If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And If I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk
And if I need some of your love again
Give me more than I can stand
When my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again.
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Oh, Just hold me again.
Can you help me?
I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
Keep breaking me in
And this is how we live
With you and me...
Bent.
If I couldn't sleep
could you sleep?
Could paint me better off?
Could you sympathize with my needs?
I know you think I need a lot.
I started out clean
but I'm jaded -
Just phoning it in
Oh, just breaking my skin.
Can you help me?
I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
Keep breaking me in
And this is how we will live
With you and me...
Bent.
Start bending is never enough
till I feel all your pieces.
Start bending me
keep bending un...
till I'm completely broken in.
Shouldn't be so complicated.
Just touch me and then
Oh, Just touch me again.
Can you help me?
I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never
get put back together.
Keep breaking me in
and this how we will live
with you and me...
Bent.
Without out understanding
Hell I'll go there again.
Can you help me?
I'm bent.
I'm so scared that I'll never
get put back together.
Yeah you're breaking me in
and this is how we will live
with you and me...
Bent.
Bent - Matchbox Twenty.
"Fuck!" Ken swore under his breath, yanking this thumb up to his mouth and quickly sucking on the small trickle of blood that had already started to well out of the cut. Glaring angrily at the cause of all his problems, he swore again softly under his breath.
The stupid thermostat had been on the fritz for days, causing their cabins to be either blazingly hot or freezing cold with no middle ground. Originally everyone had just ignored the problem but the continual lack of comfort was wearing everyone's tempers rather thin. Omi had begged him today to fix the problem, his lower lip pouting and warm blue eyes water logged and pleading. It was the patented 'I'm just a helpless little boy and don't you want to help me' expression that Omi wore to get things he didn't want to do done by the rest of the crew. Ken had to admit that he was just as helpless against it as anyone else. Shrugging, he had headed down to the boiler room to see if he could salvage the thermostat, but the stupid thing seemed hell bent on cutting him, shocking him or making his life miserable in general.
Sighing deeply, he moved to the only window in this area of the ship and gazed out. The blank darkness of space greeted him, one or two planets floating hazily on the horizon. Leaning his head against the reinforced glass, he watched his breath fog the surface. From what he had been able to pry out of Ran, the nearest spaceport was at least four days away, three if they hurried. He had, however, refused to provide an explanation for the sudden need to dock in.
Ken had checked over the supplies. The kitchen stores seemed to be holding up quite well. They would last for another two months or so, give or take one of Youji's eating sprees. The fuel tanks had recently been evaluated and seemed to be half full. They didn't really need any new appliances. So the only actual reason that Ran would be willing to risk exposure would be… Aya-chan.
Ken sighed again, deeper this time. Aya-chan's medicine must be running low again. When he had first signed up on the ship as the mechanic, he had been informed of her vegetative state. It had taken him months to actually work up enough courage to ask Ran why he hadn't placed her in a proper care facility. Ken shuddered now at the memory of the rage that had blazed at him out of the normally cool redhead's violet eyes. He hadn't received an answer that day… and he had never bothered to ask the question again.
The ship's pilot, Omi, had taken him aside to explain.
"Don't ask Ran about Aya-chan… not if you want to stay alive on this ship at any rate."
"But why? I really don't get it. I mean, I have nothing against having her on the ship and all… but wouldn't it be better if she got some professional care. I mean… what if something happens. We aren't equipped to handle –"
Omi had bristled almost as much as Ran had at those words.
"We are just as equipped as any care facility on any planet! You don't even know what you're really talking about! There is here than you can see, Ken. Youji is one of the best medics around and he's had years of dealing with comatose patients. Besides, Aya wouldn't be safe in a hospital…"
The younger boy had then paled, as if appalled at what his anger had let him give out. Sending him a nervous glance from beneath honey colored bangs, he had blundered on into speech.
"I mean, those people wouldn't really care about her. She'd just be another patient to them, you know. She wouldn't be Aya-chan… the way she is to us..."
Ken had been skeptical about this explanation but hadn't pushed the topic any further. It was blatantly obvious from their avoidance of all major spaceports and their ferrying of unauthorized packages for a price that they were hiding out from the law.
Ken had no problems with any of that. If anything, it was part of the reason he had signed on. His former lover, Kase, was a pretty well known politician. Ken had wanted out of the relationship and Kase had proved quite difficult. He had been jogging on his usual path along the docking bays that day when Kase had accosted him that final time. Even now, he could almost smell the sour fumes of whisky and dried sweat that had floated off the larger man.
Kase had followed him into an alley and slammed him against a wall. A few people had been milling about, but none had bothered to look in the direction of what was considered a rather common occurrence. They probably thought it was a mugging, and those smart enough to recognize the tall, blond man from his campaign pictures took care to make themselves scarce.
The harsh feel of bricks against his back had temporarily winded Ken. And before he had known it, he had had an extremely threatening, vaguely drunken Kase pressed up against him, leering into his face.
"Kenken… what a surprise… I didn't expect to see you again so soon."
Ignoring the man's obvious attempts to disconcert him and his revulsion at his old pet name, Ken had shoved at the large chest that had loomed over his shorter, slightly stockier form.
"Get the hell off me Kase! Let me through!"
"I really don't think so Kenken" the man had purred malevolently "you see, I'm just a little upset that all your stuff is missing from the apartment. I didn't realize you wanted to shift to that fleabag motel so much. But I'm afraid I don't sleep well on old sheets. I've had it all moved back."
Ken had stared at him incredulously before his temper had spiked. His words were rather rash and unthought.
"What the hell are you thinking Kase! We broke up remember? Broke… up… does it make it easier to understand when I say it slower? Now get the fuck off me before I call the cops!"
Those had obviously been the wrong words to threaten the older man with. His fist sank into Ken's stomach, causing the brunette to collapse slightly onto Kase's shoulder. His eyes had burned with tears of pain and anger as Kase pulled his hair back to whisper in his ear –
"You'll move back, Ken, and you'll do it today! I've had enough of your childish antics! Call the cops indeed… Do you really think that any of them would risk themselves going up against me? You really are a fool!"
Some sort of choked whimper must have escaped his throat then because Kase's eyes had softened slightly.
"Why do you make me do this, Ken? You know how much I hate to fight. Just get your stuff and we'll go back to the apartment. If you play your cards right, I might even spend the night…"
Even now, the memory of Kase's hand on him, touching him, stroking him while blaming him could make him nauseous. He had felt helpless, smothered in the knowledge of the greater strength of the older man who refused to let him go. About to make a huge mistake and give in, he had been halted by the sound of ringing that had emerged from Kase's pocket.
The tall blond had frowned slightly before answering the phone, moving away slightly and yet keeping the brunette pinned against the wall with one hand. A whispered conversation had then commenced. From Kase's face and what he could hear, Ken had deduced that there was some sort of trouble within the parliament. Kase had taken off almost immediately, a final threat thrown at Ken before hurrying back to wherever he had parked his car and bodyguards.
"Go home Ken. I'll be there in a few hours. You'd better be there… or else! Don't force me to come get you again."
And then he had been alone with his fear. Stumbling out from the alley, he had kept his eyes lowered before jogging half-heartedly towards the apartment. He had no intention of being there when Kase got back, but he'd need some money and clothes before he took off again. Maybe he'd try a different planet this time… just changing his city had obviously not worked.
He hadn't been paying much attention to his surroundings, and had barely covered a few feet before he had bumped into a tall figure. Packages had flown in every which direction, two of them hitting the other man and Ken had sworn as a sharp pain against his arm alerted him to the cigarette burn.
Looking up he had encountered a pair of very pissed off hazel-green eyes, partially hidden behind dark glasses that had slid down a slender nose. The man had picked himself up almost immediately and was frowning over an obviously broken electronic thermometer – the long type that was used in… rectal examinations.
Making a face, Ken instinctively scooted back a little. He had always hated those things! The indignity… the coldness! Grimacing in disgust, he noted the faintly amused expression on the other man's face.
"I'm not going to stick it up your ass, you know. And even if I really wanted to two minutes ago – it's broken now, so there goes all my luck."
Ken had gaped at the man for a few seconds before flushing deeply red. Highly amused, the man had moved forward to help him up off the ground, his glasses sliding even further down his nose with the tilt of his head. The eyes had scanned his carefully before the blond had nodded slightly.
"I guess we might as well introduce ourselves. You've already broken my brand new thermometer, so all the romance has seeped out of this encounter. I'm Youji. And you're – "
Blushing slightly, Ken had moved to take the offered hand, quickly pulling himself upright. He had avoided the taller man's eyes while he helped gather the packages. Stuttering slightly, he tried to apologize.
"I'm Ken. Gomen about the thermometer – I can fix it if you want…"
"Really now" Youji had drawled "and how will you do that? Not that I'm averse to prolonging this encounter, but I'd hate for you to promise something that you can't deliver."
Ken's receding blush flamed all over again and he stuttered.
"Iie. I really do know how to fix it. It's really quite simple. I'm a mechanic, or at least I used to be…"
Lost in his own memories, he hadn't seen Youji pass a considering look over him, before jerking him out of his recollections by shoving the thermometer into his hands.
"Go ahead then. Let's see what you've got."
Ken had looked completely blank before staring at Youji. The blond had endured the scrutiny for a while before fidgeting slightly.
"What?! I've never used it if that's what you're wondering…"
The brunette had choked at that. A light tint of red had blazed across the blonde's cheeks as well.
"Iie! I just… need some tools…"
The two of them had stared at each other for another moment before Youji stated to chuckle. Ken's lips had started to twitch as well. Before he had known it, the two of them were laughing heartily, almost holding each other up. Still chuckling slightly as the laughter petered off, Youji had motioned to Ken to follow him.
"Heh heh. Should have guessed. Come on then. Let's go get you some tools. We'll have to go to the Weiss Kreuz though."
"Weiss Kreuz?"
"My ship… or rather, Ran's ship that I've signed up on. It's just a few minutes away. I was almost home free when you ran into me"
"Ah… gomen…"
"It's cool. Stop apologizing now. You've said you'll fix it and I'm going to hold you to that promise or…"
Ken gulped slightly.
"Or… what?"
"Or else… you've got to buy me a new one. What did you think?"
"…"
"Ken?"
"Ah… heh heh… it doesn't matter. Let's go!"
Ken grinned at his reflection in the glass, enjoying this section of his memories. He hadn't known then that the chance encounter with Youji would result in him signing on with the others and joining the rather small crew of the Weiss Kreuz. He had silently followed the blonde, helping carry some of the packages.
His first sight of the ship had been rather memorable. Sandwiched between two large freighter ships, the reddish brown hulk had seemed so tiny and insubstantial. A large white cross was painted near the prow but the paint was flaking. The ship looked old… really old.
Some of his thoughts must have shown in his expression because Youji had laughed heartily. Slamming the side of the ship and causing even more rust and paint to flake off, the blonde grinned at him and remarked.
"Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home."
Confused, Ken had looked at him. Chuckling slightly, Youji had sauntered up the walkway.
"Before your time Toto. Now come on."
Toto? Frowning slightly, Ken had followed Youji up the walkway. The ship had been much larger inside than he had assumed. Moving through a maze of empty corridors, he had ended up in what seemed to be the recreational room of the ship with a large couch, a single padded chair, a few tables and books. A pair of glasses with thin frames lay on the end table beside the chair. The atmosphere was quiet, serene and quite… comfy. A voice at his elbow startled him.
"Welcome to the wonderful world of boredom! I keep telling Ran that we need to add some sort of music system or something, but noooo…"
Slightly bewildered, Ken had listened to Youji ramble on – something about antisocial redheads and bookish icicles? Accepting the box of tools that the blond had thrust into his hands, he tuned the other man out and started work on the broken mechanism in his hand. Could the heat mechanism have been jarred in the fall? Or could it be the central chip…
Concentrating deeply, he made a few adjustments before handing the now functioning thermometer back to the still ranting blonde. Youji had looked at the working thermometer and then thrown him a searching look.
"Hmmnnn…"
"What?"
"Well, I can see that it's on. But what if it doesn't read temperature correctly. We should check it… just to make sure…"
Holding the thermometer threateningly, Youji had advanced, playfully leering at him. Ken had been confused… then panicked completely and whirled around to run as far away from the madman as he could get. Unfortunately, Ken's sense of direction was not the best. Moving down an unfamiliar corridor, he turned quickly to the right and dodged behind a metal support beam. Youji ran past him, cackling maniacally.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Ken had started to walk in the direction opposite to that which Youji had taken. Unfortunately, the corridor had looked completely different from the one he remembered using to get onto the ship. Confused, he had wandered around in circles for a while before giving up and knocking on one of the doors.
No one had answered. Pushing the panel, he had watched the door slide open to what he now knew to be Omi's room. Looking at the jumble of appliances all over the room, the unmade bed and the discarded t-shirts on the bed, he had recognized a kindred soul. Unfortunately, none of this had helped him any. Moving further down the corridor, the next room he knocked on was empty as well. When he looked in, the room was so Spartan, that if it hadn't been for the small pile of books on the bedside table, he would have assumed it was uninhabited. He now knew that this was Ran's room and steered carefully away from it.
Skipping a few rooms, he opened the last room in the line without knocking, fairly certain by this point that the ship was deserted with the exception of Youji. And finding the blonde that wanted to shove a cold projectile up his nether regions didn't appeal to Ken.
Pushing the door open, he was surprised to find a young girl asleep on the bed, monitors beeping softly in the background. Her dark hair was combed back carefully and if not for the small tubes attached to her body, Ken would have simply assumed that she was resting. Backing out of the room as quietly as possible, he turned and encountered Ran Fujimiya for the first time.
Ken gulped at the memory of the cold violet eyes that had flamed with anger. The man had actually lifted him off the ground and thrown him into the opposite wall. Before he had had the chance to recover his breath, the sharp edge of a blade was at his throat.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"
"I… I'm Ken… Hidaka…"
"You think you can take Aya away that easy? Did you really think that I'd ever leave her unguarded! Tell your damn superiors that as long as I'm alive they'll never get Aya!"
"I… I…"
"Or better yet… die! SHI NE!"
"Oh shit! RAN! STOP!"
Youji had run up along the corridor and shouted just in time. For a moment, Ken was convinced that Ran wasn't going to stop but then, the blade had returned to its position under his chin.
"Youji. Explain."
Youji had gulped audibly before explaining about the accident and the need to bring Ken on board. Ran had listened carefully, his cold gaze freezing completely, the hate in those eyes burning their way into the brunette's soul. He had cut off Youji's rambling explanation –
"I don't care. Why was he in Aya's room?"
Youji had looked worried before casting a chastising glance in Ken's direction. The brunette had glared accusingly at him before answering.
"He was trying to… examine me!"
Ran had quirked an eyebrow at this, the anger fading slightly from his gaze.
"Youji. Explain."
"Well… you know how I like to play doctor…"
Smirking mischievously, the blonde batted his eyelashes at Ken. Ken promptly blushed. Ran sighed inaudibly and moved his katana away from Ken's throat.
"Youji. I've told you not to bring your dates on board this ship. Fuck around as much as you want to off this ship, but don't bring your dates back on it!"
"Date?" Ken yelped.
"Now Ran. You were the one who told me to cut costs. Do you know how much a decent motel room would cost?"
"Motel?" Ken squeaked.
"Besides," said Youji, completely ignoring him, "I think I've found our new mechanic. You did say that Omi couldn't handle both the flying and the maintenance."
"Hn." Ran grunted, non-committed.
Ken was rapidly losing his mind. First Kase, then Youji trying to shove things into him and flirting with him, then a madman trying to kill him and now they were talking about him being a mechanic! It was a little much to deal with.
Pushing away from the wall, he had ignored the other two and stalked away. Luck had smiled down on him because he found the entrance to the ship and was almost completely down the walkway before Youji caught up with him.
"Hey! Great news! Ran says that you can join if you want to."
"What?!"
"Yup" Youji agreed complacently "you can join with the great crew of the Weiss Kreuz."
"You're… you're crazy!"
"Maybe. But I'm sexy too, so it all balances out."
Youji struck a pose and Ken had blushed despite himself.
Considering his options, he weighed the pros and cons of the situation. If he stayed – he'd have to deal with an increasingly violent Kase. If he left –
Turning back to Youji he had demanded –
"What if I need somewhere to hide out?"
Youji had quirked a brow at him.
"From Ran? He's really not that bad once he relaxes a bit…"
"NO! Not Ran… just… from someone."
Youji had given him a long look before dragging him over to one of the bars littering that end of the docks. Pushing him into a booth, he had bolded his arms across his chest and pulled what Ken now referred to as a 'Ran'.
"Ken. Explain."
Ken had fidgeted a bit… hedged about… gotten stone drunk… and somehow confessed the entire sordid story. When he had woken up the next day, his head had ached horribly, his stuff had been scattered about the room in various boxes and he had found himself in one of the rooms aboard the Weiss Kreuz.
And the rest is history, Ken thought to himself as he pushed away from the window and headed back towards the boiler. They had all settled down into a routine of some sorts. Ran had dragged him all over the ship and made him tinker with a number of instruments to test his knowledge.
Ken had often caught himself wondering what would have happened if he had failed the redhead's tests, but he preferred not to know. Somehow, the image of that katana remained fresh in his memory.
Omi had accepted him immediately, smiling at him happily when Ken managed to fix one of his games. Youji remained ever the same, flirting outrageously. Ken had learnt to mostly ignore the older man. And Aya… Aya was the same.
Concentrating on tweaking the temperamental thermostat, Ken frowned. Everything on the ship circled around to Aya. The girl was in a coma - that was obvious enough. But then, why had Ran attacked him that first day? Who had the older man thought he was from? Why couldn't they take her to a hospital? And Omi had said… Who could be after Aya?
"Tell your damn superiors that as long as I'm alive they'll never get Aya!"Ken finished up and began to put his tools away, moving on autopilot and his thoughts whirled inside his head. There was some sort of mystery about the whole thing…
"Aarrgh! I'm getting a headache!"
Author's note: - That's the first chapter out. Any ideas, comments or constructive criticism is more than welcome. Big thanks to my beta reader, silver celeste, for helping so much with this chapter and dealing with erratic tenses, writing habits, strange spellings and strangeness in general. Thanks also to Lucy, who actually takes the time each morning to tell me how much she loves me, regardless of whether I've put out the kitty snacks or not. I'd love for anyone to leave a review… but bear in mind that I'm still new at all of this. Be gentle with me!
As always I remain,
(Somewhat but not completely) diabolique.
P.S. Disclaimer: - I do not own Weiss Kreuz. (The anime... not the ship).