A/N: In some ways, this is a collection of oneshots, with each chapter as a different version of Charles and Liza's lives together. But I can't stress their cohesion enough-it's important to me that these fantasies are from Liza's perspective, because that dictated what parts of her story I thought she'd be willing to change, what road blocks she sees in her way, where she sees her happily ever after beginning, etc. Just as much as this is an excuse to write about Charles and Liza, I very much see it as a Liza character study.
Hope people enjoy.
Liza got pregnant almost straight out of college. She and David had only ever talked about marriage as some distant possibility—"distant" meaning late 20s, which still seemed like an eternity away—but she told David about the pregnancy test and he began to see the world differently, suddenly all gung-ho about "doing the right thing."
"The right thing?" Liza asked. David was on his knee in her bedroom and holding out his class ring because it was all he had on hand. He probably thought it was spontaneous and romantic. "You do realize that makes it sound like you're only trying to marry me because of the baby."
"No, Liza, don't be silly. Maybe I wasn't… maybe I hadn't imagined getting married so young, but we've always figured that we'd be together. This just means we'll start a little sooner than we planned."
Liza stared down at David and very nearly said yes. But instead: "I need to think about it."
This was not part of the script, and David was visibly shaken. "What… what is there to think about? You're pregnant, let's get married."
"I need to think about it," Liza repeated.
She said no a week later, and David didn't take it very well. His last words before he walked out her door: "I'll help you pay for it, but don't expect me to look after it and change diapers or whatever."
He took that back eventually, his anger dying down over the course of the pregnancy and dissipating entirely when he held Caitlin in his arms for the first time.
But he and Liza were done.
The first few years were hard. Liza's mother was able to take care of Caitlin while Liza and David were both at work, but then Liza's mother died and David was only willing to pick up so much of the slack because, "Aren't you just better at this parenting stuff, Liza?"
Random House was more accommodating than Liza might have anticipated. A few times a week, they let her split days between the office and home fairly often so that she only had to pay a nanny for half a day. They even turned a blind eye on a few days when the nanny cancelled last-minute and she had to bring Caitlin into the office.
She knew some of the higher-ups didn't approve of her choice to keep working with a baby. Not because they said it, but because of the things that they assumed she wouldn't be able to do. Conferences, evening events, senior positions. She'd been one of the youngest, fastest-rising women in publishing, and then, suddenly, she was totally stagnant.
But she had a job, and she wasn't going to mess that up just because her bosses were assholes. She'd wait until Caitlin got a bit older, and then she'd keep working up the ladder.
Liza was a few days shy of 32 when her boss saw fit to ask if she could make some party on the Upper East Side hosted by some rival publishing giant who was retiring. She said yes immediately so that she could call David and tell him that she'd already committed when she asked him to take Caitlin for the night.
The party was…
Well, suffice it to say that parenthood had spoiled her. Liza had forgotten how suffocating it felt to be in a room with a ton of work acquaintances whose names she didn't know. She knew she'd get used to it again in time, but that first night was going to be rough.
She snuck away from the crowd at some point around 9, peering down a secluded hallway and wandering into a cozy study where every available surface was covered in books.
At some point, when she was younger, Liza had been under the illusion that she could build a life for herself that looked quite like this. Not many people in publishing made enough money for this, but she'd very sincerely believed that she could be one of them.
Liza would never have bought such a big house, but damn, did she want a library like this.
She'd been peering at the titles for nearly ten minutes—and discovered a Great Gatsby first edition just sitting on the shelf, holy shit—when she heard a light knock on the door behind her, making her jump.
"Sorry to interrupt," a man said as she turned to look at who had surprised her.
Not just a man. A cute man. He had dark brown hair and earnest eyes and just a hint of stubble and he was smiling at Liza so gently.
"Don't worry about it," Liza said, glancing down at the floor for a moment in the hopes that she could suppress her blush. It didn't work. "I probably deserve it for snooping around someone else's house. Although I'm assuming you're not the man of the hour."
The stranger raised his eyebrows and smirked (very sexy) as he took a few steps further into the room. "You're at the retirement party for the CEO of Empirical and you've… never even seen the CEO of Empirical."
God, Liza's face was feeling hotter by the second. "Um… well, no, not exactly."
He lowered his voice. "Are you a party crasher?"
"Oh, no, nothing like that!" Liza exclaimed. "I'm a junior editor at Random House. I've just sort of been… out of the publishing scene for a while. I don't really recognize the big names these days."
"No wonder I don't recognize you," he mused. "What's kept you away?"
"Sexist old men who don't think a woman can be a mother and have a career." Liza blurted out her response without thinking, and she clamped her mouth shut as soon as she saw the surprise on the stranger's face.
"That would do it, yeah," he agreed, and Liza softened again. He paused for a moment, considering her, and then said, "So is that why you're hiding away?"
Liza flinched. "Is it that obvious?"
"Only to someone else who's hiding."
"There are just… a lot of people out there," she stage-whispered.
"Well, if you want, I can—" The man gestured vaguely behind him, toward the door.
Making a split-second decision, Liza slowly lowered herself into the nearest chair and said, "No, no, that's fine. If you're here to hide too, we're sort of like comrades in arms. We gotta stick together."
"Sounds good to me." He sat down across from her, and for some moments, they both allowed a comfortable silence to linger over the room.
"I can't believe I'd rather be at home with my 8-year-old right now," Liza said softly. "I've wanted to get back out there for so long."
"Boy or girl?" he asked.
"Girl." Liza could hear the pride in her own voice. "Want to see pictures?"
"Absolutely."
Liza dug into her clutch for her wallet and tossed it to him. As he looked the photos over, she said, "Her name's Caitlin. I'm totally crazy about her."
"She looks lovely."
"Yeah, she's a sweetheart when she forgets that 8-year-olds are supposed to be brats."
He laughed and tossed her wallet back. "Spoken like a true mom."
They fell silent again, and then, inexplicably, there was another knock on the door. Where Liza had been startled when her solitude had been interrupted, the man turned, totally nonchalant, toward the woman now standing in the doorway.
"Charles, dear, your father is ready to give his toast. He wants you there so that he can formally announce you as his replacement."
"Of course, Mother, I'll be right there."
The woman glanced at Liza for no more than a second before leaving the room to return to the party, but Liza still felt as though she'd been thoroughly appraised. And it was no wonder why.
She'd just realized who this man was.
"You're Charles Brooks."
He smiled, and Liza felt a pang in her gut. God, was he handsome. "Guilty as charged. Now," he said, rising to his feet, "is there any chance you would be willing to come back to the party so that I can have a friendly face looking on as dozens of guests wonder whether nepotism is the only reason I'm getting my father's job?"
"I'd be happy to."
Liza stood up as well, and Charles gestured for her to lead the way, so she smiled courteously as she strode ahead of him.
"You do realize we're on uneven ground now," he said.
"Hmm?"
"Now you know my name, but I don't know yours."
"Oh." She turned back and gave him a winning smile. "I'm Liza."
Charles hummed thoughtfully. "Liza from Random House." The noise of the crowd was getting louder, but before they entered the fray, he said, "Well, if you ever want to get away from those sexist old men, just let me know."
Liza didn't leave Random House, not for a while, but she did hold onto Charles. He quickly became one of her best friends in publishing—maybe one of her best friends, period. The person she would call when she needed to vent about a problematic client or, even worse, a problematic colleague, because she knew he'd always listen without judgement.
He got married not long after they met, and his wife, too, became a great friend to Liza in her own right. In fact, it was Pauline who eventually talked Liza into taking the job offer from Charles which, since very their first encounter, had always implicitly been on the table.
Liza watched yet another young, single colleague get a senior editor position over her and Charles was away at a company retreat, but Pauline was free, so Liza turned to her to complain. Pauline let Liza vent for nearly half an hour about wasting her best years with Random House before throwing the suggestion out there.
"You would fit in so well at Empirical, Liza."
And Liza hesitated, wanting desperately to be able to say that she trusted Random House to give her more responsibility eventually, but she had begun to doubt that when she hit 35.
"I can't take such a huge step up just because I happen to know somebody," Liza said, although even as the words came out of her mouth, she knew that Pauline would scoff at them.
"That would be very noble of you if it weren't for the fact that no one else in publishing feels the same way."
Liza wished very much that Pauline weren't right.
"I'll think about it after I've had a few days to clear my head."
Her head cleared, and she was still mad, so she talked to Charles, feeling self-conscious and nervous despite herself.
"Of course I want you at Empirical, Liza." Charles seemed genuinely surprised by her hesitance. "You deserve to be some place where you can actually become editor in chief someday. And if you get along with my other editors anywhere near as well as I think you will… that position would be yours for the taking when George retires."
She gave her two weeks' notice the next day.
At Random House, Liza had had friends around the office, of course, but it was different to be working side-by-side with one of her closest friends in the world. Both different good—because God, they just knew each other—and different bad—because suddenly her work drama was his work drama and there were things she couldn't vent to him about anymore. When they disagreed about something, suddenly there were things at stake.
When she needed to vent about work, her best friend from college, Maggie, became the one she turned to, at least at least in the heat of the moment. She only talked to Charles once she'd calmed down a bit.
In retrospect, she should have anticipated a related side effect from her job at Empirical—she and Pauline were no longer as close, either. If she felt strange complaining to Charles about their coworkers, she felt even more peculiar complaining to Pauline about her husband. Pauline, too, seemed more reluctant to use Liza as a sounding board after an argument with Charles.
They didn't stop talking, not really. They talked a lot. They just didn't really talk about anything.
And that was likely why Liza, like everyone else, didn't see it coming when Pauline left.
Liza found out two days before the rest of the office because Pauline actually texted her: I'm leaving town for a while. I'm going to miss you. You're a good friend. x
Charles knew that Liza knew, either because Pauline told him that she was going to tell her or because he could read her expression when he walked into the staff meeting that morning.
Either way, he avoided her for most of the day, prompting a number of questions from Diana, who knew enough about Charles and Liza's friendship to know it was odd not to see them share even passing words all morning.
"The two of you aren't fighting, are you?" she asked, peeking her head into Liza's office while Charles was out for lunch.
"Pardon?"
"You and Charles." Diana crept further into Liza's office and kept her voice low. "I couldn't help noticing that he seemed a little… cold toward you this morning, and I know the two of you are great friends, so it was a bit…" She trailed off.
"No, no, we're… we're fine," Liza said, doing her best to smile cheerfully. "I think he's just a bit worried about Nicole, apparently she's got the flu."
Diana's eyes widened. "Oh, I see. Well, I'm sure Pauline is taking good care of her."
"I'm sure you're right," Liza chirped.
Liza texted Charles as soon as Diana left. Diana thinks you're acting weird. I told her Nicole has the flu.
He texted back almost immediately. Thank you.
While Liza was trying to figure out to ask him if he would feel up to talking any time soon, another text came through. Sorry for how I've been today. Dinner tonight?
Of course. Why don't I cook and you bring the girls over? They'd probably love to see Caitlin.
Charles was a bit slower to respond this time, but when he did: I think that's exactly what all three of us need today.
It had been some time since Liza last hosted Charles at her apartment—his house was just so much better-suited to company—and she couldn't even remember the last time the girls came with him. But she had a few friends who'd gone through separations in the past few years, and she knew that it was probably best to get them away from their house for a night.
The girls were the most reserved she'd ever seen them, but they were happy to see her, and she'd pulled out all the stops to make a meal that would excite them, stopping by the grocery store on the way home to pick up fixings for mini pizzas that filled her apartment with a warmth and comforting smell by the time her guests arrived.
Although Liza said nothing to Caitlin about Pauline leaving, her daughter was perceptive enough to realize that something was up, and as dinner was winding down, she turned to the girls and said, "I have a very important question for you two."
"What?" Nicole and Bianca asked in unison.
"I got Mario Kart a few weeks ago, but I've been so busy with school that my friends and I haven't had time to try it out. Is there any chance you guys would be willing to help me break it in?"
The young girls' eyes grew wide and they started to nod, but then Nicole frowned and said, "Daddy only lets us play video games once a week, and we already played Minecraft last night."
"I think I can make an exception if Caitlin really needs help testing out her new game," Charles said gently.
"Oh, I do. It's no fun to play alone."
"Alright then. You girls can go have fun as soon as you've cleared your plates."
Nicole and Bianca beamed at their father as Caitlin led them to her room, leaving Charles and Liza to load the dishwasher alone.
"Thank you for this, Liza," Charles said as he rinsed the plates. "I think it's definitely safe to say that all three of us… really needed this."
"Of course," Liza said, giving him a soft smile. "The girls seem to be doing… alright, at least."
Charles nodded absentmindedly, his mind on Liza's words but clearly somewhere else, too. "I… I think they are, yeah. Honestly, I'm not sure they fully grasp what's happened, not yet. After Pauline told me last night that she—" He faltered and paused for a few seconds before clearing his throat. "We sat them down and told them that she would be going away for a while, and they're upset but I'm not sure they understand yet exactly…" Again, he stopped, but this time he seemed unable to keep going.
"Exactly what it means," Liza offered, and he nodded. After a moment's hesitation, Liza asked, "What… what exactly does it mean?"
"I'm not really sure." Charles frowned down at the glass in his hand and scrubbed at it just a bit too hard. "What do you think it means when the woman you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with tells you that she's felt suffocated in your marriage for years when you thought everything was fine?"
Liza's eyes widened, although she did her best to conceal the true extent of her surprise. "Wow, that is pretty… well, it fucking sucks, doesn't it?"
"That was the crux of my reaction, yes."
"Probably a few more swear words mixed in…" Liza offered.
Charles actually chuckled, albeit weakly. "More than a few." Having handed over the last plate, he turned around and leaned his back against the sink. "I don't know what makes me angrier, the fact that she didn't trust me to admit that she was unhappy or the fact that she's gone off God knows where when she has two beautiful little girls who are going to miss her."
"You're allowed to be mad about both," she told him gently.
"Oh, I am. I just feel like it'll be easier if I channel my anger into one at a time."
Liza sighed and said, "Well, you know what's rumored to help?"
"Hmm?"
"Drinking wine and venting to a good friend." She lowered her voice. "I'd say we could break into my whiskey, but with you having to corral the girls home later…"
"Wine sounds like just what the doctor ordered," Charles sighed. "Thank you."
So he followed Liza to her liquor cabinet, and she pulled out a pricier bottle of red that she'd been saving for a special occasion.
Of course, she'd been hoping that it'd be a happy sort of special occasion, but Charles needed it more than she did.
They lost track of time as Charles talked about his anger with Pauline, his anxieties over taking care of his daughters alone, and his frustration that his separation would soon be the talk of the New York publishing circuit. Their glasses sat long forgotten on the coffee table by the time Caitlin emerged with the girls—at the sound of feet coming down the hall, Liza changed the subject abruptly, so that, when they were interrupted, they were having a spirited discussion about a panel Liza would be chairing at a conference the following month.
"Daddy, Daddy, I just finally beat Caitlin and Nicole in a race," Bianca announced eagerly, jumping up onto the sofa in between Charles and Liza.
"You didn't!" Charles exclaimed, looking between Bianca and Nicole. "Well, that's the sort of accomplishment that might be deserving of an extra bedtime story when we get home tonight. Speaking of which, you two look pretty worn out. Think you're ready to head home?"
The girls nodded. "Yes please," Bianca said.
"But it was fun to play with Caitlin," Nicole told Charles. "Maybe she can come play with our games some time?"
"I'm sure your dad hasn't forgotten that I'm always happy to babysit."
"No, I certainly haven't." Charles smiled, and it was the most sincerely happy he'd looked all evening. He pulled Bianca into his arms as he stood up, then held his free hand out for Nicole to take. "Now girls, what do we say to Liza for having us over?"
"Thank you, Liza!"
Both Liza and Caitlin walked them to the door, waving them off as they disappeared down the hall. Nearly as soon as Liza shut the door, Caitlin's expression grew more somber. "Mom, about Pauline…"
"She's gone," Liza confirmed, her voice shaking a bit as she thought of Charles taking his little girls home alone. "She left him and he has no idea when he's going to see her again."
Caitlin grimaced. "Well, shit."
And Liza finally allowed herself to say something that it had felt too selfish to say to Charles. "She used to be one of my closest friends. I can't believe I had no idea that she was unhappy."
"Mom…" Caitlin breathed, grabbing Liza's hands and squeezing before pulling her into a hug. "Please don't beat yourself up over it. I don't know what things were like between Charles and Pauline, but her not coming to you… that was her choice. Don't you think you guys knew each other well enough that she knew she could talk to you if she ever needed it?"
"I guess," Liza said, although a part of her still wasn't so sure. Even so, Caitlin's words meant a lot, and Liza took in a long, deep breath and pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek before pulling away. "Love you, sweetie."
Before Caitlin could reply, Liza's phone buzzed, and she pulled it out of her pocket to discover that she'd received a text from Charles.
Thank you again. I appreciated talking through things before my personal life became the talk of the town.
"Did he forget something?" Caitlin asked curiously.
Liza began to walk down the hall toward her room, leaving her daughter behind. "No, no, he's just thanking me again for inviting him and the girls over."
"Gracious guy…" Caitlin mumbled.
"Hmm?" Liza asked, already in the process of typing out a response—No worries. You know I'm here for you whenever you need me.
"Nothing, I was just talking to myself. Have a good night, Mom."
"You too, sweetie!"
Charles took several minutes to reply; Liza was nearly done removing her make-up when she heard back from him.
Same to you. quickly followed by a simple :-)
The thing is… after that, things between them were more like what they used to be, before Liza started working at Empirical. They both felt a bit more casual and comfortable with each other and they gradually began to complain about coworkers together like they used to.
It was kind of nice, although Liza felt guilty about finding any sort of positive in the dissolution of Charles's marriage.
She told this to Maggie, who waved it off. "Your relationship has grown stronger in the wake of a personal crisis. You're allowed to appreciate that."
"You really think so?"
"Sure."
After a moment's hesitation, Liza gave voice to the thing that she had been vaguely aware of—and had been trying very hard to ignore—for about a month. "Does that mean I'm allowed to have a crush on him too?"
It had only been a little one at first, noticing how good he looked when they worked late nights and he shed his tie and jacket, appreciating the way he smelled as she sat beside him at staff meetings. But then she'd begun to think about him more and more when he wasn't around, and it was all… very confusing. Liza had dated occasionally since David, but none of those guys had made her feel like such a lovestruck teenager.
Maggie gasped, and it was dramatic and Liza could tell that Maggie was just teasing, but it still flustered her and made her bury her face in her hands. "You have a crush on your very close, very handsome and now very eligible friend? I don't know who you are anymore."
"You say that like it was inevitable, Mags."
"I kinda think it was. Not if Pauline were still around, of course," Maggie rushed to add at the sight of Liza's raised eyebrows. "I don't think the thought would have ever occurred to either of you if Pauline were still in the picture. But I mean, c'mon." Maggie shrugged. "You guys get along so well. He's hot, you're hot…"
"Because that's all a relationship needs."
"Just about, yeah," Maggie replied, laughing. Liza giggled despite herself and swatted at Maggie's arm. As silly as it was, she felt… reassured. Regardless of Maggie's jokes, the crux of her opinion had shone through—there was no reason to feel ashamed about developing feelings for a friend.
Maggie smirked to herself and mused, "Picture it, you two could be the publishing industry's power couple."
"Could be," Liza stressed. "But I'm not even considering it. Who knows if Charles would be interested in me, and Pauline's only been gone for a few months, so I can't… I can't do that to her. Or to him."
"Yeah, yeah, be a good person if you must. I just need to say, though…" Maggie looked Liza directly in the eye and lowered her voice to a whisper. "I'd bet you my rent-controlled Brooklyn apartment that Charles would go for it in a second if you put it out there."
Liza shushed her and changed the subject.
Some time passed, and Liza did not take Maggie's implicit advice to pursue Charles. But she didn't work very hard to suppress her crush, either, especially as she became increasingly aware that in lighter moments, away from the prying eyes of their coworkers, he flirted with her.
He looked at her for a few moments too long on evenings when they shared drinks in his office well after everyone had left. He smiled in a way that hinted at the same sort of questionable thoughts that had also, as of late, been running through Liza's head.
It was nice, because Liza didn't feel any pressure. She knew Charles, like her, was probably feeling cautious, and he made her feel wanted but didn't get anything out of it in return in return—except, maybe, that she made him feel wanted too.
Things changed the summer after Pauline left, when Liza and Charles were both among those to represent Empirical at a conference in the Hamptons.
Much of Liza's day was spent serving as emotional support for Kelsey Peters, who was part of a panel for the industry's youngest power players, after which she had to host an after party and announce the first movie deal for any of her imprint's authors. It was all exciting, and all good, but it was a lot, and it put Liza in major mom/mentor mode.
Networking events were due to continue well into the evening (if they could even be called that when the whole point was to have an excuse to drink more in the Hamptons), but Liza left the Empirical party ready to hide away in her room with room service dinner and a nice book.
Charles seemed to have a similar idea—he was leaving his room with an empty ice bucket as Liza arrived at her door, and he stopped in his tracks.
"Liza, hi," he said, looking her up and down quickly. "Party finish up alright?"
"It went great. I don't think Kels even noticed you left early, she was too busy owning the room."
He smiled nervously. "Yeah, I wasn't planning on it, but you, Diana, and Kelsey seemed to have the situation well in hand, so I just thought…"
"You'd take the opportunity to hide away," Liza offered.
"No one knows what that's like like another hider," he chuckled. "I'm assuming that's your plan for the rest of the evening."
Liza grinned. "Guilty as charged. I'm halfway through a reread of Age of Innocence."
Charles hummed. "Ah yes, escaping the realities of New York high society by reading about New York high society."
"Something like that."
"Well, I won't keep you, then. Enjoy your Wharton."
She wanted to tell him that she'd rather enjoy his company instead, but she couldn't bring her mouth to form the words. "Thank you."
Her door was closed for less than a minute, and then he knocked on it.
"You know, on second thought, could I propose an… alternative to Wharton?"
They walked into town, passing up the main tourist bars where the entire New York publishing scene could be found at that exact moment. Instead, Charles brought her past several of his old haunts on their way to the bar that, according to him, was where the locals went when they got off work every day.
"Oh my God," Liza exclaimed as the bar came into view. "Berlin is playing tonight? Are you serious?"
"Well, now I'm pretty sure we're obligated to go in."
Liza beamed. "Absolutely."
Charles opened the door to the bar to let Liza in, and she felt herself blush as his hand ghosted across the small of her back, but in the dim light of the vestibule, he seemed to miss it.
In that bar, with Charles, Liza had more fun than she'd had any time in recent memory. They drank a little bit but for the most part they just swayed and maybe danced a bit next to each other, chatting intermittently during song breaks.
And then the band started in on the first notes of "Take My Breath Away." For a few moments, the change in pace flustered them both, and as Liza gave him a shy smile, she felt her heart pounding in her throat.
He took a leap and offered her his hand.
Their fingers intertwined and Liza found herself thinking, yet again, that it had been years since she'd felt so much like a lovestruck teenager. Charles looked soft in the light of the bar and he held her waist so gently and God, did she want him to kiss her, but instead she eventually filled the silence between them by saying, "This was actually my prom song."
"Oh yeah?" Charles cringed slightly. "I must admit, I grew to like this song, but it always makes me think of Top Gun at first."
Liza hummed and nodded. "Didn't like Top Gun?"
"No, I loved Top Gun. My first serious girlfriend broke up with me right outside of the theater after watching it with me, though, which sort of… colored the movie for me, as I'm sure you can imagine."
"And the song," Liza observed.
Charles nodded and echoed, "And the song."
"Well, if it brings back bad memories, we could… we could head back." She prayed that he would not want to head back—she was feeling too at home swaying slowly in his arms.
"I…" He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again before stammering, "No, I'm… exactly where I want to be."
Her breath caught in her throat. "Me too."
She saw his gaze flicker down to her lips and she became abruptly aware of how different this moment felt from all the other flirty moments they'd shared, because for the first time, it felt inevitable that he would kiss her. Her desire filled her chest and lingered in her throat and she couldn't breathe or think but somehow she managed to exhale, "Charles, just kiss me, please."
Maggie had been right—Charles went for it immediately, unquestioningly. He kissed Liza with a desperation that might have been overwhelming except that she was feeling it too, already mentally navigating the path back to the hotel so they could stumble into one of their rooms.
It was only the song winding down that prompted Liza to step back, licking her lips and suddenly feeling just a little anxious despite the fact that, if Charles were going to reject her, he probably wouldn't have kissed her for what must have been nearly two minutes.
"I've been thinking about doing that for a long time," he told her gently.
"Me too," Liza said. The admission made her blush, even innocent as it was.
"So you'd agree that we should do it again."
Liza smirked. "Maybe somewhere a bit less crowded. If only one of us had a nice, private room we could go back to…"
Again, Charles did not need to be asked twice.
Charles and Liza told HR they were dating, but they didn't tell anyone else at the office, not at first. It wasn't so much an intentional omission as it was that Liza knew that everyone who reported to her would see her differently once they learned that she was dating the boss. She wanted a chance to enjoy their relationship without that getting in the way, and Charles understood.
Meanwhile, to her friends, to Caitlin, she shouted the news from the rooftops. When they ran into Charles's friends while out at dinner, he'd introduce her as his girlfriend and he'd grin widely as he said it every time.
The evening before their first book release party since the Hamptons, Liza brought Charles to the gallery that was currently displaying some of Maggie's art; she'd missed the official opening, but she was still eager to see her friend's work. They went to dinner, then back to Charles's place.
Liza still had not slept over, too self-conscious about what that would communicate to the girls about the extent of their relationship. They knew that Liza was dating their father, and for the time being, that was all they needed to know.
She would stay when Charles asked.
He didn't ask that night, but as she was retrieving her clothes from the floor, he looked at her from his place on the bed and said, "Be my date tomorrow."
Liza froze in the middle of pulling her shirt on. "What?"
"I want us to be each other's date to the part," he said quietly. After a moment's pause, he said, "I… I know that you're nervous about people thinking less of you for sleeping with the boss, and I won't push it if you really don't want to, but I just… I like the idea of being able to hold your hand through obligatory small talk with people I don't like. I like the idea of being able to kiss you if I wanted to."
And Liza couldn't help but smile because, "Yeah, I… I like the idea of that too."
Charles furrowed his brow. "Is that… a yes?"
"Yeah, I think so."
He was still beaming when she kissed him goodnight and said a final, "I love you."
Pauline came back.
She called Charles one night while he and the girls were having dinner at Liza's apartment, saying that she was back in town and wanted to know whether she could come by the house to see him. To see her daughters.
Luckily, he'd sent the girls off to wash their hands, so they were not there to learn who was on the phone.
Charles told Pauline they were "out for the evening," glancing at Liza while he said so, and it wasn't that she didn't notice his choice to be vague—she could just imagine being in Pauline's shoes, imagine the devastation of learning over the phone that her ex-husband was in a relationship with a mutual friend, and she knew he was just being kind.
"Why don't you come in to the office tomorrow," he offered instead. The evenness of his tone surprised Liza a bit. She knew he'd always assumed he would end up yelling when he spoke to Pauline again.
The call must have lasted less than two minutes, but it colored the rest of the evening, weighing on both Charles and Liza even as they said goodbye at the door.
"About Pauline…" he said, lowering his voice and glancing toward his daughters—but they were pointedly ignoring his and Liza's farewell, chattering away a few feet from them.
"No, Charles, you don't have to—"
"I do, though," he insisted. "I don't want to say it doesn't matter, because it does. But it matters because of them." He nodded toward Nicole and Bianca. "I don't want you to ever feel like my history with her is more important to me than what I have now. I am still exactly where I want to be."
Liza swallowed hard, her heart reaching out to him. "Okay."
"You will… tell me if it is weighing on you, though, yeah?"
She smiled and nodded. He really was… everything she could ever ask for.
He kissed her, soft and fleeting, as the girls groaned beside him. "Daddy, let's go home, c'mon."
And Liza giggled against Charles's mouth, said, "Alright, girls, he's all yours."
The next day, Pauline was already at the office when Liza arrived. Not that she even saw her—everyone was whispering about it, and just in case she hadn't heard already, Diana made sure to peek into Liza's office and quietly inform her, "The ex is back."
But Liza had no interest in engaging. In fact, it was only when Kelsey popped into her office and shut the door that Liza felt like she was in the company of someone she actually wanted to talk to.
She didn't even bother with small talk before asking, "So you must have known about this before coming in today, right?"
"Yeah," Liza sighed. "She called last night and wanted to stop by his house, but Charles and the girls were at my apartment, so he told her they could talk here today instead."
"Oh my God, he was with you when he heard from her? Was that weird?"
Liza didn't even think before answering, "I mean, yes, of course it was." She frowned. "And he didn't tell her that they were with me, which was… the right thing to do, but it felt weird to listen to him keeping me a secret."
"God, yeah…" Kelsey glanced back at the door, grimacing. "Do you think he's told her by now?"
"Honestly, I'm not even sure what they're talking about. Pauline was so vague on the phone, and with Nicole and Bianca right there, Charles and I couldn't really discuss it at all."
"You don't seem too worried, though."
No, Liza was worried, a little bit. She couldn't help it. But she wasn't worrying anywhere near as much as she might have expected, and this, she did tell Kelsey. "I don't want to lose my mind over it when I don't even know what she wants. Besides, I… I trust Charles. I trust him more than anyone."
Their exchange was cut short when there was a knock on Liza's door and, moments later, Charles opened it and peeked in at them both.
"Charles, hi," Liza said, sitting up straight and trying—and failing—to read his mood from his very neutral expression.
"Morning, you two." He smiled kindly at Liza, and it was sincere, but as soon as he allowed his face to do anything, it was abruptly obvious that he was somewhat shaken. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I was actually looking for Kelsey. Do you… have a few minutes?"
"Oh!" Kelsey looked to Liza for a cue; Liza nodded her on, so she rose to her feet. "Yeah, of course."
"Great, thank you. Why don't you… go on ahead to my office."
This cue, too, Kelsey was eager to take.
Charles did not step into Liza's office, but he cleared his throat and lowered his voice. "I want to talk about this in-depth, but it'll… have to wait until lunch, if that's alright."
"Of course."
He nodded. "I can tell you, though, that she… she's reached out to me because she wrote a book about us. About our marriage. And she wants to try to get it published, so she thought it would only be fair to reach out to Empirical first. I told her we'd consider it, but I want her to do a formal pitch and give some chapters to one of our editors."
"Kelsey," Liza said, more because she needed to open her mouth and say something than because she thought Charles needed reassurance that they were on the same page.
"Right." He nodded slowly, hesitating for a few moments before turning around to retreat to his office. But he only made it a few steps before he turned back toward Liza. "Oh, and just to give you some peace of mind… I told her about us."
Liza felt herself perk up again as a little smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. "Oh?"
"Yeah, she… well, it was a bit strange, actually, but I think everything is alright."
"Why, what did she say?"
"She laughed?" Kelsey exclaimed.
Liza shushed her. "My door is only so thick, Kels, c'mon. But yes, she laughed."
It was nearly the end of the day, and Liza's talk with Charles had left her feeling reassured and safe and relatively unopposed to Empirical publishing Pauline's book. Kelsey had put off her other work to race through the chapters Pauline gave to her, eager to relay its contents to Liza.
"What did she actually say, though?"
"Oh, yeah, that's the other odd thing. Apparently the first words out of her mouth were, 'Of course.'"
Kelsey raised her eyebrows. "Actually, that's… not really that odd."
"What are you talking about?"
"That's one of the things I came to tell you about. You're in her book, Liza."
Liza felt her jaw drop comically. "I'm in there?"
"A lot of people are. She's really lazy with pseudonyms, too—she called you Lena." Kelsey held out a page for Liza to read, and Liza saw that her friend had bracketed one paragraph.
It only took a few months for me to regret encouraging Lena to go work for Karl. It put a strain on our friendship, and as much as we both tried to ignore it, I found myself abruptly without one of the only true friends I'd had in Karl's world. Beyond that, I couldn't shake the feeling that she and Karl were attracted to each other. I never imagined they might have an affair, but she seemed to bring out something in him that I couldn't, especially after they began to work together. It made me wonder whether he he'd choose her over me, if circumstances presented him with the opportunity.
"Oh my God," Liza breathed.
"I know."
"Oh my God."
"I know."
"She must… she must hate me. What if she thinks I was just… waiting for something to happen so that I could pounce on him? Maybe she didn't think anything would actually happen between us but did she think I wanted it to?"
Kelsey sighed and shook her head. "I don't think so. She mentions being suspicious of your relationship with Charles a few times, but she always marked it down to friendly flirting. This bit right here, though…"
Liza said nothing for a few moments, evidently speechless. Finally, though: "Am I a bad person, Kels?"
"What? Liza, no, you are an incredible person."
"I'm part of the reason she felt like she didn't belong here. She felt like Charles wanted to replace her with me and he did."
"No. No, Liza, that's not true." Kelsey leaned forward and grabbed Liza's hands, clutching them tightly between her own. "First of all, regardless of what she thought a few times about your friendship with Charles, she made the choice to leave, and that is on her—I'm not even trying to call it good or bad, but it is on her. And as far as Charles replacing her…"
She smoothed her thumb over the back of Liza's hand and smiled gently. "Relationships aren't interchangeable. He loves you for what makes you you, not because you fill some void that Pauline left behind."
Liza swallowed hard and nodded. "You're right. Yeah. I know you're right."
"Of course I'm right." Kelsey perked up in her seat; she squeezed Liza's hands one last time before pulling away. "Now that we've talked about the part of the book that's relevant to you, can I admit something to you?"
"Go ahead."
"I think it's a great book," Kelsey sighed. "I know Pauline went to school for creative writing, and it shows—she really knows what she's doing. I think I need to tell Charles that we should publish it."
Frankly, Liza still had Pauline's words echoing in her head, already trying to imagine what Charles's reaction would be when he read them. But she trusted Kelsey's instinct, and after discussing the matter with Charles… "Okay. Send the chapters on to him."
"You don't think it'll be too weird?"
"Oh, I absolutely think it'll be too weird. But if it's a good book, Charles is going to want to publish it so no one else does."
Kelsey cringed. "Right. Okay. I'll send him the chapters."
Charles called Liza at nearly midnight, and on most evenings, she'd already be asleep, but Pauline's words still had her spinning.
"Kelsey said she showed you the passage about you coming to work at Empirical," he said by way of hello. His tone wasn't cold, exactly—he just sounded worn out and a little bit lost. Liza wished she were there with him.
"Yeah, she did."
He cleared his throat. "I, um, I've just read it myself. And it might tire you out if I keep asking you this, Liza, but I'm just… I want to know how you're doing."
"It doesn't tire me out at all," Liza whispered. "I'm… kind of miserable, to be honest. You?"
"Kind of miserable, too. It was a long day, what with meeting with Pauline, having to run a staff meeting as though everyone in the company didn't know my ex-wife had visited me, and then talking with Bob about whether I should humor Pauline's book in the first place… All I've wanted this whole time is for you to be there to hold my hand through it."
"That's all I want too." Liza smoothed her hand across her stomach. "If it weren't for the fact that I'm already in my pajamas, I'd say I could just come right now."
Charles hesitated. "If I called a car for you, would you take it?"
She hesitated too. "Are you suggesting a sleepover?"
"I might be."
"Well, I'd have to check with my mom, on account of it's a school night."
Liza was a bit uncertain and stalling and Charles knew it, because he said, "Liza, it's getting harder and harder to come home or watch you leave when I know it could be anywhere between 8 and 12 hours before I see you again. And now we're both sad and lonely and I don't… I don't want to wait 8 hours."
"Do you…" Liza could barely bring herself to say the words. "Do you want Pauline to be the reason that I first stay over at your house?"
He sighed. "Pauline… has made me think about what I want. About what I wanted when she and I were together, and what I want now, and… I want to fall asleep with you and I want to see you still sleeping in my bed when I get out of the shower in the morning and I want you to help me make waffles for my little girls. Reading the things that she wrote about me, about you… it's made me sad. But you're the reason I want you to stay over. You're the only reason."
Liza told him to call her a car.