Deafening Silence
...
The other children always saw me as the unemotional number one of Wammy's. The one who achieved perfects on everything assignment, quiz, and test, without even trying. To them, I was the one who beat Mello every single time. Mello did not see me as human, and I had agreed.
I saw myself as an advanced artificial intelligence, incapable of emotions. I soaked in information because it was what I was made for. I gave answers and solved problems when asked. I learnt from long past mistakes which were hardwired into my memory, for me never to forget. I had thought I was the exception. The only thing I truly took joy from were the toys I had grown fond of ever since I came to Wammy's. My love of toys had been hardwired into my brain long before it had turned into a computer, a time that was clearly vivid and still evoked hesitant emotions in my core.
With toys, I could imagine. I could be creative. Others would ask why, why did I bother? My answer is clear and easy to understood, perfectly logical to me. It's because toys are so devastatingly simple.
I find advanced toys like Matt's video games extremely unappealing. A simple toy like say, some playing cards, can easily cure the overwhelming boredom I posses whenever I am left to my own devices. There are many ways one can go with playing some playing cards. One can build. I usually find myself building large castles with intricate patterns. Like people, simple toys can be manipulated and stacked upon to achieve greatness and beauty. But if even one card falls, then the entire thing goes to ruin.
I quickly found myself pondering why that was. Why couldn't the other cards, or people, stand tall and strong? Why couldn't they bear the increased weight without falling? Were they simply too weak or was that one card the final straw? Then again, many people in a structure meant they had less responsibility, therefore, more weak. Having just one person in a structure…
I could not see it. A card could not simply stand on its edge with absolutely no support from other cards. It defied everything. Then again, if it had perfect balance, it could stand tall. It, however, would be extremely weak. One gentle breeze could knock it down.
That is, unless it could make its own supports.
Playing cards, of course, could not do this. They were mere objects. They would have to manipulated by some outer force in able to do such a thing. But people. Living, breathing human beings could cast aside companionship and emotion so they made their own supports, totally independent. They had no supports themselves but could easily support many others. I had thought that L had reached this level. It was one of the main reasons why I had secretly admired the way he did things. Cut-off from the world. Completely secret. I saw L as a loser when he had died. He had allowed himself rely to on others, making him weak. He had failed the game, he had lost the race. I, too, had failed the game. I, too, had lost the race. But it was in a different, distinctive way.
I had been foolish to cast aside others, using them only as tools. I refused to allow others to support me, thinking it would be best. I had been foolish to let my thoughts blind me the way I did. I thought that I had locked away all emotions and characteristics, making me a blank slate, but really I had released the worst emotion possible in my line of work. Pride. Pride could easily kill those foolish, like I, that thought they could do all. You cannot simply lock things up and throw away the key. My ponderings were for naught, only causing me more grief, because when the time came that I finally submitted to calling for help…
There was a deafening silence.
(A/N): Alright, this is but a little snippet of an idea I've had roaming in my head for quite some time now. I probably wont be writing more, since this is technically supposed to be a one-shot, but I might continue it if I get enough response. I only made this to get the damn idea out of my head so I could continue with my other stories.
Hope you enjoyed!