Here is a little blackwater angst. For those few you have read anything of mine that I have deleted, I am hoping you'll see some improvement. Hope you enjoy
Characters belong to S.M even though she wasted these two...
But I gave you all
I close my eyes for a while And force from the world a patient smile
But I gave you all
And you rip it from my hands
And you swear it's all gone
And you rip out all I have
Just to say that you've won
Well now you've won
-I gave you all -Mumford and sons
I Gave You All
As she sat in the large plush leather chair, Leah watched the century old doctor search through a pile of paper; his eyes quickly scanning each bright crisp white sheet at an inhuman speed. She shifted for what seemed the hundredth time as her warm skin made a quiet squeak as it slid against the warm material.
"Everything looks like it is in order." Carlise murmured just loud enough for Leah to hear while flashing her one of his famous dazzling smiles. He flipped through the sheets one last time for good measure before closing the file and sliding it across his oak desk towards her.
The slamming of her russet hand to keep the file from sliding violently interrupted the silence. Leah took a deep breath before sighing.
"Listen, I am not one to question a leech's, ugh, talents. But are you sure it's all good? Cause it would really be a bitch to get all the way over there just to be sent back packing. That would just be another pain in my ass, and I really don't need any more of those. You know what I mean?" Leah whispered while raising her left eyebrow.
Carlisle chuckled before standing up and opening his arms for an embrace. Leah looked at him sceptically before giving in. She wrapped her long arms around Carlisle while resting her head against his cool chest. The fact that she could not hear a heartbeat did not escape her, nor did the crisp sickly sweet scent.
"We are going to miss you." Carlisle sighed before giving Leah one last quick squeeze. Leah stepped back to look up at his golden eyes and gave a smirk.
"You'll be happy I'm gone. Stop lying."
Leah didn't wait for his response before heading to the door. Her hand froze on the brass doorknob.
"Don't let him forget me. Okay?" Leah sniffed shaking her head at her own pathetic voice. She was choking up and she knew better than to think Carlisle couldn't hear it. She felt the burning in her eyes and she knew if she didn't get out of here quick he would witness her break down. She lifted the brown folder over her shoulder in a salute before taking one last breath.
"He could never forget you Leah. It's not possible." Leah nodded her head silently before finally letting herself out of his office. Her heart started to race as she rounded the final corner that lead to the back door. Her breath came in short pants and the feel of her brand new passport in her back pocket was enough to keep her from during right back around and giving up. She closed her eyes for her last two steps willing herself to take this step, this leap into the unknown and forget about her godlike alpha.
If Jacob Black knew what she was planning, he'd command her to stop where she was and forget her plans of leaving. Forget about turning her back on this shit life she was handed. He'd force her to forget the pain and the heartbreak she had suffered. He'd expect her to just plaster on that fake smile while he got to watch his imprint grow. He'd want her to witness his happily ever after even though he knew she'd never have one.
A single blistering hot tear rolled down her face before she had the chance to roughly wipe it away. The sobs were coming quickly, bubbling up in her chest leaving a burning in their wake. She swallowed loudly before gripping the sliding door handle and firmly pulling it open. The smell of rain and mud cleared her sense. The scent of leech no longer burned her nose. She was almost there. Almost free.
"Leah?" And just like that her world came crashing down. She lifted her chin and immediately met the warm brown eyes that had been haunting her for a year now. Jacob smiled brightly at her before putting Renesmee down on her feet. His young imprint gave him a confused look before pouting and following her mother to the house. Her father however, searched Leah's face. A look of guilt was thrown her way before he trailed after his family.
Leah stood awkwardly her hand gripping the folder so tightly it began to fold. Jacob's smile faltered as he looked down towards her hand, giving the folder a quizzical glance before shifting back up to her face.
"What, ah, what are you doing here? I thought we didn't have patrol for another ten minutes? Usually you just meet me out there. Is everything okay? What's in your hand? I mean. I just thought- you hate being here. Around them I mean." Jacob's right hand lifted to cup the back of his neck awkwardly while he shifted from one foot to the other.
"You're rambling Black". Leah's voice sounds cold, lifeless. She sounded very much like the old Leah and she couldn't help but hate herself at that moment for being so weak.
"Yeah I guess I am." Jacob chuckled. The look on Leah's face worried him. She wasn't pissed. That much he could tell. But her face had lost its colour, her eyes were cold and he hadn't seen this look on her face since Sam's wedding.
"Jacob, I need to talk to you, and I need to you keep an open mind okay?" Leah glanced at his face one last time before walking down the steps onto the cool damp grass. She walked past him hoping he'd get the clue and follow.
Leah walked silently listening to his heart beat and breaths as if they were her own. At this point they might as well have been. She needed him, she couldn't be without him and that is what made this whole mess so hard to deal with. She knew in a few weeks he'd leave her behind without so much as a second glace. He'd go on with life while she scraped together hers and tried to pick up all pieces once again.
Jacob followed Leah through the dense forest, staying a few feet back as he observed her. Her arms were crossed across her middle while the brown folder pressed against her hip. This was the only time in Jacob's entire life where he could see a resemblance between Leah and Bella. Bella held herself like this when Edward had left her. She said it was because she was holding herself together, but Jacob seriously doubted Leah was doing it for the same reason. Leah was strong, stubborn and she didn't need holding together.
Suddenly Leah stopped and Jacob was torn from his musings. His eyes narrowed and his head cocked to the side as he watched her shoulders hunch. She wasn't turning to face him, she just stood there arms crossed shoulders hunched and head bowed down.
Just as he reached for her, Leah turned on her heel. She lifted her head the same way she always did when she had set her mind to something. However, her jaw was clenched, her heart beat was speeding up and her breaths were shallow. He could smell her fear let alone see it and he knew, he just knew this was bad. Was she sick or hurt? He would have known wouldn't he? She had been doing patrols on her own for the past little while but he made sure to someone checked in on her after.
"Leah?" He asked while he saw her glance around the forest as if she was planning an escape. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before lifting her eyes to. She held his stare while lifting the folder up.
"This- this is um. This is. Crap." Leah began to stutter and it would have been comical if Jacob wasn't so nervous about where it was lead. "I talked to Carlisle a while back and asked him for his help."
She took another deep breath before starting again.
"I just wanted a chance you know? A chance at something I had always dreamed about. Before this whole mess I was this close. This fucking close to having it and then this shit happened and it was like I was thrown into the twilight zone. I mean really how fair? But I took it in stride. I mean yeah, I was a little bitter and maybe I didn't handle it as well as I could have. But it was a lot to deal with and I mean I wanted so much more." Leah finished quickly before gasping in a lung full of air.
"Lee, where are you going with this?" Jacob asked confused. He wasn't following her and didn't understand what she was trying to say. Leah looked up at him and moved a few feet closer. She lifted her empty hand up to cup his cheek gently. Jacob had grown accustomed to her gentle touches; they two of them had grown impossibly close. Closer than him and Bella had ever been and he enjoyed her softer side. His eyes closed on their own accord and he nuzzled into her palm before running his lips across it gently. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to look down into her face.
He had always admired her beauty even as a kid. In fact for as long as he can remember he always had a tiny thing for her. Before Sam was even in the picture, he had planned on how he would gain her affection. Now she was is best friend. His equal and the person he always knew he would have no matter what.
"Jake, I'm leaving." And just like that, Jacob felt every ounce of contentment leave his body. He threw his head back as if Leah had burned him.
"What the hell are you talking about Leah?" He couldn't help but notice her flinch back at his raised voice. He wanted so badly to reach out for her and bring her back to him but he could tell her walls were going up and that always meant there was a fight coming.
"This folder holds my high school transcripts and an acceptance letter from Oxford in it Black. Carlisle pulled some strings and got me in. There is also a lease agreement to a flat over there that I will be living in. I'm leaving; going away, ditching this god forsaken place and never looking back to you get it now?" Leah's voice had risen as she trembled in anger.
"And you don't get to be angry Jacob. You have no right to be upset and you most definitely have no say in the matter! Because in case you forgot you are leaving me here anyways. You've packed up your shit and you are just waiting for the day they haul your ass up to Alaska with them. I mean my god you haven't shut up about it since last month. All you talk about is how excited your little precious Nessie is!" Leah spat while closing in on Jacob, shoving his chest as she hissed his imprints name. Leah could not believe him after all this time she thought maybe, just maybe he would see her side. He would see how hurt and alone she felt. Seth had imprinted two months ago and since then she had been left on her own. Patrolling on her own, hunting on her own, living her life alone.
"Please Jake. Please, please be happy for me. Just try and be happy for me please." Jake could hear the pleading tone in Leah's voice but he couldn't see past his own hurt and anger. She wanted to abandon them. She wanted to run away from her duties and from her family without a single regret. And what was he supposed to do? Let her just up and leave. She was his Beta, his second and she wanted him to just accept her departure.
"I am sorry Leah, truly I am but I can't let you do this. As alpha of this pack I can't allow you to leave your tribe. Not when I' am already going to be gone. We need you here and you need to step up and realize this. Stop being selfish and think about your family for a minute." Jacob sighed as he watched Leah's lower lip tremble. He knew this was hurting her but he had to do it. It was for the best.
"Maybe in a year we can talk about this. When the younger pack mates are ready to step up but until then I can't let you leave. I just can't. "Leah's head began to shake back and forth as if she was willing his words away. He noticed the folder was slipping through her fingers and the rain had picked up.
"Jacob please! Please I don't want it to be like this. Please just look at it from my point of view. You're leaving and I am left here to clean up after you! Please Jacob! Collin and Brady can handle things and Embry! What about him he can still patrol he hasn't imprinted yet. Please don't take this away from me. Please." Leah's words were now coming out in sobs as she begged Jacob to reconsider.
"I am sorry Leah but you've given me no choice. I command you to forget about this. You will stay in LA Push and you will lead the pack until I say otherwise." As the last word left his mouth Leah had lunged bursting into a bright silver wolf. Jacob missed her swinging paw by mere inches but before he could stop her she had taken off towards the forest. His eyes filled with his own tears and he crouched down to pick up the forgotten folder that was now caked with mud. As he slowly rose, he heard the heartbroken howl.
There would be no going back from this .
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