The One Left Behind
AN: While I was watching the sequence in the valley of lilies, I noticed that Lezard was quiet. Both my friend Pandora and I had quite fallen for our crazy-sounding magical genius, so we both thought he looked so lonely standing there off to one corner. I wondered what he must have been thinking. Well, this is what my twisted thoughts came to…
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I have lost her.
I watch her digging frantically amongst the Weeping Lilies, searching for an earring, saying over and over that she must find it. Saying? No, I should say crying instead. Yes, that's a better word.
Does that shock you? The one I love so is crying. At last she believes in the truth that I have known all this while.
Surely you do not think that love between humans and gods are possible…
Ah, but it has happened, has it not? I love you. Even as you kneel, grubbing about the deadly flowers – flowers much like yourself, my lovely one – digging for a trinket given to you by another man…I love you still.
Human emotions are so capricious.
Did I say human emotions? Scratch out the 'human' part then. Emotions affect all of us, be we mortal or god. For a long time though, you seemed like nothing could ever rattle you.
Why do you think I fell in love with you in the first place?
I saw you, gathering your souls, your precious Einherjar, looking so beautiful, so perfect, so distant… like a star, and for once in my life, I thought about someone other than myself. A strange feeling, to yearn for someone. I have needs, and I fulfilled them quite readily, and easily too, I might add. Mysty might think me a 'little freak' but I do believe that my conquests number more than hers. The ladies find my charm quite irresistible. Ah, the mystique of being a sorcerer…but it all faded to nothing when I saw you.
I swore to make you mine. I would do anything to have you love me, and oh sweet goddess, I did. I did everything, dared it all, and found a way for us to be together. I waited for a chance to be able to use my knowledge…
When it came, I rejoiced. The very moment I have yearned for, dropped into my lap. Mysty and that big warrior, Arngrim was his name, I believe, did not trust me, did not believe me (Ah, oh ye of little faith!) when I offered my help, but I was sincere.
Oh, all right. I was hoping that you would love me in return for bringing you back to life. But even though I had motives other than simply resurrecting you out of loyalty, I really did want the Valkyrie known as Lenneth back.
At least now I know your real name. What a beautiful name it is.
When we succeeded (of course we did. We had me fighting for you, didn't we?) in bringing the sleep of souls back to the Valkyrie Hrist, I couldn't wait to get your soul back where it belonged. I suppose I allowed myself a little flight of fantasy there…that perhaps you would be so grateful for my bringing you back to life that you would fall in love with me in return… well, you know what they say about fantasies.
They were so quickly shattered, like my heart.
"I have to find it! It's the only thing I have left of him!"
I flinch. The smiles that were lighting my face earlier are now all gone. I have no more jokes to say. You love someone else, this man called Lucian…
That you love him is more than enough reason for me to hate him. I don't though, for some strange reason. Instead, I envy him. You weep for him, weep for him now that he is gone. You weep for him in a way that I wish you would weep for me. My heart aches to comfort you, to stop your wails of grief, to wipe away your tears.
I cannot. You are the one now left behind, as I am the one left behind.
I had told Mystina and Arngrim that I got rid of my body because it got in the way. In a way, that was true – it kept me from you. It was so much easier to follow you when one is simply a spirit, like the Gods are spirits…
I tried to follow you, my fair Goddess. It took a long time for me to master the ways of moving as a ghost, and to use my powers as a ghost, but now that you are so close, you are further away from me than the day that you fought me in my tower. I knew of no other way to entice you to me – sorry, Lorenta, my dear teacher… and only death brings you close to mortals such as I.
You throw back your head and scream your grief to the heavens. It cuts through me, worse than when your holy blade slashed through my body. For a moment, I wish he were still alive, if only so that you would no longer weep.
I bow my head, letting my bangs fall over my glasses to hide my eyes. I don't want anyone to see my tears. I love you so much that I want that stupid boy, Lucian, to come back to life and embrace you, for I know that is the only thing that will end your sorrow, a sorrow which pains me!
The lilies rustle, and their petals fly around us all, like pearly motes of snow rising to the heavens instead of sinking to the ground. My first tears slide down my cheek and fall. Mesmerized by the contrast, I follow their descent, and watch the jewels of salty water shatter on the ground into nothingness.
Broken like my heart, because I know that you will never love me and I know that I cannot ever stop loving you, as he could not stop loving you, years after your death.
I blinked. Something glittered on the ground at my feet. Had my tears fallen on leaves instead of earth? No, that was the glint of gold…
I bend and brush aside the leaves and flowers. There, on the ground, is a tiny fragment of gold…the little ring of gold that fastens a pendant to an earring setting, so that it dangles free. Next to it is a tiny sliver of blue gemstone, bluer than the depths of the ocean. It was what was left of the earring. Gingerly, I pick it up and cradle it in my palm, turning the broken remains of another man's gift of love on the leather of my glove. I should throw it away, for he took you away from me…and he is lost forever…
I look up at the others. Mystina still has her back turned to me, and Arngrim is looking to the blossoms next to his sword, also unable to bear your sorrow. Dearest Valkyrie…
I make my decision and step forward, stepping out from between the two. I ignore their shock, surprise and anger to move over to you and kneel before you. Your eyes are becoming red with weeping. You glare at me for intruding upon your grief, your eyes flashing gray. I raise my hand, bite into the finger of my glove and pull it from my hand. Letting the glove fall from my lips I reach out with my hand and take yours from where it is balled on your lap. Gently, I force your fingers to uncurl, fingers stained with earth, from your frantic digging. With a sigh, I wipe your palm on the edge of my cloak. Your skin is so soft, softer than rose petals.
"What are you doing, Necromancer?" you rasp. You cannot even say my name. Salt on an open wound.
"Your hand is dirty…" I say. "One should try to hold on to one's heart with clean hands, you know… It might become infected if you don't." Gently I spill the two little bits of earring onto your cupped palm. It is the remains of his heart…and mine. You stare at it in shock, then up at me, your soft lips parting to form a little 'o' of surprise. I close your fingers over the treasure you hold, a treasure above all other treasures in the world, and gaze into your eyes. Gently, with my bare hand I reach out and wipe your tears from your cheeks. "I'm afraid it was all I could find, dearest Valkyrie."
You stare at me a moment longer, then clasp the little bits of gold and gemstone to your chest, your renewed weeping undoing my efforts of returning your cheeks to their earlier purity. I do not move to hold you, only watch you with my face an expressionless mask.
When the storm of your tears has passed, you look up at me again. "Thank you…Lezard."
You have spoken my name, and spoken it in tenderness. The sound is a soothing balm upon the aching ruins of my heart. Oh, wait, I shouldn't be feeling anything any more…I gave you my heart, didn't I? But you don't know that, do you, my beautiful Goddess?
I nod earnestly. "It was nothing, my Lady." Of course it was nothing. I mean nothing to you. "I simply did not wish to see you cry any more, Lenneth." I reach into a pocket and pull out a handkerchief. I hand it to you and watch you repair the ravages of your face, drying your tears. Even though you grieve, you are beautiful still… "I do believe it is time for a little revenge to the one responsible for all of this, do you not, Lady Lenneth?"
You gaze silently at me for a while longer, then you rise. "You are right, Lezard."
I rise too, and Arngrim and Mystina glance at me, not sure whether or not to be grateful that you have stopped crying. Can't those two ever make up their minds? Nothing I do will ever please them, I fear…
"Arngrim, Mystina…let's go."
They step toward you, fading away as they do. You turn to me. "You may come with us if you wish, though I am sure that this concerns you not at all, Lezard Valeth."
Ah, my fairest one, this means everything to me, but I cannot go with you, not yet. I need time for myself, you, understand… it's not every day a man gets his heart broken after all, by a Goddess. I affect a smile. "What will happen will concern us all, Lenneth Valkyrie. There will be as much havoc on Midgard as there will be in Asgard. You deal with Asgard…that is the matter of the Gods and only the Einherjar may go with you." I'm not. I'm not your servant, and I will never will be. I love you but I am not your slave…well, love slave, maybe. I'd much rather be your lover though, and pride forces me to want equality between us.
But I am dreaming. I always have been, haven't I?
"You will deal with matters on Midgard then?" you ask curiously.
"Is that a command, my Lady?" I ask, unable out of sheer habit to let a bit of mockery creep into my voice.
"…" you pause "…a request. Many people will suffer, and I want to be able to help them, but I cannot be everywhere at once…"
A request. How polite and considerate of you, my beloved. "Granted then. I will affect things as much as I can, just for you, my Lady Lenneth."
"Thank you, Lezard. May fate guide your hand."
"I always have guided my hand, Lady." I can't help but crack. You reward me with a swift smile. "Go well, Lenneth."
You vanish, rippling out of this plane as though you have never been. I remain, the one left behind.
The one left behind.
Around me, the Weeping Lilly petals soar up into the sky, carried by the breeze, trying to follow you, like I once did.
I guess this really is love.