Hey, this is *dun dun dun* ecnarf again... seems like I'm about the only
one that's really working here for the CPP... but that's OK. I like
writing funny stuff.. I even get a laugh out to this.
Well, it's a purely Canadian spinoff of LOTR... the Lord of the Rinks: The Fellowship of the Rink. This is actually based off of a picture I saw with the LOTR people all gone wrong. Heh heh heh. Gotta love that.
Well, the names and places aren't gonna be messed around with, but what they say will. Hoo hah!
Here goes!!!
*****************************************************************
The Hockey Rink has changed. I feel it in the water. I smell it in the air. I feel it in the Earth. Much that once was, is lost, for none now live who remember it.
It began with the forging of the Great Cups. Three were given to the Elves; immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.
Seven were given to the Dwarves; master miners of the Hockey Arenas.
And nine, nine cups were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desired to make the game a wreck.
But they were all of them deceived. For another Cup was made.
In the land of Canada, in the fires of Ottawa, the Dark Lord Stanley forged a Master Cup- One Cup to rule them all!
One by one, the other hockey leagues fell to the power of the Cup. But there were some who resisted.
A last alliance of Elves and Men fought against Lord Stanley (we hail, we hail!) for the right to have hockey leagues of their own.
They used the very best Synergy hockey sticks, and new pucks that left a blue-ish red streak when it was shot, and victory was near.
But the power of the Cup could not be undone. Lord Stanley (*bows down*) came out from coaching his Orcs, and showed off his super-fancy... Al McInnis hockey stick. Made of Canadian Maple trees, it could send any opposing player flying to kingdom come. So he did that, and had some good fun with it, too.
"Phwee hee! Look at me, ma! I'm winning! I'm winning! Hey, you! Elendil, watch this!"
"KILL HIM!!" yelled his hockey mom from the stands. "BLOW HIS BRAINS OUT!!! SHOW HIM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!!!!"
So Lord Stanley did that. He checked Elendil into the boards- hard. Yep, so hard, the glass shattered and a random fan was killed when they had paid entirely too much to watch the game. Oh well, their loss.
But then his son Isildur, only wanting to impress his dad, used his dad's hockey stick to slash Stanley's hand.
The Orcs were outraged that a penalty wasn't called. The referee was probably bribed (yeah, like last night's Leafs game).
So Isildur took the Cup, and hoisted it up in victory. He then did some fairly random things with it, like put some champagne in it and drink from it, not to mention kiss it. (Ray Bourque style)
But the Cup was also his doom. Years later, the Orcs which were still outraged by the missed call, and they assassinated Isildur by shooting hockey pucks at him.
And so the Ring found a new master: Gollum. He picked up the Ring when he fell through the pond playing ice hockey with his buddies. He found the Cup, and then killed his friend who he was playing with, and fled to the Misty Mountains. And there, it consumed him.
"My Preciousssssssssssssss." He would chant. After all, this was the holy grail of hockey he was holding! If anyone didn't call it precious, they should be hanged, drawn and quartered. Yummy.
Well, the Cup abandoned Gollum, possibly because he didn't take it out anymore. But then it was found by Bilbo Baggins of the Shire.
"What's this? A Cup!" he exclaimed. "Oh, I've always wanted one of these! Now the Shire can have its own hockey league!"
And so the history of this story ends... and the action begins!
***********************************************************************
Man, I would like to see this turned into a movie. Even better if the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme were in place of the soundtrack, and "May it Be" were replaced with that old corny hockey song. Oh, the possibilities!
Well, it's a purely Canadian spinoff of LOTR... the Lord of the Rinks: The Fellowship of the Rink. This is actually based off of a picture I saw with the LOTR people all gone wrong. Heh heh heh. Gotta love that.
Well, the names and places aren't gonna be messed around with, but what they say will. Hoo hah!
Here goes!!!
*****************************************************************
The Hockey Rink has changed. I feel it in the water. I smell it in the air. I feel it in the Earth. Much that once was, is lost, for none now live who remember it.
It began with the forging of the Great Cups. Three were given to the Elves; immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.
Seven were given to the Dwarves; master miners of the Hockey Arenas.
And nine, nine cups were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desired to make the game a wreck.
But they were all of them deceived. For another Cup was made.
In the land of Canada, in the fires of Ottawa, the Dark Lord Stanley forged a Master Cup- One Cup to rule them all!
One by one, the other hockey leagues fell to the power of the Cup. But there were some who resisted.
A last alliance of Elves and Men fought against Lord Stanley (we hail, we hail!) for the right to have hockey leagues of their own.
They used the very best Synergy hockey sticks, and new pucks that left a blue-ish red streak when it was shot, and victory was near.
But the power of the Cup could not be undone. Lord Stanley (*bows down*) came out from coaching his Orcs, and showed off his super-fancy... Al McInnis hockey stick. Made of Canadian Maple trees, it could send any opposing player flying to kingdom come. So he did that, and had some good fun with it, too.
"Phwee hee! Look at me, ma! I'm winning! I'm winning! Hey, you! Elendil, watch this!"
"KILL HIM!!" yelled his hockey mom from the stands. "BLOW HIS BRAINS OUT!!! SHOW HIM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!!!!"
So Lord Stanley did that. He checked Elendil into the boards- hard. Yep, so hard, the glass shattered and a random fan was killed when they had paid entirely too much to watch the game. Oh well, their loss.
But then his son Isildur, only wanting to impress his dad, used his dad's hockey stick to slash Stanley's hand.
The Orcs were outraged that a penalty wasn't called. The referee was probably bribed (yeah, like last night's Leafs game).
So Isildur took the Cup, and hoisted it up in victory. He then did some fairly random things with it, like put some champagne in it and drink from it, not to mention kiss it. (Ray Bourque style)
But the Cup was also his doom. Years later, the Orcs which were still outraged by the missed call, and they assassinated Isildur by shooting hockey pucks at him.
And so the Ring found a new master: Gollum. He picked up the Ring when he fell through the pond playing ice hockey with his buddies. He found the Cup, and then killed his friend who he was playing with, and fled to the Misty Mountains. And there, it consumed him.
"My Preciousssssssssssssss." He would chant. After all, this was the holy grail of hockey he was holding! If anyone didn't call it precious, they should be hanged, drawn and quartered. Yummy.
Well, the Cup abandoned Gollum, possibly because he didn't take it out anymore. But then it was found by Bilbo Baggins of the Shire.
"What's this? A Cup!" he exclaimed. "Oh, I've always wanted one of these! Now the Shire can have its own hockey league!"
And so the history of this story ends... and the action begins!
***********************************************************************
Man, I would like to see this turned into a movie. Even better if the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme were in place of the soundtrack, and "May it Be" were replaced with that old corny hockey song. Oh, the possibilities!