Mario Party: Director's Cut

2003-2008, Mog Anarchy

Chapter 1

"Welcome to the Sweet Dream… It's the dream of sugary filled, creamy, chocolatley goodness… As we've been told about forty times, I'm just telling you again to tick you off. Hey guess what, you all get ten coins! Whoop-dee-doo! How… Unexpected! And guess what, here's the location of the star! And d'ya know what else? All stars cost twenty fuckin' coins! Wow, that's never changed has it?! And, I'm going to continue to rant pointlessly at you, even though you set your text speed at super-triple-extra-fast so you don't have to sit and read all this crap! I'm gonna rant on and on at you, because I'm-"

"MARIO!"

"What!?"

"Mario, please… We've been waiting for you to roll that dice block for the past five minutes! Could we please hurry it up!"

Mario looked up and saw the blue dice block above his head, it too looking very impatient as the numbers continued to spin around rapidly. He glared at Eldstar, who was hovering next to him.

Mario jumped up at the dice block, whacking it full force with his fist. The sound of cracking knuckles was heard right across the board.

"OW! You bas-"

"Mario! Please, can we please stop with the language, this video game is rated E for Everyone!"

"I don't give a Goomba's-"

"Umm… Eldstar, could we take a break please?" Peach piped up.

"A break?! But it's only the second turn! Could we please let Mario take his turn before-"

Eldstar's voice was drowned out by the violent snoring coming from Wario's throat, who was laid flat out on his back like a beached whale on a green happening space in the centre of the board.

After Eldstar had woken Wario up (he now had a huge red imprint of a star's behind on his face) everyone directed their attention back to Mario's dice block.

It had stopped on a three, although Mario had been constantly whispering for a five.

Mario took his three steps with reluctance. He looked at his feet at the space he'd stopped on. A glowing red and black space.

"Mario's got a Bowser space!" Peach yelped.

"Yeah Peach…" - came Mario's voice - muffled at the fact his face was crushed under Bowser's ass. "We can all see that, bitch!"

"Mario, one more swearword and I shall remove you from this party. Now, Bowser, if you please."

Bowser wasn't listening, he was filing his claws, despite Mario's constant struggles from beneath him.

"Bowser…"

Bowser grunted. He looked up at Eldstar then nodded, as he'd remember what he was supposed to do now. He let out a huge fart on Mario's head before standing up. (Mario didn't take too kindly to this, he began punching Bowser in the leg, although it had no effect - Bowser had been eating Mega Mushrooms to make himself look ridiculously huge before bounding down upon the board.)

"Gwarharhar!" Came Bowser's typical evil laughter. "Guess what Mario, it's your lucky day… I'm gonna take all your coins!"

"Wasn't that predictable…" Mario grumbled.

"You have thirteen? Oh Mario, an unlucky number for you!" Bowser growled; suddenly tipping Mario upside-down and shaking him by the ankles until all of his coins fell to the ground. Bowser scooped them up with a smirk, before shoving Mario into the centre of a chocolate cream cake that stood at the side of the Sweet Dream board.

"Gwarharharhar! See you next time… Worm!" Bowser growled. He then took up a great leap and magically disappeared from the board. (Everyone was confused about how he managed to do that…)

Mario pulled himself free, and after licking off chocolate cream from his moustache, he sat down on the space and sighed.

"Peach! Start!" Shouted Eldstar.

"Wait, as it is my turn, I say we take a break… Umm… Mario is a bit miffed you see…" Peach whispered.

Wario and Waluigi burst into peals of evil laughter, as Mario blushed a painful meat red.

"Very well then Peach."

Peach jumped down from the second level of the board, landing gracefully on the blue space next to Mario.

Peach made an effort to haul him up, but Mario was stubbornly reluctant to move. After Peach had given up and taken to sitting down on the giant knife's handle that was behind them; Mario stood up and drew in his breath.

"That's the last straw! I've had it with these shitty rules of these fuckin' parties!"

"Mario… What are you planning on doing…?" Peach whimpered.

"You'll see soon enough…" Mario growled. Mario then took out a small silver handgun from inside his overalls leg. He looked back at Peach and gave her an evil smirk. Mario then turned back, and walked towards the staff lounge…