READ PLEASE: Okay, thank you to everyone who reviewed my last story. I appreciate it. That being said, I still received some not so nice comments. I am definitely one to learn from constructive criticism, so I am grateful for them. However, there are comments where it's just insulting. I am not going to justify my work every time I post a new story. If you don't like what I have to write, simply don't read it. And if you feel the need to continue to say unhelpful things, be ballsy enough to leave your name. Thanks and read on.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Castle.
It's no secret she's lost touch with love a long ways back. She threw herself into her work and never came back out. It wasn't worth it, she mused. Confronting her feelings always left her in a puddle of grief, anger, and an ocean of tears. The walls around her were built up so high, she could barely look over them, so she was left alone, nearly drowning. That was how she preferred it. Being alone, that is. She didn't exactly enjoy the sadness that seemed to wash over her on more than just a few occasions, making her feel weak, shaken, cracked; but her well placed façade kept her from showing the sting of vulnerability. Something inside her changed. A long time ago. And now she lived like this; going through the motions in public, then going home to bear the silence and burdens alone. But it was okay. She preferred it that way.
Until now.
"Castle…"
He was breaking through her once impenetrable force field, cracks of light shining through the seeping darkness she let consume her, to keep the false promises from building her up only to knock her back down. She did it once, she wouldn't do it again. But he was getting through, involuntarily. She didn't like it, but then she did. She didn't want it, but then she did. She didn't allow it, but it seemed to be out of her control.
He was climbing high to get to her, determined not to give up because he could see a woman worth saving from the inner turmoil she lived in. Everyone dealt with their own issues, but with her, it was as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. She carried the sense that it was up to her to save everyone. She was strong, but she wasn't that strong. She buried herself so deep under that state of mind it left her lost to the reality that it wasn't all up to her. She lost sight of her life in the downfall of her world. But now he was here. He was determined to make her see the life she could have if she emerged from her protective shell. He wanted to bring her back to the world she once knew; the one filled with laughter, security, happiness…love. He was determined to be the one to give it to her.
"Beckett, I'm…"
"No, don't."
She realized she had fallen. Hard. Fast. It was a spiral of warmth, longing, truth, and a tinge of something else. Something wicked. It was fear. Above everything else, she was afraid. With him, it wasn't just a brush of romance. It wasn't just scratching the surface. It was raw, it was deep. It was real. And that scared the hell out of her, because with him, it was all or nothing. It was never like it was before. Every man before him took a swing at her barrier, but always fell short; too weak to make it through or too uninterested to even try. He was relentless, though. He never stopped trying, never turned away from her. He was always there and with him, there was no going back.
"I can't-"
"Kate…just wait."
It was powerful, though. The pull between them, it was overwhelming. No matter what was said or done, they always found their way back to each other. He could yell, and she could walk away, but in the end, they had each other's backs. Something drew them to one another. It was magnetic. It seemed they couldn't get enough of each other, even when they hid behind their significant others and insecurities. It was always them with the smiles, and the coffee gestures, and the hidden messages. They were in sync. They knew what the other was thinking, how the other was feeling. It was something that ran deep, connecting them in a way they never were with anyone else. They were partners.
"Rick, please-"
"No, just…no."
Now they were standing about a foot apart, both with their backs straight, in the middle of Kate's living room. They seemed rock steady on the outside, but on the inside they were falling apart. They've had this fight before, numerous times. Each time, though, it seems to get worse. This particular fight was one of quiet, gritted words rather than the usual shouting. It was silent other than the shallow, rapid breaths coming from each of them. Everything was crumbling around them. Every high hope he had for the two of them was flying out of his reach. Every dream she had of them was breaking apart into a thousand pieces. Everything was quickly dissipating before their eyes, and yet, they held onto their anger. It was shielding them from all the hurt they stubbornly deny. Someone was about to walk away.
"I'm sorry."
A long, sad sigh escaped him. "No. No, I'm sorry."
This was how it was ending. She didn't care. She never did. He could see that now. He was fooling himself into thinking…well he didn't want to think of that right now. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing him so distraught at the end of their partnership. After four years, he still couldn't get through to her.
"I'm sorry it wasn't enough…I wasn't enough."
"Castle, listen…"
He shook his head, his eyes closed and his chin to his chest. He couldn't look at her. He couldn't listen to another excuse. He felt the next one would break him. He had to get out of there before the damaged was beyond repair.
"I should've known you wouldn't feel the same…I guess it was all in my head. I thought, maybe, we were making progress. I thought I could feel us getting closer…" He shook his head again. "Turns out I was fooling myself. Why else would you lie, right? You were trying to spare my feelings. Well, Detective Beckett. I would've liked the truth." He turned his back to her. She felt the sting of it.
"You want the truth? Stop interrupting me and listen," she bit out, the pull of him dragging her a step closer to his form. "I'm sorry I lied. I only did it because I wasn't ready to face it. I was scared. Like freaking terrified. I mean, it's you, Castle. It's just…"
"Ridiculous? Because I'm not an FBI agent, or a robbery detective, or a doctor-" He stopped talking when he felt a thump on the back of his head. He turned around to stare incredulously at her.
"Shut up, Jackass." She sighed. "No, it's because you are so different than any other man I've ever met and before you jump down my throat, I mean that in the best way. No man has ever stood by me the way you do, unrelenting. No man has offered to put up one hundred thousand dollars for just a piece of information on my mom's case. No man has brought me coffee every morning just the way I like it. No man has ever tried to jump in front of a bullet for me or beat a guy unconscious for me or work this hard to help find my mom's killer." She took a step toward him, putting her directly in front of him. "No man has ever loved me like you do and I have never loved anyone as fiercely as I love you. That is why I'm terrified. It goes to a whole other level with you. But in case you're unsure…" She brought her hands up to his face, pulling him into her and right before she closed the distance completely, she whispered, "I just want you," then placed a searing kiss on his lips.
It took him 2.3 seconds to reciprocate. His arms banded around her waist in a tight grip to which she had no complaints. Her arms came around his neck and squeezed him to her. They couldn't get any closer, but they tried.
"So, we're clear now, right?" she asked, pulling away just enough to speak to him.
"I don't know. I don't think I heard you right the first time," he murmured.
She sniffed a chuckle. "I love you, Castle."
"God, I love you, Kate." He pulled her into another heart stopping kiss. They couldn't get enough. "And so you know, I'm never letting you go."
"And so you know," she nudged his nose with hers. "I'm holding you to that."
Everything was falling back into place. The ground was still a bit shaky, but they've gone through nearly freezing to death, nuclear bombs, bullets, tigers, and so much more. They could handle this. Together. That's what partners are for.
"By the way, you're going to tell me everything you learned about my mom's case first thing in the morning. Don't think I forgot about that."
He made a face. "So close."
Finished. Thanks for reading.
