Title: Exit
Author: focsfyr
Pairing: 5+1
Warnings: yaoi, angst, suicide and generally dark and depressing
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing isn't mine and the song "Exit" belongs to U2.
Archive: my site others please ask
C&C: please! I love comments!

//lyrics//
::thoughts::

EXIT

The night was dark, millions of stars shining brightly in the chill mountain air. There was no moon tonight. It was veiled in black, mourning with him. Mourning the loss of the world's greatest hope...his only hope.

//You know he got the cure...but then he went astray
He used to stay awake
To drive the dreams he had away//

The neon numbers of the clock lit the room in a sickly green glow. Was it only 3:00 AM? He wouldn't know...he didn't care.

He turned his gaze back to the darkness outside, breath clouding the night air. It was cold, dead, the only sound the moaning of the wind through the trees, echoing the emptiness in his soul.

The wind trailed icy fingers across his exposed skin like the hands of a long dead lover, the thin t-shirt and pants doing little to shield him from the bite of the dry winter air. But the violent shiver that tore through his graceful form was not one of cold. Nothing on earth could possibly compare to the cold of the gaping void in his heart.

//He wanted to believe
In the hands of love...//

::He's not coming back.:: His mind whispered regretfully. ::My love wasn't enough to hold him.::

"But he promised." The words were so faint that they could barely be heard over the shrieking of the wind. A pain filled sob wrenched itself from his chapped lips, crying bitterly though his eyes remained dry. His could feel his chest tighten, heart clenching painfully. He'd never been claustrophobic, but now the walls were drawing in, choking him, making him fight for each panicked breath. "He promised we'd be together...always, forever..." His breaths came fast and harsh, gasping, sobbing, air stolen from his lips before it could be dragged into his lungs.

//His head it felt heavy
As he cut across the land//

Panic gripped him in its icy grasp. "I'm sorry, koi...I'm sorry I couldn't protect you." he stumbled to the window and leaned out over the window ledge, struggling to breathe around the knot of tears in his throat. ::I've got to get out of here...away from them...:: In a single smooth motion, he threw himself out the second story window to land heavily on the frozen ground, feet cushioned only by the dead grass. His knee cracked painfully against a rock causing blood to trickle down his leg as he staggered to his feet and began running. He had no idea where he was going...he just went where his feet led him.

//A dog started crying
Like a broken hearted man
At the howling wind...
The howling wind.//

He raced blindly through the trees, even the faint light of the stars hidden from view by the overhanging branches. His heart pounded frantically in his ears as he burst from the forest and skidded to a halt inches from the cliffs edge. There he stood, utterly still, adrenaline pumping through his veins, body trembling with restless energy demanding release, driving him frantic with the need to cry, scream, jump...anything but linger here, despair eating him alive just waiting for someone to find him.

And they would find him. He was only a few minutes from the safe house. They would see that he was gone and come looking. And they would find him here, standing on the edge of a cliff with his hair tangled by the wind, soaked by cold sweat and chilled to the bone. A person on the edge, with nothing left to live for. A heartsick boy whose very existence was a curse that doomed everyone and everything he loved.

It killed everyone that cared about him...like the three young men-boys really-that had looked after him since his lover's death. They were bright lights in a dark, uncaring world, warm and comforting as the summer sun. They reached out to comfort him, not knowing that the shadow over his soul would result in their destruction. ::I'm just another nail in their coffins.::

//He went deeper into black
Deeper into white...he could see
The stars shine
Like nails in the night//

He had lost everything to this war; his family, his colony, his life...and now he had lost the one person that had kept him sane...::He's dead::...the one who had given him something to live for.

"God, I miss you. I'd give anything to be able to wake up in your arms again." But it seemed even the perfect soldier couldn't withstand the curse he spread with every breath he took. And the other pilots couldn't possibly escape the deadly shadow he cast.

A bitter smile briefly twisted his lips. ::Death by association.:: Tears spilled across chilled cheeks. ::I won't let them die too.:: They were too important, too precious to lose. He drew a scrap of paper and a pencil stub from his pocket and scribbled a quick note, then set the note on the ground with a rock to weigh it down.

//He felt the healing,
Healing, healing, healing
Hands of love
Like the stars shiny, shiny...
From above.//

A brief breath of warm air caressed his bronzed cheek. He lifted his face to the stars and drew the clean winter air deep into his lungs. It tasted of freedom.

::I will protect them no matter what the cost, itooshi. I'll do for them what I should have done to protect you.:: A smile, a real smile, flitted across his lips. He had everything he needed to ensure their safety. He was after all a soldier...and a soldier never goes anywhere unarmed.

//He put his hands in the pocket
His finger on the steel//

He barely felt the chill of the gun in his hand as he rested the muzzle against the side of his head.

//The pistol weighed heavy
his heart he could feel
Was beating, beating
beating, beating oh my love
Oh my love, oh my love
oh my love.//

Blood highlighted hastily written words in a vivid red: "Duo, Trowa, Quatre, I'm sorry, but I can't stay. I'm going to rejoin my love."

//He saw the hands that build
could also pull down...
The hands of love.//

OWARI