didn't expect to find Elena sitting at the edge of his bed, as if she was waiting for him. "What are you doing here Elena? I thought you were out having the time of your life?" "Well how am I supposed to do that without you?" Elena whispered back, knowing she had his undivided attention. She was ready to watch him squirm, powerless to her every word. Damon looked at her, trying to figure what her game plan was here, did she actually want to spend time with him or was he the only one weak enough to fall for her dirty little tricks. For a moment, when Damon looked at her, he didn't see this girl who had shut off her humanity and felt nothing, but the girl who wrote a diary and was too scared to tell big bad vampire Damon that she loved him. In that moment, all Damon wanted was to oblige to her every wish; all he wanted was to make her happy. He had hope that maybe she would realise what she was missing with him, and with all the people she used to love. But he knew that would not happen, all she wanted was someone to party with, someone to keep her company, to mess with. "Elena, what do you want?" "I want you to live a little; I thought you were the fun brother Damon?" Elena was teasing him, he could hear it in the tone of her voice and the way she was leaning towards him ever so slightly seductively, knowing that he was weak when it came to Elena Gilbert.
Damon tried to convince her that he would be no fun, bring down her buzz or whatever; but it didn't work, because Damon didn't believe it himself, he wanted more than anything to spend as much time with her as possible, even if she wasn't herself. Besides, he had told dear Stefan that they should indulge her before getting her to turn back on her humanity, so why shouldn't he do that, he had the power to do both, so he did; "Where do you want to go first?" he whispered into her ear, making her grin.
Damon didn't want to admit it, but he was having the time of his life. He knew how wrong it was to be enjoying this, but it reminded him of times before she was a vampire and before Stefan came home, even though she wasn't quite herself, he was happy with her in the strangest way. They were at a party, he wasn't sure who's or why she chose this one, but he was pretty sure they were only invited in because everyone here was too drunk to notice the strange girl with the devious eyes. It was dark and there was loud music in the background, but all Damon could focus on was Elena. She was in the corner of the room feeding on some guy, most would assume they were passionately kissing, but Damon knew better. He knew she was out of control. All he could think was the old Elena wouldn't do this, his Elena wouldn't do this.
Elena finished feeding on the stranger she had just met, who a minute ago had told her his name but she didn't care enough to remember it. She turned around looking for her next victim, but all she was Damon, looking directly at her like he was disappointed in her, and for the first time in a week; she felt. She didn't know what she felt or why she was feeling it, but she realised that when turning your humanity back on, it isn't a switch or a choice, but it's like falling in love; it just happens. She was looking at Damon looking at her and all she wanted to do was grab him and tell him that it was time to leave, time to go home. Being impulsive for one of the few times in her life, she rushed over to him and dragged him out of that house and straight to his car. She was sure he was confused, but he didn't seem to want to stop her. He let her drive him back to his house in his car without saying a word, and she guessed it was because he wanted this more than she did, more than anything.
As soon as they were they through the door of the Salvatore house, Elena pushed Damon against the door, looked him in the eyes and kissed him. Damon reacted immediately, lifting her in his arms and carrying her to the bedroom. He pushed her against the wall and kissed her softly, thanking whatever gods there were in this world. Elena was impatient, and ripped open his shirt, kissing his neck hungrily. Elena was ready to throw him on the bed when he stopped her, held her face in her hands looking for any sign that she cared for him. Damon wanted to do this, to never let her go, but he wasn't going to be selfish, he was going to be the good guy because that is what she would want. "Elena, I can't." Damon muttered, Elena looked at him like he had said the most outrageous thing to her, and Damon immediately began to explain. "This isn't right, you are not yourself, and I don't want this to be just for fun, because you know that it's not for me, I don't want to be used because you're bored of random guys from parties." Elena was taken aback, and then she realised something; she didn't want to just have one amazing night with Damon, she wanted him. Just him. "Damon I know you probably won't believe me right now, but this is more than that, for the first time in a week I am feeling something, and it's for you." Damon looked at her, and for the first time she looked back at him the way she used to, the way she did when they were dancing in his living room. Damon realised that Elena was no longer feeling grief or pain or anger, but that wasn't because she didn't have her humanity, it's because she finally had it back. Elena loved him enough to forget. "It hurts again Damon, and I don't want it to hurt. But I also don't want to lose you and to not love you." Damon didn't want Elena to be hurt, but he knew she would be hurting for the rest of her life, and there was nothing anyone could do about it because she had lost so many people in her life. "I love you Damon, and I'm sorry." "It's not your fault Elena, it's mine. I told you to shut it off and to not feel and I shouldn't have-". Elena cut him off, she kissed him. She kissed him like it was their first kiss again, like she was discovering him and the good in him and the way she feels for him. Damon smiled, kissed her back and thought that even though this moment was amazing for him and for her, he couldn't wait to tell Stefan that Elena was Elena again, and she still loved him.