Disclaimer: Miyagi and Shinobu belong to Shungiku Nakamura. The fried cabbage recipe comes from . Names are westernized (e.g, with surname following first name) Enjoy! :)

Step 1: Slice your cored head of cabbage into segments about 1/2-inch wide. Length is unimportant, just as long as the segments won't be flopping over the edges of your cooking pan.

Step 2: Pour your favorite cooking oil into a frying pan or wok just enough to cover its bottom surface, then crank on the heat.

Shinobu frowned at the recipe in front of him. He had been cooking fried cabbage for months now, but he still hadn't found that special something, that magic ingredient that would turn his mediocre cooking into something spectacular. And it had to be spectacular- his boyfriend Miyagi was coming for dinner tonight, and Shinobu was desperate to perfect his signature dish. Now, what oil to use? There was always sesame oil, but it had never really brought out the true flavor of the cabbage. He sighed. Why did cooking have to be so damned hard?

The ring of the doorbell brought him out of his reverie. Shinobu silently cursed the damned cabbage as he skulked to the door, opening it to find him face-to-face (well, more like face-to chest) with one Miyagi Yo. Surprised, Shinobu asked, "What? You're actually coming down here on your own? I'm not going to have to go fetch you from your apartment?"

"It wouldn't be as fun if you can always predict my actions" Miyagi shrugged. "besides, I didn't get a newspaper today and I want to check my horoscope. You don't mind, do you?", he asked as he leaned back into Shinobu's couch and opened the paper to the Horoscopes page.

"Why would you need to know your horoscope when the day is almost over?" Shinobu frowned "honestly, why didn't you just borrow a newspaper from your assistant professor?"

Step 3: Heat the oil to the point that its surface starts to shimmer and act as if it wants to move. Flash points of different types of oil vary, but this behavior indicates "really hot, but not quite ready to smoke" with any variety.

Turning around, Miyagi raised one eyebrow. "Oh? So you've decided to return to cooking fried cabbage again, I see. I almost thought you had quit making it for good."

"I didn't quit, I was just working on my recipe!" Shinobu retorted. "I'm much better than I used to be, so you shouldn't worry. In fact, I think you're going to be pleasantly surprised" he said, smirking. "But while you're waiting, can you check on the rice? I think it's about done by now.". Miyagi got up and examined the rice cooker that Shinobu kept on his kitchen counter. It was a top-grade, expensive model- no doubt a gift from his rich father, the college dean of M University and Miyagi's boss. Miyagi looked over at Shinobu. He was standing in front of the oven with a look of intense concentration on his face as he waited for the oil to heat up, his brow furrowed and his lips in their usual pout. Miyagi smiled. He just looked so...cute. There wasn't any other way to describe it.

Step 4: Add your pile of cabbage segments to the pan all at once. If you have heated the cooking oil properly, this will be a noisy step.

Shinobu was in The Zone. He had been working on perfecting this dish over the last five months, and he driven all his attention into the preparation. Now, with the oil nearly hot enough to begin cooking, he concentrated all his attention. Nothing could break his focus. Nothing, except a horny Miyagi. He felt the man unexpectedly hug him from behind, causing him to jump in surprise. "AHHHH! What do you think you're doing? I need to cook!" Shinobu gasped, startled by the ever-playful Miyagi. "Are you crazy?! I could have burnt myself with hot oil!".

"Well", said Miyagi, with a knowing smirk, "it's a good thing you didn't. After all", he said as he started to slide his fingers down Shinobu's skinny frame, "your father would have been furious if I had gotten his youngest son burnt.".

Step 5: Flip and stir the frying cabbage with a heat-proof spatula often. Your pan is hot and the cabbage isn't going to be in it for very long.

Step 6: Season to taste as you go. Suggestions: salt, ground black pepper, caraway or poppy seeds and a liberal splash of your favorite vinegar.

Step 7: Remove your creation from the frying pan or wok to a serving dish when everything has had a chance to be coated, wilt and get a tinge of brown along its edges; after about 5 minutes of cook time. Serve piping hot.

A few minutes later, Shinobu lay half-naked and panting on his kitchen floor, with an incredibly smug-looking Miyagi above him. "Huh, I forgot how quick you younger ones are", said Miyagi. "It must be the hormones. Or are you just hot for me?", he said with a sly grin.

One day- maybe not now, but one day- I am definitely going to kill that man, thought Shinobu.