"Steve, what's wrong? You haven't even touched your hot cocoa! I slaved over a hot microwave to make that, you know," Tony teased as he sat across the table from his boyfriend, who was looking down at his cooling chocolate beverage.
"Nothing's wrong, Tony. I'm fine," Steve lied as he flashed Tony a fake smile, though the genius knew that he was depressed about something.
"Come on, Steve! Your ability to lie is almost as bad as Fury's ability to see out of his left eye. Seriously, tell ole' Tony what's wrong.," the brunet pestered as he grabbed Steve's right hand and took it in his.
"Well, when I was a kid, my mom used to make Christmas sweaters for me to wear. Each year it was always different, but my favorite was the one she made with Rudolph the reindeer on the front. She knew that it was my favorite Christmas story, and she took the time to make it. I kept it even when I grew up, but now it's gone. I just really miss wearing those sweaters each year; it was the one thing I always looked forward to," Steve sighed as he took a drink of his now cold cocoa, completely avoiding eye contact with Tony.
Tony, not one to always be sensitive towards others' feelings, began to laugh. He imagined little skinny Steve in a sweater far too large for his tiny frame, with the sleeves hanging well past his hands. Tony pictured the large, ugly sweater with the deer's head covering the entire front with a big, large nose covering the expanse of Steve's itty bitty belly, and the thought made him laugh even harder.
"See, this is why I don't tell you everything! You make it all into a joke! Sleep on the couch tonight; I don't want you in bed with me," the blonde hissed as he got up from the table and stomped off, leaving Tony all by himself to think about his actions.
Great, no sex tonight…I don't see what the issue is, it's funny! Not only did he used to be skinny, but he was wearing a reindeer sweater of all things! Well, then again his parents and everyone else he ever loved is dead… Yeah I think I may have fucked up a bit here. I have no idea how I'm going to fix thi- Wait, I've got it, Tony snapped his fingers and sighed a breath of relief when the perfect idea came to him.
He took his Stark phone out of his pocket, dialed a number and waited patiently for the man on the other line to answer. After what seemed like an eternity, the phone stopped ringing and a loud, intimidating voice came through.
"Stark," Fury stated, and Tony could already tell he was bit on edge and unhappy to hear from him.
"Look, I need a favor. I kind of… Pissed Steve off and I need to make it up to him. You free for a brief meeting?" the genius asked, hoping that Fury would be nice enough to hear him out.
"Yes, I can meet with you for a moment. Come to my office and we'll discuss whatever stupid ass thing you did to Rogers this time. You're welcome," Fury grumbled before ending the phone call.
Tony was surprised that Nick was willing to meet with him after all of the stunts he'd pulled in just the past week. He was always so careless on missions, and if it wasn't for Steve reeling him in from time to time he'd probably be dead by now. He was sure the only reason Fury was bothering to spend even a moment of time talking to Tony was because it had everything to do with Steve. The last thing Nick wanted was his golden boy to be upset, and certainly the last thing Tony wanted was a furious Fury on his hands.
He put on the nice black pea coat Steve got him for Christmas last year, picked up his keys off of the counter and left the tower in his Acura NSX Roadster. Tony was relieved that S.H.I.E.L.D just opened up a new branch in Manhattan, and it only took him several minutes to get to the high security building. After having his retinas scanned, his pockets turned inside out and his body patted down he was allowed access into the building, and he took the elevator down to the basement. Fury always liked to be secretive and protect himself from possible threats, or so he'd say, but Tony believed it was because he wanted to preserve his tough, heartless reputation.
He stepped into a large office with a black desk and two small metal chairs in front of it. Fury was sitting in a puffy black wheelie chair behind the desk, and all Tony could see was the back of his bald head.
"Hello, Stark. Sit down and tell me what's so important that you needed to see me today," Fury snarled as he turned around in his chair until he was glaring directly into Tony's eyes, sending a shiver of discomfort down his spine.
Tony sat down and told Nick about the incident, and Fury simply nodded his head as the genius continued to babble on and on. After ten minutes of ranting and raving, Fury had enough and slammed his fists on his sturdy wooden desk and got into Tony's face.
"Get to the point, Stark! I have another meeting in five damn minutes!" Fury barked, startling Tony enough to make him jump a little in his chair.
"I want all of us to wear matching Christmas sweaters for our annual Christmas card photo shoot tomorrow," Tony answered sharply, no longer beating around the bush.
"You can't be serious… This is what Rogers was upset about?" Fury questioned, and Tony thought his one good eye was going to pop out of his head from glaring at him so much.
"Yes, this is what he wants. He's really missing his mom right now, and I think this would be the best way to make it up to him. Plus, we're selling these Christmas cards for charity, Nick. When you left Coulson in charge of putting them together we looked terrible! I mean come on, who is going to want a Christmas card of everyone in suits and sunglasses? Oh yeah, that's right, NO ONE. We looked like we walked right off the set of MIB… You really want that again? They barely sold! Now just hear me out; if we're all wearing sweaters with ugly little Rudolphs, Prancers, Vixens, Blitzens, and whatever the hell the other deer are named, people are going to laugh. They're going to see us as personable, like we actually are capable of understanding them and appreciating life just as much as they do. This is how we're going to make millions to help terminally ill kids. Now, how does that sound?" Tony used his business reasoning to appeal to Fury's pragmatic ways, and he watched as the expression on Nick's face turned from one of speculation to one of agreement.
"Alright, Stark. I'll notify the other Avengers and let them know what to expect for tomorrow. You're in charge of purchasing those monstrosities, and if you're not right about this I'm going to shove my boot so far up your ass you're going to taste it," Fury threatened, waving his arms at Tony in a shooing motion.
Tony left the office wondering where he could possibly find hideous Christmas sweaters. He knew he only had several hours to find some, and unless hipsters really had taken over the fashion scene Tony wasn't sure he'd find them at any old place. As he walked back to his car, a lovely little old woman with a sweater emblazoned with nine white, sequined reindeers carrying Santa's sleigh walked past him. Before she was too far away from him, Tony quickly turned around and tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to shriek in fear and pull out a little bottle of pepper spray in defense.
"No, no! Lady, I just have a question! Don't spray me!" Tony cried out, covering his eyes to protect them from the potential harming agent.
"Anthony Stark? Oh, I'm so sorry sonny! You shouldn't go sneaking up on an old lady like that… What can I do for you?" the old woman asked sweetly as she tucked the spray back in her purse and peeled Tony's hands away from his face.
"I just wanted to know where you got that sweater from. I'm looking for some, and I've gotta be honest the last time I saw one of those was in 'A Christmas Story'," Tony looked closely at her horrific red sweater, already dreading having to wear one for the annual Christmas card.
"In that little boutique across the street, sweetie. They've got sweaters of everything pertaining to the holiday season for everyone in the family, including pets if you have any. I hope you find some you like, take care now," the little old lady answered before quickly shuffling away, and at her suggestion Tony rushed off to the shop, almost getting run over by a car in the process.
The next day, Tony arrived at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters with a large box of sweaters in hand. He took the elevator up to the makeshift photography studio on the third floor, which contained a faux fireplace, a large Christmas tree with white, green, and red bulbs, and a row of stockings on the wall. As he stepped into the studio, Tony immediately noticed the less than thrilled expressions on his teammates' faces. Bruce looked uncomfortable, Clint annoyed, Natasha disinterested, and Thor confused. Not bothering to feed into their moods, Tony simply cut open the box and tossed each Avenger their own Christmas sweater.
"This fabric isn't made of wool, is it Tony? Because it may set off the 'other guy.' He gets mad when I'm itchy," Bruce asked as he brushed his thumbs against the soft material and carefully observed the large, atrocious brown reindeer with a big red nose adorning the front of the white sweater.
"I don't know what they're made of but I can assure you it's not wool. Next question. Shakespeare in the Park?" Tony turned his attention to Thor, who was admiring the ugly brown animal's face stitched into the material.
"I like this Rudolph the reindeer you have told me about over the last few months. It is fitting for an admirable creature with such courage as he to be placed upon my shirt. I will wear it with the utmost honor," Thor beamed before throwing the bright white clothing item on.
"Of course you will, Goldilocks. Clint, got something to say?" the genius observed Clint, who was chuckling a little at Rudolph's black, beady little button eyes.
"This tops anything I ever wore as a circus performer, and that's saying a lot," Clint replied with a grin, though he didn't take his eyes off of the atrocity beneath his fingertips.
"Fair enough. Natasha, is a small good enough for you? Since you wear such a skintight outfit around all the time I figured you may as well show the girls off for the annual Christmas photo," Tony, still a little bitter from their previous encounters, snarked at the spy, who simply rolled her eyes in return.
"Keep in mind the only reason I'm not crushing your head against the mock fireplace right now is because we're doing this for charity," Natasha sneered at him before holding the shirt up into the air and examining its malformed red nose.
"Alright, Steve will be here any minute. Thor and Bruce, stand on either side of the fireplace. Clint and Natasha, seeing as you're adorable and the poster children for superhero love these days, stand in the middle and look like a happy couple. Steve and I will sit down on the ground," Tony directed before throwing on his own festive crime against humanity, and he hoped that this little stunt would not only bring a small fortune for the charity, but get Steve to forgive him as well.
"Why can you never remember I'm dating Phil, Tony…" Clint sighed as he quickly put on the sweater before Steve walked in the door.
"Hey everyone, what's the theme for this year's Christmas ca-" Steve stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his fellow Avengers wearing tacky, yet adorable, Christmas sweaters.
Tony had a neatly folded bright white sweater in his hands, and he slowly walked over to Steve and placed it in his hands. Steve, completely puzzled by his teammates' matching clothing, unfolded the sweater and held it up in the air. When he saw the decoration on the front, he almost dropped it in surprise.
"Yep, it's Rudolph, your favorite. He's even got a glowing nose; I figured I'd give you another lesson in technological advancements while I was at it," Tony explained as he watched Steve slowly put it on, and he admired the way it hung just a little too loosely off of the blonde's body.
"Why?" Steve asked in a barely audible whisper as he looked down at the shirt, smiling warmly at the memory of Christmas' past, wrapped up in the wonderful sweaters his mother used to knit.
"You deserve something special, Steve. Now come here and get in the picture," Tony motioned for Steve to join him, and the two nestled together on the floor, giving the photographer sincere, broad smiles with each flash of his camera's lights.