"Stefan told me about the deal the two of you made."
"And?"
"I'm asking you not to go."
"You don't have that right. Remember? You needed to let me go."
"I know, but Damon-"
"I'm begging you Elena, let me go." His eyes are pleading, he can't bare to watch her with Stefan, I understand that. I can give that up. The thought comes so quickly that it catches me off gaurd. I did choose Stefan, right?
"I need you. I can't do this alone."
"Your not alone Elena."
"I can't do this without you. If there is any such thing as a perfect vampire you are it. You have the control, you know what your doing, you mastered it. Stefan is barely back in control if he will ever fully be and Caroline is still sort of new at this. I need you for this Damon, no one else. I know it's selfish, I know what I said, I know I'm a hypocrite, but Damon you can't leave me. Not now."
Her voice, her tears, they do him in. He still loves this girl, and he can't say no...not to this. He may have failed Stefan a long time ago, and though he'll keep saving him whenever he needs him, but he has to help this girl. He needs some sort of redemption, and maybe then life will stop kicking him while he's down.
Afterall she has done so much for him, and it was him she needed.
"I will help you Elena, but once you have this under enough control I'm gone."
"Okay." She agrees because she thinks she has time. Enough to convince him to stay. That they needed him, that even if she were human she would still need him.
During this all she is trying to figure out where this intense need for Damon came from.
For five long months he works with her, stays with her day in and day out. She remembers once upon a time when Stefan wasn't here and Damon helped her become this strong girl. Now he is helping her turn into this strong vampire. Every time she thinks she's going to slip up he's there. Pulling her away from the edge of the cliff.
She starts to wonder if they can ever really get away from the edge of the cliff. Because the more time that passes the more she craves Damon. And they are always on the edge. Just waiting for one of them to fall...to give in.
She knows now that she was foolish to think she could let him go. She would never be able to let him go.
'We'll let him go.'
She told that to Damon not so long ago about Stefan, and she was fine with out him, as long as she had Damon.
Some nights they just walk the woods, or sit out by the falls. There are times not one word is spoken, and it's the most comfortable silence in the world. He teaches her so much. His years have made him so smart, so great that she isn't sure she's has any regrets about turning anymore. She starts to feel like she can do this.
She can feel the change. He is everything to her now, and it no longer scares her.
Elena has yet to bring up the compulsion. They argue enough the way it is. The real reason? The part she is still scared about? If she brings it up, asks why? He will tell her you know why, it will always be Stefan, you chose him. That will make him remember his part of the deal, and she can't let him go.
She tried, and it was harder than she ever though possible. She spent time with Stefan, but she was so eager to get back to Damon she could never give it her all. Stefan took her on dates, and gave her the space she needed, he tried to give her advice. None of it worked, she should have known.
Being a vampire intensifies everything. She thought Damon consumed her just when she was with him, but now it's all consuming. He is always on her mind, never far from her. No matter the hours in a day they spent together it was never enough.
Elena knows she has to talk to Damon. So much time was already wasted. She makes her way to his room, the door is closed, no lights showing, and she starts to panic. She wants to think he's just out with the new flavor of the week, or at the Grill, but she knows better.
She walks into his room and she just knows that he's gone. For clarification she looks in his closet and sure enough his bag is gone, some clothes are missing, and so is his favorite leather jacket.
No text, no letter, no phone call, not even a goodbye. He's just gone. Just like he said he would be.
Everything was just so right with Damon there, and with him gone it felt so wrong. Already.
How does the girl with forever run out of time?
That's excataly how Elena feels. Like she has all the time in the world, but not time at all.
The first few days that Damon is gone, Elena feels nothing, she's just numb. It sometimes felt like she flipped that switch that Damon always talked about, but the pain she feels lets her know that she didn't.
Caroline has to convince her to drink, she barely craves it. Caroline tells her that Damon would be pissed if he saw her like this, so she drinks. She knows Damon wouldn't want her to die. That is the only reason she can think of to drink. No matter how many pleas Stefan or anyone has.
Ten days after Damon leaves she tries to call him, suprisingly he hasn't disconnected his number. She silently thanks God. It goes to voicemail, and that doesn't suprise her.
'Damon, it's me. Obviously. I miss you. I wish you stayed. I know why you left, and I get it. I want you to come back, but mostly I just want to know your okay. Bye.'
At the fifteen day mark when she gets no call back, not even a 'I'm alive.' text, she kills someone. On purpose. She goes out that night, knowing she shouldn't, knowing she's on the edge of the cliff. She hopes that maybe he will show up if he sees how much she needs him there, but he doesn't. And some poor innocent guy dies at her hands, well fangs. She breaks down in the alley when she realzies what she did. She thinks of what Damon would do if he was there. He would tell her to get herself together and to clean up this mess before someone sees. She checks for a wedding band, none. She breathes a breath she didn't know she was holding. She doesn't want to be responsible for taking someones love away. She has already done that. She takes his body to her car and drives and drives. She finds a river that will wash him up somewhere so his family could have closure. Once she's setteled in her room she calls Damon again.
'I killed somone. I feel awful, but I held it together. Iwas on the edge and I was waiting for you to pull me back, but you weren't there. I took care of my mess. You'd be proud. I miss you Damon.'
A month after he leaves, she's just angry. Mad that he doesn't seem to care she killed someone. So she breaks things, she tears all of the books off his shevles. Rips the blankets off the bed, breaks his lamps on his nightstands, pulls all the clothes off of the hangers. She brings everything of Damon down to the floor with her. Yet it doesn't help. It doesn't ease her pain, and it ruins the exact way he left his room.
Afterall this is all she has left of him. The room, and the memories.
"Elena, can we talk?"
"Sure."
"I don't think he's coming back. Its been almost two months."
"Do you know where he is?"
"No, Elena. I don't."
"Then why are we having this conversation?"
"You chose me." His voice cracks, and she knows how much she's hurting him. Yet she can't stop. She doesn't want to hurt him, but all she wants is Damon. It's like she can't stress it enough.
"Your point?"
"It doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel like us anymore."
"Newsflash Stefan. I am not me anymore. I'm a frekin vampire."
"You are still you."
"No Stefan! I'm not. You want to still be you before your latest ripper phase, and you want me to be the girl you fell in love with, but I can't be. Too much has happened. I changed last summer. You left, came back, and wanted to pick things right back up. I tried Stefan. I tried so hard to do that. I can't turn back time, I can't change what happened anymore than you can. You have to stop pushing me, you have to quit expecting me to be the same girl. I'm not her anymore. I am not the girl you fell in love with."
"Your the girl he fell in love with."
"What?" She blinks, and then completely stills at his statement as if it's something foreign.
"That's who you are Elena. I see it every day. I watch how you train, I watch you drink. Burborn? Not your thing, it's his. You go to the bar everynight, come home at dawn, you drink his type of blood. You hunt how he taught you. I look at you anymore and see the famale version of him. You have become everything Damon." He pauses not sure how to continue, and she's glad because she wants to let the words sink in. Everything Damon. Yes, that is how she feels. She wants to thank him for finally getting it, but he starts to talk again. "The confidence he gave you, it's amazing. I'm so proud of you. Honestly, but he's gone Elena."
"So I should just stop lo- I should just stop feeling what I feel for him because he's gone? You hypocrite. Should I have just stoped feeling what I felt for you while you were gone?"
"Didn't you?" He's angry, and she can't even fight it because he has every reason in the world to be. She just tries to make it easier to hear what she has to say.
"No. I still loved you. I fought for you."
"And you still love him, so you want to fight for him?"
"I feel-"
"Stop! Stop lying. Admit it Elena. You made the wrong choice. I see it and I don't want to. I can't do this if you are going to hold onto him so much. I think that's what you want, you want me to give up. You hurt him, and now you don't want to hurt me. I know you never wanted to hurt either of us, but I need to know what you feel."
"You know, he asked me to remember what I felt while you were gone once he brought you back, and I didn't. I let it all go. Now that he's gone I remember. Every. Single. Thing. I felt for him." She stares out the widow at the grass like it's the most amazing thing in the world, and looses herself in her memories for a second.
"Maybe you should tell him."
"On voicemail? That's not what he deserves."
"Maybe not, but he deserves to know."
"He told me a long time ago that he didn't deserve me. Truth is I don't deserve him."
"You can't keep living like this Elena."
"I'm so sorry Stefan." He nods, and walks out of the room. She doesn't expect him to beg her, or try to change her mind. Stefan always respects her choices. this time isn't any different.
Less than twenty-four hours later Elena decides to do this. She paces Damon's room, debating on calling him. She weighs the pros and cons, and then says skrew it. Damon always did things, damn the consequences. She's take another page out of his book.
'Damon, I made a mistake. I wanted you to know that. I'm laying on your bed drinking a warm glass of bl- you know what. There is so much I need to tell you. Please call me back.'
She counts the days on the calendar. Seventy-one days. She doesn't know why she counts them. It doesn't give her reassurace, it doesn't bring him back. Doesn't matter though she keeps counting them. She wishes he knew how much she missed him. No matter what she tried she couldn't get him out of her system. No pun intened, it was his blood in her veins too now.
She decides to give it two more weeks. It sounds reasonable, though it won't make a difference. Elena had a plan, and this one has to work. Because if it doesn't how in the world will she survive with out him forever?
Maybe they would run into each other. She wishes for that if her plan doesn't work, but she knows better. Damon would stay as far away as possible, be sure not to get caught around her. If he didn't want to see her then he wouldn't. Simple as that.
Elena wishes he had someone. Someone to go to, somewhere to go, but he doesn't. He's alone and it's sad. He has no Ric, or Rose, or Andie. She knows that doesn't stop him, Damon Salvatore was a survivor.
"Jer, I need you to see if you can talk to Ric."
"Why?"
"I have to find Damon. They were best friends, if I know Ric he's watching out for him."
"He left three months ago Elena. Don't you think-"
"I have to do this Jer." Her eyes plead with him to try this. This was her only hope.
"Okay. Ill try. I just need to know something."
"What's that?"
"Are you going to drag his ass back here, because if not I'm not doing it."
"I'm sure as hell going to try." She gives him a real smile, not forced or fake like her many others.
"Good. Okay, lets do this." A few minutes later Jer looks over to what must be Ric. "He's sitting by the window."
"Hey Ric. I miss you." She says turning to face the empty spot.
"He says he misses you too. That he's pround of you."
"He should be proud of you too." She gives Jeremy another smile and tears form in her eyes. He had become such a strong and brave man in such a short time.
"He is."
"Ric, I need a favor. Can you help me?"
"He already knows what you want. He wants to tell you something."
"Okay."
"He says the night he died as a human Damon sat with him until the end, that was the Damon that you always saw, and he finally understood. He said he wasn't in his right mind the night he died as a vampire, but he remembers Damon pretty much gave up, he barely fought back. It was like he had nothing to go back to, it was after you got off the phone with him. He said he never saw Damon look so defeated."
"I hate what I did Ric. You will never know how sorry I am." The tears form in her eyes, and she doesn't even try to stop them from falling.
"What Ric wants to know is why you want to find him now."
"Because I need him."
"He said not good enough."
"He needs me too Ric."
"Ric said that Damon was fine before you, and he'll be fine now."
"No! You don't get it."
"He said to tell him what he doesn't get."
"I make him feel Ric, I make him a better person, and he does the same for me. We balance each other out. I hurt him so many times, and he hurt me too. Except it doesn't seem to matter. We fight, that will never change. But I love him Ric, and he deserves to know. Even if he doesn't want me anymore, even if I am too late. He needs to know. For everything he's done for me, he should know none of it was in vain because I love him for it all. All the good, and all the bad. I love him."
"It's about damn time. That's from Ric and I."
"Will he help me?"
"He said Damon is in Atlanta. He bought some bar."
"Bree's bar."
"Not anymore. It's Elena's." Jeremy smiles at me before gettting up to hug me. He knows I'm leaving.
And for a moment time freezes for Elena. She feels alive again. She feels like she's in love for the first time ever. Really in love.
"Thank you Ric."
"Ric says not to give up too easily. That Damon is stubborn, but he loves you and that is what matters."
"I won't. I love you Ric."
"He loves you too. He's gone." We both take a moment in silence, say our silent goodbyes to Ric.
"I have to go Jer."
"Want me to come with you?"
"No. I have to do this alone. I'll be okay once I'm there. It's only a day drive."
"Keep in touch okay, I need to know your alright."
"I will. Thank you for that Jer. I love you."
"Love you too. Now get out of here."
Elena arrives in Atlanta with two bags, she checks in the closest hotel to the bar for an infinite amount of time. She compels herself the best room, and takes small pride in 'the Damon way'. Never had she thought this would be something she was willing to do. She puts on a black dress and flats and when night falls she makes her way to the bar.
Her name is is bright white letters, replacing Bree. She feels safer already. Knowing Damon did this, for him, maybe for her, but all the same he took a piece of her with him, and he never let her go.
She enters and the first thing she smells is him. Not the blood of everyone in the place, the smell of pepperment and a strong musk. His scent is distinct and manly, and purely Damon. The place is alive, music blaring, people drinking and dancing and playing pool. She remembers when they did all that.
She wants to watch for a while, but he spots her immediately.
They make their way to each other, each nervous as hell but unwilling to let the other know.
"What are you doing here?" He says in a whisper and she is glad for the vampire hearing.
"I had to see you."
"How did you even find me?" His eyes question her, almost as if he doesn't believe she's really here.
"Ric."
"Even in death he annoys me." This is her Damon. He's real, and she's finally with him.
"This place is amazing Damon." He nods, their eyes never leaving each other. "Can we sit?"
"Sure." He leads her to a remote table in the back. She's glad for the privacy. For a Tuesday the bar had quite a few people.
"So, Elena's, huh?"
"Couldn't think of anything else." She catches the double meaning right away. It hurts heart dead heart and makes it feel like it's alive again all at the same time.
"I am so proud of you Damon. That may sound weird, but you could be off on some bender but here you are making this bar successful."
"I'm proud of you too. I listened to the voicemails."
"Yet you never let me know." She's not sure if it's a question or a statement, but she says it anyway.
"I couldn't. Listen can we do this later?"
"Sure, I'm in town until I decide I'm ready to leave."
"Alone?" She doesn't miss that hint of hope in his voice.
"Alone."
"Where are you staying?"
"Hotel down the road."
"Stay with me?" He can't belive he let the words slip out. He prepares himself to get shot down, but it never comes.
"Absolutely." She knows it shocks him, but she's here on a mission. She had things to tell him. He needed to hear things. She follows him back to the bar and they do a few shots, play some pool, and then he pulls her onto the dance floor. She doesn't even pay attention to the song that is on, she just moves with him. Her back against his front, his hands on her hips. She lets her head fall back onto his shoulder. This is what she craved. Every vampire had their own way to take the edge off of the craving for blood, hers was Damon. She intertwines her hands with his and they just move together, and they don't stop until the bartender asks Damon if he's ready to lock up.
"Want to go checkout of the hotel and grab your things? Meet me back here." She is afraid to answer, afraid he might not still be here. Afraid that this is some sick dream someone gave her.
"Elena?"
"Sorry, yeah. I'll be right back." She walks away and makes her way to her hotel and back as fast as humanly possible. She draws no attention to herself, and she's proud she restrained from using her newfound speed. When she gets back the lights are off and the doors are locked, she feels an odd sense of deja-vu.
"Damon?" She calls out and gets no answer back. She starts to panic, thinking he left her again. With everything spiriling out of control in her mind she gets the craving for blood, feels the burn in her throat. She takes deep breaths and it doesn't work. She tries to focus on Damons hands on her earlier, the way the fit together. She falls to the ground against the door and holds her bags to her. She cloes her eyes and it starts to work, she feels his hands on her shoulders, she hears him say her name.
"Open your eyes Elena." He demands loudly. It sounds so real so she opens them.
"Damon." His name almost sounds like a prayer on her lips.
"Are you okay? What the hell is going on?" He's worried, she can hear it in his voice. He hasn't changed much, and she's grateful for it.
"I called you, you didn't answer." She can't stop the tears. Sad tears from the thought of him gone again, happy tears knowing he wasn't.
"First of all, I own this place. I'm here everyday, I have employees. None of them know what I am. I was out back talking to the bartender and letting the janitor in. I couldn't say 'oh hey be right back, I heard my name.' when clearly none of them did. Why are you freaking out?"
"I thought you left me again."
"What?" He looks taken back at her response. She can see it in his eyes that he can't belive her breakdown was for him.
"I meant it Damon. I need you. Nothing was right after you left."
"I'm here Elena. Lets go back to my place."
"Okay." He helps her up, takes her bags in one hand, and her hand in his other. He must be able to see how broken she is, God she was pathetic, wasn't she?
When they get back to his place he tells her to have a seat that he would be right back. She looks around and the place is in pristine condition. Everything about it screams Damon. Hardwood, cherrywood, oak. Everything was top of the line, and so immacualte. More than that it felt so good to be surrounded by so much of him. He comes back in with two glass, filled with blood, and hands her one. He sits on the leather chair across from her.
"When I left you were doing so good."
"I was good until you left. After you left Caroline had to beg me to drink, using the fact that you wouldn't want that for me. Because Damon, when you left you took almost every reason for me to live with you."
"Almost every reason? The others being Stefan?" She sees his walls start to come up. She can tell he feels like it's too good to be true.
"I loved him Damon, that doesn't just disappear. It wasn't just him. It was Jer, and Caroline. Bonnie. They are my family Damon. Just like you."
"What wouldn't want what for you?" He doesn't know what to say to that, so he does what he does best. Deflects.
"To desicate. I didn't want to drink. All I wanted was you back. Then I realized how could I get you back if I wasn't there to have you to come back to."
"Jesus Elena." She can see he's at a loss. He has no clue what to say at all. She knew he was going to have a hard time digesting all she had to say.
"I made the wrong choice Damon. I was scared, and I didn't know what to do. I already loved Stefan, I thought I had met him first. I thought that was what counted, but turns out that wasn't even a valid reason. I met you first Damon. Every reason I had to stay with Stefan had a comeback to be with you and then when I thought I met him first I figured that it had to mean something. How can it though? It was you that I met first, and it was you that took it away. Being with you consumed me before I turned, and now it's all the time. What I feel for Stefan doesn't come close."
"You were suppose to let me go. It was always suppose to be Stefan. I was getting away. I was suppose to go on without you."
"Ya, well suppose this and suppose that. We can't always get what we want. You know that."
"Did you think you could come here and tell me this and I'd just go back to being your lap dog? At your beck and call when it was convenient for you?
"No. I couldn't let you go Damon. I never really wanted to, but I tried for you, for Stefan. It never worked. I came here because I had to tell you that I was wrong. You do deserve me, even if I don't deserve you. You were right, I wanted a love that consumes me. You knew it before I did. It just took me longer to realize. That is what I'm sorry for. After I turned my love for you on top of your love consumed me, and I thrived on it. That's what got me up, that's what made me strong. Your love was never a problem Damon. I was, and I am so sorry. I have forever now, and without you it seems pointless. I love you Damon. You should know that."
"God, Elena. Do you have any idea how long I've waited to hear that? Don't you think I want to belive it, but there is a problem here. Stefan. He will always be this perfect love for you, and I'm not perfect. I never will be."
"If I wanted Stefan I would still be in Mystic Falls. I had to come for you. I had to see you. I lo-"
"Stop. It's late. I'll see you in the morning. Gues room is on the left." Those simple words said he walks away. You learn alot of tells about a person when you spend so much time with them, Elena is gratetful for that time. She knows he's not shutting her out completely, he just needs to be alone to think. She can see it in his eyes that he belives her, he's just afraid to accept it. Afraid that she'll think one day that she made another mistake and go back to Stefan, but she is prepard to spend forever proving that wrong.
Elena knows that he needs time, and she does have forever, but when the hell did Damon ever give her the time she needed? So again she makes a Damon move. She gets up and pushes open his bedroom door. She lets out a small gasp, it was just like his bedroom at the Boarding house. Big bed and all. Damon is leaning against the headboard. His eyes are so alive, and he gives her one of his signature smirks.
"I was wondering how long it would take you to come in here."
"I should have been right behind you."
"It only took you two minutes."
"Too long." She uses her vampire speed and brings herself onto his lap. She cradels his face in her hands, and he rests his on top of hers. She tries to kiss him but he refuses.
"Tell me."
"I love you Damon."
"And I love you Elena."
"From here on out I will forever choose you."
"Forever."
That was how Damon and Elena forgave each other. For all the hurt, and wrong. This is where their forever begins.