I found this notebook in one of the empty stores and I need to write shit down, get it out of my head. I shouldn't be here. My home is so far away: across an ocean. Hell, I think everyone I know might be those dead things now. Fuck, why am I still alive.

Shall I start from the beginning? I closed my eyes and put the pen on the map lying on the table and when I opened my eyes to look it was somewhere near Nashville, so I tried again, closed my eyes, span around and put the pen down on a place. Just off the coast between Savannah and Jacksonville. So after a bit of research I decided to fly to Nashville, hire a car and drive down to Saint Simons Islands. Everything was in place, I flew over and booked into the motel on my own, I do everything on my own now. Jeff and i split up, I guess I didn't know him as well as I had hoped.

I used the money I had saved up for my wedding dress to pay for this stupid ass trip, I had enough of people I loved looking at me with pity but no-one I knew had the time or the finances to drop everything and come with me. Doing this on my own was stupid...

What the hell was I thinking, I can't write or phone you Dad. I miss you so much, round about now we should have been walking up the aisle towards Jeff.. that bastard, that fucking bastard. I loved him but god. I hope he is dead, I hope she dies first and eats him. He so deserves that.

OMG She... she's dead, just scraps of meat. And I just puked on myself again. Seeing the dead bodies walking around is hard enough but seeing that is something out of a horror movie but the smell is overpowering. Won't ever get used to it.

I didn't mean it, I love... I still love, loved him? There is no way for me to know if Jeff is still alive, if you are still alive Dad? Are you still alive? I have been alone for what must be five days now. I pick up guns and knives where I can, the only benefit of being here is how easy it is to get guns. My backpack is really heavy, no-one told me how heavy a gun actually is. Dad you wouldn't believe how hard it is to use them. I can't believe I survived this long. I keep moving, lucky for me I found a moped too. Cars just get blocked in. The roads are impassable. What is it like there? Dad, I wish I could hear your voice one more time.

I need to find another gun, just ran out of bullets; there are too many dead ones, I am hiding now, it will be dark soon so not much time to write.

I been walking around for what must be a couple of weeks now, starting to think bout it, days seem to be blending into each other so I am not sure how much time has passed. The what the fuck moments, I was so scared. I woke up in the motel by the airport: was woken up by a loud bang which was shortly followed by another. I sat for a few minutes to calm down and then when I heard nothing else went to the door and opened it. Next door along was open so I: Oh god I was so stupid, I said something like is somebody there? or something. Lame, yeah, lame Lucy. I crept in and so help me god I nearly collapsed in shock. I don't think I fainted but it was like a movie scene only the smell. Oh god the smell was awful. Like walking into an abatoir, I remember nearly barfing. It made me think about that factory where they slaughtered chickens and I couldn't even enter it, let alone work there. Weak stomach then. Got no better since.

Don't die dad, don't be one of them. I miss you so much. If the world hadn't ended in biblical horror, I would have been home by now. Safe with you.

Well I guess its morning again. I survived another day, the dead are everywhere now. I am leaving Manchester. So funny, they have Manchester here as well Dad, I decided to write this to you. I know you will never read it but I keep hoping that someone will wave a magic wand and this whole nightmare will end. I remember looking in that motel room. Saw the man and his face ah, sorry just barfed again... his face was like hamburger meat. I saw the woman's body but stopped from looking at her head. The gun was next to him, just like it had fallen from his grip. I searched high and low but we were the only guests there. Everyone else had gone. Was like that ship thing Dad, the story that I had read about somewhere. Marie Celeste or something like that. Ghost ship with nobody alive onboard. That is what it felt like. That some genie had just made everyone disappear.

I've been killing them Dad. Dad, I feel nothing... They are dead already and don't feel it. It took a whole hour before I realised that you need to shoot straight through the head and just a single terrifying second to stab through the eye. My bullets, I count them every night and lucky for me that I found Rosemary, I don't know her last name but she is fearless. Dad I wish you could meet her, she will be a brilliant stepmum. She is showing me how to use a gun.

I just asked her and she just laughed, she wants to keep an air of mystery about her so no she isn't going to tell me her last name. I try guessing but she just keeps laughing at me.

Herrera, her name is Rosemary Herrera, but her maiden name was Johnston.

Rosemary and I are so scared, we nearly got caught today, you never know these days who to trust. We trust each other, but after watching what those guys did a few weeks ago, back in Nashville by the airport. When we literally ran into each other and hid in that classroom it was like a carry on farce. We laugh about the absurd weirdness, two scared women quaking in fear until she grabbed me and put her hand over my mouth to keep me quiet. We sat in terrified silence for hours till the coast was clear.

Dad, you would be so proud of me, getting real good at shooting guns, we pick them up all over, the right to bear arms in America but the downside is it makes a noise which is why I have amassed several knives, a machete and I have a bow, handy for whenever I find arrows for it.

Lost my weapons today, got to look for new ones, Rosemary and I take turns to sleep and when we can't find a safe place we tie ourselves up on tree branches.

If I hadn't met Rosemary I would have died weeks ago, she keeps me alive. Everyday we get by. Dad, she is fucking amazing. She has brown eyes and even browner skin. She bitched so much about running out of fags but is getting better. Only she laughed when I called them that, it means queer guy over here and the thought of her giving blow jobs to queer guys made her laugh so much... It is our joke for when the craving makes her so cranky. She saves my life several times a day.

Rosemary and I talk so much Dad, I told her about you and I told her about mum dying of cancer. I told her about Jeff and she agrees with me, Jane should eat him, great big fucking chunks out of the lying, cheating scumbag. I hope you are safe, I hope all this is happening just here and not at home where you are. I wish I knew but there is no signal on the phone, hasn't been for weeks now. I can't call or write you. Hell I don't even know if I could sail over anymore, airplanes don't fly, cars jam up the roads everywhere.

When did god desert us Dad?

Rosemary was a cleaner at the university, I met her when I was looking for food, I found some maps on my way and was looking for places that had kitchens, I figure a school would be safer than hospital or restaurant. I was avoiding people as that seemed safest. I saw what happened when that girl got caught, the sick motherfuckers raped her right there in the road outside the motel and walked off afterwards, I was going to go fetch her when she just let the dead thing just eat her. She tried to run after it sunk its teeth in her but it was too late. I watched it all from the window. It scared me so bad I didn't move for hours. Just sat there with my eyes shut and my hands over my ears. I wanted to phone you, I turned the television on but it was just dead.

I miss you Dad, I know Rosemary tries to keep me together and I try to keep her going but it is tough. We hide from people, something we learned early on to do. It's not safe to trust people.

The hardest thing happened today, we came across a crashed schoolbus, was lucky that we hadn't eaten as I'm sure I would have hurled. Tiny little dead ones trapped inside knocking themselves against the windows.

We keep walking, silently, me and Rosemary. Always looking, watching and listening for trouble.

Some road trip this is Dad, fucking adventure of a lifetime. Today I hugged Rosemary as she died. She was right there and then she was gone. I put my biggest knife through her eye and I hope that does it. I don't want her to be one of them, a dead thing. The one that bit her was rotten, the flesh hanging of it made me heave, haven't done that for a while but jesus it was disgusting. I just didn't see it till was too late. I am on my own again now. I saw signs that we are near Atlanta. There is a national park up to the North and I think I should go there. Less dead things there.

I tried to keep quiet, I found myself just rocking backwards and forwards singing a stupid song, I caught my reflection in the mirror. My arms hugging myself like I was wearing a straitjacket. But there is nobody left to put me in the loonybin. Going to blow out this candle now.

I didn't sleep too well. That house was just too big and I feel disjointed. Am I going crazy?

Rosemary is gone, Dad. I only have you and this stupid pen to keep me sane now. I think about eating a bullet but the fear of pain makes me stop and you know what a coward I am about stuff like that. Remember all that time ago when I had my ear pierced and mum had to hold me down to do the other one as I didn't want to do that again. Such a coward, you even had to distract me when i had my injections. Remember? I would moan so much about a papercut that you would have to give me a lollypop to shut me up. Can you imagine how lonely I am, but all I have are the dead things to talk to and they just want to eat me. I slept in a really big bed last night. This house has a swimming pool and everything. The front door was open and there was bloodstains in the hallway but I didn't find any dead things in there. So now I am opening cans up in the kitchen and eating straight from the can. There are so many rooms that our whole family could move in and we still wouldn't have to share. I miss you and I miss Aunty Clare and Uncle Robert, hope that Chris and Ian are doing okay, they must have finished school by now. I miss Penny and Tony and the whole gang. Hell I even miss my boss Paul and he is a complete jerk. At least now I don't have to put up with his stupid requests, get this file or that file but the thought of not going to the bar after work with Penny any more is making me cry, that ginger bitch better be alive and kicking or I will kill her myself.

Things I miss List: People, alive people, being alive. My Dad. Rosemary. Penny. Chris, Ian and Aunty Clare. Music. Getting drunk, wish I could get stoned and not feel.

Feel so alone, I want to give up.

Things I don't miss list: Jeff should be on this list but I would trade everything to have things go back to how they used to be. Glad Jane is dead though, she deserved it Bitch.

I am with someone again, lucky for me it is another woman that found me. She stepped out from behind a tree with a fucking sword, I kid you not Dad. Her name is Michonne and she is taking me to a safe group. Was so scared that I nearly pissed myself when I saw her.

Michonne told me that there are men and women and children in the group, I feel good about that. I seen what guys do first hand. That girl who got raped in the road, she could have been me. If I had gone out there. Oh god I was so lucky I managed to avoid the rape gangs, and met Rosemary when I did so she could teach me how to survive. Was pure fluke that I am still here.

Having Michonne around is strange, she won't let me talk much until we are safely locked in behind four walls. We have to be so quiet, I hate it. But when she lets her guard down she tells me about the group so I don't panic, I won't panic when I meet them. She tells me a bit about Rick, his son and his daughter, Carol and Beth, Maggie and Glenn and Hershal the farmer.

Jesus, this scarey dude just turned up, Michonne knew him though so he must be part of the group, I am sitting here waiting for the pair of them to come back. They went out to do a sweep, maybe that is a euphemism for shagging as he is just so hot, he looks mean and sexy. I watched him move and god he is so hot. I feel so inept with just my empty gun and a couple of big knives and she has a sword and he has a crossbow. Calm down Lucy, he is just the first guy you have seen in months that isn't a rapist. Get a grip.

Its early, I can hear him snoring, Michonne is over by the window watching out, my pen is running out so going to look around.

Got a couple of pens so can keep writing in this notebook. I don't know how many days, weeks or even months it has been since I got here but we are moving again soon so...

Scarey dude is named Daryl Dixon, god he is filthy dirty, silent as death and scares the shit out of me everytime as he just appears like a ghost out of nowhere. Michonne keeps smirking at me, she can see that I like him. I like him but I can't stand his silent sulks. What the fuck is wrong with me. Michonne said last names don't matter anymore, she isn't one for talking. We spend most of the last couple of days silent.

Well knock me down with a feather Dad, I am living in a god dam prison. Shit, bet you never thought little Lucy Robins would end up in prison Dad, am I making you proud? So many people live here, it was overwhelming at first but now I am getting used to it. Becoming institutionalised as it were. I can help Carol with the laundry and cooking, and help Michonne kill walkers who pile up by the fences. It is the end of the world as we know it, Rick explained how we are all infected and when we die: we turn into Walkers.

After the past few months when I rarely talked, couldn't risk talking, I can't stop. It's safe to talk here and I can't shut up. Trying to find out everything about everyone. Ashamed to say I'm not always tactful, I upset that Beth girl, she is so like the girl I saw in Nashville, sweet and petite but she has scars on her wrists. Maggie told me to leave her alone. Maggie actually said leave my sister alone and I was surprised, they don't look alike.

Was having a bad day today.

Hershal is a man of faith, I laughed at him but we talked and found respect. I fear God was never top of my priorities when things were normal and even now I cannot pray for anything but today I prayed for you Dad. I missed your birthday, I think I even missed fathers day, who knows. happy birthday daddy, I love you.

I like this group, even Daryl. Daryl lurks around now and again, he keeps asking me to say things, loves hearing about different words I use: like it sounds so funny to him. He likes it when I talk as he thinks my accent is cute or purty as he calls it. He thinks it is hilarious when I tell him about Fish and Chips and living in London and he seems to think I have tea and scones with the queen or something. I asked him to teach me how to prepare the squirrels and stuff he brings back from his hunts and he scoffed. Started calling me Princess and how I shouldn't get my hands dirty. I went off on one at him and he just kissed me. Honest to god. Then the arsehole turned around and walked off. Carol looked hurt, she likes him too. I told her he probably didn't know any other way to shut me up but I guess she feels bad.

Oh god, why did i write that down, how embarrassing; Daryl just looked over my shoulder and huh'd, I swear that guy needs a bell on him as I didn't know he was there. Wish he would kiss me again though.

So I just finished putting out the wet clothes on the line when I felt hands on my waist, I went to grab my knife and was spun around. He just kissed me again, right out of the blue. Maggie saw it, when he swore and walked off she came over fanning herself with her hand and said, hooie, that was hot. Apparently he had been watching me bend over, picking clothes up out of the basket and hang them on the line. I had been singing to myself as I worked and not even noticed him but she reckons my peachy shorts did the trick. Trouble is that Carol likes him, I brought it up today but she said its up to Daryl to make a choice and he hasn't chosen her. I didn't know what to say.

I spoke to mainly to Michonne today, I still feel awkward talking to Carol, we talked about weapons as we moved the Walkers into a pile to burn them. I told her about the bow I used and how I liked that it was silent but deadly. I giggled at my joke but she didn't get it. Nevertheless I feel safer behind the fences.

Going out for the first time since I got here, Rick and Michonne are taking me to get supplies, we will be going to search some houses that don't seem to have been searched yet.

Been avoiding writing anything down for three days now. So embarrassed, I wandered off from the group downstairs and shut the door. We were searching, supposed to be searching for food, medicine, stuff to help when I found a bag stuffed at the back of the wardrobe in the bedroom. I opened it and then shut the door. I looked at it, hid it in my rucksack and went back to the prison. Glen and Maggie found me in the office they use for privacy three days ago. I'm still blushing every time they give me that knowing look. Can tell Daryl is curious, when I glance away from Maggie or Glen I find his eyes looking at me with that question in his eyes. I hope he never finds out I was using the vibrator I found.

Daryl is sitting across the room glaring at me again this evening, throwing the occasional smirk. Axel has been trying to sweet talk me into going for a walk with him for a few days now, he asked me if he could court me. How old fashioned that idea is. I know it's not personal, he hit on Beth and Carol as well. Carol seems to be encouraging him a little, Daryl seems amused by Axel talking to me. He however seems to have been avoiding me for the past couple of days, since Maggie and Glen burst in on me or maybe it was a couple of days before that when I was doing the laundry? I missed his questions, but I am dreading if he asks what's going on with Maggie, Glen and me as I can see it burning in his eyes.

ARE YU GAY OR DO YU LIKE ME D

Fuck fuck fuck. D? Daryl? Did Daryl just write that at the top of this page? I think he did, why did he write that? I had the blank page ready to write and Carl called me to watch his sister, she pulled herself up and stood up on her own. Ahh, come to think of it. Daryl must have put him up to distracting me. Sneaky bugger.

Ball seems to be in my court but what should I do?

I went to Hershal as you're not here Dad. I needed some fatherly advice and he is here but you are not. I know you would say Hell No! No guy is ever going to be good enough for me in your eyes. Hersh just asked me what I felt about Daryl. I do fancy him, I miss him talking to me, we would have never met ever but for what happened. I fear it is too soon and far too dangerous. Little Judith is testament to that fact. But Glen and Maggie have a relationship, have sex... if they can do it then why not us? Daryl is older than me, I think he is closer to your age than mine Dad. But the way he kissed me awoke something, I want to feel alive again. Is it a crime to have wants, needs, feelings: even though it is the end of days?

I spent the whole day thinking about his note to me, reread what I wrote and then it hit me, he looks like a rough biker redneck but he is shy, how did i not see it before. Others told me that he is surly, gruff, rude and antisocial for the past what? three weeks or has it been a month I have been here in the prison? They have known him for much longer. But he wasn't like that with me, and he seems to be interested but unsure.

I left the note on his pillow. Little bit forward of me but I don't know any other way to make him understand as I think I would be far too embarrassed to say it in person.

Lucy likes Daryl very much.